MuddyBoots

You are caught in a classic vicious circle, classic fight/fight/ freeze reaction. Your anxieties affect your confidence, which is a turnoff to girls which makes you more nervous about approaching them. You come across as needy and timid. I've got the same problem with job interviews. I forget the title, but Leo's done a video on why women go for certain men. The trick is to let go of the outcome and talk to girls as if you don't care whether they fancy you or not, easier said than done when you're a bag of nerves I know! That's just for the initial contact, once you start a relationship of course you need to care about her Have you tried Letting Go meditation to practice letting go and embracing the present moment? That may help with your other superstitions with numbers too. Learn to let go of emotions which are dragging you down, and keep practicing meeting girls - accept rejection in good humour, pick yourself up and carry on. Your fears may keep coming for some time, but gradually lose their strength and hold over you if you can untangle this vicious circle. Good luck and don't lose hope! Nick.

@crab12 fantastic advice for us all. I remember doing an assertiveness course years ago which all made sense as long as I already knew what I wanted, I asked the teacher 'how do I know what I really want?', which was met with a totally bemused reaction. Until we experience our dreams in real life, they are just guesswork and we don't know if we will actually enjoy them. So we nee d to take risks, make mistakes and learn about ourselves and life to help decide what direction to take.

Hi Joscha, I can see you are really suffering, it sounds tough. Have you considered you may have a medical condition like depression and tried treatment such as anti-depressants and counselling? They don't work for everyone of course, but some of us have been cured of depression that way. Perhaps there's a chemical imbalance in your brain that's keeping you stuck. That may sound materialistic but hey, some people here do psychedelics so what's the difference? You don't give a lot of detail about your situation; that's perfectly understandable if you want to stay confidential on a public forum. Have you got the basics sorted - home, job (or education), relationships? You're right that happiness doesn't last, I quite agree, all our mental states are temporary. You say life is difficult, I don't think anyone has it easy, even the Buddha said 'life is suffering (dukkha)'. Spiritual techniques don't help you. You feel stuck in a hopeless cycle, you ask for help & at the same time doubt if we can help you. Alright, I'll suggest something a bit different then. If you've got the basics sorted and have some spare time, how about embracing life's struggles and volunteer to help people worse off than yourself? Do you think that might help you break out of your painful cycle of despair? Volunteer at the local hospital perhaps, or with disabled people, the elderly or mentally ill, the homeless and destitute? Carry someone else's heavy rock and see if you can make them happy for a while. See if your difficult life can be a little ray of sunshine to another struggling soul. Service to others is a powerful spiritual practice too, gives us new perspectives and opens up energy, compassion, abilities we haven't realised before. I volunteer with children, their enthusiasm and joy in the present moment is inspiring. Nick.

@Swagala Believe what you can perceive: the pure perception prior to the interpretation is the ground. This is why Leo suggests simply looking at your hand. Or there are more traditional practices such as mindfulness of breathing. Just breathe, feel it without analysing or thinking about it. There's no delusion or doubt here, is there? Or go for a walk in the park and just look, feel. This type of simple practice can be your foundation, you don't need marijuana or to overthink it. Sure, there are good and bad things in the world, from the point of view of human survival and happiness. You want God to get rid of the bad and just have good? That means God has to be biased towards humans and forget everything else. It also means you need to draw a line between the good and bad. Then when we only have the good left, how long before we divide up the remaining 'good' because we prefer the better parts and don't really want the less good bits. Our desire is never satisfied. Look at history - we have much better houses, food, healthcare, education, roads, life expectancy etc than our ancient ancestors. But it's still not good enough, we never stop complaining. Not that I'm against progress or am a Luddite, but we are insatiable, We have made progress, life isn't ideal of course, but with a bit of perspective there's a lot to be thankful for too.

Great advice so far. Another aspect to remember is that workplaces have a social dimension too. Fit in with the team, make friends if you can. You've grown up since last time and know the consequences of being an idiot - and we've all been idiots sometimes believe me If you're a good team player and flexible to help your employer out with unexpected pressures then I predict your previous indiscretions will soon be ancient history. Business is far more interested in the future than the past, are you a good prospect and not causing them any hassle? Look at it from their point of view, when you are spending your hard earned money, don't you want a good product and service with minimum of hassle? We're all in the same boat whether we know it or not. Good luck and if you feel like it, let us know how it's going. Nick.

Hi Jonas, I can almost feel your passion for answering these questions, and your connection to Sadhguru. It seems more than just an intellectual interest, but I can't prove to you what happens after death, maybe even your guru can only give you pointers. If you find out for yourself then wonderful, but also I hope we can all make peace with what we don't know, what is uncertain. Desire for knowledge is an endless thirst, like other desires, best not to make your happiness dependent on knowing all the answers.

Maybe this is mother nature's way of telling you to go back to basics. Start again and work it out from the bottom up. Doubting everything and having a good declutter is painful at first but can also be liberating if you're willing to go with the process. Who knows, you may realise new insights, or have deeper realisation into your previous insights. You don't need to believe Leo to follow his videos, or believe anyone else in this forum, just intuit your own practice and do your work. Then you can check in and share the journey with us on the forum if you like!

presumably it's like what happened for the billions of years before you were conceived - who were you then?

Hi Ketrumi, that sounds a tough situation. I'm not surprised if he feels stressed out by it, being responsible to provide for his family. In terms of what to do, I don't really know how easy he will find it to get a new job, but it's important for both of you to be understanding and make allowances for the stress, eg not taking bad feelings out on each other. One positive would be if this could lead you to open up communication, why should it matter what subjects you studied? Let him know you think he's amazing, funny, hard working etc and that may give him a boost that you have faith in him. Also sharing that you're worried for him, and love him, it never hurts to know your family care about you.

Hi loub, it sounds like you're have a hard time with this and not getting much support yet. I'll try and help with some suggestions, although I'm not an expert, I have experienced anxiety but not a full panic attack. I have a friend who does though. I'd recommend looking at this in 2 ways: short term crisis management, and longer term life planning / wellbeing. On the short term side, my friend belongs to a group called No Panic https://www.nopanic.org.uk/ which is in the UK, I can see from your profile you're in Germany so don't know if you have an equivalent? Anyway, there's some free resources there including a crisis message about half way down the homepage with a simple breathing exercise, a body scan relaxation, a telephone helpline etc, plus extra stuff for members. If you can find exercises to break the cycle of negative thoughts that ought to help short term? For the longer term, your worries centre around your life purpose and self-worth / self-confidence. Some of Leo's videos are on this general subject area, but his life purpose course is paid-for (I haven't done it so can't say either way). 20 years old is young enough to turn your life round (I've reinvented myself several times) so it can be done - I'll not say don't worry because I know it doesn't work like that. It did surprise me however that, when I did try a fresh start, it mattered a lot less than I expected about my previous jobs, unemployment, relationships etc. More important is focussing on the new situation. What are your dreams and what does mediocrity look like to you? Sounds like you could be a bit perfectionist with a black & white choice of either higher values or mediocrity (= utter failure). This is all part of the self-destructive thought patterns which you can work on. Mindfulness is one helpful way here - I did a good free course on Future Learn https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance Best wishes, Nick.

I'm reminded of ancient animal Gods/Goddesses eg from the Egyptian pantheon, Pan, Cernunnos, Ganesh etc. But maybe there's no link. Also, because of evolution, humans are animals anyway, we are just more intellectually developed monkeys. But I get it that you'd like to experience other animal types, keeping your level of intelligence. If you've got telepathic contact, that's already much more awareness than most of us Good point about cosmic consciousness too, does it make one omniscient? A quick Wikipedia search on Omniscience tells me that Jainism claims it is possible for the highest level of enlightened people. But, I can't see how it includes knowledge of the practical, scientific sort, otherwise why haven't the Jains given us cures for all diseases, figured out fusion energy, solved other tricky problems etc. As Alan Watts said, knowledge of the absolute still doesn't stop you getting old and your teeth falling out , but then perhaps you don't see that as a problem any more!

Yeah, me too TruthAddict thanks! Even though you brought Magic onto the table - another deep word to grapple with I'm feeling guilty now about side-tracking this thread away from the topic and there's enough for a new one. I'm thinking of starting a journal, may take it up there instead. Nick.

Hi LucyKid, this is perhaps a simplistic answer but let me try to rewind and summarise. You've been contemplating on 'meaning' for some time, and have got a consistent set of answers to your questions. But for some reason you aren't satisfied with your answers, and are also doubting your questions. The missing link seems to be why you aren't happy with your answers. Can you reflect upon your contemplations to find out what's gone wrong? Does that seem more fruitful than me simply giving you my answers? Nick.

Hi, this is more by way of saying hello and welcome to the forum. As I've not heard of anthropomorphic animals outside of cartoons and movies, do you mean they are physical beings or existing in some spirit realm? As regards unity consciousness, I've only really got brief flashes so I haven't shared anyone else's body/mind or anything far out like that; it's not something I'm looking for either so perhaps that's a factor. Merger with God is, as far as I can tell, some people's goal but trust me, we don't all agree or use the same terminology, this forum is rather a broad church. I gave up Christianity and had a convoluted journey since (and this isn't my only spiritual community) but have retained an aversion to the G-word due to its baggage, preferring other names like Being, Monad, Ultimate Reality, Universe etc. In fact, I avoid settling on a single name out of recognition that all words are inadequate to some extent. As to merger, that's another area for discussion and finding out for ourselves. Do we need to move from separateness to unity, or just notice that we have always been both at the same time? Is separateness an illusion or a deliberate choice by Being to experience the diversity? I'm still working on it so my postings tend to be hedged around Best wishes and looking forward to seeing you in the forum. Nick.

@wavydude "He actually does make some legit points." Yes, along the way I think he does, eg if you have a fragile mind or suppressed trauma, and start meditating then you may need some expert help if these bubble up into your conscious mind. Perhaps meditation teachers should have a modicum of psychology too, and know when to refer their students on to professionals if needed.

I've heard of it too, it's known in the Wellbeing industry for workplaces as well as spirituality. However, I humbly suggest you need to examine your motives. Do you love playing the game for its own sake, its artistry and sheer joy of taking part? Then it will become like a dance and you will find flow easier. But are you ambitious and need to win, hate losing, and your happiness dependent on getting into this pro league? In that case then I think flow will require a lot more work! Nick.

Hi Pouya, no s***, I agree we're an experiment of the universe's evolution for a survival strategy, and that this is complex so my understanding is limited. Our physical brain can reflect back on itself in a feedback loop to create self-images such as the image or feeling of a separate 'self'. This is shown in our use of nonsensical words like 'myself' and 'my ego', as if there's another little me or homunculus behind the self or ego, owning that. I don't see the need to get rid of this self or disparage it, but to use the spiritual practice to see it clearly, and its true place within the wider context of unity (in which there's no separation into body and mind).

Hi Shadowraix, I'm really happy for you both, relationships bring many blessings for us. Just remember it's a two way process, you will have many insights to learn from her too

@Truth Addict "I think the thing is that fundamentalist religion gives us the answers. The problem is that we don't understand them, probably because they don't resonate with our standards for judging truth and distinguishing it from falsehood." For sure fundamentalist literal religion gives us lots of answers, mostly justified from quoting scripture. So you need to have faith in the scriptures for the whole thing to hang together. I do understand some of their answers, but only after I have lived through an experience or other which demonstrates it in my reality. In any case I'm in danger of over-generalising here; fundamentalism is a mixed bag so I'll leave it at that. "But are our standards (in your case, liberal and scientific) true measures? Or are they just some invented intellectual systems to process reality in certain specific ways (in your case, humanitarian materialistic way)?" You're caricaturing me a bit here; although I respect the values of liberalism, science and humanitarianism those aren't my only standards of measurement or judgement; eg intuition, conscience are just as important. I don't know what you mean by materialistic so I'll let that pass. I was born into a religious culture which didn't work for me spiritually (by my intuition), and was too inflexible to accommodate adjustments, but luckily I had the freedom to explore others without punishment. Not everyone has that luxury so I'm grateful for that liberalism. Anyway, yes of course liberalism and science are invented systems, all human systems are invented or created, and give their own points of view. "Also, we need to make a clear distinction between a mystical experience and God-realization. Both of which are not the truth, still. " Intriguing, would you elaborate on the distinction please? I suppose not all mystics are theists, and I'm not a theist so don't expect to realise God, but can have mystical experiences (depending on definitions as ever, and this is turning into an intellectual debate in any case). Also if these are not the truth, does that mean they aren't true? Or something else like that there are truths and The Truth. "Maybe it's just wording, but it's not possible to find truth. Because how to find that which has never been lost?" Alright, maybe, as I don't find it easy to choose good words for spiritual matters; at the moment my practice is more like a negative process of clearing away the accumulated clutter and distractions to find the truth behind the veil of abstractions. Cheers for the avatar advice; being an introvert I don't usually go for shiny attention-seeking things but I'll keep looking. Nick.

He starts off trying to be scientific by quoting various studies (although rather confused about the distinction between meditation causing problems or just showing them up because it increases awareness) then ends by using Bible quotes. Perhaps trying to appeal to stage orange and blue together. This approach is hardly new, I used to read pamphlets before the internet in the '80s from born again Evangelicals (I expect it goes back way further, to the purges on Christian heretics in the ancient times); it doesn't matter what the topic is, they all end up the same, using the Bible to say that our only hope is to become an Evangelical Christian. Reality is all very black and white, so a huge variety is parcelled up as 'New Age' - meditation, Buddhism, Hinduism, yoga, occult, and guess what the devil is behind it all. Evangelicals have a ritual called Testimonials where they stand up and tell the story of their previous life of sin (New Age, occult, booze, porn, adultery, criminality etc) until they found Christ at a particular time and place, became born again, and how their life has been transformed since then. This is a very popular and powerful faith in Protestant countries, even a political force; clearly it does something for Steven and I wish him well, but it's a pity he straw mans meditation in the process.

@Truth Addict Because I tried it. Well alright, maybe the Church of England is on the liberal end of fundamentalist, but trying to believe in creeds, going to church services listening to scriptures and liturgy, singing Victorian hymns, praying to God 'out there'. Then wondering why I didn't have any awareness of God, 'he' never made an appearance. I wasn't supposed to try experimenting with other unauthorised awareness techniques else the religious hierarchy would find out and give me grief. Granted that fundamentalism is a relativistic state of mind - if a literal approach to scripture works for some people then fine. Just that it didn't work for me and it was inflexible, so the only option was to leave and try something else - Transcendental Meditation was my first attempt. The point is, I didn't begin to find truth till I took the authority and responsibility back on myself. My path may not be perfect but it's better for me than the one I was born into. I've absolutely no idea what path is better for anyone else and I wouldn't dream of trying to give them anything other than suggestions to think about. Fundamentalism, on the other hand, says our way is the only true way, else you go to hell / samsara / etc. Open-mindedness says that there can be different paths for different people. PS I keep changing my profile picture, struggling to find one I like!

Fundamentalist religions have fixed belief systems which you just learn and then repeat. You don't find out the truth for yourself. One mistake which Islam makes is that there's a defined list of prophets which end with Mohammed. No changes to the scriptures allowed, so they become fossilised. Religion is really about training us all to become prophets, communing with God.

The problem with directness is you are then in a space of being told the direct (literal) answer by someone else (and there's LOTS of people telling us direct answers) and having to choose whether to believe them or not until you have had your own realisation, which may be years later. Thing is, there's two Jesuses - the historical, actual person who we only have fragmentary data about; and the cosmic Christ who is the mythological creation of the church. This 'Christ' spoke in parables, stories that need interpreting by the reader, like the one in this thread. Therefore we can create and project our own understandings onto the story and give it different levels of meaning. Think of it like abstract art - what does it mean? Well, to a large extent it's up to you, the viewer. So we can regard Christianity (and other allegorical paths) as a training course in developing our intuition and love using stories and images. It's not everyone's cup of tea, nor mine - many people (including most churches) misinterpret it and take the Christ story literally - but for those who are suited for it, this can be a good path to Realisation. Mind you, when you think about it, you can't be 100% direct by using language to express your realisation, the map is always a symbolic representation of the territory. Nick.

Fear is also a primal survival mechanism we share with all other animals, sometimes it can go into overdrive as with panic attacks or overactive flight/fight/freeze response. When I feel afraid I remind myself that it's "just" hormone chemicals being released in the body, triggered by thoughts or a situation. A rational materialistic explanation can help bring me down to earth a bit. If that doesn't help, at least if that ever happens again, you can remember that you've been through it before and survived unharmed. I don't know how old you are, but you've made it this far without demons stabbing you etc. Have you tried any basic breathing or relaxation exercises?

@Melwyn hi I like your analogy of the cold water. @Mark- Some of the symptoms in this discussion sound like flight / fight / freeze reaction, which is based in old primal part of our brains, so is hard to control consciously. But some conventional therapies can help. I had anxiety in the past, if it reappears I just tell myself, oh this is just a chemical reaction in my brain, an automatic response, just roll with it until it passes. Like the expression 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. Easier said than done I know, but don't get into blaming yourself and self-criticism. Baby steps, slow progress, forgive yourself for your failures, and celebrate your successes. Joining a group sounds worthwhile too, but where to find one? In my country there are charities such as Mind that you can reach out to.