flowboy

@infinitenrgy And after you are done figuring it out for your mom, you can go become an online budget coach, helping people with poor self-control by managing their bank account for them. There's plenty of people with ADHD for example who make decent money, but just are extremely impulsive with it, thus willing to pay you a nice monthly cut to manage it for them. I know some of these people. You can message me.

@SS10 Write down what the tiny first step would be. Then do that tiny first step, which should not require much willpower. It can be ridiculously small! Repeat until you get into a flow. Don't forget that the writing of it is important. Let me know if that helped.

Simplifying My Complicated Schedule Currently, this is how I organize my weeks: Monday and Tuesday: work on CA course as much as possible Wed, Th, Fri: work at job for 10 hours. After that, intend to work on CA course for 1 hour but usually instead spend more time eating Sat: do all the chores and maintenance. Admin stuff, meal prep, everything Sun: hang out with gf Here's the problem: if I have a week like this, where Monday is an undisciplined write-off due to a bad start, and Tuesday I only do 3 hours before a friend comes to visit, then I don't make any more progress for the rest of the week, and that's unacceptable. If I work for 10 hours, there should be 6 more hours left, no? Where are they going? Answer: Routines. A 2 hour morning routine, a 40 minute planning and admin routine, a 1 hour evening routine. And dinner. The remaining time I could work towards my dream, is being split up: half an hour in the morning before work, and 1h20 after work. Why is it being split up, you might ask? Well, because I read on some blog that it would be cool to get up super early and save your best energy for what is important to you, and leave the scraps for your day job. I still like this idea, but in practice it means that I would have to live from 4AM and go to sleep at 7PM. That was too extreme for me, so I aimed for 6AM. And I couldn't stomach not working out and meditating 30 minutes in the morning, so there was really only half an hour left. The entire 'getting up extremely early' plan has been diluted and is not accomplishing its original goal. I could start getting up at 3AM, shower, breakfast, work on business, do my day job, and go to sleep at 6PM. However, that makes it next to impossible to do things like sleep with your partner, or have a productive day together with a friend. Or I could just let go of the hipster blogger entrepreneur biorhythm for now, and live from 7 till 10. Or even 8 till 11! My limitation is that I do not fare well on even a slight lack of sleep. During the day I have to correct myself a lot to say no to distractions, temptations and stay on schedule. My frontal lobe is currently under a second stage of development. It takes a lot of energy still, to work it. On 7 hours of sleep, willpower runs out halfway through the day. So regrettably, I am not one of those people who can work towards their dream from 23:00 till 3:00, and then just get up at 7:00 and do their day job. No. That would end badly. Really inspiring. But I need my 8 hours or I'm useless. So something's got to give. 3 hours a week is nothing. I'm treating this like it's a damn hobby. Simplifying: Screw reading for half an hour on work days. Screw yoga before bed. Screw the extra shower. Screw the prayer. Screw 45 minutes of vision and affirmations in the morning. Screw the morning workout. Screw journaling. Screw doing the dishes, even. I'll do all that on the remaining 3 days. All these little things are costing me 20 minutes each, leaving me no productive time. I'm going to get up way later, 7 or 8. Then do my job until 6PM. Then have a consecutive 5-6 hours of real progress. And then just be exhausted but satisfied and go to sleep. Assuming 6 hours on a free day, this will allow me to work at least 27 hours a week towards my goal. That beats the current 3-12! Also, if I have a bad day and an interruption, then there's still 3 days left where I can do some real work and have an opportunity to make up for it!

I was just wondering: is it possible/common that smoking Changa or DMT causes some spirit to get pissed off and mess with you in the following days? Probably I'm just paranoid. So I had one bag of Changa (DMT-infused herbs, commonly referred to as smokeable Ayahuasca, smells like a hobo's breath when lit) which I had bought at a festival from some dealer who seemed friendly. I smoked it a total of 3 times. The first time (very light dose) I was with a trusted friend at her place. Mild physical effects and fractals. It felt loving and caring and healthy. The second time, I was with a date. The intention was just to experience it, I was curious and wanted the physical relaxation from last time back. I put a whole bunch of it in a bong and took big hits. My visual reality was instantly re-rendered using only colored glass and mirrored patterns, my date grew six arms and 3 eyes and radiated gold, I said 'WOW..' and then I closed my eyes while some Jester-like energy pulled the puzzle pieces of my ego apart in a visual demonstration. I woke up several minutes later. She told me I had looked like I was having a very good time. Unfortunately, I did not remember anything from the meat of the trip. Frustrated that I had blacked out, I took more hits from the bong after lying down for a while. Then, as it came over me again, I mumbled: "Oh, right, of course I remember...", instantly regretting my actions. It just felt like more ego-fuckery than I was prepared to handle. Perhaps that is why I don't remember it. That night an uncomfortable feeling started, that lingered for several days. I felt slightly violated. To explain it to her, I compared it to the anal sex we had been having. It was like the feeling when she penetrated me with a toy, faster than I was ready for, but in the soul instead of the body. In the days after that I could not shake the feeling that I was suddenly having bad luck. The third time I did it, I was with my girlfriend. There was barely any of it left, but we still managed to feel something enjoyable. For her, it felt very pleasurable and she had a nice trip. For me, it was physically relaxing, but did not feel particularly friendly. After that we switched to weed. One day later, I went to sleep after 1 beer and woke up in the middle of the night because there was spookiness going on in my room: noises, the window seemed to be moving, I vaguely remember voices and there was some sort of presence in the room. I felt scared, kept my eyes closed and tried to ignore it and fall back asleep. Then I felt a strange, tingly pressure on the center of my body. I can only describe it as feeling constrictive and dark. It slowly crept from my feet up to my stomach towards my head. It caused my heart to race. Being a true optimist, I think: "maybe it's the Kundalini" and try to relax into it, hoping that it will go to my head and transform into love and light. But no. Finally, after having the constrictive tingliness for several minutes, unable to ignore it, I kind of twist and turn until I fall back asleep. I proceed to have a strange nightmare, where I wake up scared, decide I want to contact someone or at least stop sleeping in this bed, and as I turn on the lights and look for my phone, I realize that I am still dreaming. After which I open my eyes, grab my phone to text my girlfriend and ask to sleep in her bed, because I'm seriously creeped out now. And I'm just about to finish typing the message when i realize I'm still dreaming. So I decide this is just not worth it, wake myself up and go to put on my clothes. I contemplate texting my gf, or some friend, but decide it's late and they won't answer. So I better just get up. After which I find out I am STILL dreaming. Quite disturbing. Felt very feverish. I feel fine now. I think the weird dream stuff can also be explained as sleep paralysis. I have some guilt about not using the substance with an important intention, but rather out of curiosity. Perhaps that guilt caused the feeling that I was being punished. Some other explanations my mind is running with: - The person who created the changa blend, cursed it with a bad intention somehow - During the trip I don't remember, I met an entity I don't remember, and he/she/it hates me now. Is that even possible, please say no? - It is location dependent. My friend's place from the first time has loving spirits hanging out there. My place has different spirits that like to perform forced anal on people's soul

@Preety_India Appreciate the tips! I'm indeed mixing it with too many experiences. It's not like smoking weed, where you can just be casual about it and combine it with stuff. It deserves attention and focus.

@SamC I had this two days ago, after smoking Changa (dmt) the day before (both people doing it heard an intermittent ringing) I've also had this intermittently over the past year, as a random occurrence that comes together with a wave of dizziness. I don't know, and the doctor don't know, but I'll be interested in what you find out!

@tsuki I have not yet updated the topic, but it turned out to be a very unfortunate interaction between two pain bodies: She had been the person in previous relationships who does everything for her partner and herself and no one took care of her I was repeatedly bullied and exploited by the first girls I had crushes on (pretending to like me to demand money from me, laughing while some senior guy beats me up, stuff like that), since then associating adoration with pain and betrayal, and having an unconscious vow to never let this happen again So I have pain and fears around being used and demanded from, and so when she teases me about making dinner for her, I get triggered, see her as the demanding abusive girl, and feel like I am being trapped into a humiliating scenario that I have to avoid at all costs. But my hesitation towards the idea of making dinner for her immediately made her see me as the guy who takes everything and gives nothing back, at that same moment. It's a good thing we are both aware enough that we could figure this out and get through it. For which I am grateful. Regarding the joke: Once I stopped projecting the evil girls from my past onto her, I could see that it was not malicious. However, I showed it to my male friend and his reaction was similar to that of the people here: that it's an incredibly immature joke that comes off needlessly hurtful and like an unnecessary power move. As he put it: "Women already hold all the cards, generally, because they can control guys through sex and they don't need them as much as guys need women. It's aggressive and unnecessarily hurtful to accentuate this uncomfortable fact, and somehow display power that she already has implicitly" (paraphrasing) So I conclude that some fear/insecurity about being controlled by women is at least pretty common. And thus the joke is inconsiderate and in bad taste, because it doesn't take into consideration a pain point that is common in men, which women should know. In the same way where a similar joke involving breast sizes or weights of respective girlfriends would be inconsiderate: in a perfect world, no one is insecure about anything: however, that's not how it usually is, so we try to work around hurting people in their commonly accepted weak spots. @tsuki I read your post several times but I'm not sure that I'm in the right frame of mind currently to completely get it. It has happened twice that I felt not respected by her (this, and when she made me wait 5 hours), and both cases I got a huge adrenaline spike and felt that I had to be very stern with her. I also felt closed off emotionally, and had no idea what I felt for her, if anything, during those incidents. Is that what you mean? I thought that was normal I thought I was finally learning to set healthy boundaries. Do you mean to say that I would be better off doing nothing and just being sad that she disappointed me? In any case: thank you for caring, and taking the time to write this ?

It turned out to be a very unfortunate interaction between two pain bodies: She had been the person in previous relationships who does everything for her partner and herself and no one took care of her I was repeatedly bullied and exploited by the first girls I had crushes on (pretending to like me to demand money from me, laughing while some senior guy beats me up, stuff like that), since then associating adoration with pain and betrayal, and having an unconscious vow to never let this happen again So I have pain and fears around being used and demanded from, and so when she teases me about making dinner for her, I get triggered, see her as the demanding abusive girl, and feel like I am being trapped into a humiliating scenario that I have to avoid at all costs. But my hesitation towards the idea of making dinner for her immediately made her see me as the guy who takes everything and gives nothing back, at that same moment. It's a good thing we are both aware enough that we could figure this out and get through it. For which I am grateful. Regarding the joke: Once I stopped projecting the evil girls from my past onto her, I could see that it was not malicious. However, I showed it to my male friend and his reaction was similar to that of the people here: that it's an incredibly immature joke that comes off needlessly hurtful and like an unnecessary power move. As he put it: "Women already hold all the cards, generally, because they can control guys through sex and they don't need them as much as guys need women. It's aggressive and unnecessarily hurtful to accentuate this uncomfortable fact, and somehow display power that she already has implicitly" (paraphrasing) So I conclude that some fear/insecurity about being controlled by women is at least pretty common. And thus the joke is inconsiderate and in bad taste, because it doesn't take into consideration a pain point that is common in men, which women should therefore know. In the same way where a similar joke involving breast sizes, weight or dress style of respective girlfriends would be inconsiderate: in a perfect world, no one is insecure about anything: however, that's not how it usually is, so we try to work around hurting people in their commonly accepted weak spots. I'm analyzing this because I tend to jump to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me whenever something hurts/offends me. So this one seems to be pretty common, so I can feel fine about having a sensitivity here.

@integral Appreciated?

@Striving for more Just go to Spain man You already know what you want. The rest is just overanalyzing that is getting you stuck.

Disproportionate (?) Anger Should I vent here? I don't feel eloquent at the moment. But I will, because I need to clear my head and understand what's going on. I have been obsessively angry at my new girlfriend for two days now. It's because she's bragging to her friend about all the nice things I did for her (certain gifts and dates). The date ideas and gifts were all just cool ideas I had, that I thought were too fun to not do, and so I acted on them. And they were received well. Or so I thought. Two nights ago, during a dinner with her and her roommate and her date, the topic was on cooking specialties. But the girls asked me what my specialty was "that I would cook for her" and I started to feel pressured. I did have an answer of a nice dish that I could describe (although it already felt wrong), but then she asked: "So when are you going to make it for me?" The air got very tense and uncomfortable for a second when I said: "I dunno. I just told you the ingredients, now you can make it too." I basically panicked because I was being pressured, and did NOT want to fall into the nice guy suckup frame here. I had no funny way to get out of it, but I wasn't gonna give in. She responded: "Do you wanna go back to your apartment?" (as if I had been rude!) She also asked: "What's the other courses? Of course you need an appetizer and a desert, right?" I had none come to mind, nor did I want to. I awkwardly suggested she come up with the other courses. Clearly that answer was not appreciated. But we moved on. She seemed to have forgotten about it, but that night I still felt anger about her peer pressuring me to adhere to some frame as the kind of boyfriend she and her friend apparently wanted me to be, which I experienced as quite aggressive. I felt so on edge that I couldn't sleep, and actually did something uncharacteristic: I dug out a bit of tobacco that I remembered I had, and smoked it in a bong. The nicotine did help to calm me down, but it did worry me that I felt that I needed that. Also I have been known to fall back into addiction after getting a 'taste'. This morning, the problem I ignored had gotten way worse: I was shocked to see that she had made a group chat with her roommate, her, me, and her roommate's date, titled "Candidates Training Prog." The first text reads: "Dear Candidates, Congratulations, you have been selected for the course 'how to deal with too-hot-too handle women'. We are aware that it is a very hard and exclusive programm, but we analyzed your CV's and motivation letters and we see you as potential candidates to get a degree. It is already the moment for a first evaluation. From now on monthly updates will follow. - <fake name> - <fake name>" What follows is a chart they drew of different things we could do to please them, and how many points they are worth. What follows is how they tallied up the score of the actual things I did (and the other guy did): You could make the argument that she's making me win, so perhaps this is a fucked up compliment. And you could make the argument that the green list is a fucked up way to show that she's serious about me and wants to experience stuff with me. But instead of asking me, this is DEMANDING it. I could not help but feel enraged when I read this, and the feeling has stayed with me all day. Reasons I can think of: the things I did (see the 16 points above:p ) I did out of a genuine desire to do something nice for a girl I like a lot. NOT to score points. Her tallying it up in a point system is cheapening it, for me. I feel objectified by being reduced to a number of gifts and dates, and being bragged about in a contest I feel insulted by the attempt to get me to compete in a girlfriend-pleasing contest I feel my worst fear in this area is coming true: when I do something nice, I'm hoping that she will appreciate it without then taking me for granted more, her ego getting inflated by it, and starting the process of becoming spoiled and demanding, and me falling into the frame of the supplicating nice guy. I just wanted to do a couple nice things without that happening. And here it is. I feel disappointed: I was hoping that she was able to handle my nice gestures, without it having negative consequences for the dynamic. Thereby proving that she deserved them. But what I feel she's actually proven, is that she does not deserve them. I enjoy doing nice things and now she ruined it. I feel zero motivation to cook for her, come up with a date, or do anything for her anymore, now that I know she's just feeding her ego with it and bragging about it. I also feel she breached the trust of the relationship by disclosing to some guy I barely know that I gave her a sex toy. That shit is private. The guy had questions about it. I don't want to be put in that position. I can see that it's meant as a ridiculous joke. That's why I have spent all day trying to see it that way, and have not indicated that I am angry. But basically I feel like she did the equivalent of me and a guy friend of mine making a list of all the blowjobs our girls gave us, how perky their asses and tits are, and how little foreplay they need, assigned a point system, tallied up the score and then tried to make them compete. Why am I jumping to blowjobs and sexual things in this analogy? Because it's something vulnerable for women to do. You like to do it, but you have to have trust that the other doesn't start bragging to everyone about it and give you social repercussions. Guys can be proud of doing sex things according to social rules. So the reverse, I think, should be doing nice things like gifts and expensive dates. You do it, and you like to do it, but you have to trust the person not to take advantage of you. EDIT: decided to make a topic, and people here think it's even more fucked up than I thought it was...

@integral For a relationship to work, both people are supposed to have a regard for each other's ego, and let it be reasonably comfortable. At least the kind of relationship I am interested in. Judge that however you wish. Thanks ?

@integral haha thank you, that is now one of my favourite videos My issue is not that she's thinking and sharing objectifying thoughts with her friends. That's just part of being a human with sexual interest. My issue is with her doing it in front of her friends with me there, thereby creating a situation that takes dignity away from me and insults me. As far as I know, there is an unspoken rule that you don't disrespect or humiliate the person you date in front of your friends. See the content (that she thinks this stuff) I am fine with. The getting other people involved in objectifying me, and not giving me a dignified 'out', makes it not just about the content, but also about harming my social value to benefit hers. And yes, I like being nice and I like being a good boyfriend. I like being sweet, I like taking care of my body, I like that she thinks I'm a hot piece of ass. I don't like when she sits me down with her friends and tries to demonstrate power over me: "Look what I can make this hot piece of ass do. Jump, little puppy, jump for me!"

@BornToBoil Thank you?

@Barbara thank you?

@Arcangelo Look it's not like I've never bragged to my friends about things girls did for me (or to me). It's just the publicness of it and complete disregard for my dignity that makes this particular case unacceptable. I am sure girls talk to each other this way and I'm fine with that. I also brag to my friends about her ass. She's fine with that. I bet she wouldn't be so fine if I tried to make her show her ass to my friends, though! And that's basically what happened here

@Barbara I appreciate the advice. I'm still operating under the assumption that she's worth it, so I will talk to her asap. Reasons I think so: She started with giving me a book. That prompted me to reciprocate, and then some We both explicitly expressed the intent to build an emotional connection with each other. I have had heartfelt sharings with her before, and did feel understood We have been building a nice connection so far and have a lot in common We have talked about spirituality before and I was pleasantly surprised I admire her as a person. She's extremely caring and extremely driven

@Username We are both 28, not sure if you would consider that young, but perhaps. Old enough to know better, I'd say The situation reminded me of this classic scene. Although these guys had the decency to hide it:

Ah, I feel gratitude. The friend I would normally discuss this with is busy, and it's very nice to have understanding people like you on a forum like this.

@integral @Etherial Cat @Username @Preety_India @BornToBoil Thank you guys for the feedback and advice. The consensus seems to be that this is messed up indeed. I'm literally shaking with anger (still) and it's hard to focus on anything. I wrote down the bullet list from my post, and I will sit her down and explain to her point by point how she made me feel. I will make it clear that this is unacceptable. Then what happens next I will see. But if she doesn't make me feel like she really understands and it won't happen again, then I'm out the door.?

@Arcangelo I appreciate the advice, but I can't be happy in a relationship where I have to play these games. The right girl will appreciate my gifts whenever I give them without letting it go to her head. Also, I feel like failing the shit test here would be to accept this disrespect. And I'm not going to.

A note for the hardcore pickup guys here: the gifts and more expensive dates were all after having sex multiple times. They were not manipulations to get into bed with her, but just genuine tokens of appreciation. That's why this hurts.

@arlin I had good results resolving some mental issues with LSD. (even accidentally, during a fun trip) Your mileage may vary though. Stay happy, take it easy, but take it! - Terence McKenna

@dflores321 I suppose if they get all ideological and moralistic about it, I would have to agree. I've seen that also in the videos on the topic by 'Universal Man'. So judgmental. 'Do this not that. It's weak. It's wrong' So yeah... but don't throw the baby out with the bath water. I know that I am more happy and effective when I've not cummed for 10 days. Don't need the nofap community to tell me what to do though

@Javfly33 Not that much. I think I had done about six approaches in the entire year. That night was one of the rare nights I went out for pickup, and got totally destroyed: ended up at a party where the students all knew each other and I felt like the weird outsider. It became harder and harder to think of things to say as I had totally frozen up. I was full-on re-experiencing high school fears. However, I kept trying and managed to get one conversation with a girl who had a boyfriend. Then I decided to call it a night, as I felt I had fought bravely and my ego was bruised enough for the day. That's when I met flower necklace girl. What gave me the confidence was already having given up on keeping my ego intact, it was so far gone that I was free.