Extreme Z7

<06-07-16> Trying to Get Back To The Disciplined Mindset <I'm not going to do a list entry like I have been for the past weeks for today because I don't feel like it> So lately, mainly because of Leo's "Lifestyle Minimalism" and "Rant on Morality" videos, I've been subtly trying to ease myself and become less neurotic towards traditional values like discipline and let life flow more freely. The "Lifestyle Minimalism" video taught me that I really must not be pushing myself all the time to get things done. Aside from spending more time, trying to be aware of reality and existence, I also tried easing myself a bit more and actually getting back to some ego desires that I would normally try to avoid because I kept telling myself to keep working on this or that and only take a break when you've finished everything. Which brings me to the "Morality Rant" video. A video that let me decide to try to just lay back and let anything that happens happen. If I wanted to work, I will work. If there was work I didn't like to do but is not very urgent, I take up a lazy activity. If I feel bad, I should feel bad. etc. etc. It helped me in some ways but ultimately, I actually find that I've been getting less things done in a day because of this attitude and I've been getting really sleep deprived because this practice has me ignoring my "sleep at 9:30pm" rule that I tried to ignore for the sake of getting rid of my "should" statements. And I HATE feeling sleep-deprived. I think a commitment to balance is in order. A moderation of my pleasures with a strong but not neurotic discipline. I really want to get back to my mindset of feeling excited with getting things done while at the same time mixing that with slow deliberate mindful awareness. It's going to be a really big challenge but I'm up for it.

@AceTrainerGreen Moderation is good, do that. A shame-induced denouncement of certain pleasures you have can become neurotic as I've experienced in myself. But perhaps exercise or at least consider some really hardcore self-improvement practices when you're ready. A few examples: - Strong Determination Sitting (See Leo's video on Strong Determination Sitting) - Isolating yourself from society for an entire month (See Leo's "30 Ways Society Fucks You In The Ass" video) - Joining a Chinese Monastery - Vipassana Retreat (See Leo's "Lifestyle Minimalism" video) - etc. Only consider doing these when you actually understand what taking on these decisions will actually imply and when you think you're ready, though. I myself have done none of the activities on the list, I'm still pretty early in my self-development journey, but I'm very interested in taking on all these activities because I really believe in life-altering power they may have. But again, only when I feel like I'm ready. Personally, I like to get my information from my daily ordinary experience. Never really gotten interested in news media. Feels too much like distraction from reality. But that's just me. You don't need to ask such a question. Just be commit to personal development as a lifetime habit and that would be enough. As long as you WANT to learn, you will slowly learn. Manifest that natural curiosity for humans to explore what's behind the bushes. But if you really want some direction, then here are some personal recommendations. . . The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution by P.D. Ouspensky (Book) The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck (Book) Live and Dare (liveanddare.com). A website containing profound articles on how to use meditation to master your life! Pretty much any book by Robert Greene Fight Mediocrity (YouTube Channel) The School of Life (YouTube Channel) Infinite Waters Diving Deep with Ralph Smart (YouTube Channel) and many others I know which I have not listed because I don't want to spend too much time here. But ultimately, just remember that you don't need to rush things. This is a very slow process, it takes a lot of patience and persistence but you do eventually reach a 'point-of-no-return' when you start really seeing the true depth of it all.

My own personal quote: "Functioning in society is not the same thing as functioning in reality."

<06-06-16> My First Enlightenment Experience? Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness My college is requiring me to take an internship at a recommended company. I'm sort of excited for it. It beats working on my boring college requirements that I haven't passed yet. Had very moderate entertainment today so that's good. Little by little, I inch my way towards success. Little by little. . . Already at Chapter 3 of "The Road Less Traveled" Didn't feel like drawing anything today. Neither did I feel the need to really to do anything musical. I think I just had my first enlightenment experience. Damn. . . it was so weird. It felt like I finally saw reality for what it actually is. I really really really don't want to describe it because I feel it will be a distortion of what it actually was like. But I'll give the basic gist of it: I saw the 3-dimensional external world as an illusion inside this 2D screen we label as "vision". I also felt a presence that was not anything but was there and was aware. I also felt like this "presence", was not located anywhere, it just. . . "exists" I guess. I'll stop here because I don't want to keep describing it. The more complex the description, the more it strays away from the shear simplicity of how the experience was actually like. Damn it. . . that's another description.

@AceTrainerGreen If you're obsessed with politics because you think it gives you an accurate view of reality. Guess again, you can't even comprehend what true reality is actually like. Here's a little quote I like to say to myself to describe people who have your kind of mindset. "Living in society is not the same thing as living in reality" If you do enough self-improvement work, you might reach a point where you can actually see the truth in this. Most people mistake "living in reality" and "living in society" as the same thing. But I find that most people who are really in touch and ingrained in society are really fucking awful at functioning in reality. Hope this helps! P.S. I'm not telling you to give up your interest in politics completely. If you really love it, go for it. But I really urge you to commit yourself to value truth as a main goal in life. Politics and all those other stuff you mentioned are potential distractions from it. Leo talks a lot about truth so if you just keep consuming his content, you're bound to get a deeper understanding of truth. Truth about reality so deep that it literally trumps anything you've ever assumed about reality!

<06-05-16> Lazy Work Day Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness I really don't want to do college work. I am really not interested, it serves me no purpose. I watched entertainment when I felt like it. Didn't make much progress but I still got things done. Almost finished with Chapter 2 of "The Road Less Traveled" Didn't have the motivation to really draw anything. I actually did practice a bit of Techno music because I felt like I wanted to. My mind was pretty noise for the first half but I felt pretty good at the second half of my meditation. Leo's newest video recently got released, if you're reading this and therefore visit this forum, you probably already know about it.

@Soulbass I don't try to do all of them in one day. The plan is to have significant progress in all the areas within the 2 months free time I have without having to worry too much about college work. So some days I might focus on one thing but others I may focus on something else. As for music, I told myself that I probably spent way too much time on it during the previous months so I decided I wanted to spend more time on other things instead. Besides, I have my interests focused more on trying to learn a musical instrument rather than music production at the moment, although I still don't know when that's going to happen. I would really like to get myself to learn the piano but I'll cross that bridge when I'm ready.

<06-03-16> Tick Tock Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness I'm required to write a resume to send to this company so I can apply for an internship there. Did pretty good for a first resume if I may say so myself. I tried to stay focused mainly on work and told myself I would only really take a break when I'm done/ Still working like crazy on this game, I can't stop thinking about it. I read a bit less than I should have but I still read something. I recently uploaded the comic I drew a few days ago and also drew a new pencil sketch of Dr. Neo Cortex's head. Nothing to do here Meditation finished a lot earlier than I thought it would. I guess my mind really drifted off into space where time flew by quickly.

The problem with true wisdom is that it's very difficult to communicate accurately. Most people can't help but get stuck in the words being used and create their own projection of the message. I find this especially true with "rationally-minded" people. Our minds will come up with different perspectives but ultimately, I believe the results that Leo and other people like him want to get to are ultimately going to be the same. There are many different ways you can do personal development but there is still just going to be one "moon".

<06-03-16> *yawn* Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Actually had to do a bit of academic work here and there because of stuff I don't want to spend the energy to talk about. Watched a few episodes of [adult swim]'s "Off The Air" I'm still obsessed and I love it. Oh damn, I didn't do a lot of reading today. Aaand, I still forgot to upload my comic. If you're wondering why I can't do it at night, it's because taking a picture of it inside a fluorescent lit room gives it some glow that don't like in the image. It always works best taking a picture of it with daylight. Tum tee tum . . . . Tried doing a guided meditation today with help of an online video. Better substitute for the real thing than no teacher to help at all.

<06-02-16> :-) Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness I'll be honest, I hate college. I really do. I was put into by neurotic parents who aren't aware of what they're doing and I'm still being nagged to do stuff by parents who have no awareness of what is going on in reality. Bottom line is I'm my own person and I get to exercise delaying some schoolwork where I find it strategically viable. I'm actually a bit nostalgic for the old days when I used to spend time with entertainment for almost all of my waking hours. That's over now, I've moved on. But I can't deny I still love my cartoons and video games. I'm still obsessed with finishing this game. I'm putting so much time, blood, and love into it. Especially love! <3 Yep, still reading the same book from the previous entries. I didn't do any drawing today and I also forgot to upload yesterday's comic like I said I would do. Oh well! That's something for tomorrow. @Soulbass sent me some wonderful free VST's that will probably help me a lot in the future. It's so cool of him, I can't thank him enough. If only I had something to give in return, though. MEDITATION! FUCK YEAH! AWARENESS IS THE ONLY WAY, YEAH!

<06-01-16> May Is Over! Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Didn't work at all on any college project again. I'm being strategic here, it's not actually that important. Still watching Gravity Falls I started work on my game slightly earlier than I normally did today and also ended earlier. I kind of like being my own boss in this project. I can choose how much time I want to spend on it for the day depending on what I feel is best. Almost finished with Chapter 2 of "The Road Less Traveled". Finally! I managed to muster up the motivation to draw a new comic strip. I plan to upload it to my deviantArt account tomorrow. Nothing to do here. Tum Tee Tummm. . . I really exerted a lot of effort into today's meditation session and as a consequence, went through quite a bit of pain.

<05-31-16> Boop boop da Doop Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness I actually dealt with a lot of anxiety today from thinking too much about college work. So much so that I decided to do a very counter-intuitive thing and decided not to do anything about it. That's right, do nothing technique. Well, it was hardly do nothing because I just spent hours reading a book instead. And you know what, it helped me a lot! I came to a deep realization that my worry is largely unnecessary because the work isn't even that urgent. The mind is a very tricky thing to tame and I'm thankful for stumbling upon Leo's advice to help me fight my inner demons. Binged watched "Gravity Falls" Season 1, yep. I really enjoyed the progress I made on my game today even though it wasn't that much, I'm proud of what I accomplished today. Like I said, I've been reading "The Road Less Traveled" Damn, I forgot to do any drawing today. Too much distraction that there wasn't any space for it. Tum tee tum . . . nothing to say here Meditation was still difficult for me today but . . . meh, it was not bad. MYSTERY VIDEO!! It's a review a gamer youtuber made of the jam game I made a few months ago.

@Anna Konstantaki Best journal entry I've read from you so far.

<05-30-16> Felt A Bit Down Today But I'm Fine Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Decided to ignore it again but I might start working on it tomorrow. Pretty low amount of entertainment today Still feel addicted and neurotically attached to working on the indie game but that's okay because I'm going to try to moderate and stay aware and mindful. Finished reading the first chapter of "The Road Less Traveled" Didn't feel like drawing today. It's not that I wanted to but couldn't find the motivation, I just didn't feel like I really wanted to draw anything so that's okay. Actually spent a few minutes messing with a distorted kick drum in FL Studio. heh. . . Because of my general bad mood today, I had to meditate multiple times to clear my mind. It helped me a lot.

@Leo Gura Funny, the way you describe it almost sounds like you're saying there is an anthropomorphic (perhaps a bearded man in the sky) that creates reality. But I see what you mean, the self or ego is an illusory image in experience that is being created. By what or whom? Is the question we're trying to ask ourselves.

@David1 That image reminds me of the cover of this book.

@charlie2dogs Thanks, that's very profound. ------ I just got back from meditating a few minutes ago. I came to a realization that happiness can also be seen as complete independence from external needs and circumstances. I pretty much realized that I'm probably going to have to spend years of work trying to connect to my inner being because right now, a lot of my thoughts and habits are still founded upon external desires.

Becoming unified with pure and true reality. A permanent escape from the fake world of the ego.

<05-29-16> Now I Need To Recharge Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Didn't work on any college projects today. Didn't feel like I wanted to, didn't feel like I needed to. Actually took a quite moderate amount of entertainment content today. Probably only spent an hour and a half total and I don't feel like I need that much. Still feel like I'm addicted to working but on the bright side, I find that I've been very focused and quick in my indie game progress which is a big plus for me personally. I still have the memory in my head of how fast I saw a level I was working on grow as I kept building and designing the various aspects of the level design. <3 A little bit of continuation of "The Road Less Traveled" Oh man, I still have a lot of free time before bed as I write this. (About less than 4 hours total). I'm going to take a break for a while but I plan to do some doodling when my mind feels clear and creative. Nothing to do here Actually fell asleep at one point during the meditation. It was still pretty okay overall though. Leo's new video is amazingly profound and I can't wait for next week's follow up episode. Watch it now if you haven't already.

<05-28-16> Work or Want? I decided to rethink my mindset towards my free time this semester break. It turns out I can't really keep on track on my 7 goals I wrote as a plan because of limited time but I can try to simply chase what is going to make me feel happy the most. And it turns out I'm going to have to do a bit of trial-and-error to really so what makes me feel happy for the day while still adequately finishing a good part of my agenda. Ultimately, it's going to be just the right balance of work and play (or want?) to make me feel good, it's not necessarily going to be 50:50 and I'm probably going to feel like I want something different each day. I'm going to list what I decided to do for each of the 7 goals I did each day so I easily assess how I spent each days time. It makes it easier to do this trial-and-error thing. Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Barely worked on college requirements but I did have a small funny idea I decided to put into one of them. I sometimes try to make things fun when I work on these projects both to make other people laugh and also so it doesn't feel 100% boring. Currently binge watching on Season 1 of "The Amazing World of Gumball". I feel no shame because it's a good show and I love cartoons. Man, I'm worry that I'm addicted to working on my indie game. I'm not kidding, I can actually feel craving whenever I feel like I haven't done a satisfactory amount of progress on it each day. It doesn't feel too bad though and it's good that I'm spending a lot of my time on it because it's a big ambitious project of mine. Right now, the majority if my time is actually being spent here but I've been meaning to lessen that a bit so I can also live a little outside of this project. I started reading "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. Unfortunately, I was so caught up on working on my indie game that I couldn't focus on reading it and I ended up reading only a little from the beginning of the book. Arrrgh. . . I just can't seem to find any motivation to draw and feel creative. I really want to be sort of guy who is able to layout ideas in a beautiful 2D fashion and show it to people regardless of what they think. Right now, I think my indie game workaholism is my biggest hindrance to being able to commit to a good drawing practice and I realize that if I'm going to draw, It's going to have to be on a day where I don't work on my indie game at all or at least very little. And I'm going to have to allocate some of my days for that. I still don't know when those days are going to be but I'm going to think about them. Nothing to do here My meditation session today was weird. It started awful and I couldn't feel like I was focused and present and I felt half-asleep. However, I did manage to get myself back and aware near the end and I actually felt a slight sense of happiness after it that I haven't felt in a while. It's the kind of happiness I feel whenever I feel in tune and flowing with reality. Then of course, I went back to working on my game because you know, I want to and I have to. So maybe an increase in focus in meditation and decrease in focus on my indie game may be beneficial for me. That's all for today but I also want to share this creepy yet profound animation I found on YouTube. I highly recommend you watch it, it might make you question your identity and the current state of psychotherapy (or rather how it was in 1998, maybe?).

<05-27-16> Unexpected Damn, I should have known trying to implement what I wrote on yesterday's entry was going to be a lot harder than I thought. I knew that there was going to be difficulty, but I didn't know it was going to feel borderline impossible! Like I thought that even something like lessening the amount of entertainment for today would be easy as pie. But no, trying to do that turned out to bring up more resistance than expected. Hell, I even plan to just sit back and watch some more video content after I write this entry because I don't feel like doing anything else. Also, I thought I could do working on my indie game, and reading, and drawing really well during one day but I only ended up finishing two of those goals. As it turns out, I'm going to have to lessen the expectations I have each day for how productive I can be because right now they're a bit too high. On the bright side of today though, I still got a lot of reading done and I finally finished reading "Becoming Steve Jobs" so I can finally start reading a new book by tomorrow, Thank God. Also, I got a lot of focused work done on my indie game. It's not the fact that I got a lot of work done that I'm proud of, it's the fact that I remained mostly focused. Still, I wasn't perfect at it, I had a lot of room to improve but ultimately that's the kind of focus I want when I work so I don't waste hours procrastinating. That's it for today, Something tells me trying to spend my free time this break properly is going to be of critical significance to me so I better up my focus tomorrow. Can't get myself to lose some of the most valuable time I have. (Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch The Amazing World of Gumball or something)

<05-26-16> What's This? Do I See A Green Pasture In The Horizon? Okay guys, I can feel things are clearing up a little bit. I finally have slightly more free time and more importantly, more free space for my mind to breath (Thank God). I still have a load of requirements to complete but after a lot of work. I've chopped an entire third from it and the remaining 2/3 don't have to be completed so urgently so I can schedule them more freely. I can feel my mind going "Okay Okay, this is your chance to feel as calm and happy as you can in a long time, don't mess this up" which I honestly think is quite hilarious. Ultimately, it's going to matter based on how I properly schedule my daily routine without college being too much of a hindrance. Here's some basic things I want to remember for each day. (And I'm probably going to write this down to and stick it to a wall just like I did in entry <05-24-16>) If I work too much in a day on college projects, I'm going to be bored out of my mind not to mention I'm going to be too stressed to be happy and my mind is probably going to counter it with equally distracting entertainment. Speaking of which. . . I have to really watch how much time I spend on entertainment particularly video content which I've gotten addicted to over the past years because they're so easy to just click and watch and relax. That's not the only entertainment distraction though, I sometimes spend hours just browsing art on deviantArt because the variety and sometimes emotional triggers from the art attracts me to it. I don't really play video games as often anymore but I still have to watch it with that one, sometimes I waste several minutes playing a video game I don't enjoy and don't realize I don't enjoy until an hour and a half has passed by. I personally want to really focus on making a lot of progress on my indie game. I shouldn't overwork myself on it and there's a big possibility that that could happen each day because I really love working on it, unlike my college projects. Still, I think it's also equally dangerous that I neglect to spend enough time on it because it's a big project and if I don't put a lot of hard work on it, it will never be finished. Books! . . . . . . . books books books books books books books books books Books! . . . . . . I love them, I personally think that you can't ever spend too much time reading books. Oh shit, I just remembered. Drawing! I've had a surprising amount of fun drawing lately. I've had more fun drawing cartoon characters and funny comics in my sketchbook than I had working on making electronic music. Again, speaking of which. . . I really have to take a break from making electronic music. That's probably because I tried to neurotically work myself really hard when I had that electronic music habit which I'm probably going to take a break from. Besides, what I would really want right now for music is to take a break from music production (which is the computer and sound-design area of musical work) and to learn how to play a musical instrument, particularly the piano. But I'm not going to do that this semester break, I have no time for it. I'm going to have to say no to it entirely until further notice from Mr. Strategy Guy in my head. Awareness and Meditation, I still don't know how much time I need to allocate for awareness. It's a very tricky thing to work on because the rewards from it are not directly tangible which makes it even more difficult to convince the mind of its value. Also, contemplation is a subset of this. And I mean real quiet contemplation with as little distraction and desires for other activities as possible. Me just dumping my thoughts into this journal does not count as quiet contemplation. This is what I would call, the real "long term" part of this plan. So long term that it's probably going to bleed into life even after the semester break is over. That's all for now. I changed my mind, by the way. I'm not going to write this all down, it ended up way longer than I expected. I'll just to commit to re-reading what I wrote here in case I forget this plan. Okay, that's it. I'm going to give myself a signal to get started. Ready? Set. . . GO!

@zasa joey Guess what, the same thing happened to me when I first started meditating. I read about meditation online while I was suffering from an existential panic. I thought I'd give it a try to relieve the stress but it didn't do much so within a couple of weeks I forgot about it. At the time, I just didn't see the value in keeping a meditation habit for years and years and as a life long habit. I only came back into it about two months later after my initial attempt when I really started to get into personal development from watching Leo's videos and meditation just so happened to be one of the recommended habits I decided to gain from the videos. And man, just this one habit alone, if you keep a 1-hour daily habit. After several months (About 6 to 7 perhaps) it just freaking opens up a door a new reality that most people are completely ignorant to. A world where nothing can phase you and the illusions of the mind show themselves to be illusions. Now to be fair, I still haven't reached happiness, I still feel mostly stressed out and anxious and I worry about a lot of stuff, but ultimately this new perspective has made me feel like I have the power, the power and capability to keep pushing through life and all of its resistances and distractions instead of staying in a rut and feeling like little or nothing can be done. This can be your life too, BUT, it's going to take a lot of personal commitment and personal persistence. Nothing of what I say will actually mean anything unless you really want to personally partake in such a journey. P.S. I know I said "1-hour daily habit" but I actually started with 5-minutes and gradually increased the duration of how long I meditated each day whenever I felt like it until I capped it at 1 hour. You could try to do the same thing.

@zasa joey The moment will come when you realize that the opposite of your current social situation, which is a place where people keep assuming you're a really great person who has achieved a lot of things, is almost as meaningless and depressing as where you are right now in depression, as hard as it is to believe. If you really want, true relief and freedom, real psychological freedom, I really recommend you start cultivating a connection with reality. I'm talking about actual literal reality, not the mental prison you know you're trying hard to escape from. I'm only assuming you've never tried meditation or heard of mindfulness work before so if you've been trying to find a real escape from your current miserable way of living, you're going to really want to take this all in. First I want to list of a few things that you may or may not want to read but it's important to open your mind to them in order for you to really get out of your depression. Simply getting out of depression is not enough (Above depression is still the mediocre average lifestyle which is still pretty miserable) You currently don't have an accurate perception of reality (If you did, you wouldn't be depressed. If you even had a small minute glance at reality as it actually is, you would realize that there really is nothing to be depressed about) Ironically, the path from getting out of depression to happiness is extremely difficult and painful. (It's not about getting rid of the pain, it's about increasing your tolerance for pain to degrees you can't even imagine right now.) So, where do you start on the road to reality? I suggest you start with a meditation habit and do everyday without skipping any. There are plenty of good material online on how to meditate but I think Leo's is the best. But before you meditate, you're going to need an introduction to spiritual enlightenment. Leo has a great video on that as well. Keep in mind that I'm not selling you a quick fix-all-your-problems pill. Meditation and Spiritual Enlightenment are not solutions in themselves, they're more like keys to a whole new reality and trajectory for your life that will bring you to the realizations that will bring you beyond just fixing your depression to exciting knew perspectives of reality that make life feel effortless and gratifying.