flowboy

Read "The Way Of The Superior Man". Find a purpose that you put before her.

@integral Enough with the need to have everyone agree with you. It's a weakness to be outgrown. Your neuroticism has derailed this thread unnecessarily.

@Chris365 Because you just got off the heroin. It's been a while since your last hit, and you realise that if you take another hit now, you don't have to go through the withdrawal pain. But the heroin hasn't been good to you, has it? She hasn't been respecting your boundaries. You haven't been respecting your boundaries.

I harbour so much anger. I still hate my ex for the humiliating way she let me believe her lies while she started fucking someone else when we broke up. Of course I hate myself for letting it happen and not setting boundaries, but I hate her too for her ugly lies and disloyal behavior. And then she "magically" got pregnant right away. With the dude she cheated with. What a miracle! And you know what? I did not wish them happiness. I tried really hard to be okay with it all, seeing it was for the best, but I failed to completely suppress the thought that she deserved for the baby to die, because it was born out of betrayal. And you know what? It actually did. Their first baby was a stillborn. You'd think that I'd care, but actually I felt a bit of joy when I heard that news. [And scared, WTF universe, I didn't mean that..!] Guess I'm the villain in that lovestory. It's a good thing the story is not about me, but about them. They had a second baby right away. I hope they live a long and happy life together. ...is what I'd say if I were actually that big of a person. I'm not there yet. Currently I still want to punch both of them. I can even imagine a crime of passion. And you know what? That's okay. It was not alright the way she took advantage of my trust. It wasn't good how he literally wormed his way into my girlfriend's life while she was still committed to me. All the times I told her I didn't trust him, and she'd lie to me that it was nothing to worry about. I hope she gets fat and they fight and break up. I hope she tears her hair out when she finds out how successful I am, and regrets that she scewed it up for a loser like him. Phew, that felt therapeutic to write down. So sorry for anyone who read through that. Or maybe you recognized some. In other news, I met a really cute and funny woman in the park a few days ago, and our first official date lasted 9 hours! She's just a delight to hang around with, capable of joking, improvising, and intelligent conversation. Open-minded, likes wacky theories, an artist, and interested in dream herbs and psychedelics! Basically a witch with a sense of humor and a good ass.

Sighhhh. @Chris365 Your girlfriend is trying to do tantric sex, and not explaining it very well. It is true that cumming on her clit depletes her energy (similar to ejaculation). However, that's only one of the 12 orgasms that are possible in the female body. Did you know that? Guess not. There are many different orgasms she can have that will not deplete this energy, including womb orgasms, anal orgasms, throat orgasms, valley orgasms, cervix orgasms and more. Now those are a little harder to achieve with an untrained cock, but a good first step is learning the difference. Go do a tantric sex workshop together. It will be a great bonding experience, if nothing else. I'm appalled at the misogynistic, disrespectful "advice" the brainless cavemen here are peddling. Even @Leo Gura is basically advocating rape here, since "just make her cum even though she clearly said she didn't want to" is performing a sex act on her without her consent, thereby violating her boundaries. What if all your girlfriend's friends convinced her that you should enjoy being fucked with a strap-on, since every man should want that, and if you don't like it, then she should make you like it? Therefore she should tie you down and do it to you, even though you clearly stated that you don't want it. How about that? Some shamefully narrow-minded thinking here, guys.

I see three paths forward: Immediately stop caring and become cool with it. Not being cool with your girlfriend seeing other dudes is a good way to make her perceive you as a loser who is threatened by a real man. This is how you drive her into his arms. So buck up and laugh at/ignore every story. You do this by lowering your investment into the relationship, and raising your investment into yourself, by getting a new cool hobby, spending more time with new friends or anything else that you'd do "for you". Currently, her investment is lower than yours, which is why you're having issues. Fix the balance, and the 'seeing red' will go away. Calmly tell her that she's clearly not happy in the relationship, because she needs more attention than you're willing to give her, and that it would be best for both of you if she packed up and left. Be calm but decisive about it. Don't make drama. Offer to stay somewhere else for a day so she can pack her shit without awkwardness. After this, she will either fight really hard to win you back, after which she'll behave much better because she respects you now and values the relationship again, or she'll be relieved and leave. Either way, you have your self respect back. Continue to be upset and jealous until she does cheat on you and you can't deny it anymore. Optionally, still beg her to stay with you in an 'open relationship' sort of deal. Feel betrayed, humiliated and broken, and spend the next year or two piecing your self esteem back together (I chose this option, yikes)

My read on this is: she's about to cheat on you. Maybe she doesn't know it yet. Maybe. But I don't trust her naive innocent play, based on this little fucked up gem: That is fucked up. Also, what she's doing is not flirting. It looks like they're building emotional intimacy. That's a different thing. And coworkers telling each other they miss each other? What the fuck, that doesn't even make sense. They see each other at work every day. What, it takes them only a couple hours to start missing each other? Is he even a coworker?

@herghly 23 days is great for a first streak! Congrats on that. The trick is to get right back to it. I got to 30 days, and then had a stressful situation at work which prompted me to 'make an exception'. I then binged on decaf (and some regular) for 7 days straight. Currently drinking some green tea to ease the transition. Bought a lot of herbal teas and a caffeine-free coffee substitute. In my experience if you don't ever allow the habit to be normal again, by quitting right away if you mess up, you're set for success. Eventually you have so many more days without than with, that your identity shifts, and drinking it just 'doesn't feel like you' anymore. That's how I (mostly) got rid of smoking.

I saw a pretty girl at the supermarket, decided to not talk to her, and instantly felt depressed and like a coward. Good to know I still have issues..

Making my way back from an ego backlash here. Spent 6 days making a presentation. Some of those days I worked from 8am until 10pm. That part felt great. But when I finally did it, I got the corporate version of booed off the stage. Collegues keep wanting to tell me all the things I did wrong. Going: "I wouldn't say it was bad, but ..." Quite infuriating. But that's part of the process. I learnt an important lesson (qualify and align expectations) and that's that. During the work on it, I 'allowed' myself coffee at one point. Unfortunately, that led to a spree. I wouldn't say I'm addicted again, but I don't have the will to stay away from the decaf in my cupboard currently. The days after the disappointment, I also ate a bunch of ice cream, drank some beer, a lot of yogurt with sugary stuff, and I even skipped a workout. My evening routine was never firmly established, so that was the first to go. But now my morning routine is also about to be broken down. Yesterday, I walked around in the pouring rain, hoping I would see a person smoking that I could bum a cigarette from. When I did see one, I didn't ask though. But it's like 10am, I am unshaven, I slept until 9:20 and have no plan for the day. This trend has to be reversed.

@paprika You have saved enough money to sustain your lifestyle for years! This is amazing to me, very few people have this kind of financial discipline. Congratulations on that. Btw I'm doing the Sam Ovens course right now. Because I purchased it, I am able to refer friends who get a 500 dollar discount. So in case you decide you want to buy his course (pretty stellar marketing and sales guidance), you can PM me.

Insights Some things are clicking for me. I'm having a calm overview on the reasons my life has started out so fearful and neurotic. False assumptions, basically: An intense fear of becoming boring. "Whatever I do, I must not become like those boring [adults] whose days are all the same and do not even have time for hedonistic enjoyment", I vowed. I saw people stuck in uninspiring jobs, and wanted to avoid that. I did not see, however, the people devoting their entire lives to one passion, getting the highest enjoyment out of their total immersion. To my unwise eyes it looked one and the same. No variety, not worth living. This was the first false assumption. An intense fear of choosing the wrong path. "I have only one life, so I must choose the path that leads to the most success", I resolved. I thought of success as a result in terms of both financial and hedonistic abundance. I falsely assumed that there was only one, or a very select few, paths that could lead to the kind of success I wanted, and if I had a natural propensity for some other passion, well then Fate had screwed me over. I have loved to play drums from a very young age. One day, I realised that "the frontman of the band gets all the girls". I was furious upon this realisation. Fortune had put me on a path that was less likely to pay off. I immediately started taking singing lessons. For a while after that, I dreamt of being a successful musician. Then I found out that very few musicians actually "make it". I realised that I needed money, to acquire the hedonistic pleasures that would save me from having a boring life. I decided against pursuing music at all, because it didn't seem likely to pay off. When it was time to choose a direction of study, the choices were overwhelming. How to ever choose the right path. I started by taking a gap year, and went to Spain for some hedonistic enjoyment, which I valued highest. After that, I selected in my mind the highest purpose I could think of (saving the planet) and then made an enormous effort to rate all the study options on several criteria, amongst which how well they fit with this purpose, as well as chance of job success. When I had finally chosen something and gone on to college, I lasted 4 months. After that, I had already figured out that there was no guarantee of getting a good job after the program was finished. The first four months I had found the knowledge that was taught there not deep and comprehensive enough for my liking. I didn't trust it. The years after that, up until right now, have been broken up by regular crazes where I am suddenly convinced "it's all wrong", I'm on the wrong track, this is not the path to success and riches, and this is cause for panic. Time and again I uprooted my life, moving cities, in a panic to avoid the dreaded wrong path. These false assumptions also interact with each other. For example, one time not long ago I panicked again and started studying the most difficult subject I could find. Completing this very hard degree must surely put me on the right path. Then the phobia of having a boring life struck. I realised that I had to study, for 3 years, with little vacation time in between. How was I supposed to live a hedonistic lifestyle? And it wasn't like the drudgery was over after that. Most people continued by working in a lab. A lab!! No natural light. White coats and glasses. This was clearly a huge mistake. Determined to rescue what years of hedonism I had left, I resolved to once again quit my studies, move cities, and pursue programming. At least as a programmer, I made good money, had ample free time, which I could use to have all of the hedonistic sex and enjoyment that I valued. I was happy for a while. Until a mix of ambition and dread knocked on my door, too loud to ignore: working a job, I would be a wage slave until my old days. And I did not believe in retirement. Once again, I realised it was ALL WRONG... It took embracing entrepreneurship as my new path for me to finally realise the value of sacrifice and mastery. I really can't do it all, but if I give it all up, maybe I can do one thing well. Mastery takes devotion and a lifestyle that looks boring to the unwise youth. But actually, the greatest enjoyment really is in being really good at something, and losing yourself in it. I've just spent an entire day programming, in an empty office, by myself, and had more fun than I would have had going out to a nightclub, or even relaxing on a beach, or whatever I thought was so important. I wouldn't say it's better than sex, but it definitely lasts a lot longer. Am I on the right path? Sure, but any path can work. The likelihood of success doesn't depend on what I do. It depends on how I do it. If I believe in myself and don't quit, it doesn't matter which path I choose. I can chip away at it, honing and learning every single day, putting in the time required to finally achieve greatness, and with that will come so many hedonistic distractions that they'll become...boring.

But what is an ego backlash? An ego backlash has nothing to do with things considered "egocentric". An ego backlash is a violent throwback to a previous state that you were comfortable in and identify with. (your sense of self) So by saying this is an ego backlash, you are saying that this: is your comfort zone. Is it?

While this is a lovely idea, consider that you could be too attached to this idea. Overthinking it, even. I'm thinking you may actually reach this goal by letting go of it. I'm sensing that when you get impulses to achieve and conquer, your id slams on the breaks, saying: "This is not the beautiful loving way we want to do it". If I were you, I would try suspending judgment and trusting your impulses to achieve and conquer. To be whole, one needs to live out some of that. Can't skip stage orange entirely. After all, it is all Love. Just like you saw in your trip. Your person and your impulses to dominate and conquer are all made out of infinite Love and acceptance. Nothing needs to be manipulated for this to be the case. This is not a standard that you now need to adhere to. I think you may be interpreting your trip through stage Blue glasses, which gives you the idea that you were given a code to live by. I would consider that everything you think, feel, and desire is already perfect. Including perceived flaws. In fact, that perception of "flaws" is creating friction. This friction needs to be removed for creativity to express itself more fully through you. Give yourself permission to acquire as much possessions, dominance and material superiority as your heart desires. You have my blessing. (material success is not evil and not connected to oppression, that's just noise from the current political climate confusing you. Oppressing your beautiful natural impulse to be great, if you will) Live it ? P.S. I have a book recommendation for you: "The Science of Getting Rich" by Wallace D. Wattles. Despite the 'science' in the title, this book is deeply spiritual. It helped me tons to connect spirituality with stage orange. It will help you get rid of confusion and self-judgments, and untie your knots. Things will fall into place. The audiobook is really good.

I've noticed I don't really fall asleep until 10-11pm. That's when it starts getting dark and cool. For the past couple days I've just turned off my 5am alarm, to see how long I would sleep. Turns out it's about 7am. Today I slept until 7:30, and I feel sharper and more refreshed than I can remember feeling in a long time. Which begs the question: is the 5am thing worth it? Well, if I can't fall asleep around 8-9, then no. I'm willing to try for another week or so. The curtains I ordered could make a big difference. But if not: why swim against the current? The reasoning for the 5am thing is this: to start a business next to a job, it's good to be working on it every day. Even on days where I'm at work for 10 hours, I really would like to put in an hour for myself, just to do it every day, stay connected to the mission, affirm the entrepreneur identity, and keep my subconscious actively working on problems in that domain. And to avoid the "Now, where was I..." moment on the weekend. I am attached to the reasoning that your priority work deserves your freshest attention. Therefore, it's better to do it before the day job starts, than after. And I have a bunch of activities like working out and meditation in the morning. Tally it up and the conclusion becomes getting up super early. Which I am fine with, unless I'm structurally making short nights. I'm seeing another way out, though: lunch breaks. I can take hour-long lunch breaks without a problem, since I get paid for net time. I just have to stay longer. Add that to the fact that I'm actually not at my sharpest in the early hours. Rather, I've noticed that around noon is when the creative engine starts kicking into gear for me. It's pretty clear what I have to do.

Why is it that being super pumped and excited causes me to binge on food? I feel like success is so close I can almost touch it, and in my excitement I spontaneously went to shop for sugar. So it's not that I'm straight-up gorging on garbage, but I am eating irrational amounts of chocolate, dried fruits and yoghurt products.

Morning! Up at 5am again. Did my run. Curious to see whether the workout will help against my body wanting to move all the time during the day. Yesterday, after being at work for 10 hours straight, then coming home... there were a bunch of dishes. And I decided to do them before going to bed! This is definitely thanks to quitting coffee. Before when I used to drink it, coming home after such a long day, I'd feel empty and probably resort to alcohol to ease the comedown.

@outlandish You obviously didn't read Caffeine Blues. If you're a fan of hard scientific evidence, you'll want to give that a read. Just to get a good balanced view. I'd be curious to know if you'd still be recommending coffee as a "health habit" after that By the way, these associations found in meta-analyses don't mean there is a causal link. If you're going to say that coffee reduces risk of suicide, then you might as well say that it increases the risk of lung cancer, because that association was also found in the study you cited

Sugar binge Yesterday, I bought dried fruits that I suspected might have had sugar in them. And yoghurt. Today, I bought those same dried cranberries, knowing they had sugar, and bought processed yoghurt with sugar, and also a fruit smoothie. Work ethic wise, I'm a mess today. I can feel the processed yoghurt stuff sealing off my brain like plastic wrap. Next to that I'm also on a massive sugar binge, which is causing all kinds of depressing thoughts. I feel awful and work seems so boring I could cry. And I've wasted the better part of a day browsing forums and internet. I'm being paid to work. I feel guilty Damn it. I better go back to detox mode. I was happy and productive, being restrained.

Enzymes are not alive, they are chemicals that are used as a catalyst to speed up chemical reactions Ehm, what the ..? Where the hell did you read that? I'd be curious what you're referring to Anyways, I won't judge you for whatever urine to

Did you learn to read biology books? I recommend it.

About lethargy: it's important to realise that caffeine makes you borrow energy and recovery from your future So when you go off it, you may find yourself sleeping 9.5 hours a day and wonder whether this is the new you. Remember that you're just catching up on all those disrupted S4 sleep phases in your caffeinated past

Congratulations on doing this! I'm currently on day 24. Definitely functioning better than how I was on it. Others have given accurate information on how long withdrawals last. It's about a week in my experience, although you have to stick it out for 3 weeks to really feel sharper and better than you were before you quit. Which is not that long, it's over before you know it. I recommend accepting that you won't be fully functional in the first week. Any guilt over this will be counterproductive. In the end, you will have a peak coffee-like state (but much calmer) all the time, pretty soon. Which is in everyone's best interest.

Weight lifting 2-4 times a week will boost testosterone 40% Getting more sleep, at least 8.5 hours from the moment of falling asleep to alarm Eating super clean, no bread no sugar, lots of greens, see video on how to shop for healthy food Cutting out all caffeine. Coffee, tea, soda everything. Why you ask? Not just for sleep and recovery. Caffeine stops your body from producing DHEA ("the vitality hormone"), which is what testosterone is made from This is all you need, really. If you've got the basics down, and work out hard, you will have higher testosterone levels than most people in the gym. Because the basics are hard.

Just watched this and found it entertaining but there's something absurd about it. Clearly, these people are exhibiting all the symptoms of a hardcore addiction: heavy withdrawal symptoms, and rationalisations about how it makes them a better person and everything. It's quite disturbing to watch. How can they be okay with being addicted? I just don't understand it. The only things I want to be dependent on are food, water and air. First comment nails it: "Documenting a socially accepted addiction relapse"