oMarcos

Tomorrow it can happen to you, so learn from my experience, I guess? Introduction: I felt the need to share my story because I’ve been struggling with it alone on my own. It might be helpful to get some insights from others, even though it’s impossible to convey every detail of this relationship, as it’s full of nuances only I fully know. Still, I’ll give it a try. About her: My ex-girlfriend is 21, and I’m 31. Yes, you might be thinking there’s a bit of an age gap here, and you’re probably right, but hear me out. Providing a bit of context about her life might be helpful: Her parents divorced when she was 8 years old, an event that seemed to have a significant impact on her, shaping how she views relationships and struggles to find her sense of belonging. She also finds it difficult to make friends. She works as a caretaker at an elementary school because she loves working with kids, but she doesn’t have a specialized college degree, she has only finished high school. Her past relationship: Before me, her longest relationship lasted about a year. They broke up because she worked abroad and got involved with someone else. When she returned, she confessed to her then-boyfriend, but he couldn’t continue the relationship, leading to their breakup. She felt deep sorrow and regret, making several attempts to earn his forgiveness, without any results. I met her about three months after that breakup, so you could say I was somewhat part of a rebound relationship. I tried to take things slow, but they escalated quickly. However, even though she may not have fully healed from her past relationship in the beginning, I felt that over time, she moved on from it. Our relationship: We met in January 2023, and fast forward to the future, about a year and a half of being together, we were staying at each other's houses, attending a Vipassana retreat together, going to events, traveling, and doing all the typical couple things, learning from each other. The main issue in our relationship: The age gap was something we were aware of, but we never saw it as a "real issue." Looking back, it wasn't the age itself, but rather the fact that she didn't have the life experience I had already gained. Work experience, in particular, was my biggest concern. I felt like she was falling behind, and it worried me that she seemed lost and lacked sustainable support for herself, especially since her parents were separated. In some ways, I felt she was homeless, while I was in a very stable place in my life, both in terms of work and studies, as well as the support I received from my family. So, I felt this responsibility of almost being her caretaker. How can I share a household with her if she doesn’t stay in the same job for a long time? I can't afford everything for both of us on my own. How did it end? After several brief break-ups, we always got back together because we shared a strong, familiar connection and felt safe with each other. However, the last official breakup, let's call it that, happened this summer. We parted on "good terms," due to the fact she was about to work abroad outside of Portugal, and although she wanted me to go with her to Fuerteventura, an island in Spain where she would be working at a Hotel Kid's Club. She didn’t want to break up with me at that time, but I felt for her and encouraged her to take this journey to find herself and learn something new. I told her not to worry about us, that we would stay in touch, and she could always count on me. So, we kept talking for the whole summer, and in late September, she sent me a final message saying that after reflecting, she believed we shouldn’t keep talking regularly. To heal and grow, we needed to let go of the past and give time the space it needs. She thought that reconnecting in the future might make sense, but for that moment, we needed to move on and embrace the unknown without having each other's support. I replied to her and respected her decision, without any resentment. In the final message, we both kept the door open, but for now, we needed to step back. Taking also into consideration that she was in another country, far away. It's important to note that when she sent this final text, she was feeling very isolated and wasn't seeing anyone, I know that for sure. Sooooo... we stopped talking for about 3 months, until... Until she broke the no contact: In late November, she sent me an Instagram reel. I had told her that she could break the no contact whenever she felt ready, without any formalities, and she did. We continued sharing funny Instagram reels, as usual, without any personal questions, keeping things simple. Then, I stopped the reel exchange, and simply dropped the bomb "Call me on Saturday morning, if you're free." I waited for her reply for about 10 days, but nothing, she was sharing Instagram stories, so clearly, she was available and saw the message without opening it, so I couldn't see the "Seen" notification. I felt rage, and I don't judge myself that I should have felt something different. So clearly, after some thought, I felt that maybe I was pushing too hard on her, and tried to see her side of the situation. So, after two weeks of waiting, I messaged her: "If you weren't ready for a call, you could have told me instead of going silent" and "If you're breaking no contact, it should be with serious intent." I still haven't received a reply to this day. The present situation: And the worst part? She came back to our hometown in the first week of December after being away for three months, and it feels like she doesn’t want me to know. But I do, and it's driving me crazy. It would be different if she were far away, but she's just 15 minutes away from me. This all started because she went to another country, and now I feel the urge to visit her house or send a letter (I know neither are good ideas). I just need some clarity, not to be left in the dark. Because, surprise: I actually care. From your perspective, it might seem like I'm overreacting, but we hadn’t spoken for three months, and then she reached out, only for me to be left clueless about what’s really going on with her. Right now, I’m just grieving and feeling worthless, every day feels like a huge struggle to keep my mind away from this, I just want to take some sort of action and make it stop, but I don't know what, or if I should. Thank you if you have read this far, if you have an honest opinion, with the little clues I gave you, it might be helpful.

the unconscious mind is a fabric of pure genious creativity, one of the most important goals of our life's should be, to embrace it, and to stop taking yourself as a fool

He just might be playing safe. You don't know about his history, he might have been rejected several times and doesn't want to give away his power that easily...

universe is the most paradoxical thing in the universe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0viKv1RDhak Leo is caught with ilegal drugs and tries to escape the court

You can do it alone.

The most common abusive from females is psychological or emotional abuse, but usually people will blame the men because he is unable to take a position and taking care of put her in place, that is, the men is blamed for being weak. A man being raped by women is seen as a joke by men and women aswell in general. Men = Active Woman = Passive nothing less, nothing more

The teaching : You are Yourself

Forget whatever someone ever said about shadow work. Get yourself a pen and start to write whatever comes to your mind, pure self expression, don't let yourself hide anything, just keep writing.

Like my PlayStation, girl, let me console you (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I would say you are avoiding something, or that is missing smthg, and that is triggering the anxiety, the effects on body and mind just come as a secondary effect, what could be triggering it? Explore that, no regular doctor will help with that, existential conflicts might take a while to get rid of. I've been experiencing a pressure on my head for awhile, no medic or doctors can help me, I take a magnesium liquid everynight and some natural pills special for head pressure. And also I've noticed it calms down if I get my sleep schedule just right, sleeping all night at least 9 hours, and then if I have the chance I lay down on the grass and catch some sun at least 30 minutes. Right now I am also drinking 1 time per day natural and biological coffee. My advice is, try not get to intellectual about it, there is no miracle explanation for what is happening, just live life as you want to, change your belief systems, no one will help you with this. Also, take a break from everything you feel is taking your energy out, could be internet or reading, just give yourself a full 24h abstinence day.

Thank you.

I'll just make it way more simple for you, and for all: Is all about ecstasy.

Maybe the answer is it wouldn't exist, because someone needs to be dreaming it to exist?

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8042206-low-magick read this book