oMarcos

Day 4: 3/10 I don't need this love and loss are flip sides of the same coin love = attention and validation EGO MIND GETS APPROVAL, ego mind enters a new paradigm loss = loss of attention and validation EGO MIND GETS DISAPPROVAL, ego mind exits a old paradigm (this exit can be easy or hard depending on how much our personallity shifted and formed along the way during the relationship, are we still the same identity after a break-up? The part of our identity related to the relationship worldview slowly fades.) Fears of change and dark future expectations arise due to life circumstances, easily solved with enough self-care and self-esteem. Memories are the final and eternal judge. THE CYCLE ENDS "love" is not something to be craved for to get ego mind approval but rather, love comes natural to us without any effort or planning, without intention, such as the brutal nature of Truth love must stop the craving. "loss" is not something to be denied, but rather exists for reasons beyond control, I can only control myself, and that's enough. next episode: WHY DO I NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD, IS IT JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT MY CONFIRMATION BIAS IS NOT AN ILLUSION?

Day 3: 5/10 I will accept that I can't control my thoughts, I will accept them as they come, no matter how turbulent and malicious they might be, I will conquer. Don't be afraid of change

@Nak Khid vilnius, barcelona and porto, just to name a few places. there is more depth to this situation than it seems at the surface level. what I'm really trying is to have a sense of purpose, to feel that I'm reaching somewhere and not suspended, to build relationships to get involved, not to live as a dry robotic manner. but I'm working on this already, but even that I know that I'm doing something about it, I keep having the fears of not actualizing to the real thing (mind stuff) @Sombra when I was young I had an affair about living close to the desert of area 51, that's where I imagine leo gura lives

I've struggled a lot since my teens, to find a purpose and enjoy the place I currently live, it always seems that life is better and more fun in other places. I currently have no one to hang out with, I'm not working either (and that makes everything more difficult because I'm currently studying and taking an online course until late February, so I have a lot of free time to spend on my head). I am 26yo and I did not collect many close friends, so I struggle with that. And even if I worked, I still wouldn't know how I could make valuable relationships, in my mind it seems so harsh to get people involved in my life. I confess that I am picky aswell, I need to feel connection, understood, similiar tastes and so on, and that might get me in trouble. I start feel uncomfortable close to people that have behaviours that reveal low consciousness like smoking, or even drinking alcohol for fun. My mind is so wired for higher purposes that the smallest bad behaviour someone can have seems to bother me and making me feeling desinterested. I have a huge self-bias against mainstream culture, but that's because it makes me feel protected and connected with myself, and that might be my shadow, Egotism. Now the catch is, I'm always blaming the place, it never seems to be the right place. I am planning to move towards a more busy city (Lisbon), expensive rents, fast way of life, away from nature, just so I can have more action into my life, because nothing happens where I live, no events, no social meet ups, I wouldn't know where to go if I wanted to engage with people (I exclude bars, clubs, discos etc. for that matter). But also, I have so many memories about where I live, that It feels extagnated and I just feel emotionally exhausted to even try, I have a tired perception about my hometown because it's highly co-related with my past experiences, and I don't know if I ever can change that. Perception is key, but hard to change, memories take advantage of it. Meanwhile, everyone is trying to build connection through social media, because the streets are just for business, it seems.

Day 2: 6/10 Feelings of Guilt, Victimization, Anger, Self-Pity, Craving, Mental Isolation - embrace them as friends do IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT I CAN'T DO ANY BETTER, I DON'T EXPECT A THING What I want is not what i Need. What I want destroys me, what i Need heals. O que eu quero não é aquilo que eu preciso, o que eu quero destrói-me, o que eu preciso cura-me.

vulnerability = Ecstasy the quality of being vulnerable (= able to be easily hurt, influenced, or attacked), or something that is vulnerable:

date women, not children

That could be true, but not always the case. Changing external factors are great contributors for the inside aswell, generally speaking.

LAURA HAS SECRETS, AND SO DO I Day 1: 3/10 - Feelings of hate, rage, violence, self-pity, love, longing and loliness arise towards you, but I do know, It's not meant to be like this forever, and I will change this mind pattern. C.H.A.O.S Confidence Honour Attention Organization and Sensitivity. Inertia shall not win, I will conquer.

@Skanzi interesting

sanity

Losing fear of Expressing myself is a key point for my Self Esteem, and Synchronicity will fall into place.

~

Vipassana works well for this issue.

"partners are for you to grow in life. Try not making them the center of your life." /close

This includes your ex?

the others are you, no problem

short story: don't be afraid of rejection

Porn is that junk food that really tastes good, but when the fun is over you tell yourself "I'm miserable"

GG Allin said he was god, no big deal

I agree with you. We need substance to our lives, we need art, poetry, self expression, meanwhil higher state of consciousness is just a way to connect even more with the world, so it's also worth it to achieve it, it is not necessearly a loner track. I do understand that a higher state of consciousness is like "I don't need anything else in my life", but that would take a permament state of pure bliss and non attachment with the external world that for me is currently in my POV impossible to grasp. Just be your friend and understand your own limits, enlightenment is not a rat race

after 30 days retreat and some 5 meo, or you die, or you become gandalf

I think it could create some tension overyourself, don't be so calculous about your day rating, just try to go with the flow and take it as it comes. Easier said than done, but yeh...

Commit to your goals and focus on them, ego strenght will come naturally. Rather than make yourself a victim for not having what you want, start to pull yourself to be more goal-oriented.

what if WE are the sociopaths