MuddyBoots

Well, ok, yes, regular society is a bit like that (really a mixture of competition and cooperation), so no surprise that humans are in such a mess with conflict, wars, damaging the environment, a lot of personal misery for individuals. Religion/spirituality has been trying to help us for thousands of years, but only a few really break through to a different level of consciousness. Also only handful make to the top table of worldly success. Is the vice president a failure because s/he didn't make it to be president? But paradoxically the poor classes have the most children don't they, so if that's your measure of evolutionary success, they are evolving and passing on their genes more than the rich people! The spiritual option being explored here is basically how to find infinite happiness. joy, peace in the present moment, just as it is, without needing to change our external circumstances. Not that relative happiness isn't also important by getting a better job, improving our health etc. But those are all impermanent and uncertain as they are a goal to achieve in the future. Go back to basics, think about a new born baby. Isn't the best thing for them unconditional love from their parents regardless of how perfect or imperfect they are? That unconditional love for the whole of existence is what spirituality is for. Nick.

You know, this shows how hard it is to see things from each other's perspective well enough to give helpful advice. I had an episode of depression and anxiety 25 years ago, healed that fortunately, and my spiritual practice continued though it has changed focus through the years. Your situation and dreams are different from mine but I think there's still a sense of needing to look after and be kind to ourselves, heal and build up a healthy self while seeing the truth of what it is, actually. Rather than all this anti-ego stuff which is such a big part of this scene. Let alone the hardcore psychedelic trips which I don't think are helpful for a fragile mind. You say you're not doing any spiritual practices, but why not look more widely, find suitable activities for your present situation. Simple things like walking in nature, cooking, gentle yoga and exercise, gardening, art and craft or music. Make up your own tea ceremony, whatever works for you. If done mindfully, why shouldn't they be spiritual practices too? Good luck and if it feels right, please let us know how you are getting on from time to time. Nick.

@abundance that is a really worthwhile goal, best wishes with it. By the way, what's the situation these days with the n-word? I remember it being originally an insult which was taken up by the victims of this bullying, as a form of empowerment, for use by them only. A bit like queer for LGBT folks. But I'm not very good at keeping up to date with these things, they change so fast (that's code for me getting older!). Nick.

Seems like you're doing just fine, I'd say keep going too. If you feel like you are the body, delve into that feeling; if 'the body' can think, feel, have sensations then what does that mean? That physical matter is consciousness. Not that matter HAS consciousness or is primary to it, but that these two are just the same 'thing' looked at in two different ways. Carry on going, and when your perceiver and body (observer and observed) merge together into one field, then you have moved on to the next stage in your development. Nick.

"I give zero shits about helping others, what's the solution to this?" I just re-read your question and it occurred to me, it sounds a bit abstract. Which 'others' do you mean? Because, although I'd say I care about people I don't know, I watch the news and feel sorry about people suffering in the latest war or disaster somewhere, I don't really care enough to take the world's problems on my shoulders and take practical action, how can I?. I walk past homeless beggars on the street. I feel compassion and have to walk on by. But, if it's someone closer to my own circle - family, friends, neighbours etc then I'd try to do something. Having a relationship of some sort does make a difference, IMO.

Seeing as you (ego) can't actually create caring or kindness, which are spontaneous feelings outside of self, the best thing I would suggest is to watch and be mindful of whatever your feelings are. Maybe sometime you will need someone else's help: what does that feel like? To receive and never give back. Do you actually not care at all (equanimity) or is there a hint of negative feeling going on, judging by your words - 'zero shits'?

Thanks folks for educating me in the existence of self-identified black, nigga, african-american teachers. All these different names for races (most of which confuse me) shows the relativity of it all (culture and skin colour), posing as an absolute (black and white). Helping people to understand the relativity should help to dissolve the oppression? Personally I don't believe in race, I haven't got one, it's a psychological creation. But most others do, so I respect racial differences in the same way as religious ones.

A lot of employers are getting into this stuff, like mindfulness and flow as part of stage orange efficiency and productivity, also staff wellbeing. Easier if you actually like your job like I do, or are at least neutral. Nick.

Good question AlphaAbundance. Nondualism is the mystical strand within all cultures, religions & philosophies, and is often hidden away. But maybe specifically the modern nondualist or neo-advaita movement is not culturally represented equally, could be due to its history, where it developed from. Who is interested in ideas that came most explicitly from the far east? Though I haven't yet seen racial oppression here, have you?

Point taken, I'll stop nagging now. It would be fab to hear how you get on LucyKid. Nick.

You can drown in just a few inches of still water, if you aren't in control of yourself. Not just psychedelics but others like alcohol too. Drugs are risky enough anyway but adding other dangers just makes it scary. It sounds like you are thirsty for spiritual experience to bring all the theory to life? Honestly, there's no need, or point, in rushing it. What other practices have you tried? There's a great choice of enlightenment exercises in the pinned thread to get it going.

Please be safe in the water, rather than doing it by yourself, how about with a sober friend to keep an eye on you?

Letting go is a form of meditation too, on reflection I only call it 'meditation' because I do it in a certain routine way. But I think it's useful to have other techniques depending on how things are going. If we monitor our progress we can tweak and adjust our practice to keep it relevant.

Definitely. And I'd say it's good not to hold onto your beliefs too tightly, but just experience it for yourself and go from there.

This is like my main sitting meditation method, although I can't altogether distinguish between choiceless awareness (CA), do nothing, letting go, vijaati, let it be. Subtle differences I suppose. I even had the thought recently that CA is like having the whole undivided here & now as my mantra instead of a part of it, like the breath. But I don't do it all the time, just for sitting meditation, for general daily life I would say mindfulness works better. Anyway,what I find with CA is, my mind flips between divided consciousness (observer & observed), and undivided (the observer is the observed as Krishnamurti said). But I always have a choice to come back into my regular ego self (divided consciousness) for practical purposes. If I'm crossing the road or talking with friends, for example I wouldn't attempt to go into full meditation mode! I think the same applies to other techniques too, if I'm crossing the road, I would concentrate on the traffic, rather than a mantra or body scanning etc. It might be an idea to try other techniques anyway, to make your overall practice more rounded, and give you a variety of tools to help with different states. Eg to work on concentration, loving kindness, or just plain relaxation, whatever you feel you need. I try to keep a monthly meditation journal to reflect on how it's going and what to try next. Maybe posting here works too! Nick.

Oh yes, the very first paperclip in the 90s was a bit basic by today's standards but cutting edge in his (her?) day! Oddly enough I have this thing where I sometimes compare myself to my grandparents, if they are 'up there' somewhere looking down on me, what would they think of me, how I'm living my life ... maybe this is an echo of ancestor worship which was one of the earliest religions. You can see her room too? You must be very psychic I guess.

Some great answers here. Another way to look at it is like a creation of language or grammar, like when we say 'it is raining'. What is the IT which is raining? The weather is just the condition of the whole atmosphere, in this place, which is connected with the oceans, the sun and moon etc. Ie the whole shebang. Likewise, when I am thinking, feeling etc, is just the state of the whole universe, expressing itself in this location here & now.

but how can you poke a ghost with a real stick, it would just pass straight through wouldn't it? Or if it was a "ghost stick" how would you pick it up with a real hand? Seriously though, you seem to be getting on well with Crysty, no major problems and it seems like you're content for her to stick around for the time being. I've not had any similar experiences but I have lost various family members during my life and I'm curious if there's anything left of them, life after death etc. By the way, since Crysty mentioned my cat profile picture, he's called Links, was one of the Microsoft office assistants from Windows 2000 I think, stopped when XP came out. Much missed so I keep his picture handy to remind me

Before all this spiritual stuff, the first thing is to find out if you've got a medical issue like depression. Our mental health is more important than "enlightenment". You say you've been unhappy for years, are you already getting professional help? Please don't struggle on by yourself when there's help available.

Isn't it worth pursuing happiness, or at least to heal your unhappiness? There's no easy quick fix, but when you look at life closely, the smile on a baby's face, a butterfly in the garden, the feel of sunshine on your face, is it really all delusion? Nick.

... and consciousness is an illusion created by matter. Well, not illusion really, more like a working model, a map. Matter and mind/consciousness are a dualistic pair of opposites bound together by 'dependent arising', as the Buddhists call it. Beyond that is,..., the breeze blows gently in the Rowan tree tonight. Nick.

Hi Danioover9000 , this may be an obvious question, but have you tried talking to her, ask her 'why me?'. Also practical questions which you can check up against local records, eg what is her name, date of birth, address, what is her life story? Or, if you cannot communicate like this, then maybe you could contact a paranormal research group, I have seen TV shows where they try to communicate with spirits using various methods. Although as a rational person I am rather unsure what to make of all this, what is the truth behind paranormal phenomena. Nick.

I find that connecting with nature is a good way of getting out of my head and my inner neurotic stuff. Walking in the countryside, gardening, being with animals etc helps to rebuild those connections from the ground up. Hence my username 'MuddyBoots' :) Nick.

Meaninglessness is the flip side of the coin to equanimity, but it's a good question where meaning comes from. Most animals survive by instinct, and when you think about it, many of the 'meanings' people live for are linked with survival value and evolutionary benefit. Such as family, career, fame. But not all. You don't have a meaning, Luna, how do you feel about it? Meaning and value are similar things. If you don't care either way, then not living is just as meaningless as living. But reading between the lines it could be that you are bothered about it. So perhaps you actually could have a purpose of finding out what is the purpose of life? That sounds like what we're all up to on our spiritual paths too.

I belong to the anti-drugs camp, so my advice is, if you have psychological problems like addiction, seek conventional psychological or medical help in parallel to your spiritual path. Taking psychedelics for this sounds risky to me. Nick.