flowboy

Hey Lubomir, You are very sweet. But this girl needs to grow up and learn to respect you. She should not be hanging out with her ex she still has feelings for. She should have cut him out of her life the moment she started seeing you. That's the respectful thing to do. Instead, she's making excuses for still seeing him, even touching his penis, and asking YOU to understand?? Fuck. That. You are being too nice. You are not in touch with your anger. It seems like you are hoping that if you keep being nice, no trouble will arise. Well, trouble has arisen, my friend. You have just shown her that she can disrespect the relationship and be dishonest and unloyal to you, without you even getting mad. You will just be with her and love her whatever she does, a sweet harmless boy, a soft cushion to land on after some hot secret sex with the ex. This is only going to get worse, unless you find your balls.

@Daphnedenninghoff23 Sounds like for you guys, at this time, it is healthy. You may want to go back to closed at some point, and that should be perfectly fine and guilt-free. If you feel good about it, why second-guess it? The relationship should always come first, though. You should always feel like you are free to put the breaks on the open thing, and just go back to just being together. Without feeling guilty, or like you're depriving him. When a third person's needs have to be considered, that's when it gets real messy. Loyalty should be with each other, and any third person should know that they are not on equal grounds with you, they are a guest and will remain a guest. You can see them out any time. I'm a guy who has a relationship. The idea of having this freedom appeals to me. It would appeal to any guy. That doesn't mean I need it. Calling it a 'need' is a bit strong. Because that makes you wrong for depriving him, if you choose to not want to be open. I think it's more like a fantasy. Or an innate drive. (But not all innate drives have to be satisfied, for example, when I'm angry enough, I have an innate drive to kill someone. But it's not in anyone's best interest if I do that.) Being able to explore it a bit should be a gift, an extra, a cherry on top. Something that goes away immediately when there's more important things to take care of, such as working on your relationship. To summarize: if you feel okay, it is okay. When you feel pressure to keep being okay with it, that's when it becomes a problem.

@Emerald Interesting stuff!

I actually retracted that post, because I realised that in most of the well-working relationships that I know personally, there were some months of the woman simply knowing the guy in some way. However, there's still relationships that start with Tinder and work out really well. Or with a spontaneous approach/meeting and fire at first sight. I can be on board with advising women to not put their hopes into that route working out. Your way is probably better. What's not better, is if you've met someone outside your social circle anyway, and want to still make it work, to then try to be friends for a couple months first. That definitely would be interpreted as a sign of disinterest, or some attachment issue. That's not what you advise, but people might interpret it that way. I don't know, Emerald, you are opening my mind. Maybe you're on to something that I simply never spotted.

@Emerald I still remain a bit skeptical whether that applies to everyone. But the relationships I can think of that are great, I have to admit there was some level of knowing and learning about each other at least for some weeks before the first date. So I don't know. Let's hear from some ladies.

Radical Ideas I'm Playing with Perhaps "wanting to be" anything doesn't work. I wanted to be a high performance individual. Still like the idea, but it just brings me stress whenever I'm not using every minute of time effectively. Shouldn't the high performance come naturally, from an authentic drive to do things, not trying to be like someone else, or adhere to some artificial standard? Perhaps the concept of wasting time is a toxic concept. Time is never wasted. Not because time doesn't exist because there is only now blah blah blah, but because everything you do, consciously and unconsciously, serves a purpose, and thus, is necessary. Whether you are fully aware of it or not. Becoming fully conscious of the purpose of what one might view as wasting time, is the key to transformation.

@flume Anything to add perhaps?

Ehm... what? So many examples I personally know of relationships that worked out great and are still together, that you would have told to "not even go on a 30 minute coffee date"? Please check your extreme statements for projection there. That's my only gripe. Other tips are great! So glad someone is doing this. Thank you. Finding a good quality guy is a real problem, I hear it from friends all the time.

@Runtz Too many pills, allow me to pump your stomach sir.

You can make up another reason that she needs to see a therapist, and then maybe her dad can pay for it or her mom. Bullying, insecurity, emotional outbursts, there's so many things that any 13 year old girl could need therapy for. Really, any 13 year old should have access to therapy, now that I think about it.

By overanalyzing, you get to stay in one comfy place and not move into scary uncertain stuff, possibly mistakes, just a little longer. It's a comfort maintaining strategy. Awareness alone is curative

I went to the retreat by pujalepp.com and had very good results. A close friend of mine had very good results with livingtruthnow.com . Both of these are websites of the specific therapists. I can highly recommend doing it in that setting, because you get a powerful shift in only 7 days. But perhaps there's other forms that I haven't explored.

Best would be healthy, balanced meals but just more of them. If you can't keep those down, and still want to eat more, I thought the liquid food suggestion was good. In my experience, meal replacement shakes are easy to overeat. Bad for me, good for you. There's some really good meal replacement brands: Huel https://huel.com/ Powdermatter https://powdermatter.com/ I'm especially a fan of the last one because it's made by this single surgeon guy who is passionate about making healthy meal replacement shakes from organic ingredients. Again I'd still eat as much real healthy food as possible, and to top it off, pound a couple of those shakes with good ingredients, if my goal was to get a surplus of calories in that my body could use. You could probably even throw some oatmeal, coconut oil and protein powder in the blender with some almond milk and get the same effect. Worth a shot?

@Javfly33 Okay I'm glad to hear that you know not all food is the same. That's good. That really wasn't clear from what you wrote Although now perhaps the pendulum has swung a bit too far the other way, is that possible? Seems that healthy / non healthy to you is very black and white. If a certain kind of healthy eating didn't allow you to build muscle, that doesn't mean you have to abandon the idea of health alltogether, wouldn't you say? Also, I don't need to know your life to know that eating ice cream, chocolate and pizza structurally is not going to help you. And when you talk about strategies to get big in the gym, we're talking about eating habits for the every day. I don't think people will tell you you can't have any pizza or ice cream sometimes. But using it daily to bulk is a whole nother level. So mind the nuance there. Also, if you don't trust "experts", that's fair. You don't have to blindly follow anyone. But that doesn't mean that you should swing the pendulum all the way back to not wanting to listen to any health information. It's really an essential life skill to gather your own health information and do your own research.

Apologies for being a dick. It was just a little hard for me to believe that someone would voluntarily hurt their health like this, and so it looked like you were joking to me. In all seriousness, would you like people to recommend you some resources about nutrition?

No way these foods help you gain any muscle bro. Perhaps you are too young to care about getting diabetes, but: if you eat like this, you are asking for low testosterone and erectile dysfunction, while it's getting you no closer to your muscle mass goal. Maybe you'll care about that

Yes, the approach I suggested counteracts neediness and feeling not-enough. I wrote that affirmation down 15 times every day for a month or so. Then I stopped and forgot about it, and 2 or 3 months later I had many women come into my life rather effortlessly, remembered the affirmation I did, and I concluded (anecdotally) that apparently, it really works. Sometimes they take some time to work.

Today I'm on way too much regular coffee, combined with reishi supplements. For science ? And I have to say, the jitters and body discomfort are quite minimal. Many people say l-theanine also helps take the edge off.

Sounds like you would benefit by strengthening your intuition. You can do this by: Meditating Shamanic breathing, 30 minutes (check the vid) Training your intuition with experience. Letting go of the perfect choice, and just pick something to move forward on, and then see how that feels. If you pick the wrong thing, and then pivot, you'll still find the right thing before the alternative person who just sits and overanalyzes things like you are currently doing, will even get started. I recommend you do all three, and this problem will melt away.

@TheRealVibe Affirmations really work. Just use a statement that you want to be true. If it's too far outside reality to be believable today, use the words "I am becoming" instead of "I am" Another one I've used successfully was: "I have an abundance of hot, intelligent women with a good sense of humor that are being attracted to me every single day" It depends on what you want. It's good to focus on abundance and effortless attraction instead of your "skill". After all, people who are naturally good with women, don't consider themselves to be doing anything. It just happens. Mostly because they don't have the beliefs that you do have, which are in your way. So find out what the beliefs are that are in your way, and counteract them with affirmations. It's okay to affirm "I am good with women", but that way, you're steering towards a situation where you do your trick and then have success with women. It's also possible to effortlessly attract women, in fact that's how it mostly happens for naturals and people who are advanced. So if you want to get there, it's good to frame your affirmations in a way that is not focused on you working for it. TL;DR: focus on abundance and effortlessness

Thank you, I needed a good facepalm today?

Awesome! You should teach this to people and make money. Not joking.

Why tho. You can microdose any other day of the year. All other days except those 10, for all I care. I think your ego is coming up with ways to avoid being deconstructed in the way that the retreat is meant to.

Very cool! I doubt people with actual serious depression have the cognitive energy to learn this, though. Bit of a catch-22

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