Niki

You showed her/them your fun side, good job! Keep doing that when you approach women. Every situation is different, experience will tell you when to leave and when to stay. In your situation, yes it was the best choice to leave. You are the one who approached. Therefore it's your thing to leave. If you approach and she leaves, your value goes down. Usually the best moment to leave is when conversation is at it's peak, because from then on it can just go down. Why? Because a person will remember you by two things, the first impression and the last one, so you better make them memorable in a good way, not a bad one. Secondly you are a man. It's up to you to approach and it's up to you to lead and therefore leave when you choose to. By putting responsibility for that to a woman you are doing no favors neither to you nor her. Again - your value in her eyes goes down.

Have you ever really slept with someone with whom you had a strong physical attraction? And I am talking STRONG physical attraction without getting to know the person? It's simply fun. You get sooo much energy afterwords. I see myself (in a sexual way) as someone who is "dirty" "raw" "wild". I am very passionate and I see sex as something fun, exciting and crazy if it's with someone I don't really know. I see it as a challenge. Me attracting (not sleeping with) various man (and women) means freedom to me (can't really explain why) and means energy, life itself. Me sleeping with a woman is a successful conquest. I am more picky when it comes to men, that is true. Way more picky. A conquest is based on his quality when I think of it, and his quality you have to test out. I never slept with someone who is "wrong" for me. Perhaps because I see myself as someone who is "Miss Wrong". For example one time a guy cried when I explained to him how we are not in a relationship. Then of course, I have my own issues. But the point is women in general don't have a mindset I have. At least I don't know any. I even love being a wing girl to my guy friends, I find that super fun. Btw I don't find number of people you slept with as something relevant.

I feel you. I am a hardcore introvert as well. Thank you for sharing that. That's why I know the biggest shifts I can make are by setting and conquering goals that are measurable. It gives you tremendous power over yourself!

I agree that a woman can feel if something is inauthentic. That's what I felt with every guy I met who is into pickup. It's like he is an event in my life, but it's a "fake" emotion that he woke up in a way, you do feel that he is talking to your lower conscious, you can tell there is something off and there is this red flag that arises. Don't really know how to explain it well, but yes a woman can sense that. Also a person can be inauthentic, but I don't think there is such thing as inauthentic approach. I don't think there is anything wrong about cold approaching in general.

Same here, I better act with my intuition. Yet I am not always sure "who is running the show" in a way, I easily slip into deceiving myself because I overthink it.

I was wondering if someone could explain to me a strange experience I had. At the time I meditated for perhaps only a 5 month period of time an hour a day. I met someone with whom I talked on the phone for hours for about two or three weeks before we actually saw each other in person. When we met in person we sat across each other for 10-15 minutes before we started kissing. I felt this raw sexual attraction because my complementary opposite was sitting across me. An hour and a half later during foreplay this strange thing happened.. I know how Leo talks about we are not our body, thoughts nor emotions.. well for a brief moment.. which I think lasted idk maybe a second or even less, I stopped being inside my head and not only my head, but outside of my body and out of touch of any emotion or sexual arousal. I saw myself kissing the other person in a way.. I saw the person I was kissing, I saw the entire room, my face was so different, it was so relaxed and calm and peaceful. It's like I experienced everything that was around me and "I" was "around me" in a way, my body was just a part of everything. It's an experience I can't compare to anything else, I don't know how to describe it. It's perfection in a way. You don't feel anything, yet you are everything, like you are floating, it's unreal. Then I fucked it up. I remember saying to myself "she saw". Coz I noticed how she saw my face and my body changed, it made this shift to something relaxed and peaceful. And she noticed it. I felt so depressed the weeks after that experience. I didn't feel a strong emotional connection to that person before nor after this experience, it was a raw physical attraction. What I am interested in is the experience itself. Is this experience what Leo is talking about when he talks about no-self? I find it hard to believe because I was 20 years old at the time, with not much experience in meditation. I've been meditating for 1,5 year and nothing similar has happened to me since then. I am a very sexual person, I don't know if that is relevant. Was that a sign that sexual experiences for me are a way of progressing in my spiritual practices and that I should research that more? Because I feel for last 4-5 months now that I am not making any progress even though I am meditating and I am very frustrated because of it.

I find your experience interesting as well. I now realize mine had nothing to do with me being closer to enlightenment. Yet you made me curious, how can it be connected with fear of intimacy, where did you learn that?

Thank you for taking your time to answer me, I really appreciate it.

If you want a book similar to that one, but which explains everything from a scientific perspective try The essential difference from Simon Baron - Cohen.

@stalker Btw I feel you completely. I am a hardcore introvert. I can be cool with not talking for days, even a week, it's normal to me. A lot of times I don't know how to keep a conversation with someone. I wish you luck in building your communication skills up stalker! If this hardcore introvert progressed a lot, so can you. =)

Thank you for answering me. To me dating is about freedom, abundance, letting go, having fun, surrendering, challenge, excitement, conquests, being feminine, being filled with energy, passion, love, sex, intimacy, being connected with someone and ultimately I see myself building myself up to a point where I have so much love for myself that it's insane! It's very important to me. I can see that you are very committed, it's inspiring. And yes, you are right, thank you, it's all about optimizing right. Currently I am bringing my communication skills up. If new questions arise I shall ask. =)

Have you or has anyone else tried this exercise Teal Swan suggested in practice? I tried it and it frustrated me that every time I asked myself this question about the same thing, I got a different answer. I tend to doubt my decisions a lot so whenever doubt popped up, I asked the question again and got a different answer. I don't know if that is normal or not. ? I found it frustrating. My emotions tend to change fast, perhaps that has something to do with it? Anyway I stopped doing it because I saw no point, I still had shifts in my decision making.

@stalker I would like to add on to what kalter000 said coz I agree. Check out Leo's video about developing a sense of humor. That will help you tons.

I feel the same way about mastering attraction. Every man and every woman deserve to enjoy their sexuality!

I don't have life experience, but remember asking my mentor something else that started the same way your question did. "Is it ok to .., do something I want and am curious about?" She answered me this - The more you forbid something to yourself the more you will want to do it. Not letting yourself do something is a waste of time because once you do it and get it out of your system you will move on. If it's a part of who you are you will probably keep doing it. She is a wise woman. I hope this helped.

The most honest answer would be - I don't know. I assume it's: 1. Shame (for showing that he is sexual) 2. Fear (of being rejected) It all comes down to mindset of him taking value from her other than him bringing value. I have these assumptions, based on things I learn t from theory so far and thoughts I heard from my male friends and some acquaintances who are into PU women. The more attractive a woman is, the more value she has in the eye of a man. Just by looking at her he has all these assumptions about her worthiness, her value. And if his self esteem is not high enough, the question pops up, am I worthy enough? If he thinks of himself as not worthy as she is, it's like walking up to a person to whom you can't offer value as much as the other person can offer value to you. So it's hard walking up therefore showing interest to someone from that perspective. I feel the same way sometimes. A lot of times I feel shame for showing my sexual side to a man (especially to a woman even if I know she is bisexual and especially if she is super, super attractive). I catch myself asking a question is it ok for me to be sexual? Will I be shamed and put down for it? And sometimes I feel afraid of being rejected. Precisely I catch myself being scared that the other person will get mad at me. Why? Because my mind connects that (other person being mad) with me being left (therefore rejected). So I concentrate on pleasing other person so that he doesn't get mad at me. Ridiculous, I know. =) That's how my mind connected the dots, me being angry or other person being angry means trouble to me. This of course does not apply to everyone. Fundamentally we are all afraid of showing some parts of our personality because we learn t we will get rejected for it. (Leo put this in a more beautiful way in one of his videos I believe)

@clytaemnestra I understand what you are saying. You have one perspective. I would like to point out mine because it's different. I on the other hand absolutely love it when a guy finds me desirable and attractive and points it out. Physical touch is how I understand love, I find sexual attraction VERY important. I even love exchanging feminine/masculine energies on the go with glances for example, it lifts my energy level up! When a man finds me physically attractive I welcome that even when I am not interested, I simply enjoy his masculine energy and move along. There is nothing superficial about it. And in no way does it exclude emotional connection that needs time to be built. Nor is it somehow lower value than other things such as intelligence. Because a real quality sexual attraction can't happen if a person is in congruent with her own femininity. From that place you can't build a decent relationship and attract a high quality man. This is my perspective, I am not saying it's true. It's ok to compliment a woman on her looks/sexiness etc. It just needs to be done in a right way. If a man (or a woman) complimented my intelligence, I wouldn't care the less because I hear it all the time. If he did it in a unique way than that would be a different story. This is btw a general thing (compliment things that are not obvious, and things that are, compliment them in a way that is unique). I am telling you this not just from a solely woman perspective, but as someone who seduced women (as a woman) as well, so I know what I'm talking about. Women LOVE being told how desirable and pretty they are from my experience (even if they are stunningly beautiful and feminine, especially then). Of course not all are the same. Some like being called "pretty butterflies" others "hot monsters" etc, it depends on a woman, but noticing her beauty and being attracted to her because of it is natural and in a way beautiful.

Lynnel, thank you so much for posting this, you are absolutely right, you can't read this anywhere else! The first sentence absolutely blew my mind! Could you tell me how has doing PU improved other areas of your life? It's where my heart is (pickup/dating), but I have a lot of doubts going all in and really investing my time and energy in it. I will finish collage real soon and I am scared a bit that my career will suffer because of it if I truly pursue PU/dating.