flowboy

@Beginner Mind So, while these teachers will say things like, "A partner will never fulfill you", the next moment you will see them holding the hand of their beloved partner... Seems somewhat hypocritical to me. You mistakenly assume that the only reason to do something is out of need. Need for fulfillment in this case. If that were true, enlightened people would stop engaging with the world and calmly await death as a hermit. But that's not what they do, is it? The more enlightened you are, the better a vessel you are for God. And God wants not to do nothing! It fractioned itself into you and other people because it wants to experience! There are lots of forces that flow freely in an enlightened being, like the desire for creative expression, sharing, interacting, playing, loving! When you are done needing, life becomes the ultimate joyful playground. Why NOT have a partner?

You should also add: "I lack the balls to try out my own ideas without having them validated by a bunch of strangers. I don't trust my own brain, so you can't trust me either. I am not okay with myself in the following areas, so instead of learning to love myself I need you to do it for me: social skills, exercise"

Definitely coming back to earth a bit from my oxytocin-fuelled multi-day drug trip. Some low-consciousness food cravings and behaviours present themselves. I indulge a little, because it's all okay and I know I won't spiral. I naturally gravitate towards healthy living most of the time. I realize that getting to know a lover is a process I have to respect. I shouldn't try to skip steps. And even though she and I have gotten to know each other a fair bit over the past couple days, and my heart wants to already scream the L-word from the rooftops because it's high on pheromones and overjoyed with the obvious compatibility, it's only been a couple of days. We've only uncovered a fraction of what there is to know about the other. A promising start, that's all it is. Building a real connection takes a lot more time. So I take a breath, and focus on cleaning up my space and getting a new laptop.

@onacloudynight It's possible. In my tantra organization we call it "dolphin sex"? Just start being your girly and playful self around lots of new people, and someone is bound to get attracted. Be aware that you have to meet lots of people, and not settle for anyone who you can't be completely yourself with. Takes time, effort, patience and resolve.

Did you try meditating on it and seeing what comes up?

@Striving for more You have cause and effect backwards. You think intrusive sexual urges cause you to watch porn (or fantasize) and masturbate. But actually, masturbating while fantasizing or with porn causes intrusive sexual thoughts. Here's how you break the pattern: allow yourself to touch yourself, but without fantasy or porn. Stay present in the moment. Look at your dick. Enjoy the sensations. Masturbate as a meditation. Watch how you naturally won't want to ejaculate, and will just feel like you had enough after a while.

Good for you that you know what you want to be and set out to find people who like that! Just socialize as yourself. If you are accepting and loving you as you are, so will others. Keep mentioning that you are straight, just very feminine. You might try LGBTQ-friendly places to find more open-minded people. If you live in a small town, get out of it, that doesn't work. Do you actively dislike masculinity? Investigate whether it is in your shadow, in which case work on integrating it. That could be connected to people being repulsed. You didn't mention why you don't want to be masculine at all, but it's important. Also, do you want intense sexuality in a relationship? Then you'll have to look for masculine women. With both people of the same polarity, there won't be a lot of sex and it won't be very hot. There is the occasional girl that likes my feminine energy, but it's rare. That's going to be the case wherever you live. Price of wanting something outside the norm. Most women (not all) are most comfortable in their feminine, so they need a masculine pole.

I can confirm this is a real thing. One time this lady asked me: "Are you aware that you are very different from other people?" We literally had only done small talk. She went on to disqualify herself by saying that she wasn't as developed as me, and she hoped that was okay, and I shouldn't expect her to be as far along the development journey as me, and she's just so far behind me, et cetera. She even said it makes her feel unsafe. It was no problem, we had a couple dates after that, but she kept bringing it up in different ways, saying I was so far beyond the norm. Again, only doing small talk and sharing stories and having intimacy. Not talking about anything serious or PD-related. The bottom line is that you should really go find people who are on your level. She felt the truth of that before you did.

This. However, OP doesn't really want to get laid. He's content in his current situation. And that's okay.

@Strangeloop Some tricks that have gotten me through that kind of situation in the past: 1. I tell her that this happens sometimes with new people and not to worry about it. I take the condom off and lay down beside her. I get another condom out of the package and put it within reach. I spoon her and talk to her. After 10 minutes, the talking to each other will have taken my mind off the judgment, and the sensation of her ass cheeks pressed against my pelvis will start to make me rock hard. I rub my cock against her in that position until it's good and hard, and then I put another condom on and put it in in that position. 2. I lie on my back and have her sitting on me. I leave the condom on and have her rub her pussy on my soft dick, back and forth, while I talk to her and kiss her. I just invite her to rock back and forth, enjoying the sensation. After a while, the talking will have distracted my mind enough to get hard, and I put it in. So you can try to get enlightened and rid yourself of judgment, but in my experience you can also save that for later and just distract your mind by relaxing and talking about other things, whilst remaining in an intimate position. And eventually your body will just know what to do.

I dealt with this problem when I was 16 and wanted to have my first time. I put the condom on and it was such a hassle that it got soft. Many years thereafter, the condom was always the trigger for me to lose my erection. My doctor was cool and gave me some viagra so I could have my first time, and push past that giant pressure. Dicks don't like pressure. The second time I dealt with it, I was 26 and trying to participate in a tantric group sex activity. There drugs were not allowed, but I got better advice: Here's what you do. You forget about penetration, and commit to having a good time without it. Put all your focus on how you can make the experience more fun, regardless of penetration. Just do that and it won't matter. But don't be surprised if you get rock hard, because you took the pressure off.

She kept asking me: "What are we gonna do about us?" To me it's pretty simple. It feels how it feels, and we live where we live. Without that one obstacle, it would all be too dreamlike to be believable anyways. If it means we can't see each other as often as we'd like, that's fine. Probably even good for us right now. It's a great challenge to initially live with, and in time overcome. That vision is contingent on her deciding whether she even wants to meet again. Which she hasn't even done. It's wonderfully nerve wrecking. I love my life However, during the entire 5 days, whenever we were outside I had a runny nose almost incessantly. It made her cheek wet whenever we kissed. And she didn't complain once. So she must really be into me. And if for some reason this is it for now, that would break my heart a little but I would be okay. I don't need her. I just passionately desire her. Which is a fantastic state of being in and of itself. I'm enjoying the fuck out of it. The romantic in me says that as long as it feels like this, we'd be totally silly humans to not have a second date. And, as is typical for me, I've already figured out how it could work. I opened Facebook yesterday to find posts by friends feeling the pain of the exact problem I'm offering a solution to. Time to take my nose out of this pink cloud, put it to the proverbial grindstone and work to explode my business. The financial freedom and fulfillment I'm after, are waiting for me right around the corner.

@benny Awesome! Yeah although that is true, if you make it clear to them that you won't get upset with them with whatever they say, and you are really trying to grow, some will definitely give you something to work with. Then people on here can help you interpret it.

Did Not Get Murdered Also, she totally did not hack into my account and write this, so everyone would think I'm okay. I'm crazy about her. She's a short, ginger, and kinda cool woman who lives far far away. I realised it when she played the piano and sang softly to herself, and thought I wasn't listening. It was just so damn cute. Made me tear up, in fact. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't cry this time I flew out to see her because I intuited that it would be great, and I knew that soon money and travel are going to be no problem for me anyways, so why let that stand in the way. I could describe what I like about her, but it's basically everything I've come to know and it's not even that. It's not the attributes or the story of a person that makes it amazing, but the way it feels when we spend time together. The way we banter, laugh and have fun together. The way we can't keep our hands off each other for more than a minute. It's like there is glue between us, but it's not glue but something way more awesome. How much we enjoy fulfilling all of each other's dirty and outrageous fantasies. How wonderfully different our perspectives are on topics that we both are curious about, which makes our conversations effortlessly interesting. How awesome she is at decorating her apartment, which looks like a painting and feels like a temple. Which is wonderfully complementary, because I am quite the opposite. How each other's mere presence puts us in a flow state where we just lose ourselves and our bodies spontaneously invent new ways to connect physically. How she totally geeks out on personality types. The way she speaks my language, but a different version of it, and we both think the other's pronunciation is ridiculous. When she says she feels so safe in my arms, and it actually melts me. The involuntary noises she makes when she cuddles me, in the guinea pig pitch range. The raw feminine energy radiating through her words, voice and being, which is simply irresistible to me. How we fuck endlessly, each having orgasm after orgasm without ever wanting or needing to stop, until we both have lost our mind and are rendered blissfully useless. The way she laughs! Oh my god. It turns me into a wild man. One moment, standing in the snow, she looked at me so surrendered and intense, like I was her warrior and she wanted to put a spell on me and make me hers. I am strong, she is soft and feminine and I want her wrapped around me wherever I go. It feels so right that it could easily be a dream. We've actually pinched each other to check. Okay, flowboy. Just BREATHE man Today I'm resting in the afterglow of a spectacular, delicious and hot five day adventure. I just feel grateful. I thank the Universe from the bottom of my booty for this encounter. More thoughts later

1. Firm decision to not cum 2. Breeeeaatheee And relax your anus. A buttplug is a good tool to force you to stay relaxed and let the sexual energy flow back through the body instead of building up in one place and squirting out. I highly recommend getting one. Or just ask her to stick a finger up there when you're close.

Seconded. You should be doing market research here, and asking 10-20 subjects why they stopped using your services. Why are you not doing that?

just take her on a date and report back, why obsess and overanalyze if you can just go find out what's up So funny how she is the one who approached you, and yet you are here judging your performance and obsessing over your "mistakes". She should be doing that, not you. If she is the one picking you up, then the silences are her problem. If you start to feel like you should fill them, you're being too eager. Can happen when you haven't had good interactions in a while. Get out there more

You don't need solutions, because you have no problem. Except that you are unconsciously seeking out content that upsets you in a certain way, and then want to go explore your self-generated upsetness of this particular flavor, with yourself through other people on this forum. Simply acknowledge that you like this flavor of upset.

You could also improvise, and state what's happening currently, state how it feels, and state how lonely you are, and refer to any other friends you both had made, or state how this current situation is making you miss hanging out with her. Even state how you've recently had a breakup, real or not, to signal to her that you're available to date potentially, like " Lately, I've had enough free time to do some more work at blanc. Before the pandemic hit, I've been visiting other places and meeting some new folks and been dating a girl that lives at blanc. That place has some lovely beaches. However, during the whole pandemic thing, I've just recently broke with my gf. We've been going steady for several months/a year, and even though she lived a city away, I did enjoy our time together. It was just getting difficult for her to keep visiting me/me visiting her, and she's going to work as blanc in another country, so we decided to end our relationship. I'm kinda lonely and sad at the moment .") Don't forget to mention too that you're living in your parents' basement, so that she understands that you have family values This must be the worst advice I've read on here in a long time. Whatever you do, steer clear of the advice referenced above, and you'll do just fine?

Intermittent Fasting I like it and feel like it energizes me. I just had water until 12.00 I did 230 sit-ups Then I had a steak and eggs. What Caffeine Does It sends adrenaline and jitters throughout my body so that I am pushed up inside the mind. What No-Caffeine does I am very much in the body. Not so much in the mind. I want to exercise. I want to fuck. I want to love. I am not very interested in my computer screen, or meanings that live there.

I love you Thank you I'm sorry Forgive me Aubrey Marcus just brought me to tears while doing the dishes. "Integrate the archetypes and you will start to manifest miracles" Interesting. EK book said "Make the unconscious desires conscious, let the mind impregnate the spirit and you will start to manifest miracles" I'm paraphrasing. Badly.

I watched it regularly for most of my life, because my friends did and everyone said it is normal. Recently I began to notice how much it influences my thoughts for days after. It is said that 'men think about sex every 7 seconds' or some bullshit like that. There's probably some truth to that, but actually they don't think about sex: they think about porn. I noticed that if I didn't have this porn habit, I wouldn't have intrusive thoughts about sex either. And my dick worked fine when I needed it anyway. And what is the point of having sexual thoughts when no one's around and you're trying to get work done? So for mental hygiene and to have better focus, I decided it's best to avoid regular porn use.

Just ran 4 km in 21.09 minutes. Hated about 20 minutes of that. But I set out to beat my own time and I did. Suck on that, me-from-2020! Suck my modestly-sized dick. K, getting a weird turn-on now.

Kambo

Yeah, don't improvise or you might end up like Brian Bander...