flowboy

A lot of meaning in communication is lost and gets distorted when you only write. It really promotes overthinking and reading too much into things. We live in a great time where this problem is really not necessary to have. If you want to know what is up, you can just say 'Let's talk' and video call them. (if they don't want to, they are not a friend) Apart from that: did you get what you wanted out of the space? @Lyubov If I understand correctly, you wanted the space so you could let your feelings pass and get back to the normal long distance friendship. Did they? It seems to me that they gave you pretty much what you asked for: they left you alone for awhile and then pretended nothing happened, which seems to me is a good thing to do if you want to let awkwardness pass and continue a friendship. It's what you do when the boundaries of a friendship get transgressed, for example an ill-advised kiss attempt on a drunken night: both people pretend it did not happen, so that they can continue where they left off. Is that perhaps not what you wanted after all?

@Karmadhi No you are not, you are expressing your ignorance and limiting beliefs, and offending many people in the process. Literally nothing what you claimed is true. Ask yourself whether you are really in the position to give advice, or maybe you should watch some more videos, learn from people here and work on your beliefs? Because they're pretty messed up.

@Sandeep Reddy It's really not that big of a deal. Just focus on properly processing your trauma. Get a therapist you get along with. The masturbation, and you feeling guilty about it, and your intrusive thoughts, are all just symptoms of this unprocessed trauma. So just get to the root of it, and don't worry about all the superficial imperfections it causes meanwhile. Just keep fapping and doing therapy, and your intrusive thoughts will disappear, as well as the guilt, as well as the excessive masturbation. Focusing on that, now, would be like taking expensive body building supplements while not even doing workouts. 80/20

Self-esteem is your natural state and your birthright. A child has great self-esteem, until his parents fuck it up, or other bad things happen during childhood, like bullying for example. So any therapy that gets to the root of that issue is great. You don't need some fake layer of positive thinking on top of your buried trauma. You need to get the root cause out. That's why Primal therapy was great for my self esteem. You can google that. Apart from that: how about building a social circle and getting some friends who value you? That will also help your self-esteem and your game. You don't want to date girls and have to hide the fact that you have no social life, I've been there and it's a huge bother. So perhaps you can work on that too, as a suggestion.

@Javfly33 Just dropped by to say that having sex with a really hot girl is AWESOME and you should do it at least once. In my experience it's especially good when it's the kind of girl you've always felt unworthy of. So it's like you get sex, a great memory and some epic closure all at once. Just don't get addicted, because it's like a drug that doesn't last long. In sexual encounters, the experience is the most intense for the person who feels the most like they're 'winning' the chase. So for you, this will be you in the beginning. To play solid game, later you will want to make the girl feel more like she's winning the chase after you, of course. But if you're not yet at that level where you feel all the time like you're the prize, just enjoy yourself man I'm glad I did resolve that for myself and when I feel unworthy, I can always remind myself: nope, this is the level of girl I can get, (and probably always could although I didn't realize it), and here's the proof.

SAVAGE... nice story sir. One time I saw a hot girl in the street with a flower necklace. I say I recognize her and put the necklace around my own head so that our faces are close. I kiss her. She says: "I'm not really comfortable making out in the street". I say: "That's alright, we can do it at home. Go get your jacket." She complies. We walk home whilst I try to hide my excitement. We fuck. It was great.

@dflores321 Spiral dynamics stages are not levels in a video game where the next level gets to look down on and judge the previous one. There is nothing wrong with any stage.

This "flatline" thing. Does it also happen if you keep having tantric sex (without cumming)? Cause I've never heard of that happening. I suppose it makes perfect sense that if you are not sexually active, your body turns it off. Why complain about that, it would just be torture otherwise

TL;DR: after much introspection, I conclude that I am preventing true intimacy to occur, because I habitually present an overly sunny version of myself. Q: Has this happened to anyone else? Is this a real thing, does it work like this? What did you do about it? Can you fix this with conscious effort? The girl I'm seeing I think is totally awesome, and I'm pretty sure she likes me a lot too. I had already decided in my mind that if I were to take 'the next step' with someone, she would be the one. Meaning, committing to a relationship. But there's something missing. I think it is a certain level of vulnerability, knowing and loving the human sides of each other. If I ask myself: why do I want it to be a 'real' relationship, the answer is that I am longing for a deep level of intimacy, where the other person knows all your flaws and insecurities and weird corners of your mind. Probably a big part of that is because I haven't been sharing in a truly vulnerable way. I have talked to her about my past insecurities, but presented it in a way where everything is awesome now. Yes, I used to have depression, yes I used to have ADD, yes I used to be aimless in life, but everything is awesome now, I know where I'm going and nothing is wrong. Way to put up a shield. I did this because I'm intimidated by her accomplishments, and don't want her to see me as 'beneath her level'. Wow. And she does the same thing around me, too, for example when she discusses the recent death of her friend, but she's not comfortable being sad around me. So this pattern is mirroring itself in both of us, and if we want true intimacy, we have to break that pattern. Because I want to be able to see through her, in her vulnerability, and hold space and hug her. Just not in a codependent way where you need each other. I think I'm so afraid of ending up in a codependent pattern with neediness and clinginess, that I'm throwing out the baby with the bath water and not showing my insecurities and negative emotions hardly at all. I do try, I talk about losing a friend, for example. But then I feel the compulsion to immediately end the story on a positive note and move on quickly. So as not to make her feel like I need her to comfort me. Where is the line?

I did not fail, I just found 10.000 ways that do not work - Thomas Edison See, Marie Curie and Edison did not give up easy (or at all), and that is what made them provide value to society and invent things that benefited everyone immensely. This is why it makes sense, and actually a good thing, that sex is only given to those why don't quit in life. Girls are not attracted to quitters, that's why they test you, and thank God because we'd all be still living in the stone age, or more likely extinct if that weren't the case. So if you only try a couple times and then quit, you don't deserve sex and that's fair.

So you got the advice to go out a lot, like months of practice multiple times a week... and what did you do with that advice? You went out once and didn't even try that time. Face it, you're just being a lazy bitch and need to do the tough work. Your dating profile doesn't work because you are clueless about attraction. You need practice my friend.

I can't believe you say you were a pickup artist, and yet you thought it would be a good idea to "declare your love" whilst not even meeting her in person! I haven't been that dumb since I was 19. Then again, maybe you are 19. You should have invited her over and gotten a little physical. You know, without getting all sappy about your feelings. Just being cool and playing with her. Make her wonder whether you are interested. Well you just blew all that didn't you. I don't care what she says she won't risk in her job, people do a lot of things they think they won't, when there is physicality and sexual tension. Can you still do that?

Can you make a normal doctor's appointment, is that a possibility where you live? (Not hospital) Because it definitely sounds like you should get your blood values checked. I heard that the standard tests for iron deficiency are not accurate (they only warn when you have acute anemia), and you should ask for the more expensive tests. Then again, you may have actual anemia. I have winter depression, and it can get pretty bad. However, I bought a daylight-therapy lamp, and have it shine in my face several hours a day. Best thing I ever did. All anxious and sad feelings totally gone! No side effects either. Takes 5 days for it to kick in. I highly recommend getting one. I have a Philips Bright Light.

For the people interested in how it played out: I invited her over. I started basically right away to explain to her that I felt we had been showing each other only the sunny side of everything, only allowing the other to see the successes, but not the struggles. And that there was a whole part of my life that I sometimes feel ashamed about, especially around people who seemingly haven't had such problems (like her). And that I'm working on loving everything about me, also my history, but that I'm not there yet. And that I don't want to hide that and be fake anymore, because I want to build a connection where we know each other deeply. Then she interrupted me to say that she was planning to have the exact same talk with me that day. Turns out, we both had been assuming that the other wanted only to date and talk superficially. I saw some behaviors in her that made me think: maybe she's just in it to have sex with a hot guy and entertain herself. She thought the same about me. But actually we just had been mirroring each other all this time! And really, we both want to build a deep connection with one person. It was unreal how much in sync we were. Then we shared openly about our lives. Turns out she had very similar struggles as I did: being almost burnt out, brain not working properly at a job she used to be great at, feeling like a fraud, pretending to work whilst secretly being unable to be productive, feeling guilt and doubt whether we "still got it". Exactly the stuff I have been bitching about on my journal! I felt my heart opening and am so much more excited to be near her, now that she's a human. Thank you guys for your advice.

To Monogamy Or Not To Monogamy I had the talk with her. She said she likes monogamy and is not that comfortable with open relating, because she feels it would cause her to close off parts of herself that would otherwise allow her to connect deeper. I'm here for the deep connection, and I already decided that being committed to one girl is right for this phase of my life. So I said ok. But... so much of my identity is in being free to do tantric play with people, I'm part of a whole community and have many friends who I sometimes have sex with when I see them. It would be strange to reject that suddenly. Also, I am not okay with never sleeping with anyone else again. I am okay for being monogamous for the next 3-5 years. After which I expect to have more money, more free time and then I expect to also want to have more sexual variety. But I don't know. And I didn't tell her that part. And I didn't tell her that "forever" scares me and makes me feel like I'm being choked. I hate limitation. I can't stand anything imposing on my freedom. It's who I am, to my core. But: Energy Comes From Restraint. Don't remember who said it, but it's true. I feel that by concentrating on one person, I will have one enriching intimate relationship and have more energy to conquer the world and follow my purpose. My thoughts are a jumble. The morning after we had the talk and agreed to do monogamy, I suddenly felt like I didn't feel anything for her. My brain was trying to convince me that I don't love her anymore and should run. It's not true. I think she's amazing and I really am very lucky to be with her. I had been hoping to get more serious and deep with her for months. Now that I am where I wanted to be, I suddenly tremble and look back in fear of the price I'm paying. The price being: sexual opportunity. I just value adventure and experiences. I had sex with 55 women in my life, and I want at some point to at least double that number. So the question really is: if I feel now that maybe monogamy can't fulfill me forever, is it fair for me to agree to it? I think it is, and I will just have to see how my decision plays out. And enjoy the moment.

Remember A Success I remember the first coaching call I did, I was super nervous, but I had been preparing a lot: the ideas just flowed out of me. My first client was very happy with me, because it is just apparently something I naturally do well. I will continue to learn and improve, but I feel great knowing that I tend to be great at things I choose to do from the start. That's a success. I am successful. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for beets. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. Because of the great flow it was actually a lot of fun. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I finished what I started. I split my pull request up into smaller, more readable parts, as I have been preaching I tested thoroughly Daily reflection question: What are the two extremes that the current balancing act is about? Extreme 1: spend all my free time with my girlfriend, sleep in with her, adjust my schedule to her, delay my dream indefinitely Extreme 2: see my girlfriend only once a week at most, because her being there disrupts some parts of my morning and evening routines

AMAZING SALAD WORKFLOW My brain is working super fast. I'm thinking fast, I'm answering fast. My words are confident, my voice is strong and what I say makes sense. I'm 100% with it. My programming and problem solving is going in a nice tempo, it's very enjoyable, and I am aware of everything. I'm making full use of my working memory. I'm being efficient. My code is beautiful. I'm not even interested in any distractions. My body is producing a flood of good neurotransmitters and I constantly feel tingly and excited. This is truly better than caffeinated, not just in how good I feel, but also how sharp I am and the quality of my output. ** SAVE GAME ** Ingredients: Saying affirmations Cold shower (did not even run) Day 5 since last peak orgasm Breakfast: Water with pieces of fresh lemon, kurkuma and magnesium powder Scrambled eggs Herbal coffee with cayenne pepper Ginger tea Lunch: Salad with zucchini, black beans, beets, avocado, tuna, olive oil, and more good stuff No almond milk in the fake coffee, no protein shake, no oatmeal. These are the remaining suspects. What's clear is that salad is the bomb for performance. And maybe fasting is too, but this way, I get to eat.

Does Oatmeal make me sluggish, or is it the protein shakes? For the past couple months I have been making oatmeal for lunch. I can't eat bread because gluten kills my concentration, oats are supposed to be okay however. But are they? All I know is my 2 data points: yesterday I had oatmeal for lunch and I rated my performance at 50% today I had a salad with lots of fresh veggies, beans, fish and olive oil, and a smoothie, and I rate my performance at 85% So why not make this salad every day? Well, it's a lot more expensive. About 10 euros per meal, whereas oatmeal costs next to nothing. Unless I replace my dinner with oatmeal, and get my vegetables and proteins with this lunch salad. That could work. I need more data. Tomorrow I will try to eat my warm dinner at lunchtime and see what that does for my focus. Fresh salads are really the best for focus. This was great.

Remember A Success I remember deciding to write some sales letters, and quickly getting my first customer from that. It really gives me confidence, knowing that I'm talented at sales and marketing as well. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for having good friends who want to go on vacation with me, and include me in their cool plans If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I finished what I started. I did not tolerate any distraction, and busted through the brain fog. Daily reflection question: What expectations can I let go of? I could let go of the expectation that I'm ever going to see L again. She's in another country. If it happens, it happens. I could let go of the expectation that the friends I invited will be able to join I could let go of the expectation that D wants to be monogamous. We haven't even talked about that, so why worry. I could let go of the expectation that the threeway I have planned is actually going to happen. If it does, great. if not, I enjoyed planning it.

Remember A Success I remember taking Spanish lessons for a season, and being instantly at the top of my class. I feel really successful, knowing that everything I do I can quickly become successful at. Something I'm Grateful For This day, I am grateful for meeting such a great woman. I am also grateful for stumbling upon the CA course - the sales training is awesome. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I worked towards my dream today - by taking a sales training and by taking driving lessons. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I honored my commitment to excellence by taking copious notes and not procrastinating at all. I also did my entire mindset ritual in the morning, even though it seemed like al lot of work, because it's so new. I also honored my commitment to excellence by packing my gym bag the previous night for myself, so that this morning I could get up and instantly go to the gym at 6:15AM. Daily reflection question: How can I do this with more love? I could ask myself what's in D's best interest to know, instead of blindly wanting to unload everything. I could not put any pressure on the people I am looking to have a threesome with, and really completely understand if it doesn't go as planned I could study my driving notes and theory from time to time, because I love people and don't want to kill them with my car

Remember A Success I sold my first client on the first call!! I didn't even know that the recommended format was a phone call, I just did a video call and improvised the whole thing. And I closed I feel very blessed and successful Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for meeting a really high quality woman who is exactly the type I was hoping to meet, and dating her. And she lives right next door to me. God must really like me If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I woke up next to my ideal woman and then worked towards my dream (by doing a sales training) How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today I honored my commitment to excellence by taking a lot of notes, but taking them orderly and organising them as I went along, so that they will be readable later I also honored my commitment to excellence by evaluating my KPIs from last week and planning a realistic next week Daily Reflection Question: How can I take myself out of the equation? By telling D. the full truth about my feelings about monogamy, even though it may cause her to want to leave

Things worked out beautifully with D. I shared openly with her some of my struggles and imperfections that I had been hiding. She said she was so glad I did that because she was planning on having the exact same talk with me that day! Turns out both of us thought the other only wanted a superficial dating relationship! But actually we both want a deep connection. Unreal. Obviously, I'm really happy now.

I dream of many things but lately I'm always smoking cigarettes in the dream. Or giving in to a craving for them. I started the day with porn. Unintentionally (I told myself it was part of the vision work - it wasn't) From there on, it was very hard to focus on work kbecause I had wild group sex scenarios in my mind. And thoughts like: "Why am I trying to date one person and fantasizing about group sex all the time. I should be dating a group!" ? Well it's kind of not a joke. But I'm so physically excited all day I can't think straight. Or sit still. Not sure if it was the magnesium, the ginger or the turmeric, or just the 7 days no peak orgasm... but something's up with my body. It doesn't wanna work. It wants to get busy? Remember A Success When my team was on vacation and I made radical design changes and threw all the old work out. I had a vision. Yes some people were pissed at me, but the customer loved it. I felt really successful there. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for my health If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by moving my calendar items around until I was sure that it would fit. I could have done better at the excellence, to be frank. I'm not sure about whether the code I'm writing is useful and I've been distracting myself with porn and social stuff. Daily Reflection Question: What is the one thing you know you must do, but have been avoiding for a long time? A: Can't think of anything right now. I tend to handle my shit

Remember A Success When I joined an improv comedy course, it turned out to be a spiritual experience for me and quite transformative. People started asking me whether I had done it before, because what flowed through me was so funny and creative. But I had no idea where that came from. This is yet another example of me being successful at something. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for the drug fuelled orgy experience I had a couple years ago. That memory brings me joy every time. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No: I was highly disciplined today, but my mind was dragging its heels, so if I would die tomorrow I would rather have been in a spa today. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by implementing a test that I really did not feel like implementing at the moment, but it does improve code quality. Daily Reflection Question: What is the most emotionally difficult thing I could do here? Hmmmm.... I have to talk to D and find out whether we both want a relationship or not. But that's not something to do right now. I think I pretty much have it handled. My entire day was emotionally difficult decisions, because I was mentally tired and feeling unawake, but persisted in doing what the schedule says. Suddenly, from deep in my subconscious, an old dream came out from the shadows: to be a good musician and play in a band. Now, I have to find out whether that dream is still relevant. Music is important to me because I used to love playing, and it's one connection to my dad who is a musician and composer. And I have totally been ignoring it. So it feels very integrative, the idea of introducing it into my life again. But the dream of being in a band and playing shows? The 16 year old me wanted that, because he was hoping to get girls that way. Which, I have to admit, still means something to me. To have girls adore me without having to do anything, just by reputation alone. No game, no body language practice, no approaching. Just them approaching me. That would be awesome. Why am I even judging that?

Remember A Success When I was the first at my local Toastmasters club to organize a collaboration with a vocal coach. I pulled it off and presented the entire evening, too. I even had to dodge random aggressive dudes on the way there, so I could make it happen on time. I feel truly proud and successful, knowing that I organised that event well. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for having a healthy body. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No: I was productive, but this menial programming is not the highest leverage use of my mind. I can do greater things. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by writing down and tracking every edge case and loose end I could think of. Also, I did zero distraction before and during work. Daily Reflection Question: Where and how am I being a victim? Hmmm... I play victim to my low budget, complaining that I can't afford the healthy food I want, even though I chose to overspend on unhealthy food earlier this month and that is why