flowboy

I suggest renaming this topic and put "Austria meetup" in the title, so it's more clear to people from Austria without having to open it. The current title made me think someone's love interest said they want to just be friends, and that was the topic.

This is weird. I don't believe friends are supposed to not have contact with people you break up with, but if they want to, they should do it in a way that it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I can't think of an example with an ex girlfriend, but I do have an ex-friend. Me, J and B were friends. Me and B had a severe falling out and hated each other for years. During that time, J kept hanging out with me and B separately, and did me the courtesy of not mentioning him to me at all. And of course, never inviting us to the same thing, and making sure to spend time and attention on each. Basically, for my happiness, it was important to pretend that B did not exist anymore, and J as a respectful friend completely supported that, without me even having to ask for it. I still appreciate that very much. @Thittato Why have you and this best friend, as you say, not discussed this? I thought real friends talked about things.

@arlin The problem is that you believe reality is fixed, and it doesn't matter in which direction you look. That's wrong. Your reality is different from mine, and different from that of anyone else. It's also malleable, and changes with every experience and every piece of information you accept as true. There is infinite evidence you can find in any direction, and once convinced, you will be locked in and only experience more of the same kind as the direction you started in. So while you think that you are looking for truth, in reality you are letting your fear of scarcity propel you to skew your reality more and more towards that. If you don't want your life to become about scarcity and fear, turn back the ship now. I've lost a friend to this phenomenon already. He started getting into conspiracies heavily. I told him he should reconsider, and told him the same thing I wrote here. He didn't understand. Now, he has all sorts of strange beliefs, does amphetamines multiple nights a week whilst discussing conspiracies with conspiracy friends, and is very close to paranoid schizophrenia. Look up Reality Transurfing (audiobook, youtube). Thank me later.

Just think - how much support and energy would you put in if she was not your girlfriend but just an unattractive friend you only had known for 5 months? People who start relationships are almost always on a comparable level of emotional wellbeing. If she has issues, and you attracted her, then you have issues of similar size. Perhaps not the same issues, but complementary ones. So... are you even in a position to be helping her?

Tantra bro.

By the way, you don't even have to say no to the trip idea. Just leave it in the air as an abstract plan that you are open to, and do a bunch of other dates meanwhile. It's great to have a lot of open loops like that: stories you still have to finish telling her, and also activities you still have to look forward to. Will you let us know how it went? And if you shit the bed, can I get the girl's number? She sounds cool

I can tell by your usage of that word that you are anxious about pleasing and saying no / suggesting an alternative is a big deal to you. But it's not, not to confident people. Stop insisting and interpreting things as insisting, and start suggesting and interpreting things as suggestions. You sure can invite yourself over to her place. Just don't insist. Simply suggest. "What's your kitchen like?" "Why?" "Just thinking it would be nice to cook something together and hang out. Let's do that this weekend." Done. No, that actually makes you sound like a pussy, and also it's a lie. Just tell the truth: "I like to get to know people a bit more before I trip with them. So how about we { insert date idea you are comfortable with }" That is honest, and also sounds way cooler because you are expressing boundaries and self respect

@eggopm3 No, just steer it around to a cooking-together date or something like that, sober but at home. If you are too scared to say no to something she suggests, you are not respecting your own needs / desires, therefore she will respect you less as a result, therefore smaller chances of sex. Suggest to do what you are comfortable with, the way you like it to progress. Took me so much time to learn that.

If people are preaching something, and you want to know why... ... ...listen to them??

What I referred to as "fear of missing out" is actually a product of my optimization algorithm - a part of my thinking mind that actually works very well for small to medium decisions. I think my mistake has been to use that algorithm to make the large decisions in life - those should be made with the heart. Then let the optimization algorithm figure out the practicalities.

@Striving for more Dunno about trains. I have stopped approaching in trains because people usually don't live where I live. But you can do it for practice. Since the c-word hit, I have done exactly two approaches in the street around my neighbourhood. Both women I dated after that, one became a relationship. Both were one of those rare moments where I just didn't feel like pussying out anymore.

I suppose for him it was either this, or porn star

High Performance Secrets And Revelations I've been obsessed for quite a while with people who are able to sacrifice sleep and work 12-16 hours a day at something. The video I included in an earlier post with the guy who started a 50K / month digital marketing agency while also having a 12 hour a day job and a family, is one example of the inputs that made me realise that there is a mode of being here that I don't (yet) have access to. I have since seen other interviews where people mention being able to function on much less sleep for a temporary span of time - to achieve some goal. I have read about this on entrepreneur forums. I have multiple friends who were able to do this. I am now dating a woman with this ability. I have interviewed them all, asking them the same question: Q: I am completely useless with less than 7.5 hours of sleep. At that point I can either take a long nap, or waste my entire day not being able to think. I do consider myself a driven individual. You have recounted periods of being able to work 16 hour days and/or sleep 3 hours a night for multiple weeks, when it was necessary to accomplish a goal. Even though normally you cannot. What makes the difference - how are you able to deal with the stress of having to be focused for that long, and the lack of sleep? Here are the answers I got: Todd from the video: You need a powerful WHY. (I did not talk to him, this is simply from the interview) R: Secondly: it's a matter of Pressure and Release. You need to have a release mechanism in place. You put pressure on yourself so you have the energy to work long without breaks. The pressure is what enables you to skip breaks and sleep temporarily. But then you need a way to release that pressure. Have a way to relax, some physical activity. I went biking at night. Because on a bicycle you're not really doing something, but still physically active. Also, I did breathing exercises. 5 seconds in, 7 seconds out. Focus on belly. Sitting meditation won't help much when your mind is racing. Need physical intervention. Also, I did the Kundalini active meditation (by Osho) Also Heartrate variability training is good D: I need rhythmic physical exercise - like doing muay thai drills over and over again for hours, or circuit training - to manage the stress of working really hard, and also manage my overactive mind The common thread here seems to be that to be able to perform like this, you need a physical, rhythmic stress release mechanism that doesn't require you to use your mind to much, but lets your thoughts kind of spin out and run their natural crazy course until they calm down. Today it just hit me... this could be playing drums for me! It's physical, it's rhythmic, it doesn't require too much thinking, and I love it. More evidence for this hypothesis: I always performed well in high school, when I regularly played drums. I think I also did this during my final exams. That was the last time that I remember performing extremely highly for multiple days. After high school, I didn't have a drum kit for a long time, and my performance in university was not sustained for more than 3 months [seasonal depression also takes some blame here]. Some years ago I got a drum kit again, but due to the amount of stress and pressure I was under (because of ADD related issues) I stupidly told myself I didn't have time to play it. Whilst actually I could potentially have managed my stress much better, had I regularly played it. This is just a hypothesis, which I am going to test by getting an electronic drum kit. But I'm very excited about this hypothesis.

@Gili Trawangan 6 weeks is simply not long enough. By far. I didn't know this when I quit coffee in July this year. After right about 6 weeks, I still didn't give a shit about the things I used to love - amongst other things, my programming gig. I panicked and went back. Then I discovered /r/decaf and read stories of multiple people saying it took them 40, 70 or even 90 days to really be better than before, and feel like the best part of a caffeine high without the side effects, but all day long, followed by perfect sleep. So I decided to bite down and strap in for the long haul. I made a spreadsheet for 90 days (actually 100 days - I switched to tea for the first 10, to ease into it) and gave myself a 100 day quitting caffeine challenge. It was hard but I didn't miss a day. And yes, all your superpowers and genuine interests do come back stronger. The fake ones fall away. It may surprise you. I did have to experiment and change my eating pattern to maintain my energy and focus, too - the stress of adrenaline spikes that caffeine causes let you cover up any suboptimal eating patterns. In my case I had to eat some protein in the morning, mostly vegetables for lunch and all the carbs at the end of the day, or I'd get sleepy. Just an example, everyone is different. But expect to have to do some experimentation in this area. Perhaps this is a better answer for you

@Gili Trawangan Coffee is what everyone in society uses for fake motivation, to cover up the fact that they are not really doing what they are supposed to be doing with their lives. Following a true passion doesn't need chemical stimulation. You just took a red pill. Not too late to go back into the matrix though... those virtual steaks are juicy aren't they

Prevalent theme...fear of missing out? My whole life is based on fear of missing out... it's everywhere. I let it ruin everything. I loved playing drums. I had a band. Then I had to go be a singer, which I sucked at, just because I did not want to miss out on attracting the most girls. Yes. I was that shallow. At 17. I had a job that I loved. Then I had to go study the hardest thing I could think of, for fear of missing out of the opportunity and status that came with that. Wound up going back to the job, luckily. Then I had a fear of missing out of getting laid as much as possible, and a fear of missing out of the things that come with being rich. Fear of not being able to pay for stuff. Not fair if I can't get this or that because of my choices. Fear fear fear. So this fear and unfairness syndrome had me aspire to start a business. Yikes. What am I doing with my life. I watched Kobe Bryant's Muse yesterday. It dawned on me that I could have stuck with anything I loved and become great at it. The love for it and the right mindset would have made it a really good bet. Despite the common thinking that it's risky to pursue what you love like that, which I totally fell for, unfortunately. Two things come to mind that I have loved enough to be able to effortlessly do it entire days and weeks, only taking breaks to shower and eat. Playing drums and Programming. I have NEVER NOT FELT LIKE PRACTICING those things. What can you really say that about. That's rare. It's like God flicked me two gold coins to start playing the game of life with. And I stuffed them on a shelf somewhere and proceeded to chase my own tail for ten years? I could have made either of those work, focusing on it like a maniac and the money question would have fallen into place. But no, I had to go with my fears and make a 'safe choice'... To give my 17 year old self credit, my dad followed his passion for music all his life, and while he has had a great life, I also saw that he ended up poor. Also my drum teacher, who was a friend of my father, was a great guy but had health problems, and also was clearly not prosperous. Basically all the rolemodels in my direct environment who pursued their passion of music, were middle-aged guys with health problems and financial worries. So that must have had quite an effect on me. Wow. To be clear: I'm not in any kind of negative emotional state right now. I'm not angry with myself or anything. There's many angles and positive aspects of the choices I made, too, that I'm leaving out here. Because this feels to me like an angle that I need to explore at this moment. Without judgment. I love myself and I realise that every choice and event had to be made that way, for me to learn what I needed to. Just to think, I needed to turn 28 to finally unwire all the layers of confusion and misdirection I started adding onto my identity from the age of 17...? I can finally remember my mindset clearly back in that day. Music feels great, but I don't want to have money problems into my fifties like my dad... so probably that is not a smart choice. But I also don't want to become one of those dead-inside adults who sold out their dreams for a boring job. I gotta figure something out, a way to live that gives me material abundance AND true passion, instead of trading one thing for the other. That about summarizes it. And that's been buried deep down as a mission statement. And I've been trying different modalities and experimenting ever since. That's alright. I'm happy to have this clarity now.

@Don Wei Use those thoughts as your motivation. Set out to prove your own thoughts wrong. Every time you hear one, think: "Oh yeah?!" You have to love seemingly impossible challenges and live to prove that it can be done.

1) Build my business up to 70.000 / month ...That's it. I'm done with having too many goals.

@Viking Thanks for providing more information. Three thoughts here: Life is too short to pursue things that aren't for you. Perhaps you simply haven't found 'the thing' yet, and should keep trying different things. Perhaps look in a different corner altogether (ever tried improv, as a random example?) Just to freshen the mind. You might want to figure out why putting in effort gives you strong negative emotions. I bet that goes back to some childhood events, or just the way you were raised. Since anything worthwhile requires effort (that's just the way the game of life is set up), this blockage might remain a problem until you go deep and do some shadow work on it. There's multiple ways you may be able to clear this blockage, after which you might find putting in effort rewarding, like many others! And just imagine how that will change your life in the long term! You used to like coding, but then there was no point. You studied physics. You like video games. Can you use the physics degree to get a good job, buy a decent PC, and learn to code video games as a new hobby?

Also, writing a 1-2 page eulogy for yourself will do the trick What do you want to be remembered for, et cetera

@levani The shadow part doesn't make sense now, that's when I thought that you had a shadow (repression) around material wealth, which I realized now was a misinterpretation Interesting that you mention it is never enough. I wonder if I will start to notice that as well, once I hit some financial goals. Thanks for the peek around the corner The book is something that untied some knots for me, because I was raised to believe that desiring material wealth is evil. It was an interesting amalgamate of 19th century western spirituality and self help principles. Basically a guy trying to help out a very stage blue Christian reader, by connecting God to the law of attraction. It taught me that God wants me to have everything I want, which I somehow teared up at to hear :') . It's called The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. However, since you have integrated Orange, it may not be just what you need.

Happy fapping!

Do you sleep with your mouth open or closed? Do you snore? Do you sleep on your back or side? I have heard a person on a podcast mention waking up to DMT-like effects, interrupting their sleep It turned out they had a form of sleep apnea. Their tongue was falling back and constricting the air flow, causing lack of oxygen and hallucinations.

What were they and how did they become boring? What are you spending most of your time on during a day, and is that still interesting to you? It would be good to provide more information, because boredom can come from a different area in your life

@levani Step out of your own shadow, my friend What you're trying to do here is to skip stage Orange. Stop caring about money and earthly possessions before having had any of them. But this skip can not be staged - and if you try, you will have a huge Orange shadow that will cloud all your purposeful efforts. Live out some of those desires. In a healthy way. One of the best things to do during your 20s, is achieve full financial independence. Decide how much money you need to be comfortable, then make a plan to get it and execute it. Do you have cultural hypnosis telling you that wanting to be rich is morally wrong? Discard those beliefs. I highly recommend this book on Audible, it's very spiritual despite the title, and will help provide an interesting and new perspective on your current morality Once you have money, you can then have full focus on spirituality and purpose, without being constantly distracted by a need to pay the bills. EDIT 13:50: I see I misunderstood. In another thread you mentioned already that you do have a goal of being financially independent. Apologies for incorrectly projecting a materialism shadow onto you. Clearly, you make a distinction between financial independence and more flashy desires, which you deem unhealthy. Don't know what to tell you there! I have those desires too. But... what's wrong with them? They won't make you happy. True, but people often take this to mean: "don't pursue them". I think that is a common misunderstanding. Most people have a base level of unhappiness, and think that reaching some milestone will get them happiness. That doesn't work. And when they are finally living in their sick crib, they discover that and feel the need to scream it to everyone: "It won't make you happy! I thought it would, but I feel exactly the same!" However, pursuing a goal is actually what makes you happy and creates a sense of meaning! So the trick is I think, to enjoy the process of pursuing a goal as much as possible. Knowing that that's all the happiness you are going to get out of it. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is an illusion, but the journey around the world is still worthwhile! And you kinda need the rainbow there, to keep you on track. Feel me? Book recommendation still goes.