Extreme Z7

<--[02-20-16]--> The Sun? What's that? I don't go out too often. I mostly stay with my laptop doing college work, creative hobbies, and various entertainment. During days I don't need to go to university lectures, I stay at home with my laptop. 66% of my time is spent on college work/hobbies, it depends on how urgent the college work is. 16% is spent either watching tutorials or reading something educational. The other 16% is on entertainment. The remaining 1% is spent here writing in this journal. Notice the 0% spent hanging out with friends. I actually rarely feel loneliness. I'm very comfortable being just by myself and even being actively different at social gatherings. I also honestly believe my meditation practice has been a big contribution to that. To be honest, I actually don't care who reads/follows my journal. I do this mainly for me, this journal is just another personal hobby. I don't do this journal because I feel like I want to share it with other people, I mostly do it because. . .I don't know. . . I find a subtle joy in writing even though it's not my main passion.

@Zippie Hey hey hey. . . . . . . . . . don't worry about it.

<--[02-19-16]--> Regular Story You know, I spend about 15 minutes walking to my college and more time going back home. I'd either just try to observe my surroundings but that's usually boring so I put on my headphones and listen to music during my walk most of the time. I don't know why I haven't come up with the idea earlier that I could listen to educational content instead. First of all, it's not boring and I get to learn some new stuff. I usually want to listen to podcasts and other long audio content when I'm working on anything not related to music like game development, coding, or doodling around in Photoshop. The first thing I decided to listen to was an audio version of this video: Oh yeah, I've also just uploaded a new Speedcore track to SoundCloud today. (I also enjoyed making the logo for it.) Today was not bad. I liked today. I even ended it playing the original Megaman on emulator before going to bed.

<--[02-18-16]--> Ad, Not Bad If you've hung around the internet for long enough, you've probably come across some information that advertising companies like to get your browsing history that then get processed with computing algorithms to then sell you ads dedicated to your tastes. As shady as it is, that's not why I bring it up. The reason why I mention it is because I came across an internet advertising banner ad about "Creative Visualization". I figured that sort of thing was recommended to me because of my browsing habits being biased towards personal development material. This is probably the only internet ad I've ever actually got genuinely interested in (and of course, the word "FREE" was definitely alluring despite me knowing that it's a common marketing term). The ad was for a free Creative Visualization video course. The catch of course was that you get asked if you want to pay for the full course which includes going to a live seminar. I'm not interested in the full course because the free content they offer seems to have been enough to convince me that the skill of visualization is something more significant that I originally gave it credit for. Leo's videos on visualization didn't really convince me that I needed the habit. The video below is the first video they show you in the free course. It got me to decide to start this new habit. I would never have thought I would discover new ways of doing personal development by means of internet advertising. We all know most of the internet ads out there pander crap. I used to think ALL of them pander garbage. I even decided to take a look outside to make sure the sky isn't falling or if everyone suddenly decided to drive their cars in reverse.

Hi, I came across a video that YouTube's algorithms recommended to me today. It's titled "The Hidden Teachings of Jesus". It's about an hour long and I'm only 1 and a half minutes in as I write this but I felt like this needs to be shared. I find Leo's videos on Enlightenment as very eye-opening and life-changing but I feel he mostly talks about the basics. I would like to see videos that other people made that talk more advanced Enlightenment content. Here's the video I mentioned:

I have a suggestion for quitting any bad habit. Start doing meditation if you haven't already, and be biased towards more uncomfortable forms of meditation. This will create more tolerance for unpleasant situations like the boredom of being alone and sitting in front of your computer. Also have a large song library, mine has over 4,000 song files with eleven days total content. I don't know about you but constant music can help me get through any bland moments but use it in moderation.

<--[02-17-16]--> I WANT A BETTER LIFE NOW! How was your day? Good? That's nice. It's been a while since I've had a "good" day. And by that I mean a day where some favorable external conditions have been met by my personal judgment. Getting rid of all the distracting habits I used to have shed light on the truly bland and neutral nature of most of my days. On the one hand, my spiritual journey has given me the power to tolerate it, on the other hand my ambitious self can't help but be frustrated. I'm do not consider myself a "dreamer". Even though I find myself getting stuck inside my own imagination a lot; industry, hard-work, and persistence are some of my strong points. Although they can turn out to be negative traits at times (which I'll talk about in another entry). The challenge is figuring out the path towards this so called "Dream Life". How much work that is required of me to reach it is scary and motivating at the same time. It's just a matter of getting rid of the scary part. Currently listening to: Leaning Tower by Sampling Masters SNDG from the album Sampling Masters 3 http://bit.ly/1QIrQYW

<--[02-16-16]--> Oh dear, I forgot to write yesterday's entry didn't I? (It's February 17th as I write this.) Aah. . . nevermind I'm going to talk about something I'm personally embarrassed to reveal to the public. I'm incredibly inept about money/finances. I still live with my parents and they pay me a measly 100 php a day in cash (about 0.02 American Dollars). I'm 19 years old. Over the year 2015, I only managed to save enough to buy 3 books. I grew up (and am still growing up) in a family that has been terrible at handling money. My parents keep spending their cash on low-grade entertainment and other garbage (at least they're not drug addicts). Everything I have is something that was either given to me, something incredibly cheap I had to save months for, or free. I have never bought something online before. I know I go to a college that is very near my parents house but parents keep insisting that they handle my bank account instead of teaching me how to handle it myself. You may ask, why haven't I spoken up about it? Well, it has actually to do with my past relationship with my parents which I want to talk about in a future entry, for now I still want to keep that quiet. I'm not having problems with money because I've made a lot of stupid mistakes. I'm having problems because I haven't even been given the chance to use it at all. I don't have a credit/debit card. I don't know what to do to get one. That's why I still haven't bought a single thing online. There are lots of things I want to buy that are beneficial to my personal development. (Which is why I spent all of last year's savings on 3 educational books). And of course, there are the leisure stuff I want to buy to like video games and music albums (but those are lower on my priorities). I know things will automatically change once I get out of college and have to find a job but c'mon! Why do my parents expect me only to figure this out only when it's at it's most urgent? That's ridiculous. I came across this video by Big Think. Apparently 80% of people who go to college know dick about finances. So apparently my situation is actually sort of the norm. *sigh* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Currently Listening to:

@Leo Gura What is your approach on meeting people in real life who are stuck doing low consciousness behaviors? I ask this question because I can't help but pretend that I'm in low consciousness myself whenever other people are around. Is it the right thing for me to reveal to them what I'm doing with my life the next time I get the opportunity?

@Time Traveler I support you in your goal. Just know that removing games, porn, and net-surfing will not automatically make you happy. In fact, removing bad habits is like Step #1 in any self-actualization journey with like. . . . I don't know. . . . . 100+ steps total? But hey, a small step away from bullshit is already a big change.

<--[02-15-16]--> Today was another regular school day which meant I had very little time to work on any creative hobby or do anything with my free time at all, sadly. Instead I want to dedicated this entry to talking about why I love music, what got me into it, and what dreams I have for a possible future music career. So yeah, this is my first flashback/nostalgic entry. ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ I've always loved music since I was 6. However, I didn't start my passion for music like most people. Instead of being inspired by a music album or being taught how to play a music instrument at an early age. What got me to love music was Video Games of all things. I used to spend all my time playing games on the Sony PlayStation as a kid. The first game where the music really got to me was a game called Pac-man World. It was a 3D Platformer with music composed by Tommy Tallarico. When I was a kid, I absolutely adored everything about this game. The colorful visuals, the fluid gameplay, and of course the varied music. The game included 6 worlds each with their own style of music and genre. As a child, I liked how it all sounded and felt giving the game this sort of feeling that it had personality that pulled me in. It's hard to explain but I was like 6 or 7 back then. Childhood experiences tend to be blurry. I remember the first level of the Space area in particular blew my mind as a kid when I first heard it. It was a Techno track. It says a lot about my electronic music bias. Pac-man World was only the beginning of my video game music obsession. I want to make a list of all the games with music I really love. I want you to see just how many these games have influenced my passion. Here are all my personal favorites in no particular order. Pac-man World, Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, Strikers 1945 II, Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Sonic Heroes, Metal Slug, Metal Slug 2 & X, Metal Slug 3, Metal Slug 4, Metal Slug 5, Metal Slug 6, Metal Slug 3D, Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex, Pac-man World Rally, M&M's Shell Shocked, Jak 3, Crash Team Racing, Crash Tag Team Racing, A Bug's Life (The Game), Klonoa: Door to Phantomile, Danmaku Death, Sonic Colors, Riff: Everyday Shooter, Loco Roco, Lumines and Lumines Plus, Lumines II, Gunpey, and Castlevania, Symphony of the Night. And that is just the non-rhythm game list Parappa the Rappa, Parappa the Rappa 2, DJMAX Portable, DJMAX Portable 2, DJMAX Portable: Clazziquai Edition, DJMAX Portable Black Square, DJMAX Portable 3, DJMAX Technika, DJMAX Technika 2, DJMAX Technika 3, DJMAX Ray, DJMAX Technika Q, beatmania: IIDX 14 GOLD, DJMAX Technika TUNE, DJMAX Trilogy, リズム天国 (Rhythm Tengoku), Rhythm Heaven, Rhythm Heaven Fever I wanted to write this a refresher as to why I started to pursue music in the first place. In all my years, I have not learned to play a single music instrument but music has remained ingrained as a part of my soul growing up. Why haven't I started learning about music as a kid if I was already inspired very early on? There are various reasons which I want to leave out for other entries. I want to focus on different aspects of my past separately. You could probably guess that I dream of being a video game music composer someday and you'd be right. Right now, I'm focusing on working on my electronic music production skills. In a way, I consider my laptop as my musical tool and I don't feel any shame in saying that. I hope to talk more on topics like these in future entries. I didn't think it would feel so. . . exhilarating and relieving at the same time to be able to write this down and share it to people. I have much more to say about myself and not just my past, but my problems, personal development journey, visions, feelings, etc. Those are for future entries, that's what this journal is for after all.

@Soulbass Oooh Breakbeat. . . awesome! I never get tired of that genre. Have you heard of Breakcore? Anyway, thanks for recommending me that free synth. But unfortunately, I can't seem to find a download link. The plugin's site seems to have disappeared. You wouldn't happen to still have a VST file of it do you? (.dll or other)

@Soulbass LOL, I hope the hardcore distorted stuff I posted in my last entries hasn't put you off. I have other songs in a SoundCloud account but I want to hear your music first before I share mine. (Actually, I'm pretty sure I remember you saying you already found it.)

<--[02-14-16]--> I wanted to start today by working on the power point presentation I was supposed to make but instead something else happened. Something good. I came across this documentary on Youtube that's very interesting. I recommend you watch it if you have the time. I don't want to ramble on about the work I did today because I think it's boring and uninteresting to other people. Unfortunately, I spent the whole today with work so there is not much else to say. Oh yeah, Leo's new video came up today. How about that? Have you seen it yet? It's really good. I even took notes. (I'll upload a picture in an attachment.) I even made my own symbolic system which shows how much I think I excel in a certain quality or which qualities I need to work on. Even put little hearts next to the qualities I think are my favorites. Yeah, I don't really want to say much else. It's night time and I'm sleepy. Here's a video I uploaded today as well if you're interested. Yeah, it's me messing around in FL Studio again. I should mention that I spend some amount of time working on music production everyday. Sometimes, I want to record and share what I make.

I'm not you so I don't know what will ultimately make you happy but I think If I were you, I would choose Psychology. Not necessarily because I think you are really passionate about Psychology but because I think you're not really passionate enough to pursue Music. Maybe, again, I don't know Music is my #1 passion in life. I listen to it everyday and I want to listen to all sorts of music. I grew up with a love for music since I was 6 and although I don't actually know how to play a single music instrument (yet), I spend some amount of time everyday on my laptop using my DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) and work on some of my music projects. I think that's the kind of passion you need to really get into music. If you still think you want to get into music, then I suggest you get this belief out of your head. I think the really big music industries make passionless music but the majority of the people who are in the music industry try to be original. Also, samples don't automatically make music worthless, this is a completely different topic but I just want to say the way you use samples matters and can be a really great way to show your creativity. Not quite sure what that means. "Breakthrough" might even be an overly ambitious word. Especially since melody is a very basic music theory-based element that is probably not going to change any time soon. Perhaps you meant you want to start your own genre? I don't know. Thanks for sharing your concerns with us anyway.

@OceanJjb Oh yeah, I often don't reflect on how different my life growing up is compared to older people when it comes to how much easier technology has made communication and access to learning. I often don't think about how older people like you and my parents didn't have access to the knowledge we have now. I mean I literally discovered Leo's work by just typing "What is Happiness?" on YouTube search because I was having an existential panic at 18. It's THAT easy now to get what you need. It's almost kinda funny when I look back at it, almost. Personally, what I find very amazing (or insulting) are people who use the internet for garbage. My retired dad, for example, uses his PC to download and watch music videos all day long, that's all he does. My mom watches nothing but cable TV when she's not tending to the house. The people I meet at the college I go to use their laptops for all sorts of low consciousness garbage. I can't even begin to describe how much I know how much their wasting in today's technological age. But as I said in my last reply, they don't choose to be that way, no one does. We are all machines who have to no choice but to obey to nature. We are here right now because this is what nature, or dare I say God, intended. Something we just have to accept about reality. Lve and have a nice day

@Zephyr I feel your words resonate with me. I too am a teenager who used to have a bad habit of playing video games. I got obsessed with earning achievements and getting addicted to excitement. But at 18 years old, I got a sense of lack of fulfillment which eventually pushed me to quit the habit and do personal development work. (I explain this in more detail in my Actualization Journal) The main differences with me and you is that I decided not to quit video games entirely. I only quit the neurotic habit but the admiration for video games is still there and I do not wish to get rid of it anytime soon. I loved the video games I played as a child and they also influenced my love for music. I dream of becoming a video game composer someday. However, even though I still play games, I've made a commitment not to seek the following ideals from it - Satisfaction - Ego Excitement - Neurotic Addiction - Comfort There are still things I love from video games that kept me from erasing it from my life entirely - Sense of Adventure - Fun - Curiosity - Enjoying the Present Moment However, these qualities, in my opinion, are easier to attain when playing video games because they are short term qualities (except maybe the "Enjoying the present moment" one). Satisfaction, however, is a positive quality, probably one of the best qualities to have, but it is absolutely impossible to attain long term satisfaction through video games which is another reason why don't play them as often anymore.

That is actually very irrelevant to the entire video. What is of absolute importance in the video is the Teachings of Jesus Christ. Whether or not he existed, we know that these teachings exist. This video interprets the teachings.

Enlightenment cannot be observed through external observations. We are talking about a subjective experience and realization when we speak Enlightenment. The biological or scientific observation is nothing more than just another map of what can be observed empirically with your consciousness. It is not reality itself. "The biological or scientific observation is nothing more than just another map of what can be observed empirically with your consciousness" I hope the above sentence does not get misinterpreted/ignored because I think it's very important to understand so I wrote it twice.

@pOnG If you found my Facebook account, you could just send me a friend request.

@pOnG I'd be glad to meet you in person. You know, doing personal development and consciousness work creates a feeling of separation from the general masses. Getting to meet someone who holds this same interest may be refreshing.

<--[02-13-16]--> I'll admit, I spent little time working on personal development today. Remember about the Ruby tutorial video I watched the other day? I did that so I could finish a college assignment that required knowledge in Ruby. I literally spent the entire day doing it. Starting work at about 9am, struggling to focus while doing it. When I finished, It was already past 5pm. Damn I still had the will to do my 1 hour meditation habit. I would say this session went really great. It's hard to be able to explain in words how meditations sessions go because it's such a subjective experience. Because I was so stressed after finishing the work, I decided to spend 15 minutes doing a task I love. Which is messing around in FL Studio, I really enjoy doing music production. If only had more time to do it. I still have one last college task to do but I'll do it tomorrow. The task is just to make a PowerPoint presentation, so if I can finish it as fast as possible, I should be able to have lots of free-time to do what I want. Okay, I feel like I'm leaving out a lot of negative stuff that I'm not satisfied with today. First off, I was incredibly unfocused as I did my college work which caused me to spend more than 8 hours doing it when in retrospect, I should have been able to do it in 2 hours. I was listening to a comedy podcast that kept distracting me. I'd sometimes take a break to watch a YT video which distracted me even more. However, I think the main reason why I was not able to focus was because the work was not something I wanted to do. I mean, I spent about 15 minutes doing music production afterwards and it felt nice and flowing. . . and fun. I should keep a note to focus on ways to be more productive particularly in doing tasks that I don't want to do. If I can finish tasks I don't like faster, I should have more time to do stuff I actually do things that make me happier and feel more authentic. Oh and here's a video version of the attachment I put on the last entry.

Holy shit, Yes! I was just about to write my newest entry when I read this! What are the odds? Yes, I am from Tacloban, Leyte

Be specific about your problem. What's making you feel depressed or fearful? You've only just gotten a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of Enlightenment. It's the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. There's probably even more layers than that.

I see you also want to learn about enlightenment! I think it will help you a lot if I expanded more on what I meant by "Nature is on Your Side". It's and idea the I got from reading works from P.D. Ouspensky. You say that you thought you were "doing" or "thinking" when you were 19, but in retrospect you find this to be false. But if you look a little closer, your ability to "do" or "think" right now is no different from that time in your life. Nature is the ultimate decider of your life and the universe. You did not choose to pursue enlightenment in the present just like you did not choose NOT to pursue enlightenment when you were younger. It is the ultimate illusion that we "do" things. If you are pursuing enlightenment right now, be very grateful to what nature has given you. Nature is very picky to which individuals get to learn about this sort of thing. If P.D. Ouspensky is to be believed, it is impossible to live in a world were the masses pursues the awakening to this reality. If it were the case that we truly decide what happens in our life, problems would not exist. I suggest you try to get a realization that all your problems in life is due to nothing more than your mechanical nature. And in order to get rid of your mechanical nature, you need to learn, understand, and take advantage of your mechanical nature. . . as a mechanical being, quite paradoxical isn't it? Love