flowboy

@MrBON Assuming Leo with all his content doesn't understand your insecurity problem would be a good example of extreme arrogance. I thought you didn't like arrogance. Then why are you being so arrogant? Do you understand how victim mentality works? Maybe watch that video again. And stop whining, it's unbecoming of the quality man that you portray yourself as.

Just continue your journey and do whatever work necessary to feel great about yourself. This could include life purpose work, different kinds of therapy, possibly pickup, shadow work, take up hobbies that you've always wanted to try. LSD helped me. Primal therapy really did a lot for my self esteem. I know a good week-long retreat that did wonders for me. Will run you about 2000 though. Just do what your intuition tells you that you need, and go explore things that you feel uncomfortable with. Learn to distinguish the different types of uncomfortable. There's a kind that scares you but you intuit that you could learn a lot. And a different kind that's useless and a step down for you. Experiment.

Don't get what? Seems you've got it nailed. If you don't have healthy self-worth, you don't believe that you just 'being there' is not enough. You believe your mere presence is worthless, so you need to do something to be worthy of love. Such as provide unhealthy levels of emotional support. When you get healthy self-esteem, mentally unhealthy people will turn you off, and you will want nothing to do with them. This is not coming from a harshness, rather from a knowing that people can't be fixed by anyone but themselves. I agree that it could have its roots in childhood. Was your mother emotionally needy or unstable? Was your dad unavailable to her, and so you took it upon yourself to make her feel better? Many things could be going on. I had a similar issue. For me it was not a dynamic between me and my parents, I just inherited/copied lack of self-worth from them. I didn't feel attractive and the only way for me to get girls to pay attention to me (or so I thought) was to listen to their problems.

@JevinR 10 years is more than enough to complete a full phase of life purpose. I think everyone should be living like they only have 10 years to live. You still have 3-4 attempts at starting a business for example. There's really no rush. Rushing would be a mistake. But so would procrastinating. Ever thought about doing a psychedelic trip that could help with grounding yourself in purpose, such as a huachuma or san pedro ceremony?

@xxxx Chris McCandless went unprepared into the wild, blinded by ideology and naivete. He died because he ate the wrong berries, and his diary indicates loneliness and regret. There's many people with a similar ideology who have succeeded in living a happy life off the grid and sustain themselves in the wild. Why are those not more inspiring to you than the college kid who failed? Not trying to be disrespectful of your hero but I guess I can't hide it. The story (perhaps because of his death) is romantic to so many people. I can't understand it.

Same here. However, I can only work on one of the 100 at a time. Just start doing it. Chances are, only after you start executing, you will realise how much work it is, and how ridiculous the fear is that someone else will just casually invest that much time and energy in an idea that's not even theirs. The value is in the execution, not in the idea. Good luck!

Well, no matter. We broke up already. Not over this, but because we didn't feel enough butterflies. Thanks all?

I would like some feedback on the following. I know that it's all meant as a ridiculous joke, and I can see how it would be funny. But it does feel wrong to me. I have been obsessively angry at my new girlfriend for two days now. It's because she's bragging to her friend about all the nice things I did for her (certain gifts and dates). The date ideas and gifts were all just cool ideas I had, that I thought were too fun to not do, and so I acted on them. And they were received well. Or so I thought. Two nights ago, during a dinner with her and her roommate and her date, the topic was on cooking specialties. But the girls asked me what my specialty was "that I would cook for her" and I started to feel pressured. I did have an answer of a nice dish that I could describe (although it already felt wrong), but then she asked: "So when are you going to make it for me?" The air got very tense and uncomfortable for a second when I said: "I dunno. I just told you the ingredients, now you can make it too." I basically panicked because I was being pressured, and did NOT want to fall into the nice guy suckup frame here. I had no funny way to get out of it, but I wasn't gonna give in. She responded: "Do you wanna go back to your apartment?" (as if I had been rude!) She also asked: "What's the other courses? Of course you need an appetizer and a desert, right?" I had none come to mind, nor did I want to. I awkwardly suggested she come up with the other courses. Clearly that answer was not appreciated. But we moved on. She seemed to have forgotten about it, but that night I still felt anger about her peer pressuring me to adhere to some frame as the kind of boyfriend she and her friend apparently wanted me to be, which I experienced as quite aggressive. I felt so on edge that I couldn't sleep, and actually did something uncharacteristic: I dug out a bit of tobacco that I remembered I had, and smoked it in a bong. The nicotine did help to calm me down, but it did worry me that I felt that I needed that. Also I have been known to fall back into addiction after getting a 'taste'. This morning, the problem I ignored had gotten way worse: I was shocked to see that she had made a group chat with her roommate, her, me, and her roommate's date, titled "Candidates Training Prog." The first text reads: "Dear Candidates, Congratulations, you have been selected for the course 'how to deal with too-hot-too handle women'. We are aware that it is a very hard and exclusive programm, but we analyzed your CV's and motivation letters and we see you as potential candidates to get a degree. It is already the moment for a first evaluation. From now on monthly updates will follow. - <fake name> - <fake name>" What follows is a chart they drew of different things we could do to please them, and how many points they are worth. What follows is how they tallied up the score of the actual things I did (and the other guy did): You could make the argument that she's making me win, so perhaps this is a fucked up compliment. And you could make the argument that the green list is a fucked up way to show that she's serious about me and wants to experience stuff with me. But instead of asking me, this is DEMANDING it. I could not help but feel enraged when I read this, and the feeling has stayed with me all day. Reasons I can think of: the things I did (see the 16 points above:p ) I did out of a genuine desire to do something nice for a girl I like a lot. NOT to score points. Her tallying it up in a point system is cheapening it, for me. I feel objectified by being reduced to a number of gifts and dates, and being bragged about in a contest I feel insulted by the attempt to get me to compete in a girlfriend-pleasing contest I feel my worst fear in this area is coming true: when I do something nice, I'm hoping that she will appreciate it without then taking me for granted more, her ego getting inflated by it, and starting the process of becoming spoiled and demanding, and me falling into the frame of the supplicating nice guy. I just wanted to do a couple nice things without that happening. And here it is. I feel disappointed: I was hoping that she was able to handle my nice gestures, without it having negative consequences for the dynamic. Thereby proving that she deserved them. But what I feel she's actually proven, is that she does not deserve them. I enjoy doing nice things and now she ruined it. I feel zero motivation to cook for her, come up with a date, or do anything for her anymore, now that I know she's just feeding her ego with it and bragging about it. I also feel she breached the trust of the relationship by disclosing to some guy I barely know that I gave her a sex toy. That shit is private. The guy had questions about it. I don't want to be put in that position. I can see that it's meant as a ridiculous joke. That's why I have spent all day trying to see it that way, and have not indicated that I am angry. But basically I feel like she did the equivalent of me and a guy friend of mine making a list of all the blowjobs our girls gave us, how perky their asses and tits are, and how little foreplay they need, assigned a point system, tallied up the score and then tried to make them compete. Why am I jumping to blowjobs and sexual things in this analogy? Because it's something vulnerable for women to do. You like to do it, but you have to have trust that the other doesn't start bragging to everyone about it and give you social repercussions. Guys can be proud of doing sex things according to social rules. So the reverse, I think, should be doing nice things like gifts and expensive dates. You do it, and you like to do it, but you have to trust the person not to take advantage of you.

@Leo Gura This is very interesting. What constitutes the danger to one's survival? Just jealousy and broken homes? Or are there more reasons?

Christians went all over the world to ruin sex for everybody else. Japan used to have a sexually open culture where pornography was a respected art form. There are still ancient Japanese scrolls left over from that time, displaying instructive pictures of group sex and strap-on dildos. (google Shunga and you will not believe this is from the 1800s). Then Christianity came and brought their shame. Now normal sex is repressed, and that unhealthy repression caused an obsessions with tentacles and other weirdness. India used to have a sexually healthy and open culture. The Kama Sutra is from that time. Then Westerners came and repressed the fuck out of that too. Now you can't even hold hands on the street.

@Strangeloop Creepy is not a real thing that you can define in terms of what you say or do. It means a different thing to every person. It just means: "made me feel (sexually) unsafe". Depending on a woman's history and upbringing, what makes her feel sexually unsafe will vary. For example, concealed intentions/hidden agenda is often perceived as creepy. Thinking you want to fuck her while you talk to her, but not being honest about it and pretending to just have friendly intentions, can be creepy. But then there's other women who are not used to directness, and a direct statement of interest will creep them out. Violating social rules without acknowledging that you are, can also be creepy. This makes sense: if a person doesn't understand or respect the same social rules, all bets are off: there's no telling what they might do. They are completely unpredictable and that makes one feel very unsafe. Keep in mind that a man is basically a monster that can easily rape or maul an average woman, and the only indication she has that he won't, is that she can tell that he abides by the same rules of acceptable social behavior. However, to be successful in dating you have to put yourself out there and do/say some unusual things, thereby violating a social rule here and there. Never forget to acknowledge that! If you do, and for example say: "I know this is totally random, but ...", you are socially intelligent and ballsy. If you leave that part out, you're an unpredictable creep. Being an authentic man means expressing yourself honestly, and accepting that there will always be a certain percentage of people creeped out by you. By expressing yourself honestly, you make sure that you only creep out the ones who wouldn't be right for you anyway. That's all you can do.

This is definitely a leading expert saying this. So how the hell am I supposed to believe it is a good idea to take it after only half a year?

@Leo Gura and how about: No selling debt of any kind, it has to stay with the entity that created it Politicians elected to a position of power will then get a fixed lifelong salary from the state and are not allowed to be paid in any other work they do after that

@Verg0 Do you know Hamilton Souther? You should probably ask him how to find an apprenticeship. The podcast where he describes how he found his, is great. However, he warns that the landscape is very different now from how it was when he got there. Many more bad shamans looking to screw Westerners over. But still, solid tips on how to recognize a good one: He is not boasting about being a shaman, but would rather not admit it or say: "Some might say I am", with a wink. You have to ask other people to point you to him, he doesn't approach you or puts on a show. He's not dressing obviously like a shaman, but rather like a regular dude with a t-shirt and a hat. Unless it's ceremony time You can look into his eyes and sense friendship and laughter and love. You can ask him anything and he is not evasive in his answers, but an open book He's not overly serious and has a sense of humour This is what I gathered from:

I appreciate the idea of this, but the way you talk is soooo slow and monotonous that it's really tough to stay interested. It's obvious that when you recorded this, you were not really in the zone, but half out of it (not quite focused). As a result, the viewer feels what you feel (also not quite focused) Also I would lose the shiny suit and tie, which comes off a bit pretentious, and be more understated. I think if you practice your story a couple times, vary your tonality and have more intense focus when you speak, it will be much more captivating! Hope you appreciate the raw feedback, good luck!

I suggest renaming this topic and put "Austria meetup" in the title, so it's more clear to people from Austria without having to open it. The current title made me think someone's love interest said they want to just be friends, and that was the topic.

This is weird. I don't believe friends are supposed to not have contact with people you break up with, but if they want to, they should do it in a way that it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I can't think of an example with an ex girlfriend, but I do have an ex-friend. Me, J and B were friends. Me and B had a severe falling out and hated each other for years. During that time, J kept hanging out with me and B separately, and did me the courtesy of not mentioning him to me at all. And of course, never inviting us to the same thing, and making sure to spend time and attention on each. Basically, for my happiness, it was important to pretend that B did not exist anymore, and J as a respectful friend completely supported that, without me even having to ask for it. I still appreciate that very much. @Thittato Why have you and this best friend, as you say, not discussed this? I thought real friends talked about things.

@arlin The problem is that you believe reality is fixed, and it doesn't matter in which direction you look. That's wrong. Your reality is different from mine, and different from that of anyone else. It's also malleable, and changes with every experience and every piece of information you accept as true. There is infinite evidence you can find in any direction, and once convinced, you will be locked in and only experience more of the same kind as the direction you started in. So while you think that you are looking for truth, in reality you are letting your fear of scarcity propel you to skew your reality more and more towards that. If you don't want your life to become about scarcity and fear, turn back the ship now. I've lost a friend to this phenomenon already. He started getting into conspiracies heavily. I told him he should reconsider, and told him the same thing I wrote here. He didn't understand. Now, he has all sorts of strange beliefs, does amphetamines multiple nights a week whilst discussing conspiracies with conspiracy friends, and is very close to paranoid schizophrenia. Look up Reality Transurfing (audiobook, youtube). Thank me later.

Just think - how much support and energy would you put in if she was not your girlfriend but just an unattractive friend you only had known for 5 months? People who start relationships are almost always on a comparable level of emotional wellbeing. If she has issues, and you attracted her, then you have issues of similar size. Perhaps not the same issues, but complementary ones. So... are you even in a position to be helping her?

Tantra bro.

By the way, you don't even have to say no to the trip idea. Just leave it in the air as an abstract plan that you are open to, and do a bunch of other dates meanwhile. It's great to have a lot of open loops like that: stories you still have to finish telling her, and also activities you still have to look forward to. Will you let us know how it went? And if you shit the bed, can I get the girl's number? She sounds cool

I can tell by your usage of that word that you are anxious about pleasing and saying no / suggesting an alternative is a big deal to you. But it's not, not to confident people. Stop insisting and interpreting things as insisting, and start suggesting and interpreting things as suggestions. You sure can invite yourself over to her place. Just don't insist. Simply suggest. "What's your kitchen like?" "Why?" "Just thinking it would be nice to cook something together and hang out. Let's do that this weekend." Done. No, that actually makes you sound like a pussy, and also it's a lie. Just tell the truth: "I like to get to know people a bit more before I trip with them. So how about we { insert date idea you are comfortable with }" That is honest, and also sounds way cooler because you are expressing boundaries and self respect

@eggopm3 No, just steer it around to a cooking-together date or something like that, sober but at home. If you are too scared to say no to something she suggests, you are not respecting your own needs / desires, therefore she will respect you less as a result, therefore smaller chances of sex. Suggest to do what you are comfortable with, the way you like it to progress. Took me so much time to learn that.

If people are preaching something, and you want to know why... ... ...listen to them??

What I referred to as "fear of missing out" is actually a product of my optimization algorithm - a part of my thinking mind that actually works very well for small to medium decisions. I think my mistake has been to use that algorithm to make the large decisions in life - those should be made with the heart. Then let the optimization algorithm figure out the practicalities.