Extreme Z7

<06-21-16> New Life Purpose Trajectory? “Miss one day of practice, I notice; miss two, the critics notice; miss three, the audience notices” -Franz Liszt "Miss one day of journaling, I notice; I miss two, the. . . what? the audience has already noticed? well crap" -Me I don't feel like what I did today was very significant. Yesterday, I decided to refrain from using my laptop on about 4:30pm yesterday after spending way too much just enjoying myself with random stuff I stumble upon on the internet and mostly deviantArt. (If you're wondering how could I possibly spent a lot of time on deviantArt, that site has literary as well as visual content you know. . .). Basically, the experience after that gave me a lot of time to think and be aware. I decided to meditate for my first hour of sitting in my room without using my laptop. Then I lay down on my bed for a while not knowing what to do next. My mind wandered into my life purpose. I remember making an entry in this very journal a while back claiming that I have analyzed my way to figuring out my life purpose. Long story short, I concluded that I should work on games, drawing but mostly on music as my life purpose. No, that's still not it, that was not my life purpose. I can't possibly have multiple life purposes as well, that just doesn't seem right. I need to find my core. Only then can I find true focus. To be honest, I got really tired at focusing on multiple hobbies at once. Yes it's actually common to have multiple projects at the same time. Right now I have an indie game as a main goal but I draw comics on my sketchbook at the side and I occasionally help people on the GameJolt forums. But ultimately, I feel like I need a main goal, a "center" on which to converge to (or 'diverge'? I'm not sure of the meanings of those words). Chasing what I DO in life versus what I FEEL does not make feel joy for the future. I decided to lie in bed and REALLY try to figure out what I'm authentically passionate about. I've done and sampled all these stuff in the past year, Game Development, Music Production, Drawing. NONE of them seem like they target the core of who I am. As I lay in bed, I decided to try to think of how all these different influences in my life have affected me emotionally and shaped me in the past. I decided to re-access my childhood memories and try to imagine what kind of life goal would be actually worth pursuing. Music - nope. When I labeled it as my main life purpose in the last entry where I talk about life purpose, I was still highly influenced by ego and my awareness was still to low to avoid overworking and do some real introspection work Games - nope. I find the majority of the games industry to be one big blob of unconscious behavior and I really can't help but think about my own game ideas also being influenced by this problem of unconsciousness. If I pursue game development as a main goal, I will surely regret it. Drawing - nope. I just am not interested enough to master the skill of drawing just for the sake of it. BUT YET, I still enjoy doing my creative hobbies and find meaning in some aspects of them. Something is definitely up here. Maybe something "hidden underneath"? Funny thing, after thinking about it in bed for about 10 minutes, my mind literally exclaimed "I don't know! Maybe that's it? Maybe that IS the answer I've been looking for "I don't know!". I just do creative hobbies for the sake of it and the thrill of having no idea of where it will take me. I don't know. . . maybe that has been my life purpose all along?!!!" This is complete nonsense of course. It turned out to be pure monkey mind garbage. I decided to continue lying in bed some more. I held a pillow over my eyes as if to shut out the outside world. I needed to think about my life more holistically. What is it I'm actually authentically obsessed about in life? Then a word wondered into my mind that hit me. Cartoonist Cartoonist I, a Cartoonist?!! Doesn't have a bad ring to it. . . I've loved cartoons ever since I was a kid and I've never been obsessed about them than I've ever been today! CARTOONS HAVE BEEN STARING ME AT THE FACE THIS WHOLE TIME. A lot of my favorite video games of all time have western cartoon influences. I spent a lot of my time as a kid enjoying cartoons on TV. I've already even begun drawing cartoons of my own that I'm only beginning to really take seriously. Even the art style of my current indie game has its roots on western-cartoon inspired video game, Crash Bandicoot. MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY and thought process is pretty influenced by cartoon themes. People don't know (and even I didn't realize this for myself at the time) that the way I act and I talk and even talk to myself in my head is very influenced by cartoon behavior. In short, I sometimes act in a very silly way and its been influenced by my love for cartoon fiction. It's what has kept me different from the common folk. It's my childhood roots. It's the one and only remaining source of joy and opportunistic view of the world that is slowly under attack from the anxieties and distractions of modern society. Now I found it. My center or my core, I'm sure of it this time. There are a lot of lessons from Leo that I have used to be able to reach this realization and I feel I'm going to be using a lot more to fulfill it. Now that I have my life purpose realized I can use it as a means to attract where my effort goes into. I must minimize working on too many things at once and focus aiming at my core. I still feel worried and I still feel doubtful but I recognize these feelings as part of the progress. Sleep tight and be well. Buh-bye! P.S. I want to draw the distinction between Drawing, Animation, and Cartoons. These three are very different things. One of the reasons why it took me so long to realize my life purpose was because I didn't make the distinction between Drawing, Animation, and Cartoons. I was terribly scared and still am of Drawing and Animation and because I thought that they were synonymous with Cartoons when in fact they weren't. This literally means that I can still work on games or music as long as I remember my core "Cartoon" life purpose. As long as it has influences on the shows and comics I love then, it's still a project that's worth working on for me. My current indie game is very influenced by slapstick cartoons, for example. Not to mention I have "Gaz the Ghastly Ghost", a comic I have been sketching on my sketchbook for the past month with a very cartooney art style. That's all for now, this was another very long post from me and I thank you for reading it. Much love if you made it this far.

@Anna Konstantaki Nope, I unconsciously wasted 4+ hours yesterday browsing deviantArt (Not joking). So I decided to spend the rest of the day with my laptop off to balance things out. I even told myself I wouldn't make the journal entry for the day. I'm back now though. To be honest, I'm really surprised someone noticed. Like, I know that you may also be checking out my journal, but still, I didn't expect even you to notice.

<06-19-16> Father's Day 2016 College Work I'm uhhh. . . working on some web development stuff. I guess that counts for something. Entertainment I watched quite a lot of short videos ranging from 3 to 5 minutes. Mostly Gravity Falls-related. I guess, YouTube's recommendation algorithms are just doing their job Reading Continued reading Robert Greene's "33 Strategies of War". It is a MASSIVE book. It's the largest book I have. I have feeling I'm going to be mentioning reading it for a very long time Drawing Today I uploaded the comic I finished yesterday to my deviantArt page. You can check my art out if you want to. Just know that I'm still . . . well let's say. . . "learning". I also drew a "Happy Father's Day" message on one of my sketchbook pages to show my dad today. My mom also cooked this lovely meal for lunch to celebrate the occasion. Music/Sound Design I'm continued my collaboration work with some guy on GameJolt. All he wants from me are a few sound effects. Making sound effects, for me, is pretty easy but also quite fun. Producing music, though, is a completely different challenge I find. Good thing, my only job was to make some SFX. Meditation and Awareness I spent 2 hours today in meditation, again. Leo's new video seems to be a theme that has been running in my day since I doubled my meditation time since yesterday. Before, I used to neurotically try to take "control" of my life in order to change a lot of things in my life, with this new way of living, however, I feel a large portion of my stress and anxiety just melt away! Or maybe it's just the fact that I have not worked that much recently. Probably both.

@Anna Konstantaki The website author's book "Refuting The External World" also seems interesting. You can check that out too.

@Anna Konstantaki How's your no videos challenge going? Personally for me, I just started meditating more. Yesterday, I meditated for 2 hours (Not consecutively, it was two 1 hour sessions.) And I pretty much let myself spend as much time on entertainment as my emotional self wanted to. I actually felt better inside than the times when I gave myself a "no ______ challenge". But then again, people can be very different from each other. For example, I believe workaholism is a bigger issue in my life than entertainment time so maybe what works for me may not always work for you.

Judgement is stupid. Don't do it. Only stupid people do it. (This is just a dumb sarcastic joke for laughs. I have nothing else to say, carry on. . .)

<06-18-16> Power Outage Today, All Day. College Work Man, what a perfect excuse not to do any boring computer science projects today! There was a power outage today until 5:30 pm. I've decided I won't decide to get back to working on it until this Monday, I plan to work on my horror game collaboration tomorrow. It shouldn't take a while to make those jumpscares. Anyway, I'm going to compensate for today by spending time reading javaScript tutorials, I need to learn web development stuff for my college work. Entertainment I sat and watched my pet kittens play around, climb stuff, and hide around some grass in my front yard. I chased them around occasionally. Does that count as entertainment? Reading I spent a few hours reading Robert Greene's "33 Strategies of War". Also, I'm still reading http://www.uncoveringlife.com/ Drawing Damn, I drew quite a bit today. Okay, I spent a LOT of my time drawing today, it was really enjoyable. Man, my place should have more power outages. Or actually no, I don't want to be forced to be creative or feel like I have no choice. I just want to be able to have the free time to do it. Music/Sound Design None today but as I said, tomorrow will be dedicated to this. Meditation and Awareness I meditated for two hours today. Yep, but not consecutively, I had two 1 hour sessions. Man, Leo wasn't kidding, spending your day constantly busy is miserable compared to spending a large chunk of your day meditating. I didn't really feel happy but I had glimpses of levels of acceptance with the present moment that I've never been in before. Something tells me my future with meditation is going to quite something. . . That's all for today. Thanks for reading. . . oh and I drew a new comic strip in my sketchbook. I'll upload it to my deviantArt page tomorrow.

<06-17-16> I Guess I Should Have Expected This To Happen In My College Work? College Work I didn't do any. I just couldn't muster the motivation to do it. If you've followed my journal for a while, you might know that I hate doing my college work. Being a computer science major, these projects take a lot of time and focus and I personally find no meaning or joy in actually doing my computer science projects, that's probably one of the reason's why I want use my coding skills on my indie game ideas. Anyway, hopefully tomorrow will be different, if not then there's still Sunday. You know, this lack of urgency isn't helping I think. Entertainment Because I didn't have much work today, my mind automatically got attracted to the easiest task possible. Basically, I spent most of the day just sitting watching YouTube videos. Really entertaining and informative videos, mind you but I still was fundamentally procrastinating. At least I actually got some reading and drawing done but because I spent so many hours watching video content, I really could have spent more time with them. Today's outcome feels like sort of the opposite of what I had yesterday. Reading I read a few articles from http://www.uncoveringlife.com/. This site has some really profound content on enlightenment and non-duality. I really recommend you check it out. I also re-read the introduction to Robert Greene's "33 Strategies of War". Still, I think I could have done more reading. Hopefully, I get to procrastinate less tomorrow. Drawing I didn't really draw anything impressive or even I would call, creative. But I guess if I did some today, it still counts. Just like meditation for beginners. Music/Sound Design I have done nothing of the sort today Meditation and Awareness Instead of my normal meditation routine, I instead decided to re-listen to an audio version of Leo's "Enlightenment Guided Inquiry" episode while sitting with my back straight and eyes closed as if I were meditating. So I just tried to sit there listening to the episode and doing all the little subtle directions and actions the was asked in the video. Result: Meh. . . I'll just stick with normal quiet meditation.

<06-16-16> A Refreshing Break from a Monotonous Routine College Work No college work today, I promised myself I would really start tomorrow, didn't I? Entertainment Hmmm. . . I kind of wish I spent more time with having more fun. Personal Indie Game Project Okaaay, so today marks the last day I work on my game for hours everyday consecutively. When I picture the near future in my mind from this decision, it actually feels slightly more liberating. Mostly because my indie game work mostly feels monotonous. I'm not saying I regret working on it or that I never feel any sense of joy, but it does feel a lot less immediately stimulating compared to drawing or producing music. Speaking of which, because of my decision to have break from working on my game, I will probably dedicate more time to music practice and drawing, mostly drawing, though. I will also not include this category on the list starting tomorrow until I get back to working on the game. Reading I read nothing today. . . again. Well, there's always tomorrow. Until, I approach death, of course. Drawing Oh man, I've been wanting to draw in my new sketchbook with my new pencil. I feel good after spending about an hour just drawing whatever came to mind. Music/Sound Design I did nothing related to this category. Meditation and Awareness Today, I tried to do a Strong Determination Sitting style and managed to sit motionless for about 47 minutes before my mind gave up, pretty good considering most people don't even want to begin meditating for 20 minutes everyday. As for awareness, today was a very boring day for me, and I had no choice but to deal with it with mindfulness. At first, it felt like I was trying to feel a sense of enjoyment but couldn't, then I remembered that mindfulness is supposed to be effortless. Result: Still really boring but for most of the time, deep down I felt no need to actually change anything. If life felt really boring, then I just lived the boredom.

@Anna Konstantaki Where's the fireworks?

@abrakamowse Dude, have you heard of Rupert Spira?

<06-15-16> Maintaining the Daily Routine <I'm changing up the way I write my list today to hopefully create less confusion> College Work I haven't worked on college stuff in a very long time but I actually plan to get back to them this Friday. And I'm serious this time, I can't procrastinate on these projects forever. The reason why I'm just now deciding to get back to work on unfinished college requirements is because I feel like I've worked really really hard on the my indie game project which was taking a lot of my time and I think I want a break from it. Entertainment Not much entertainment today. Today had one of the least amount of time spent on entertainment than I've ever had. Kind of proud of it actually, after yesterdays binge on Gravity Falls, I think a good moderate day is necessary Personal Indie Game Project Like I said, I've been working really hard on this. But unfortunately, I cannot work on both this and my college projects at the same time. Tomorrow will probably be the last day I spend working on my game before I start another hiatus on this project. The last time I had a hiatus was for a similar reason, this time won't be any different. I'm surely going to miss working on it again for several weeks but this is necessary. I better goddamn enjoy tomorrow's work session. Oh Yeah! Reading I plan to re-read Robert Greene's "33 Strategies of War" again. I confess I didn't actually finish reading it the first time. Now I plan to get back to the beginning because I feel a new mysterious interest to get back into it again. Maybe it's because the past events in my life have made me feel like I need it more. But, I guess I should mention I didn't do any actual reading today. Drawing Bought a new sketchbook. . . actually 2 new sketchbooks, one large, one small. . . and also a new pencil. I planned to draw something when I brought them home but I ended up not having enough time. I'll do it tomorrow. On the bright side, earlier this morning I discovered this free course online for people who want to get into drawing and need to start at the basics. Music/Sound Design You may have noticed I didn't just day music, I put "slash" Sound Design. This is because today, I did something Sound Design-related but nothing Music-related. I'm collaborating with somebody making a FNAF fan game. Just a half hour ago I finished distorting a yelling vocal sample to create a noisy distorted jumpscare fit for a FNAF game. You know what? I actually felt kind of happy after finishing it. Just one of those "creative" moments I suppose Meditation I tried a bit of Zen Meditation today

Hi everyone, I just recently stumbled upon this documentary on YouTube titled "Kymatics" which claimed to be a spiritual enlightenment documentary. At first I was sort of intrigued but I didn't plan to watch the entire thing because it was an hour and a half long but the more I paid attention, the more I just got sucked in to profound depth of information it took me that I ended up watching the entire thing which I didn't expect. I was just awestruck to how much this video revealed about consciousness, humanity, modern society, and even psychology. This video is not about practical enlightenment work that Leo and spiritual gurus talk about, though. It actually talks more about modern society's present "spiritual state" and just how and why we as human beings have gotten to this stage of psychic development revealing just how much we have strayed from our true self. I can't even begin to describe just how much I feel my eyes opened from this in-depth documentary on human consciousness. You may not believe everything the documentary has to say but you should at least try to watch it with an open mind. I'll be surprised if anyone in this forum watches it and comes out feeling like they haven't learned anything. Cheers and much love!

@Piotr Yeah, the video shouldn't distract anyone from true enlightenment work. Still wanted to share it, regardless. But if its ultimately a waste of time from enlightenment, keep doing what's actually necessary I suppose.

@Kenya Oh yeah, I've already mentioned it a few times, haven't I? I guess I just wanted to sound more dramatic. But I feel like the first times I mentioned it didn't really reveal the true emotion of how I felt watching it. They more quick and subtle mentions. This entry was more dedicated to a more in-depth talk.

<06-14-16> Confession. *sigh* Okay, I have to confess something I've been hiding for the past month. This goes against not only what I think you expect about me but what I expect me as well. You might think it's stupid, but I believe revealing it will help me to move on. . . Here goes. . . I've been downloading the entire Gravity Falls series through torrent and watching it almost every night for the past months. I haven't watched it for a long time ever since I gave up watching TV completely 2 years ago. Even though I have thoughts that keep telling me that all that time could have spent building the perfect routine, I let myself continue to spend 22 minutes an episode just sitting there and enjoying myself. And you know what? I don't feel guilty about it one bit. In fact, I love that I've chosen to watch it. Gravity Falls is now easily my favorite cartoon and I just love everything about it. The characters, the humor, the suspense, the deep emotional roller coaster that is the show and, of course, the mystery. I actually feel it made me happier and more alive than anything else that's going on in my life right now. Today, I just finished watching the final episode (Gravity Falls stopped running after 2 seasons), and I feel like it has reawakened creative drive within me that I haven't felt in weeks! . . . or no I mean . . years! . . . oh wait I mean. . . I've never felt this way before! I feel like I just have an infinite supply of love I want to give it that I can instead channel on my life purpose: . . . creating my own fictional realities. Ever since I was a kid I've been a rampant daydreamer. I used to take random stuff on my school desk like a pen and notebook and create all sorts of short random stories with them, and that's when I was like 5 or 6! My pre-teens are kind of a blur. At high-school, I watched cartoons on TV a lot and my mind was rampant with random ideas for TV shows but in retrospect, none of them were actually good ideas (SERIOUSLY, they were bad). And in my first year of college, I got super addicted to games and the internet and things sort of went really downhill from there, and then I sort of just blindly stayed in a constant low point for 2 more years until the event happened. The event I mentioned a few times in this journal and also at the very first entry. The evening I had my first existential panic. I've already talked a lot about it but long story short, I needed to change and I discovered Leo. Since then I've had all sorts of new ideas and visions ranging from "mediocre" to "too ambitious". Not to mention the profound realizations about reality, sheesh! I feel like I'm way too young to know all of this stuff. Even old people I meet just seem completely clueless now (but that's a tangent). My mission now is to take what I learned from Gravity Falls and everything else I've learned so far from this self-improvement journey. Leo's videos and other similar YouTube videos, books I've bought, and my meditation practice. And use to create my dream projects. If Gravity Falls taught me anything is that reality has a weird way of encouraging fantasy. But what I don't think most of the people who watched Gravity Falls does know is that mastery of reality could possible bring fantasy into existence. The stuff I'm talking about right now is so deep that I probably seem like rambling crazy nonsense right now from the words I'm using. Language just isn't a good communicator for what I actually want to communicate right now. Maybe I don't need to? I believe art has the power to reveal the true depth of one's life message to other people and I believe the people who worked on Gravity Falls did just that with their amazing short-lived show. Now it's my turn to communicate my life message, or life purpose, or dream or whatever you want to call it, words don't matter. What's important is that I stop writing now. This journal entry is getting out of hand even for my standards. I'm going to watch a random YouTube video then fall asleep now. Buh-bye. . .

@Kenya That's okay. Personally I watched the entire thing and I plan to watch it a second time but that's only because I just see things in a different way. . . maybe. . .maybe not . . . I could just be naive. . . who knows? Anyway if you don't want to spend time with it, I say you shouldn't! Cheers, dude.

@Toby I didn't say it was truth. What I said only implied that I got really emotionally invested in it. But true, it's not about actual practical enlightenment work but I think it's very related. We just have to make sure it doesn't become too much of a distraction from escaping the prison of the mind even though it sort of talks about the prison of the mind.

<06-13-16> Kymatica I'm currently watching this documentary online that's just blowing my mind. It feels so deep that I feel like I want to keep re-watching and analyze it a bit more instead of watching it just once. I highly recommend you watch it, it has some very profound insight that I can't even begin to describe to you.

@DizIzMikey Yep, I really really recommend Unity. I might as well worship it because of how much I love using it.

<06-12-16> Another Day Where I Did Stuff Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness I was supposed to do something academics-related today but I forgot it. Oh well, I can still do it tomorrow. Yep, pretty good here. I'm close to finishing a quarter of the work required for the game, I guess. I feel that the more assets I create and the more scripts I write that I get to reuse, the faster the creation of the level goes. Finishing this game is going to be one of the greatest challenges I'll ever experience in my life especially as a single game developer. I've had many doubtful thoughts on whether or not to keep working on this game or to stop because it may be wasting my time. It's been a real challenge for me trying to get rid of all the worrying thoughts about this that are causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. I need to keep being mindful, it seems my mind secretly doesn't want me to finish this game. I'm really really REALLY close to finishing reading "The Road Less Traveled". I can probably finish reading it by tonight. Didn't draw anything today, a shame because I actually felt like I wanted to. You know what? I can't help but think about the main theme of Leo's newest video "Meditation for Beginners", that being that it's all about commitment and priority. If I can just commit myself to having a drawing habit and prioritize it properly, then finding motivation for it will be a non-issue. Right now, I find it hard to prioritize drawing above working on my indie game, meditation, and even entertainment, no wonder I feel like I'm having so much trouble trying to draw consistently. Ultimately, this is something I'm going to have to think about more. Hopefully, I can make some real progress in the future. (And I probably will) I actually did spend a bit of time messing around with sound FX because I promised to collaborate with someone I met in another forum who wanted to make a FNAF fan game. The guy was looking for someone who could do sound effects and I just couldn't resist volunteering. My meditation session today started from struggling to stay in my uncomfortable posture to transitioning to a more comfortable sitting position to deciding to lay back and relax my aching back. I'm sure glad Leo released his latest video because otherwise I would have felt really bad about it. If you haven't watched it yet, go do that NOW! It's called "Meditation for Beginners" but I actually find that anyone no matter how advanced they are in their meditation practice will find the video helpful and motivation towards those who already do meditation.

@DizIzMikey Dude, I'm still really into games and cartoons, although I don't play video games that much anymore. But what you enjoy can be a means to further your purpose by reminding you of what made you feel alive in the first place before personal development. I probably wouldn't give a shit about drawing if I didn't love animation that much. And I wouldn't be spending hours of my time everyday working on an indie game as a hobbyist game developer if I didn't love video games. Ultimately, its just about keeping awareness and mindfulness and a strategic mindset both in the short-term and the long-term to really know how to use entertainment properly. Most people simply stay stuck and get addicted to entertainment or stimulation not because of the stimulation itself but out of lack of conscious awareness. Sure, you have to make a lot of sacrifices on stimulation to cultivate conscious awareness but that doesn't mean spending some time with stimulation will always lower your personal growth.

<06-11-16> Had A Lot of Free Time Today I had a lot of free time today, I don't think I spent it in a great way but I still spent it well. Maybe I should just lower my standards? Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Did some boring but required paperwork. Yeah, I didn't have that much entertainment but it was slightly more than usual. What more do I have to say? This is where I'm spending the majority of my time right now. I keep thinking about how it will be like after I actually finish it and I have to adapt to a new time management strategy. Because right now, I'm basically managing my time to get the most out of working on this while at the same time, not getting too neurotic about it. Almost done with "The Road Less Traveled". Who knows? I could finish it by tonight. I drew something! Two things! A skull and tombstone. The skull was, well . . . a skull, it was okay. I learned from drawing it. I'm really starting to get the point of my drawing practice. It's less about drawing things to achieve greatness, it's more about simply learning and enjoying it. And I'm really glad I'm finally getting to that point. Anyway, I draw the tombstone with the text "Here Lies YOU, you are going to die at some point. you do realize that right?". Just my attempt at drawing a death reminder to keep myself motivated in life and bla bla bla ramble ramble ramble, good night and much love!

<06-10-16> I Was Gone For A Day. Miss me? I deliberately skipped writing yesterday's journal entry because I was experiencing too much stress and frustration from things that were actually pretty petty in retrospect. Long story short, I thought I could try something with my game (try to draw background art), realized that I couldn't draw something that I could approve and I wasted a lot of hours just worrying about how to draw the best looking tileset to make a background for. So anyway, I decided to spend the afternoon with a no-laptop time out. So I decided to spend most of the afternoon just reading books and I felt so much better than I expected. So anyway, that was yesterday, now for today. . . Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness God, my college has this required internship program and they keep clawing on my back for all these requirements. I guess I spent a lot of time today trying to comply but sheesh! I still have to submit them as soon as possible. Living in modern society makes it really difficult to do self-actualization work. Watched a couple episodes of Gravity Falls. It's my new favorite show, why didn't I watch it when it came out? Pretty bland day for my game work today. Nothing special, just level design work. But hey, it was so much smoother than yesterday. Yesterday was awful. Almost done reading "The Road Less Traveled". I plan to draw after I write this. I plan to do another "No Laptop" time-out again to see if I could get the same sweet and peaceful connection to reality I did like I got yesterday. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I decided to try starting and getting foundation of the music I'm going to put into the game. I really wish I had more time to focus on my own personal external goals. But you know what? It's better than living in North Korea. I had a Do Nothing session today. It was easy. It's supposed to be, it's freakin' 'do nothing'. On an unrelated note, I can't help but think about what Leo's next episode is going to be about. It comes the day after tomorrow. It could be anything! The mystery. . .

<06-08-16> Got Back On Track Just in case you don't know, Here's the list of goals I want to accomplish for my 2-month semester break followed by what I managed to do for it. Finish College Requirements Moderate Entertainment Make Progress On My Personal Indie Game Project Do A Lot Of Reading Books Practice Drawing Skills Take A Break From Making Music Meditate and Cultivate Awareness Wow, I'm really holding off college work a lot longer than I thought I would. It's not too bad though because I've gotten to have lots of progress in other areas of my life that I'm genuinely happier about. I've had urges to play Minecraft that I haven't had in months. I realized yesterday that I probably loved Minecraft more than I originally thought. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), playing it is not an option. My laptop is no longer in any condition to play it since its cooling system got significantly less efficient. Probably won't get to play pretty much most games until I get a new computer. 2D games mostly still play fine on my laptop, though. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to work on my 2D Platformer indie game, speaking of which. . . . Anyone want a sneak peak of my game? I talk about it a lot but I've never actually showed any game content on this journal or to anyone. I'm planning to upload early builds of the game that people can try out so at least the game does not remain completely invisible. Not today though BUT it's possible I'll show you guys something within this week. I really want to impress you guys. "The Road Less Traveled" is really getting good at Chapter 3 and I also decided to read the introduction to the "Analects of Confucius" I DID IT! I've gotten back to drawing and letting my mind flow when it happens again. All I needed was a clear organized scheduled to time my drawing practice. The reason why I wasn't able to draw for the past few days was because I mostly got off track from trying to get things done by organizing myself with a schedule. I kind of experimented with denouncing it since I watched Leo's "Lifestyle Minimalism" but I found moderation is in order because it just made me get less done and only slightly more mindful. Nothing to do here. Pretty regular meditation session. And by that I mean, noisy, chaotic monkey mind. You know, the usual.