flowboy

Back when I had a lot of high school misery coming up, someone recommended I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. And I am. It reads like dumbed-down psycho-cybernetics mixed with LOA, wrapped in a fairy tale for 8 year olds. It's annoying, full of made-up words and devoid of examples. I hate it. I will keep going at least until page 100.

@Evil Raccoon I definitely don't have a fucking-problem, but thank you for your concern sir

Obviously there's a 'fucking' problem ? If you had even read the topic carefully, you'd have known that OP did get naturally an erection. It just went away when it was go-time due to nervousness and overthinking.

I took them though, to get over the condom anxiety. No regrets there. Led to funny situations however, when my gf suddenly would decide she preferred an evening walk instead, and I sat there with a raging boner. I also used it one time to help me in a threesome. No regrets there either. I probably could have done without it, but I don't see the harm.

Just deleted my numbered list of all the women I fucked. I've had it for years, buried somewhere in my Evernote. It has felt for a good while like something that needed to go. But I wasn't quite ready to let it go. And so the completer in me just had to keep it updated every time. Keep score. The original idea was to keep going and stop at 100. However, that was the 22 year old me. It's a controversial thing to have, but I stand by it. I haven't shown it to people and it doesn't hurt anyone either. It gave me some joy, a little self-esteem boost when comparing the number with my friends', and was a nice way to rebel against my dad. But now it feels ridiculous and it obviously corrupts my mindset. I'm going to take advantage of this momentum and let it go.

I just told the girl who comes by every once in a while for a massage that ends in sex, that I'm not interested in that kind of thing anymore. Which is a radical step for me. Screw my network of women-whom-i-sometimes-fuck. I built it to distract myself, to guarantee a wet hole to put it in whenever I felt a perceived need, so I could perpetuate that illusion. It all needs to be cleaned up. I've tasted the Real Thing (TM). Meaning, sex with someone I felt deeply connected to, which made it infinitely more blissful. Maybe for the first time in my life. At least this level of intensity is not something I remember from before. I've felt deep connections with girls before, even some that I was equally over the moon with. But then, my baseline level of awareness and openness was lower, and there was more neediness, which still made it more pornographic and less profound in comparison. And in this glorious way, my appetite for casual sex has been effectively spoiled. The thought actually disgusts me. And what a blessing. Because sexual urges are too strong to just surpress with discipline. A transformative experience like this, is the only thing that could have cured me. The belief that a hard cock means I need to find people to have sex with, has been such a destructive influence on my creativity. A huge timesink, as well as muddying the waters of my clear sustained focus. I think I'm ready for that 'sexual transmutation' all the kids these days are ravin' about. What will I do if I don't see this woman again? I hope I do, cause I really like this one, but it doesn't change this at all. I will just stay celibate until I encounter something truly meaningful again. And when that presents itself, I don't need to have practiced 'game' in the meantime. Everything will flow automatically. I'm a naturally attractive man when I'm on my path, there's nothing I have to try or do for it. God already made that clear on the plane home. More on that later, maybe.

@RendHeaven Awesome initiative Awesome question I commend you, sir. Here's what you're missing: lead by making the first move in vulnerability. Share what you are feeling and what is going on for you. If you feel resistance, you are on the right track. People tend to mirror honesty and openness, and leading by first exposing yourself will create trust.

@sleep I've met some recent true friends: Doing workshops in activities I was interested in, but also scared of In a therapy retreat while dealing with childhood conditioning You never know where they come from, but they present themselves when you are brave and express your true interests in action. Are you surpressing your authentic interests as a habit, to get along with your current, shallow friends?

Familiar dream. I'm at my parental home. Realising I am 20 years old and still have to graduate high school this year. Failing again would be too embarassing. But it's impossible, because I'm so behind. I have only gone to some of the classes, and not written anything down. I have so much math, biology, and Latin to catch up on, that it makes me sick with panic and think of quitting. How could I have been so foolish to be lazy and procrastinate studying for so long...

@Hardkill Looking for simple truths like this is a dead end...the world is nuanced. And what would it bring you? Women are hornier than men? Now what?

@Beginner Mind I see now that I was being unclear and unnecessarily rude. I apologize. Let me try to explain what I meant. Of course there is nothing wrong with getting opinions. It's just that if you're not willing to impulsively try out different things to say and fail, you won't be able to be spontaneous and free-flowing in conversation with her. And then, by the law of state transference, she will also not feel free to say whatever, and the interaction will be stifled. The last statement is the effect it's going to have on the other when you showcase what you think of as a weakness. Your job is to love it, so you won't see it as a weakness. Fixing it can be a part of that, or not. That way she won't feel the burden of it and it's easy for her to love you too.

@Beginner Mind Do you only do things out of need? So when you transcend all needs, what then?

Open your eyes, man As long as you are in the seeking-fulfillment modus though, it's natural to project that same motivation onto others. So to you, they are invisible.

@Beginner Mind perhaps my harsh approach was not a great choice. Just know that I mean no offense. I'm trying to point at something here, which, if you fix it, will get you the real results with the ladies that you are looking for. Do you see it?

@Beginner Mind So, while these teachers will say things like, "A partner will never fulfill you", the next moment you will see them holding the hand of their beloved partner... Seems somewhat hypocritical to me. You mistakenly assume that the only reason to do something is out of need. Need for fulfillment in this case. If that were true, enlightened people would stop engaging with the world and calmly await death as a hermit. But that's not what they do, is it? The more enlightened you are, the better a vessel you are for God. And God wants not to do nothing! It fractioned itself into you and other people because it wants to experience! There are lots of forces that flow freely in an enlightened being, like the desire for creative expression, sharing, interacting, playing, loving! When you are done needing, life becomes the ultimate joyful playground. Why NOT have a partner?

You should also add: "I lack the balls to try out my own ideas without having them validated by a bunch of strangers. I don't trust my own brain, so you can't trust me either. I am not okay with myself in the following areas, so instead of learning to love myself I need you to do it for me: social skills, exercise"

Definitely coming back to earth a bit from my oxytocin-fuelled multi-day drug trip. Some low-consciousness food cravings and behaviours present themselves. I indulge a little, because it's all okay and I know I won't spiral. I naturally gravitate towards healthy living most of the time. I realize that getting to know a lover is a process I have to respect. I shouldn't try to skip steps. And even though she and I have gotten to know each other a fair bit over the past couple days, and my heart wants to already scream the L-word from the rooftops because it's high on pheromones and overjoyed with the obvious compatibility, it's only been a couple of days. We've only uncovered a fraction of what there is to know about the other. A promising start, that's all it is. Building a real connection takes a lot more time. So I take a breath, and focus on cleaning up my space and getting a new laptop.

@onacloudynight It's possible. In my tantra organization we call it "dolphin sex"? Just start being your girly and playful self around lots of new people, and someone is bound to get attracted. Be aware that you have to meet lots of people, and not settle for anyone who you can't be completely yourself with. Takes time, effort, patience and resolve.

Did you try meditating on it and seeing what comes up?

@Striving for more You have cause and effect backwards. You think intrusive sexual urges cause you to watch porn (or fantasize) and masturbate. But actually, masturbating while fantasizing or with porn causes intrusive sexual thoughts. Here's how you break the pattern: allow yourself to touch yourself, but without fantasy or porn. Stay present in the moment. Look at your dick. Enjoy the sensations. Masturbate as a meditation. Watch how you naturally won't want to ejaculate, and will just feel like you had enough after a while.

Good for you that you know what you want to be and set out to find people who like that! Just socialize as yourself. If you are accepting and loving you as you are, so will others. Keep mentioning that you are straight, just very feminine. You might try LGBTQ-friendly places to find more open-minded people. If you live in a small town, get out of it, that doesn't work. Do you actively dislike masculinity? Investigate whether it is in your shadow, in which case work on integrating it. That could be connected to people being repulsed. You didn't mention why you don't want to be masculine at all, but it's important. Also, do you want intense sexuality in a relationship? Then you'll have to look for masculine women. With both people of the same polarity, there won't be a lot of sex and it won't be very hot. There is the occasional girl that likes my feminine energy, but it's rare. That's going to be the case wherever you live. Price of wanting something outside the norm. Most women (not all) are most comfortable in their feminine, so they need a masculine pole.

I can confirm this is a real thing. One time this lady asked me: "Are you aware that you are very different from other people?" We literally had only done small talk. She went on to disqualify herself by saying that she wasn't as developed as me, and she hoped that was okay, and I shouldn't expect her to be as far along the development journey as me, and she's just so far behind me, et cetera. She even said it makes her feel unsafe. It was no problem, we had a couple dates after that, but she kept bringing it up in different ways, saying I was so far beyond the norm. Again, only doing small talk and sharing stories and having intimacy. Not talking about anything serious or PD-related. The bottom line is that you should really go find people who are on your level. She felt the truth of that before you did.

This. However, OP doesn't really want to get laid. He's content in his current situation. And that's okay.

@Strangeloop Some tricks that have gotten me through that kind of situation in the past: 1. I tell her that this happens sometimes with new people and not to worry about it. I take the condom off and lay down beside her. I get another condom out of the package and put it within reach. I spoon her and talk to her. After 10 minutes, the talking to each other will have taken my mind off the judgment, and the sensation of her ass cheeks pressed against my pelvis will start to make me rock hard. I rub my cock against her in that position until it's good and hard, and then I put another condom on and put it in in that position. 2. I lie on my back and have her sitting on me. I leave the condom on and have her rub her pussy on my soft dick, back and forth, while I talk to her and kiss her. I just invite her to rock back and forth, enjoying the sensation. After a while, the talking will have distracted my mind enough to get hard, and I put it in. So you can try to get enlightened and rid yourself of judgment, but in my experience you can also save that for later and just distract your mind by relaxing and talking about other things, whilst remaining in an intimate position. And eventually your body will just know what to do.