flowboy

Fucking up her head how? Like specifically, how does this work? Any science you can link?

@coca Why would a woman's "sexual value" be influenced by how many people she slept with? Explain that.

Then talk to your long time girlfriend about it, not us What's her name?

A value judgment on how many people someone has slept with, makes no sense - after all, you have much better sex with someone who's had some experience. People who slut shame (and that's what you're doing) are just afraid that she's been with another man in the past who has a bigger dick, better moves, or is just in general a better man.

What's wrong with being promiscuous? It's judgmental and fear-based. People who think like this usually fear female sexuality and want to control and contain it. And it's hypocritical. People who think like this usually don't mind getting a lot of sexual experience themselves. If they can even get it, because with a judgmental attitude, it's very unlikely that a women will feel comfortable enough with you to have sex. The truth is women like sex, and it's their right to enjoy it in any way they please, with whomever they please. And if you judge them for it, then they won't give you the good sex they are capable of. Or more likely, none at all

What's a "hoe"?

None of this is based on real personal experiences by you, is it? You're just reading toxic shit online, and now you're poisoning the well here. Do everyone a favor and get on a healthier information diet.

@integral In al seriousness, can she come live with you? Because from what I've heard, it's really a nightmare to be placed in a strangers' home by child protective services. Not a bright outlook from there. She needs therapy - at least EMDR and talk therapy, I'd say - but any therapist would be obligated to call the cops, at least where I live. If that would lead to him being seized, great - but if it means her having no home because the mom failed to protect her - not so great. Does her mom know about this?

Not every flake is because she didn't want to. Most of them will be because in the moment she felt like 'ok sure', and later she had a fight with her mom and just felt negative and couldn't remember why she said yes to that. And if there's no concrete future plan that you drilled into her brain - it's like whatever. Why? It's not weird. It's only weird if she's not liking you. The subtext of the conversation has to indicate that you are an awesome guy and that she is interested in getting to know you. By subtext I mean that it's not literally said, but both of you feel it. If that's the case, it's not weird, it's actually a relief when you bring up a future plan. Because in that stage you need an 'excuse' to hang out. You both know you like each other but you can't say it yet - that would break the spell. So she wants you to invent an excuse, make a narrative that allows both of you to meet again. You know it's a date, she knows it, but the guise is casual - low commitment, something cool, hangout. But you both know it's more than that. But you don't say it. That's the game. It's not about the thing. The thing is just the excuse you create so both of you can be together without already publicly committing to a date, or confirming that you for sure like each other. It has to be up in the air. You only need this narrative when there's a subtextual understanding that you are an attractive man and you may or may not be interested in her, and you want to give her a chance, and she's thinks you're attractive and hopes that you like her. If you get hesitation, work on establishing this first. And of course - you don't establish this by telling her things to impress her - instead you make sure that you believe you are awesome, are feeling awesome, you love yourself, and so then you radiate that. Then you are already attractive without saying anything. The vibe is strong. From there, you just kinda say whatever, anything is fine as long as you worship your own words. Downplay your awesomeness, even. "I'm just a regular guy (big smile)" is great.

There's no way to know that, because it's unethical to do long-term scientific studies on people, long enough to risk health damage. And if it's not because it's unethical, then it is because hardly anybody is interested in this, that the information simply doesn't exist. Only one thing to do - find out for yourself. Keep a log on how you feel. Stick to it at least a couple months to make sure you're fully adapted. Use data - get an Oura ring, and log your stats. Track how your readiness score develops as you adapt. We'd love to know! Please post back.

I can't believe my state of zen! I am behind schedule and will have to do tomorrow almost everything I planned today. And I'm super happy and chill about it! Because I went about my day relaxed, assumed everything was here to help me, and had time to enjoy it on the way. Buy some artisanal sausage from a small butchery who had a stand there.. sure! Answer a call from a friend and have a great conversation... yes! In the store just now, I notice something interesting. I can tune into people. I can focus on any stranger I see and feel empathy for what they are processing and how they were raised, and feel a sense of attraction and appreciation for the men and women I see there. Not sexual attraction... different sort of attraction. I'm taking in their vibe, even though I'm passing them in only a couple seconds. There's zero shyness or wanting to 'escape' from eye contact. I'm so grounded, so open, that anyone I simply look at, lights up and starts to smile. I noticed this crazy effect at least 5 times during my store visit, that looking at someone just makes them burst out of their thinking loop and light up with happiness. I recognize that this was always there, but I usually have mental stuff blocking it. Plans, stress, thoughts about having to do X Y and Z after. But I'm free from it in this moment, and that means I can free other people. Pretty cool. I think Matt Kahn had something to do with it. Possibly also microdosing 1B-LSD. And most definitely the mushroom coffee I treated myself to: it had Reishi and Lion's Mane in it. I would love to procure a good quality Reishi extract or powder. I feel so calm and mentally clear, and my intuition says that this is a very good supplement for ADD to take. I'm also noticing that I'm naturally wanting to be super generous and helpful, without really going too far that it takes away from me. I'm helping my roommate with covid, and I'm helping strangers by telling them that it's okay not to rush, everybody has time. Please slow down, find what you were looking for in your bag, and move away from the door when you're ready. I strongly dislike the pressure that comes when I'm in the way of people while looking for something or packing something. Now I got to relieve that for a stranger.

They are just not interested enough (yet). You should be vibing with them so much, that they voluntarily give you their contact info. Creating a shared vision of a future plan/activity together is crucial, or at least having a mutual agreement in the conversation that you should see each other again. It can be as short as "I think we should hang out. Yeah, I'd like that. Blah blah..", or as elaborate as you telling something cool you're going to do, and casually saying "btw you should come too", as long as she's enthusiastic about it. If you do that naturally through conversation, exchanging details is only a natural next step that doesn't require thinking/an awkward moment. I suspect that a lot of those numbers you ask for without having very concrete future date plans, rarely actually meet you again. Am I correct? So be careful what you measure. Girls give their numbers all the time just to get rid of someone. Again, because rejecting a guy to his face is not only awkward but can be mortally dangerous to them. Measure the percentage of girls actually showing up, to determine whether your strategy works.

I want to live my whole life slowly! Anything that requires constant stressing and rushing, is not worth doing. Or, more precisely, I want to subtract things until I have space to do the things that are left fully, and mindfully. A form of minimalism. I function so much better when I just go through my day in a chill mode, not stressing about time, taking some time for detours to help people. Not being too strict with myself, but also not going overboard. Perhaps this will not materialize for a few years, but I've had a taste today and I think it's much better than all the stressing I've done for the past 28 years. I think I always wanted to live slowly, mindfully and do everything at my own pace. But the school/work mold forced its rhythm on me, it didn't fit me, and I internalised it as me being defective. Even before I was an adult, I always took a long time in the shower, philosophising about lots of things, taking time to write ideas down. And somehow I have come to see that as "wrong". Time to unravel that. What if I just did one thing? Just my coaching business. And spent the rest of my time doing what I love: following my diverse interests, and hanging out having deep conversations with people I love. What if I only worked for 4 hours a day, unless I voluntarily wanted to do more? I can still build a successful business doing that, if I'm smart about it. Observation: I take a long time to do everything, because I'm thoughtful and get interrupted by interesting ideas a lot Previous interpretation: I'm lazy, I need to discipline myself to ignore my thoughts, and stress myself out to create adrenaline which makes me do the work faster. It's painful but at least I'm keeping up with the pace I have internalised as 'right'. New interpretation: I take a long time to do everything because it's a richer experience for me than for most. I need little input to generate a lot of ideas. I function better when I take my time. I am able to do everything much better when I don't stress, and certainly don't have problems planning or prioritizing. Therefore, I need to do less things, so that I can go for quality over quantity. Oh boy. That means letting go of a lot of goal-fantasies. But it does feel right.

Such a faithful afternoon. I'm hours behind schedule, but I'm choosing not to stress. Every little inconvenience or detour, I'm interpreting as: it's happening for a reason.

It's one of the best things I did for myself. Yes they sort of rotate the countries where they do it. I've done one in Sweden and in Denmark. Never in NL although I live there haha. You won't regret it

Good work. You know, if you're ready to take some real action about it, here's what I did, and I LOVED it: tantra workshops. They have three-day sexual deconditioning retreats that are specially designed to help people release shame and insecurities and fears around sexuality. Everything toxic that they picked up on in the past, is being transformed through exercises. I did it once. And then I did it again, because it's just so much fun! I loved it. Never felt so free and godlike as coming back from a retreat like that. Here's where I did it I know these people, they're great at what they do. Feel free to pm me if you have questions.

Nice report! Don't you love those nights where you're just "on". Has she left already? Did she leave the day right after you met her? Otherwise, what are you doing writing a report, text her and demand that she come hang out right this minute! What you don't realise (what I also often did not realise?) is that girls will forgive you many fuckups if they like you. You know the ending was awkward. She knows that. But she's used to looking past things like that. You're torturing yourself trying to be 100% perfect, while in reality, So Many Awkward Moments have to happen before any boy and girl get together! And the girl forgives all of them because she likes him. She could be waiting for you to interact more. Drop the thought that you 'fucked up', obsessing over that is the real fuckup. If she's left the area and you don't even know when she'll be back, chances are you'll never see her again. You haven't been intimate, spent time together and built comfort, so unless you do more, you're just an 'interesting guy from one night' that she def. will forget if she's traveling. In any case, great experience, thanks for sharing!

@Striving for more No more pills for you sir, you've had quite enough And we all know mixing is dangerous. Good on you for not clinging to disempowering worldviews. I could give you some input on your latest pill, but that would cause you to overthink even more about "what is true". This is a fundamental mistake. Adopt a paradigm and it will become true. Because of confirmation bias, RAS (Reticular Activating System) and Law Of Attraction, how you decide to see the world is what you will see more and more evidence of, and what your subconscious will then move you towards so you take actions that make it more and more true, without you even knowing it. (Example: if you believe there's something wrong with your face, then you will unconsciously send signals with your body language and vocal tonality that make her believe that something's wrong with you) Therefore: Be aware that you can choose any paradigm that you can (learn to) believe, and it will dramatically shape your life and alter its course Choose wisely I hope that wasn't too abstract for you. This is my recommendation: take back control Get off youtube or reddit or wherever you find your "pills". Unsubscribe Roll your own. What do you want to become true? Ex: "Women love me", "I am handsome", "I have an abundance of hot girls waiting for me to talk to them", "I am naturally attractive", et cetera et cetera Write between 3 and 10 affirmations and read them to yourself every day and night. Phrase them in a way where they feel somewhere between believable and unbelievable. This limit will stretch. If the "I am" form feels too inauthentic, use "I'm becoming". That is powerful stuff. Don't get sucked into other people's views if they don't make you feel relaxed. Many people are unconsciously addicted to feeling anxious, and they will spread anxiety-provoking worldviews. Don't even give these the time of day. All conclusions that can be expressed in words are ultimately false, anyway. Watch what happens after a couple months of doing this... This is the basics of Psycho-Cybernetics, a book you might want to check out

You invoke arguments when communicating even the least bit of judgment. Only communicating without judgments will be taken well.

Mine, amongst others'. This guy is actually growing fast as fuck. So tone it down with the butthurt please, sir.

If you keep studying "women" as if they're aliens, you will not understand them and it's a road of self-deception. This is not about women at all, this is about people. You are people. I am people. They are just treating you like you would treat the relentless sales reps that are calling you literally every day, to convince you to switch phone provider or cable company. After 19 years of being pestered by relentless salespeople every day, you probably won't be very inclined to write a polite "No thank you, but have an incredible day sir" message either. Especially when you've learnt that most "polite" salespeople, upon seeing a polite message like that, become enraged, even threatening, or emotional, and keep trying to "reason with you". NO. NO VERIZON FOR ME SIR. So instead of verizon, they're selling their dick. But it's the same thing. You're not interested in it. And every day new guys come to sell you dicks you're not interested in. They're "polite", but you know that that's just a cover. When you say no, they become really unpredictable. Many become butthurt and you have to deal with the fallout. Some even become stalkers. And these salespeople are much stronger than you and can physically hurt you easily. And they are emotionally unstable and wildly unpredictable when you reject them and say the wrong thing as you do it. You never know what will set them off. Would you treat these salespeople with "respect and dignity" every day after 20 years of being pestered, and upon rejection, called names or even threatened? Or would you perhaps prefer to not take that gamble, and upon seeing any sign that this one might be one of those, GTF out? And if you're thinking: "But I am so much better than those everyday needy guys, and she should know!", think again. She's not that far off. When a woman rejects you, you still have a substantial emotional reaction. Which is what she can detect, and for her that's the criterium to assume you're "one of those". You know better than to be mean and threatening to women if you don't get your way, and that's great, but you still have the emotional response. It has to go somewhere, so you post on a forum. A much healthier outlet indeed. But she doesn't know that. All she has to work with, is the question "do I feel like this guy is needy", to determine whether you might become dangerous to her. So she develops her neediness sensors, and uses them to keep her away from needy guys. You might deal with your emotions better than some other guy, but as long as you're still needy, she'll want to GTFO to avoid trouble as soon as she detects that.

Focus on what I can, not what I can't Focusing on what I cannot, instead of what I can... is a pattern that is rooted deep in me. It's in everything. I noticed it when I tried to drum with my pinky finger. I could not. And so I obsessed over it. Finding out something I can't, makes me obsess. It's been like that since childhood. Or at least puberty. I even remember making that decision as a child. "I feel like I am powerless and can't do anything I want to do, SO NOW I WILL MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING I CAN NOT DO". Did a lot of drum drills that I did not need. Did a lot of weird exercises that nobody needs to do. Made a lot of impossible training schedules. I could have just drummed with a different finger. I'm still focusing on what I don't have instead of what I do have. And whenever I do that, I feel cramped, stressed and like it is never enough. Yeah, big surprise there. I want to be able to just "let it go" when I notice I don't have something or can't do something. But it's hard, I'm inclined to obsess over it instead. And then promise myself I'll fix it later. Which is never. Because the amount of work is infinite. But at least I don't have to face the lack of something, or the limitation. I created/developed some neurotic tendencies that I feel my parents had not a lot to do with. Such as this. Encounter a limitation. Don't have X, unable to do Y. Don't want to face the real world, want to stay in unlimited fantasy land. So just tell myself: "I will just whip myself into doing [unrealistic amounts of work] later, so that I can have this particular power/skill/desired situation. It's everywhere. For 10 years I told myself that I would start saving money later, which would make up for spending everything now. I told myself that I would finish these difficult studies later, so that I would not have to accept that I gave up. Moreover, I told myself that I would become a Master Pick-up Artist later, so that all my failures of the present would be erased. A deal with the devil. I'm wiser now. Even if I slept with 100 women, it would not heal the pain I created by avoiding going for what I wanted earlier in life. And even as I write this, something in me goes: "But a thousand might do it... You could feel superior to your player friend... Now wouldn't that be nice" Yes, it's something I used to aim for, but was it really a goal? Or was it a story that I told myself, to get out of showing up in the moment... If I don't approach this cute girl because I'm scared, I will judge myself harshly, but I can make myself feel better by promising to achieve unrealistic goals later. That I'm not even willing to work on in the moment. So they're not goals, they're lies. I am still plagued by old memories of chances I didn't take, girls I didn't ask out, girls who obviously wanted me but I pussied out of fucking them. And that is fine, people miss chances, it's what happens. But I feel like I am not processing these things properly. It seems like I've always avoided the truth that "this is not possible" or "I missed my chance" or "I decided not to talk to her" or "I decided to quit university", and instead borrowed energy from the future by making myself impossible promises that I would make up for it all later. I'm writing this because I am hoping that I am cleansing myself. I've got so many missed-chance memories that I covered up with promises, that were not properly processed. So many situations where once, years and years ago, I thought about doing something but then I did not do it, telling myself: "I will be better at it later. I will return as an awesome god later and this will be effortless". And those are still stuck in my mind and those moments plague me sometimes. Like now. I remember when I was 7 or 8, I was really into making stuff out of clay. One day I went to hike in the woods with my parents. On the hike, we saw a patch of clay that would be very usable to make things out of, and it had a cool ocre color. I thought to myself: "should I take some?". Maybe one of my parents even asked me. But I could not decide, and we walked on. That night when I was in bed, I remembered the patch of clay and I cried. I cried so hard, and started to complain that we should have taken it. I cried and complained so much, that finally my dad caved and was about to put on his jacket to go get some of that clay from the woods right now, just to make me stop. Typical. Something about doors closing, options not being open, opportunities not taken, that I could NOT stand, and I still deep down cling to the thought that really, I could do ANYTHING if I set my mind to it. Which sounds nice, but in my body it feels tight and unhealthy. And I've been clinging to it for way too long. I remember being shocked when I was a teenager, reading somewhere that there was an age that you had to get started if you wanted to become a professional tennis player. I had surpassed that age, and I COULD NOT DEAL. I remember telling my mom about it, that I could still become a professional tennis player, if I just worked hard on it. The option being closed was insufferable, so instead I invented this scam. Writing checks I could not cash. "Screw my natural talents, those mean nothing to me because I DIDN'T CHOOSE THEM, instead let my elevate Setting Impossible Standards and Stressing Myself Out Demanding Impossible Things as my new self-invented superpower." Using this proxy, I never had to deal with any real world choices anymore. This twisted me so far that later I came to see "going against my natural abilities" as the only virtue. No wonder I chose the university studies that I found interesting, but was also the hardest of all, even harder than medicine. No wonder I tried to force myself to be organised without help, even though I knew I had ADD by that point. Wow, it really is everywhere. On a small scale as well. And in the time dimension. So often when I'm in a bit of a disorganised mode where I'm not planning my day properly, I fall back to writing checks I know I can't cash. Watching YouTube all day while I still have to do something important. "I'll do it later" becomes "I will sacrifice my sleep and stay up all night to do this. It's hard, but I deserve the punishment for wasting so much time". And then I usually keep watching netflix until 1am, when I admit to myself that this ain't gonna happen today. But sometimes, I stay up until 6am. Unable to start doing whatever I'm dreading, but also unable to sleep! Because going to sleep would be admitting that I can't do it today anymore. That's a door closed! Unacceptable. So, better make stressed-out attempts at the task, interrupted with a lot more watching, to numb the self-hatred. I remember staying up watching youtube until 7AM when I had university in the morning. There was something I could not admit that I would not do, so I could not go to sleep. And if I don't watch anything, then my thoughts will torture me and make me do it, or admit failure. So I better keep watching. I remember procrastinating on meal prepping this way. It took me all night to prep the meals. I started at 1am, and was done at 6 or 7. Watched an entire season of something. Was dead the next day. Gross. What a game to play. This is really the essence of my neuroticism. I even did(do?) it with habit trackers when I was 19. I still have that old habit tracker with 30 habits on it. And screenshots of my To-Do list that had over 60 items most of which had been there for at least a year. And before that year, I used a different system that I abandoned. But I guarantee that if I would have found those old leftover tasks, I would have added those too. Screw being realistic. I have the stressing-myself-out superpower. I can tell myself that I have time for anything! Having between 60 to 100 items on my to-do list enabled me to flake out on social events and parties. Telling myself "I have so much stuff to do, I can't go". That's what I would tell people. And then I would fret over what I missed out on. And go home and do nothing. Definitely not the things on the list. I would just tell myself I would get to it, but first chill with a cup of coffee and a lot of snacks. In my mind that would be 'preparing' to do 'all the stuff'. Looking back, it's easy to see the purpose it served. To not go to the social event, and instead get myself some snacks and chill, was all I wanted. If I had been accepting of not being a social butterfly, I wouldn't have had to tell myself I was going to have to do all that stuff. Had I been able to be nicer to myself and have more self-compassion, I could have said what I really meant: "I feel overwhelmed. Too much social interaction depletes me. I want to go home and chill and eat snacks by myself". Instead of needing to have the added stress of this 100 item to-do list I fabricated. Just so I didn't have to face that I missed out on something through my own decision. That I chose no. That I was actually fine missing out. I just didn't see it. Some teachers say that everyone is born with anger over being in a body. Angry about the limitations of it. And this is what creates fixation. Or something. Well, you could say that every fiber of my being is, and always has been, angry that I am not God. Angry that I am not all-powerful, able to experience everything I want, instantly. Angry that some experiences will not be had by me, but by other people. If anyone read these ramblings, thank you but since they were so long and repetitive I must ask you: aren't you avoiding something unpleasant, by telling yourself that you wanted to read this?

Am I creating drama because I'm feeling low? The undeveloped feminine: I don't feel lovable right now, so I'm going to make you prove your love for me by making you jump through hoops. I'm good at making up hoops. What can I do about this except have awareness. So I will. I was making such a solid point though. Not nonsense. But the energy behind it ... icky.

Wow, I definitely don't feel good. I've had a slight discomfort on my left side beneath my ribs. Over the past 3 weeks, it's grown from a weird sensation into a mildly painful heaviness. I'm trying not to worry about it and failing. Even the old romanticizing-my-tragic-death thoughts are resurfacing. Everything has been too good so far. Of course I die of a scary disease now. It makes sense. I've received all these gifts, and I haven't shown enough gratitude. I have been lazy and ungrateful and this is my punishment. Nonsense, of course. But I do feel... "anhedonic". Unable to feel the normal positive emotions. Like after an ecstacy trip. The dentist said that my toncils were surprisingly enlarged. I don't know what that means. I've been running and doing chin-ups today. I'm healthy! There is nothing wrong. When I get sick, I stop being sick and be awesome instead. Barney Stinson. I'm fighting with my girlfriend for stupid reasons. I think we would have made up by now if I had the ability to feel pleasure and positivity. Or maybe we would not have fought at all. Best thing to do: take care of myself. Clean kitchen. Make soup. Take it easy.

Why does it only work if someone has no negative thoughts? That seems like a tall order. Something that works within a month could be profitable. You can't sell people something that they have to do 2 years of work for first. But you can target the people who are already in the right state for it to work, with the right marketing. Presumably.