flowboy

Why are some individuals more sensitive? Why do some people have lactose intolerance, gluten sensitivity, peanut allergies, and heavy reactions to food additives? And the rest of us seem fine with it? Why doesn't evolution just make us all the same? Clearly it's better to be not allergic or sensitive, right? Wrong. They are the canaries in the colemine for the rest of us. Lactose intolerant people are there to warn us that dairy is bad for everyone. Peanut allergic people are there to warn the rest of us that eating peanuts will kill them slowly. Same with gluten. With sensitive individuals, we have the advantage to know a lot sooner which ingredients are bad news for MOST of us. But with most of us, it seems fine for the first 40 years while it slowly kills us, until we can no longer ignore it. By then, it's really hard to trace back what caused our dementia, osteoporosis, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, or heart disease. And even if we're able to figure it out after so long, it's: Too late because we have done a lot of damage for most of our lives Too late because we are stubborn assholes and are set in our ways We need sensitive people to tell us how to live and eat! All of those benefits go out the window if we don't listen, though. Labeling things as a disorder is a way to avoid looking at the message right in front of us.

It's so funny to me that everything that modern humans created to make themselves more comfortable, is coming back to bite them in the ass. Warm showers. Actually, cold showers are healthier. Soft beds. Actually, sleeping on a harder surface is better for your back. Monoculture. Feeding everyone with grains and corn. Actually though, that causes diabetes, obesity and auto-immune. Teflon no-stick pans. Actually, teflon messes with your hormones. Oops. Pasteurization. Actually it changes milk from healthy to unhealthy. Thermostats and temperature control. Actually, being hot and cold is healthy, because we need environmental stress. Comfortable desk jobs, looking everything up on the computer. Actually, that lack of movement is killing us. GMO crops that defend themselves better against insects. Actually, they also destroy your gut better. Coffee! Make you work better! Also make your bones crack better, lower your testosterone and cause anxiety and depression. Computers! For, you know! Porn and stuff, and accelerating innovation to a stomach-churning speed. Turns out looking at screens really messes with your sleep. Oops. Porn! For, you know. Turns out watching hundreds of people have sex damages your brain and ability to focus or interact normally with the other sex. Who knew. Plastic bottles! Cheaper, don't break and cause bleeding. How convenient. Do cause man-tits, infertility and stunted testicular development however. We are just innovating so fast, we have no time to learn the long-term effects of anything. How come people used to know that you had to peel tomatoes? Or sprout grains? Or detoxify corn with lye? Slower pace of innovation. More time to learn what that belly-ache means, and what to do about it. When everything has stayed the same, and you try one new food - and everyone who does feels worse, then you know what it is. You can experiment and find other ways to prepare it. In modern times, innovation is coming at us from all sides, and our method for learning is broken! Belly-ache could mean anything. Disease could mean anything. Because half the things we use and eat are so new, there's no one variable that's clearly to blame. Some things are good. - Fire - Glass - Wheels - Stainless steel - Cotton

Well, I'm done with rice milk! (after this container) It's cheaper than almond milk, so I've been buying rice milk instead. Probably just as healthy, right? Wrong. Not only does rice milk contain unacceptable levels of arsenic, it's also made with brown rice apparently! Brown rice contains lectins, and lectins cause all sorts of problems from acting like splinters in the gut, to coagulating your blood. Yikes. Is almond milk even safe? If it's made with the skins, it's not lectin-free. We already know that soy milk is not great. But: white almond butter is from peeled almonds, and you can blend it with water and recreate peeled almond milk! Who knew.

The first part can be explained as a guerilla marketing campaign by Doritos.

Damn it, I'm going to have to change my soup I've been cooking the same soup for a month now, it's basically Leo's soup but with peas or lentils. But it didn't digest as well as I had expected, it being full of vegetables and healthy fats. My gut was clearly having trouble. First, I blamed the peas and switched to lentils. That was a bit better, but the problem was not completely resolved. Today I stumble upon this podcast and I have a likely explanation: peas, lentils and any legumes apparently contain lectins (of which gluten is one) which are bad for the gut. The peas are already soaking, so I'll do one more experiment: throwing out the water that they soaked in, and cooking them in fresh water. Let's see how that goes. I don't know how to thicken a soup without peas or lentils! Only vegetables in water is just too boring for me. And I don't want to give up hummus! (chickpeas are legumes) But this stuff is very important to me because I am sensitive to a lot of foods, and my ability to focus , have energy and get things done is easily affected.

@RendHeaven Thank you So apparently my brain doesn't really start going full-speed until about 14:00pm. I find this quite consistently. I wonder. Should I be sleeping in every day until 12, and just work until 2am? Is there a natural biorhythm that determines dopamine levels, and is not adjustable by habit? Is it different if I break a sweat in the morning? Is it because the weather is cloudy? It definitely seems to make a big difference. Perhaps tracking these things could help me figure this out.

Going to the train station, kind of sleepy, I felt the urge to get coffee and a chocolate muffin. I went into the store and looked for something that would not violate my rules. Then realised I only had week budget left for 1 item. Had to choose: dark chocolate or smoothie? Chose smoothie. The smoothie turned out to have dairy in it. So I'm looking at it, hungry, but I won't drink it. I'll give it to my friend. That would have gone so differently even a couple months ago! When hungry or sleepy I tended to get whatever I wanted, healthy or not, budget or no. I feel like I'm vulnerable to a backlash right now. I could even enjoy a hand rolled cigarette with that coffee. Oh, to be impulsive and unhealthy again... a simpler time

Ahhhh, good old times...

Need More Punctuality Something keeps happening on Mondays: I didn't plan my next day on Sunday and I didn't clean up on Sunday. Because that is my lazy day and I need that. But it's almost impossible for me to go from lying around watching videos or whatever, to cleaning up and preparing for Monday and going to bed on time. There's no momentum. So I'll try to do it on Sunday morning (planning next day and cleaning up). I'm hoping that way I'll keep some momentum for the rest of the day to also meditate and go to bed on time. I went back to bed today and slept in till 9:30. Now I feel rested but guilty. I still had dishes to do and stuff lying around that I have to clean up. It will be 14:00 before I even make a plan for the rest of the day. That's wasting 5 hours. That's really, really expensive if you've only got about 19 hours a week to realise your dream. Unacceptably expensive. So let's fix it. I also need to adapt my weekly schedule a bit. For the most part it works well, but there are some minor things that I optimized away (double workouts and daily EK practice) and it causes my wind-down time to be a bit flaky cause I can't take the schedule seriously. So I want to be really punctual with it and never go against my own plan and stay in bed again. 32 day No Backlash Streak My habit tracker has been looking pretty good for 32 days! That's definitely a breakthrough, because in the past I'd usually have a major backlash after 2 weeks, and lose at least 10 days of eating garbage until I picked it up again. For the most part, things are working! The schedule is working, the habits are working, the systems are working. But man, is this a hard journey. Waking up and going to sleep at the same time every day. Staying disciplined in following the plan every day. Eating healthy every day. Sounds simple but I've burnt a lot of calories trying to get it right, and I've gotten it a lot more right but am not there yet.

Skipping Skipping Breakfast For the past six months I have aimed to eat the first meal at 12 o'clock. Today I didn't, because I wanted to take my microdose at 8 in the morning. It led to an amazing workflow, and I still have energy left! I ate during work, quickly did the dishes after, so I could start my 'second job' at 19.00. Usually by this time I'm so worn out that it goes slowly and I procrastinate. This time not so much! Could it be that all the willpower needed to stay hungry before noon is actually draining me? I have also noticed that it is hard to have energy in the brain before I have eaten. So I have a suspicion that it's bad for my productivity.

"Weinig op aan te merken" So driving went a-mazing. Somehow I was super relaxed and could think faster today. My instructor thinks it is because I am looking further ahead and alternating that with looking close by. I think it is because I drove super slow last time, and walking through things super slow is how I learn to do it fast. I really need that. Because every thing has so many nuances in my mind, I need to respect that and take my time. If I try to force myself to do things fast, I just build stressful knots into the activity that will activate every next time I do it.

Overworked Hello, third stage of burnout. Gotta be careful now. I'm recognising the signs: Hard to think clearly, tired mind Tasks seem insurmountable Anger Fantasies of quitting job just to make a point I feel like a wide hole has been drilled inside my skull, where both my eyes used to be. It's like I don't properly see the world. I want to scream at everybody but I also kind of wanna cry Constantly away in thought, not because I'm distracted, but because I'm tired I just hate having a job period. My job is a great one, but it's still a job, where I have to compromise on what is good and wise because of other people's foolishness. I think when it's time to hire employees, I'll be an insufferable perfectionist boss, like Steve Jobs. The kind of boss that everyone is kind of scared of. I'm extremely detail oriented and unwilling to compromise on principles, compared to most people, so that fits nicely. I can already see it. I look forward to it. Dark thoughts creeping in Feeling worn out around the eyes So this has not to do with caffeine withdrawal, I can tell because I still understand everything, it's just more exhausting to. Also this is not an ADD thing. That feels different. I just really need a recovery day. I went to the store to solve a problem with containers. I did not solve the problem, because I could not decide. Got myself some fresh orange juice and dark chocolate, to cheer myself up. Didn't even eat more than two pieces, so I still get diet points for today! Look at me, being disciplined but flexible. I wanted to get several beers. This is the kind of stress that makes me crave alcohol.

Public Holiday! Nobody works! Other people are probably enjoying the hot sunny weather right now. What did I do? That's right. Follow the schedule. Work on my video script for 7:45 hours. It's too hot to properly concentrate. I don't feel like doing this work. My eyes are feeling weird. But I am. Doing it. No distractions. No FOMO. It feels awesome. You have to take enjoyment in the fact that no one else will want to be in your place right now - David Goggins I didn't feel like doing it. I still, after 8 hours don't feel like continuing. But that makes no difference to me. I am the master of my mind and my body.

Managed to work on the sales video for 8 hours today! AND take a much needed powernap, which costs me 50min at minimum, AND take a covidtest AND do all of the dishes. I'd say this was a good day. My mind is not as sharp with this crazy energy as yesterday and the day before - could be weather related. But still, I'm functioning quite well and pushing straight through any resistance, penetrating into a flow state through sheer force of will. As a habit.

It's so nice to work on one thing for an entire day, and nothing else! Definitely keeping this practice of reserving entire days for deep work, and not letting a little one-off here and there creep in. I actually made progress on a big project. Perhaps only 20%, but that's still much more satisfying than tending to random admin things. Also, all the little things that come up / have to be done, I move them to a dedicated day. So that I have taken a breath and when the day is there, I can still have the right amount of distance to it to be able to purge / cancel some unimportant stuff.

LOW CArB DIET

State Save Man am I on fire. I just smashed through a challenging accounting session in record time. I had a long backlog of transactions to deal with (something that would have caused me anxiety and procrastination on many other days), AND there were two extra hurdles with it: I closed several accounts and didn't know how to administrate that, and also an expense which is part business part private. Didn't know how to do that either, but I just improvised both and blasted through it. What I'm noticing Super fast decision making Super fast prioritization: I'm able to skip over and let go of less important things, and picking out the essentials in record time. This is unprecedented. No procrastination No breaks or sidetracks No anxiety even though this was a super daunting task Brain running on 100%, like on coffee but better A noticable sense of motivation and drive, incited by this challenge. So: something daunting and tedious is actually motivating me to blast through it and complete it quickly! WHAT. That's new I have all the energy in the world I was on my feet all day, cleaning, cooking, and also doing admin stuff, and I did not get the usual tiredness, where it feels like I have to sit down, and my back and shoulders start to hurt. Sometimes I could not even finish the dishes in one sitting. None of that today. Were all of those things caused by caffeine? Inputs Let's see which factors could have contributed microdosed 1g of psilocybin truffles today. Effects already gone, but may be experiencing after effects. Have been microdosing for over a week. Inboxes are all clean I cleaned up all lingering projects some days ago. So, what I'm working on this week is the total of everything that has to be done. There's no vague sense of many things I also have to do after, in some nonexistent parallel never-get-to-it world. That's new. I do suspect it contributes a lot to how energetic I feel. But I can't be sure. I cleaned up several boxes that were in my daily walking path. I put the contents in my new closet, and that side of my place looks more spacious and clean now. I just like it better to look there now. Perhaps that is also adding to my energy. I have been working out every day. Today was a stiff workout including many burpees. I have been on a dopamine fast for the past week - hardly watching any videos, not checking notifications until 7PM I have been eating super clean for the past 11 days: no caffeine, no wheat, no sugar, no dairy, basically only my vegetable soup and eggs. Today I ate a steak and eggs for breakfast. Perhaps I was missing that This is day 5 of not ejaculating. But it feels like day 17 I have been sticking to my no-distractions-during-work policy quite well, so no guilty emotional drama taking up my energy there I have been sticking to my daily schedule quite well My new todo system (in Notion instead of OneNote) is a lot less work and more fun I feel loved and am extremely happy in my relationship I should really pick out the posts like this (whenever I had an exceptionally good day like this I made a post), and compare them all to see what I can learn. Ironically, today I ordered some state-of-the-art nootropics from America. For driving. And on the day that I order those, I feel like I already took a limitless pill? Wait... is that how the placebo effect works? It just kicks in before the package has even arrived?

This is a stiff fucking microdose. I'm cutting this down a bit. Phew. Meal Prep It's still two days to go, but it looks like... I may have successfully prepared dinner and lunch for myself for an entire week, using one cooking session with one 10 liter pan! Super happy with my pea soup. I've been eating the same thing for two weeks now and I look forward to it every day. Lot of farts though. That's why I'm thinking peas might not digest optimally, it feels like they get a bit stuck. Going to try lentils too. It opens up possibilities... I could also fill my 10L pan with my delicious curry and eat that for a week! I think I'll do that next Saturday. Cook once a week, eat something different every week instead of every day... I'm liking it. I don't know how humans fell into this terribly inefficient pattern of creating something different to eat from scratch every day. It's almost deliberately insane. At least for entrepreneurs living alone, who want to make the most use out of their time, it doesn't make any freaking sense. Also, the complexity of finding out what's healthy and what's not for every different recipe/combination is just too high to repeat every day, if you want to work for 12-13 hours. Also, the idea of a "varied diet" being imperative, and translating that into cooking with different ingredients every day, it's a myth and a scam... don't even get me started on that. Ok, I'll start a little bit. Varying your diet is a good idea if you have no idea what you are doing. Eat a whole bunch of different things and there will be some good stuff in there that agrees with you. It's like diversifying an investment portfolio. A good idea if you are clueless and don't trust your own judgment. Better get some of everything! A terrible idea if you actually know your stuff. Why do you think that hedge funds never have more than 3-5 big active trades? That's right. They know what they are doing. Same with the body. If you find a food type that really agrees with you, just eat that, and a couple other things that work optimally and burn clean. Don't switch it up with all sorts of weird stuff for no reason. The body can make everything it needs from what you eat, if it's reasonably healthy. Rant over. Edit: Rant not over. Of course eating the same thing for 6 months is not optimal. That's why some vegans run into trouble. Or vegetarians who forget to eat eggs. There are some things you need every once in a while. But really, every once in awhile is enough. Eat a bit of organ meat and a fatty fish or bit of chicken once a month, or once every two months, and you're good. Some nuts. All extremes end in tears.

Microdosing is like running your own software with a debugger. You can still go about your day and get stuff done, but you're able to inspect and fix your own thought patterns along the way. 3d day of yet another coffee detox, and so the choice was between being sleepy and dumb all day and taking something. took 1.016g of psilocybin truffle and 500mg rhodiola and 1.5g Astragalus. Really liking the result. It's a lot like the benefits of coffee without the drawbacks. Had a 4 hour creative work session where I brainstormed my presentation and reverse engineered some good examples. Going to create an awesome fucking pitch. I can feel it. Also my movements (typing) are faster and well coordinated. It seems to me that it's easier to get stuff done on psilocybin than on 1P-LSD when it comes to microdosing. Gonna test microdosing psilocybin for driving, too. Also, my friend found a driving school that specializes in people who learn a bit slower for whatever reason. They say that it's very common for people who are cognitively very high-functioning, to learn driving a lot slower, because they learn by using their analytical mind and remembering all sorts of rules. And more simple-minded people drive without thinking about it and learn really quickly that way. Their words, not mine. But it's good news. I'm going to see if they offer a 10 day intensive course where I can drive every day. I think that would be so much more efficient for learning. It's always too long ago when I get into a car after a week of break. MAN I'm typing fast. Gotta remember this combination.

I DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING DISORDER I could fucking cry right now. My driving instructor is at the end of his wits, because he's taught me everything already, I can do everything but it still takes me too long to think about things in traffic. He wants me to take neurotoxic chemicals again so I will pass the exam. I AM NOT FUCKING MENTALLY DISABLED. I AM NOT STUPID. I resent the world for treating me that way. And I am also at my wits end. I don't know what to do when I eat super healthy and still have brain fog. No wonder I self-medicate with caffeine. Which is also toxic. I'm so done with the outside world persuading me to poison myself.

She couldn't tell you directly because she supposedly cared about not hurting your feelings, so instead she sprinkled little hints around, so that your confidence would be systematically destroyed over a longer time? Does this make any sense? There is even a name for this pattern, it's called the poison drip. You can look it up. I'm not saying you were naive and should have known, of course not. I'm also not saying she is evil and did this on purpose. But you are still making excuses for her clearly very toxic behavior. She did something to you that, in the flipped around case, you wouldn't do to her, right? You're still under her spell a bit. The trap closed when she started giving you the message "not good enough in bed, and I might leave you for another because of that", and you took the bait and decided you were going to accept this challenge to match up to her standards. Right there is where you can recognize the toxic element: having an open conversation about sexual needs is fine, threatening to leave you over it and pushing you to feel competitive over her with this other male, is NOT fine. Make no mistake, chicks do this on purpose all the time. Make men compete over them because they enjoy it and it covers up the hole in their own self esteem. But it's narcissistic behavior. Your current girlfriend is now dealing with a boyfriend who is obsessed with making her orgasm, making her feel pressured and less likely to orgasm, because of how your ex emotionally abused you. My point is not that you are doing anything wrong, believe me I have been there and I can see that you are just trying to do right. I think it is not healthy for you to make excuses for her anymore. I think it would be healthier to fully appreciate how unkind, selfish and manipulative she was to you, and really allow yourself to be angry. Anger is a cleansing, healing emotion that is necessary and must be fully felt. Then, some days or weeks later, forgive her.(of course, do not communicate with your actual ex. Just talking about your emotional process here) Right now you're having a hint of stockholm syndrome. ?

@integral Oh my god. I'm sorry this happened to you. This woman was very toxic to you and clearly messed with your head. She shouldn't have exposed you at all to those texts by him, just blocked it out and forget about it! Instead she took it as an opportunity to mess with your confidence, apparently. Successfully. Because that is the easiest way to make a man insecure, to talk about guys who supposedly fucked her so much better I can't even begin to understand the sadism and unconsciousness in this person. You definitely should have broken up with her sooner. And also, even though it has motivated you to learn some new moves and learn to use toys, which is nice, I think it's indeed time to re-think your entire interpretation of that situation. I so can understand and feel this, too... He "gets her" in the end... And then you build the whole story in your mind, of what to do so this never happens again... But what does he get? An unconscious woman with toxic and manipulative tendencies who likes to emotionally castrate the men she's with. What a prize! It's only a matter of time before she'll start to work on his confidence, too, trying to bring him down to her level, and telling him about how much better you fucked her, or how much bigger your dick is, or how she liked something better about you and you're RIGHT around the corner. That's how people like that function. They help raise somebody's confidence, then draw them in, then once they have them, switch tactics and bring the person down, destroying their confidence. Emotional vampirism. The equivalent would be if you would be in bed with your woman, scrolling on your phone through pictures of your exes, showing HER how hot they are, telling her about how much more physically attractive you find them, and even showing/telling you that they are still messaging you and interested in you! Imagine doing that to a person. What the f man. No class, no class at all. and who would tolerate it? And now imagine you had done that to your ex, gotten back together with one of the "hotter" girls you showed her that time, and now she has taken that to heart in a similar way, using diet pills and purging so this "will never happen to her again" That's what you get if you flip it around. Make no mistake. This person was emotionally abusive to you.

Ok I can NOT take a microdose of LSD and also do things on the computer... psychedelics just make me frustrated with technology and not see the point of it. Well to be fair, I'm also still detoxing from my latest caffeine binge. Withdrawal from caffeine makes me sluggish and uninterested in technology. That has been proven before. Very inconvenient for a programmer, indeed. Hence being hard to quit, indeed. Sometimes I just wish I had 100K in the bank and didn't have this pressure to put food on the table every day, so I could just calmly figure out my health and my business. Ok that's a lie. EVERY DAY I wish that.

Just watched a video by an ex-alcoholic looking for some gold, and I found it. Reason being that my pattern with coffee is very similar to that of an alcoholic trying to quit. It's everywhere, it becomes part of your life, all your friends do it, you get sucked in and tempted again and it fucks up your life. Here's the cool reframe I found: "No one can make you!" (drink again) So cool. No one can make me drink coffee again. They can't force me to put that cup to my lips! Powerful reframe because it takes the temptation away and turns it into a rebellious challenge.

God has ADD - an explanation for reality So God could actually be the most ADD entity in existence. If somebody asked him or it: "If you could do anything, and had all of the energy and all of the time? What would you do?" And then, BOOM... this explosion of everything would happen. We're in God's mind while he ponders that question. And when he thinks: "It's time to focus" that's when we enter the Singularity. And when he's allowed to daydream again, another Big Bang!