flowboy

@tsuki Without it, I experience stresses and worries much deeper. I'd say it comfortably closes me off a bit, and makes me a bit more worry free and emotionally stable. And numb. So it's been great for a person with SAD, like me, who gets anxious and depressed for roughly half of every year. I think getting more sunlight would work just as well. Unfortunately, since I combined both of those in the past week, I have no good data.

@Strangeloop Yeah that is kinda creepy to me too. But really all it is, is uncalibrated: you estimated her boundary of what is comfortable at that moment, to be different from where it was. Mistakes like this are a necessary byproduct of discovering that line of what is comfortable: because if you stay too safe and don't create any tension with what you say, you are not sexually interesting. And in real life conversation, you can simply fix this by saying: "sorry haha, just kidding", talking about something else, and poof, it's forgotten. If you text, it is forever and unerasably there, creeping her out every time she looks at the conversation. This is why it's a fool's errand to engage in sexual texting before having sex. The risk profile is not worth it: high chance to creep her out, low chance that she will like it. And even when she likes it, it doesn't correlate with her wanting to actually meet up and do it: she's just enjoying the fantasy or playing with you to see how far you'll take it. None of these things are needed or even helpful in progressing your relationship.

@Strangeloop You used to act this way, and then something caused you to stop it. So no matter the reason, the fact is: you repressed it in yourself. So you repressed it in others as well, because those two can not be separated. That's why she irritates you. You have two choices: avoid people who remind you of what you don't like in yourself, or do shadow work and integrate the shadow. One option is not always better than the other, but when you get stuck in option A, use option B.

This is now my favourite talk on psychedelics ever. Very exciting. Finally a scientist who does not try to deny and marginalize subjective experience, but really explores it full-force. Terence McKenna would have loved this. So apparently they are really working towards establishing contact with hyperdimensional beings. Of course we already have this, when we smoke DMT or go into some kind of trance, or just use a natural ability that some have. But for scientist to set out to do this in a controlled setting, and really extend the trips to understand as much as we can about this other world, is truly groundbreaking. So if I understand it correctly, you actually temporarily become a higher-dimensional being when you do DMT. I suppose ego death makes sense there, too. This explains to me also these UFOs spotted by commander Frazer and his colleagues, who moved impossibly fast. And in general why UFOs and alien sightings tend to appear and disappear into apparent nothing. If I had a sheet of paper with 2-dimensional life going on on it, it wouldn't see my finger until I put it in their plane of existence. I could then lift it and put it down somewhere else, and to them it would disappear and re-appear. In a lower dimensional world, it's not impossible to see things that move in more dimensions. You can see the projections of them. But if they would rotate, it would not make sense in your world. If you watch the famous tesseract rotate, it doesn't make sense because it's a 2d projection, which we can mentally expand into 3d, but that still would be a projection/slice. It doesn't make sense in the same way that if you took a circle in a 2d world, and rotated it in the 3d dimension, it would flatten, turn into a line, and unflatten into a mirror image of itself. Without an understanding of 3d world, this makes zero sense and is against all laws of nature that you are aware of. It is not at all like all your 2d objects that constrain themselves to 2d physics behave.

@tsuki Wow? that escalates quickly. I suppose that's why I maintain this pattern of starting again for a few days every 3-6 months. I'm actually saving myself from materialistic excess and anatomy problems, and protecting the world from war and famine. I feel so noble now. T+3 days: Had only one or two cravings today. I was lucky to get scared straight before I made it part of my daily life habits again. I think I'm going to quit coffee now, too, to keep the momentum. I'm also living in complete chaos (food packaging everywhere) and hedonistic escapism, stuffing myself with snacks and videos. And that's acceptable for a few days after a breakup. But I'm not actually that sad. It's time to start cleaning up. Perhaps I can subtract alcohol, too, after another 3 days. I've been abusing that a lot during the past couple weeks, and my organs have been complaining loudly.

T+2d 4u: Cravings calmed down. A couple of moments during the day where I really considered smoking again "to see if it would make me as relaxed as during my vacation". Luckily I could see through that excuse and did not indulge that. I'm looking forward to cleaning my house tomorrow and finishing the 3d quit day.

@Soulbass I would combine those 2 and see what happens

@Soulbass I was actually confused by your question. Do you take your extreme self-criticism as something to accept, that you can't change? Cause it isn't. The more you work through that, the healthier relationships you will be able to attract. Go for any girl you want, but be aware that you will probably attract people with a complementary issue of similar size. For example: girls who will be overly critical of you.

@Farnaby Very clear, nicely described pattern. I can relate to it and have had similar experiences. Several things you could do here: Do you trip? I have found a modest dose of psilocybin together will expose my patterns with a person in a way that I can not ignore them and help me to transform them This seems like a good use case for cognitive behavioral therapy. You could also try some amateur CBT on yourself. The Work by byron katie - also a use case for that Nonviolent communication - taking a course in that together will probably also help All what you described points to a lack of trust in some way. Not in her per se, but a lack of trust in the Universe. Trust that everything will be okay. Trust that whatever is, is good. LSD taught me that. Many people walk around without this trust. A common cause is that their parent did not always come to pick them up when they cried as a baby. This causes a deeply buried sense that everything may not work out in the end. These people end up with addictive tendencies, or anxious attachment, or avoidant attachment, which are two different ways a baby copes with the same problem. In my case, I am pretty sure that my parents always came, however I had to be hospitalized and away from them as a baby, and deprived of mother's milk too soon, which could explain my addictive tendencies and lack of trust in life. Anyways. I'd say you would do well to pick some way (there's many more) to work through this pattern together with her, because it's not a huge problem at all, but might eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy for one of you, unless you transform it. Don't bottle it up, don't keep it to yourself and play happy (anymore from now on). That creates distance because you're not sharing yourself honestly. And will just potentiate your untrue thought patterns that follow.

@xxxx Please don't be offended as a woman - I meant people. I don't know what the right percentage is. I have never heard this word before. I can deduce what it means because I know the word 'emasculate'. But I've also hardly ever heard someone use that before. So taking that, and my massive self-bias because people like to assume that most others are like them when it suits them, I picked 95. Regardless, for someone who likes to use the big words, it's really nice to be understood without having to teach. Unless you have an ego complex wanting to be the smartest. (which I am often guilty of though) It's not just a big word, it's also a complicated concept. Someone who understands that concept I would say is likely to be intelligent and understanding enough to be there for you, and not run away screaming, while you go through self-development and therapy, addressing this unhealthy dynamic with your mother and also freeing yourself of the neuroticisms you developed as a result. Which you obviously need to do at some point.

A girl who knows what the word emasculative means. That would get rid of 95% of people nicely. I would start there

That sounds like sweeping it under the carpet, repression. How about this: can you, instead of just telling her what is missing for you, just be curious and inquisitive and find out if it's actually even true? Example: "I'm getting a feeling that you're currently turned off by me, and I just want to know if that is just in my head or not. What do you think?" Of course you have to assure her you won't get upset with her if she gives the wrong answer. Provide a safe space for the conversation. I don't know how you usually communicate. It's important that she can listen to you telling your subjective experience without immediately blaming herself, or you, or jumping to conclusions. Nonviolent Communication will probably help - did you look into this?

Need more information. Is there a behavior she does that triggers it? How does it start? Which insecurities are being triggered? What is the pattern of self-talk that follows? What needs are you talking about getting met? These are quite distinct sentiments. What's the order? Are you feeling sexually not wanted, and then disconnecting to protect yourself?

@7thLetter Varies widely by city. The site has an indication for that Also by country, of course. I don't know about that, I've only been to ridiculously safe countries.

You just had to burst my bubble there...

Happy to help! I can tell we think similarly. With your curiosity and attitude, you'll develop yourself quickly!

I've been researching the same thing recently. - Bali seems good - Thailand seems good - India too. Kerala is supposedly a state with plenty of nature. Bangalore seems a good option for Westerners who like city and startup vibe. @7thLetter I think what you need is nomadlist.com to get a nice overview and comparison - it's what I used

Seen plenty of real women do that too though

@Zigzag Idiot Amazing. Do you have a stack of 7 bibles on your desk, just for opportunities like this?

@SamC Just a few years ahead in the journey I suppose. Always been curious and interested in psychology and a variety of topics around that. Inherited low self-esteem and trauma energy from my parents. I always had the attitude that I can fix/overcome anything. I've been extremely willing to try things by recommendation, even though they were out of my comfort zone. My journey took me through: Meditation Psychedelics TNT (Tantra and spirituality workshops) Some pickup Improv comedy Primal therapy Actualized.org of course And more. But I think the important part is not the specific stops, but how you make decisions on which roads to take: Curiosity stronger than need to confirm existing beliefs (willing to be proven wrong) Driven to fix and improve Willing to try things that are uncomfortable Value listening to intuition and choosing activities based on that Learn to see what is uncomfortable because it's a step up, and distinguish it from discomfort because it is a step down Willing to follow advice from people I trust, even (or especially) if it makes no sense to me, and just seeing what happens Hope that helps!

And if you use toys, make sure they were forged out of organic materials, and shipped in an environmentally conscious way. And vegan. For example: plastic third-world sweatshop dildo no, organic cucumber yes

People attract people with a comparable level of mental issues. Not the same issues, but complementary ones. If one is heavily avoidantly attached, the other will be heavily anxiously attached. If one is moderately depressed and needy, the other will have a moderate need to be needed. If one is a narcissistic abuser, the other will have a traumatic imprint that makes him/her feel most at home in an abusive relationship. That's why you can tell how developed you really are by looking at who you attract. And why you attract better and better people as you do more personal development and healing. It's all under your control.

Someone's inner experience is valid and can not be measured on an absolute scale. Yes! It's always worth sharing your inner experience and feelings if you feel like doing it. You always learn something by openly sharing and discussing each other's subjective experience. What do you have to lose?

@Leo Gura I am a living counterexample, though. Always been very creative, also fascinated with psychology and therefore marketing. Perhaps you mean "artsy" people specifically? But still. Brainstorming marketing angles and strategies just gets my creative juices going. I loved creating the design for an ad, for example.

T+18.5h: Overslept crazily for work, due to jetlag. Going to drink coffee for at least one more day. Really want a cigarette. T+23.5h: Been wasting time on this forum all day during work. Not proud of that. Programming and logical thinking are becoming harder. Cravings are manageable. The sore on my tongue seems to be slowly retreating, so as long as I take this warning seriously, I think I won't die.