Extreme Z7

<--[02-15-16]--> Today was another regular school day which meant I had very little time to work on any creative hobby or do anything with my free time at all, sadly. Instead I want to dedicated this entry to talking about why I love music, what got me into it, and what dreams I have for a possible future music career. So yeah, this is my first flashback/nostalgic entry. ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ I've always loved music since I was 6. However, I didn't start my passion for music like most people. Instead of being inspired by a music album or being taught how to play a music instrument at an early age. What got me to love music was Video Games of all things. I used to spend all my time playing games on the Sony PlayStation as a kid. The first game where the music really got to me was a game called Pac-man World. It was a 3D Platformer with music composed by Tommy Tallarico. When I was a kid, I absolutely adored everything about this game. The colorful visuals, the fluid gameplay, and of course the varied music. The game included 6 worlds each with their own style of music and genre. As a child, I liked how it all sounded and felt giving the game this sort of feeling that it had personality that pulled me in. It's hard to explain but I was like 6 or 7 back then. Childhood experiences tend to be blurry. I remember the first level of the Space area in particular blew my mind as a kid when I first heard it. It was a Techno track. It says a lot about my electronic music bias. Pac-man World was only the beginning of my video game music obsession. I want to make a list of all the games with music I really love. I want you to see just how many these games have influenced my passion. Here are all my personal favorites in no particular order. Pac-man World, Crash Bandicoot, Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back, Crash Bandicoot 3: Warped, Strikers 1945 II, Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Sonic Heroes, Metal Slug, Metal Slug 2 & X, Metal Slug 3, Metal Slug 4, Metal Slug 5, Metal Slug 6, Metal Slug 3D, Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex, Pac-man World Rally, M&M's Shell Shocked, Jak 3, Crash Team Racing, Crash Tag Team Racing, A Bug's Life (The Game), Klonoa: Door to Phantomile, Danmaku Death, Sonic Colors, Riff: Everyday Shooter, Loco Roco, Lumines and Lumines Plus, Lumines II, Gunpey, and Castlevania, Symphony of the Night. And that is just the non-rhythm game list Parappa the Rappa, Parappa the Rappa 2, DJMAX Portable, DJMAX Portable 2, DJMAX Portable: Clazziquai Edition, DJMAX Portable Black Square, DJMAX Portable 3, DJMAX Technika, DJMAX Technika 2, DJMAX Technika 3, DJMAX Ray, DJMAX Technika Q, beatmania: IIDX 14 GOLD, DJMAX Technika TUNE, DJMAX Trilogy, リズム天国 (Rhythm Tengoku), Rhythm Heaven, Rhythm Heaven Fever I wanted to write this a refresher as to why I started to pursue music in the first place. In all my years, I have not learned to play a single music instrument but music has remained ingrained as a part of my soul growing up. Why haven't I started learning about music as a kid if I was already inspired very early on? There are various reasons which I want to leave out for other entries. I want to focus on different aspects of my past separately. You could probably guess that I dream of being a video game music composer someday and you'd be right. Right now, I'm focusing on working on my electronic music production skills. In a way, I consider my laptop as my musical tool and I don't feel any shame in saying that. I hope to talk more on topics like these in future entries. I didn't think it would feel so. . . exhilarating and relieving at the same time to be able to write this down and share it to people. I have much more to say about myself and not just my past, but my problems, personal development journey, visions, feelings, etc. Those are for future entries, that's what this journal is for after all.

@Soulbass Oooh Breakbeat. . . awesome! I never get tired of that genre. Have you heard of Breakcore? Anyway, thanks for recommending me that free synth. But unfortunately, I can't seem to find a download link. The plugin's site seems to have disappeared. You wouldn't happen to still have a VST file of it do you? (.dll or other)

@Soulbass LOL, I hope the hardcore distorted stuff I posted in my last entries hasn't put you off. I have other songs in a SoundCloud account but I want to hear your music first before I share mine. (Actually, I'm pretty sure I remember you saying you already found it.)

<--[02-14-16]--> I wanted to start today by working on the power point presentation I was supposed to make but instead something else happened. Something good. I came across this documentary on Youtube that's very interesting. I recommend you watch it if you have the time. I don't want to ramble on about the work I did today because I think it's boring and uninteresting to other people. Unfortunately, I spent the whole today with work so there is not much else to say. Oh yeah, Leo's new video came up today. How about that? Have you seen it yet? It's really good. I even took notes. (I'll upload a picture in an attachment.) I even made my own symbolic system which shows how much I think I excel in a certain quality or which qualities I need to work on. Even put little hearts next to the qualities I think are my favorites. Yeah, I don't really want to say much else. It's night time and I'm sleepy. Here's a video I uploaded today as well if you're interested. Yeah, it's me messing around in FL Studio again. I should mention that I spend some amount of time working on music production everyday. Sometimes, I want to record and share what I make.

I'm not you so I don't know what will ultimately make you happy but I think If I were you, I would choose Psychology. Not necessarily because I think you are really passionate about Psychology but because I think you're not really passionate enough to pursue Music. Maybe, again, I don't know Music is my #1 passion in life. I listen to it everyday and I want to listen to all sorts of music. I grew up with a love for music since I was 6 and although I don't actually know how to play a single music instrument (yet), I spend some amount of time everyday on my laptop using my DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) and work on some of my music projects. I think that's the kind of passion you need to really get into music. If you still think you want to get into music, then I suggest you get this belief out of your head. I think the really big music industries make passionless music but the majority of the people who are in the music industry try to be original. Also, samples don't automatically make music worthless, this is a completely different topic but I just want to say the way you use samples matters and can be a really great way to show your creativity. Not quite sure what that means. "Breakthrough" might even be an overly ambitious word. Especially since melody is a very basic music theory-based element that is probably not going to change any time soon. Perhaps you meant you want to start your own genre? I don't know. Thanks for sharing your concerns with us anyway.

@OceanJjb Oh yeah, I often don't reflect on how different my life growing up is compared to older people when it comes to how much easier technology has made communication and access to learning. I often don't think about how older people like you and my parents didn't have access to the knowledge we have now. I mean I literally discovered Leo's work by just typing "What is Happiness?" on YouTube search because I was having an existential panic at 18. It's THAT easy now to get what you need. It's almost kinda funny when I look back at it, almost. Personally, what I find very amazing (or insulting) are people who use the internet for garbage. My retired dad, for example, uses his PC to download and watch music videos all day long, that's all he does. My mom watches nothing but cable TV when she's not tending to the house. The people I meet at the college I go to use their laptops for all sorts of low consciousness garbage. I can't even begin to describe how much I know how much their wasting in today's technological age. But as I said in my last reply, they don't choose to be that way, no one does. We are all machines who have to no choice but to obey to nature. We are here right now because this is what nature, or dare I say God, intended. Something we just have to accept about reality. Lve and have a nice day

@Zephyr I feel your words resonate with me. I too am a teenager who used to have a bad habit of playing video games. I got obsessed with earning achievements and getting addicted to excitement. But at 18 years old, I got a sense of lack of fulfillment which eventually pushed me to quit the habit and do personal development work. (I explain this in more detail in my Actualization Journal) The main differences with me and you is that I decided not to quit video games entirely. I only quit the neurotic habit but the admiration for video games is still there and I do not wish to get rid of it anytime soon. I loved the video games I played as a child and they also influenced my love for music. I dream of becoming a video game composer someday. However, even though I still play games, I've made a commitment not to seek the following ideals from it - Satisfaction - Ego Excitement - Neurotic Addiction - Comfort There are still things I love from video games that kept me from erasing it from my life entirely - Sense of Adventure - Fun - Curiosity - Enjoying the Present Moment However, these qualities, in my opinion, are easier to attain when playing video games because they are short term qualities (except maybe the "Enjoying the present moment" one). Satisfaction, however, is a positive quality, probably one of the best qualities to have, but it is absolutely impossible to attain long term satisfaction through video games which is another reason why don't play them as often anymore.

That is actually very irrelevant to the entire video. What is of absolute importance in the video is the Teachings of Jesus Christ. Whether or not he existed, we know that these teachings exist. This video interprets the teachings.

Enlightenment cannot be observed through external observations. We are talking about a subjective experience and realization when we speak Enlightenment. The biological or scientific observation is nothing more than just another map of what can be observed empirically with your consciousness. It is not reality itself. "The biological or scientific observation is nothing more than just another map of what can be observed empirically with your consciousness" I hope the above sentence does not get misinterpreted/ignored because I think it's very important to understand so I wrote it twice.

@pOnG If you found my Facebook account, you could just send me a friend request.

@pOnG I'd be glad to meet you in person. You know, doing personal development and consciousness work creates a feeling of separation from the general masses. Getting to meet someone who holds this same interest may be refreshing.

<--[02-13-16]--> I'll admit, I spent little time working on personal development today. Remember about the Ruby tutorial video I watched the other day? I did that so I could finish a college assignment that required knowledge in Ruby. I literally spent the entire day doing it. Starting work at about 9am, struggling to focus while doing it. When I finished, It was already past 5pm. Damn I still had the will to do my 1 hour meditation habit. I would say this session went really great. It's hard to be able to explain in words how meditations sessions go because it's such a subjective experience. Because I was so stressed after finishing the work, I decided to spend 15 minutes doing a task I love. Which is messing around in FL Studio, I really enjoy doing music production. If only had more time to do it. I still have one last college task to do but I'll do it tomorrow. The task is just to make a PowerPoint presentation, so if I can finish it as fast as possible, I should be able to have lots of free-time to do what I want. Okay, I feel like I'm leaving out a lot of negative stuff that I'm not satisfied with today. First off, I was incredibly unfocused as I did my college work which caused me to spend more than 8 hours doing it when in retrospect, I should have been able to do it in 2 hours. I was listening to a comedy podcast that kept distracting me. I'd sometimes take a break to watch a YT video which distracted me even more. However, I think the main reason why I was not able to focus was because the work was not something I wanted to do. I mean, I spent about 15 minutes doing music production afterwards and it felt nice and flowing. . . and fun. I should keep a note to focus on ways to be more productive particularly in doing tasks that I don't want to do. If I can finish tasks I don't like faster, I should have more time to do stuff I actually do things that make me happier and feel more authentic. Oh and here's a video version of the attachment I put on the last entry.

Holy shit, Yes! I was just about to write my newest entry when I read this! What are the odds? Yes, I am from Tacloban, Leyte

Be specific about your problem. What's making you feel depressed or fearful? You've only just gotten a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of Enlightenment. It's the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. There's probably even more layers than that.

I see you also want to learn about enlightenment! I think it will help you a lot if I expanded more on what I meant by "Nature is on Your Side". It's and idea the I got from reading works from P.D. Ouspensky. You say that you thought you were "doing" or "thinking" when you were 19, but in retrospect you find this to be false. But if you look a little closer, your ability to "do" or "think" right now is no different from that time in your life. Nature is the ultimate decider of your life and the universe. You did not choose to pursue enlightenment in the present just like you did not choose NOT to pursue enlightenment when you were younger. It is the ultimate illusion that we "do" things. If you are pursuing enlightenment right now, be very grateful to what nature has given you. Nature is very picky to which individuals get to learn about this sort of thing. If P.D. Ouspensky is to be believed, it is impossible to live in a world were the masses pursues the awakening to this reality. If it were the case that we truly decide what happens in our life, problems would not exist. I suggest you try to get a realization that all your problems in life is due to nothing more than your mechanical nature. And in order to get rid of your mechanical nature, you need to learn, understand, and take advantage of your mechanical nature. . . as a mechanical being, quite paradoxical isn't it? Love

Ohh. . . This one is very interesting.

<--[02-12-16]--> Because I still have to go to college, I had to spend most of the day in lecture classes. I forgot that I needed to make a proposal for a project for one of my courses today so I had to spend the morning in a rush to type the thing. I really should not be doing urgent tasks the same day their supposed to be submitted Meditation went okay. But I kept being distracted by an itchy feeling in my throat. If anyone has good ways to remove phlegm that would be great. After class, I decided to watch a 1 hour tutorial on the basics of Ruby programming. I'm actually easily distracted by YouTube videos though so before I began watching the tutorial, I may have spent half an hour watching other stuff then going to the tutorial. Hell, I even watched another video before I decided to start writing this entry. Music is currently my #1 passion in life so I'll be mentioning it a lot. I'd like to make all sorts of music but I'm focusing on electronic stuff. Not just the modern EDM but old school stuff like Techno and Rave and also "niche-y hardcore-y" types of electronic music like Schranz, Speedcore, Breakcore, etc. Of course, those are the stuff I'd like to make. I've only been producing for more than a year so I'm still a noob, pretty much. @Soulbass Judging by your username, am I right to assume that you might be into more "soulful" type of music? I'd love to listen to your music. Again, I like to listen to everything. I don't care if it's Flowery and Relaxing or if it's Brutal, Hardcore, and Noisy or if it's Over-The-Top like Modern EDM. Speaking of which, before writing this, I decided to work on a work-in-progress Speedcore track of mine. Speedcore is a very aggressive genre that is not for everybody. I've attached what I've done so far in this entry. It's very unfinished which is why it's cut short. synthdroid -speedcore work in progress-.mp3

It's hard for me to try to really understand what makes other people happy. I hardly even understand what makes me happy. I just try to do stuff that I like and avoid stuff I don't like. Sorry if that wasn't very helpful advice, I'm 19, I'm still trying to figure things out myself. If you feel like you're lost, naturally you're going to try to learn what it will take to get back on track. It just happens. Don't worry. Nature is on your side.

Based on my own experience and stuff I've read on this forum. What is going on in your life outside of meditation might have a really great effect on your meditation results and just spirituality in general. There's a reason why monks decide to distance themselves from mainstream society. Hope this helped!

I don't feel my computer science course in college is actually helping me to become a better programmer. If anything my indie game development hobby is where I get the bulk of my experience (which isn't really a lot). Damn, I didn't know programming could be that valuable. You know, my game development and my electronic music hobby can wait for a bit. This post just made me want to focus on coding a bit more. If I ever get significant profit from this, my plan is to let it support my music career because that for me is one of my biggest dreams.

I'd love to hear the kind of music you could make! I also love making music but I'm more into making electronic stuff.

I'm into any kind of instrumental/electronic music. They help me a lot with staying focused with my creative hobbies and also work in general. Maybe I'd listen to relaxing stuff to keep myself calm and reduce stress. And other times I'd listen to some hardcore stuff to keep myself energized during the work session.

I'm a music composer as well (but just a beginner). What you said about creating things from nothing really relates to me and I'm sure to other musicians as well. It always feels like musical ideas (and all other creative ideas) arise out of nowhere. I guess the question for us is, does the creative generator thrive better with or without discipline?

@Aldo Marchand I actually see discipline and creativity in sort of an opposite perspective as you. I see discipline as a means to prevent yourself from getting stuck and giving the ability to find new paths whereas being creative means creating something new with what you presently know. It is impossible to create something with content that you have not yet discovered. Working with existing content is creative power. But that's just what I personally think. I would say discipline and creativity support each other very much.

You cannot have creativity if you have no discipline. Creativity requires as little distraction as possible.