flowboy

Everything has already been said, but that doesn't mean I'm over it. I wish I had been more compassionate with her when she was alive. Told her that I loved her more often. I don't think that I did that enough. Not saying that would have saved her. Just that it matters how you treat people, and it still matters after they are gone. I really feel that now.

Listening to her old voice messages from a couple months back. She seemed perfectly fine. So sweet. It's oddly comforting. Never before have I experienced this desire to remember and celebrate who someone was. To be in touch with people who knew her and swap stories. I actually feel a need to keep her pictures and voice messages, and actively keep her memory alive. This is pretty new to me. I didn't get that when my grandparents died.

She actually did it. I can't believe she actually did it. Am I grieving? Or am I feeling sorry for myself? There seems to be some overlap. It's profoundly weird to see your friend's body like that. Same dark, ridiculously think eyebrows. Same hair that I petted many times. But not really her.

@Lubomir Good luck! Perhaps you can rebuild it into something more solid. Who are we to say. Be strong. Be strict. Don't get soft this time. Hard boundaries make people feel safe. All the best?

@Preety_India Thank you?

@Vzdoh If you are really in this great place, then just tell him in a non-pushy way where you are, and you can have an open conversation and you'll be fine.

@Preety_India Sorry, I was being petty because I feel bad because I'm dealing with grief in my personal life. Carry on.

I now am being put in the position of surviving the suicide of someone I love. Loved? Love. I got the message last Sunday. I felt nothing. The Monday after is when it hit me. I played her favorite Spotify playlists, and scrolled through pictures and videos of her, on her Facebook profile.

Toxic masculinity much?

@Jacob Morres I'm still susceptible to it. Happened to me last year. I was upset with her for good reason. Then she was "offended that I would think that of her" (The classic "How dare you hurt me by telling me how I hurt you") I ended up apologizing too. ?

That's how manipulative women get you. They make you feel guilty for making a fuss about their misbehaving.

@Vzdoh Sounds good, but why are you so in a rush?

It's okay to share how you feel and where you are. Being honest is never a bad idea in a relationship. However, if he says you've only dated for 3 months, and that's crazy fast... then I'd have to say he's right. But maybe he'll agree, who knows You can say it in a way where he doesn't feel obligated. For example, don't forget to say: "But that's just something I'm thinking about, I'd like to know your thoughts, but no rush, if you're not there yet, totally cool". And if he doesn't respond on the spot then maybe he'll think about it and respond later. Do you have something else in your life that you can focus on to distract yourself from this? You will need some patience, and I feel like you're overly eager at the moment.

I've never gotten a guy to move in with me. So I don't have the how-to. But perhaps there's tips or tricks to it that I don't know about. It's probably good to drop some hints, like commenting: "Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live together", and then see if he says anything, and otherwise just move on with the conversation. Honestly I think you should ask some women, preferably women who actually have moved in with guys. @Emerald @Etherial Cat @mandyjw

It's okay if you are ready for the next step faster than the other person. But it's good to let them catch up. Because now you're 2 steps ahead. Now he doesn't feel like he's winning you over anymore, on the contrary, he feels like he has to put on the brakes.

Three months does really seem very soon. Especially for someone who hasn't said they love you yet. You said it to him, and he responded diplomatically, saying everything but: meaning that that level of commitment is still too much for him. So why try to skip that and push it to the next?

Interesting. Is he the type of person who finds it hard to say no?

You want to move in before you say that you love each other?

And instead of bringing it up with you, she went to someone else. And tries to make it your fault that she's not trustworthy She should have been trustworthy no matter what. If she's not happy because you were doing X, Y and Z, then she had her chance to bring that up, without cheating on you. I had a girl do this to me once. I had to hear it from others that she was sleeping with other guys. She explained it to me that she had no choice, because "I was working long hours and couldn't give her enough attention". I loved her a lot. A couple days later, I packed up all the stuff that I had that was hers, even gifts she gave me, and set them down in front of her door. I rang the door bell and just started walking. Didn't even see her. She got the message though. One of the hardest things I've done. And I should have done it sooner. And I wish I could say I hadn't let people screw with me and disrespect me in relationships ever since, but there's been more moments where I wished in hindsight that I had sent them packing sooner. Don't humiliate yourself. It's only going to hurt more later.

What the hell, man. Is she very neurotic or something? Was someone pressuring her? To restore trust, I would have to get the whole truth out of her, of what the hell was going on inside her and what led up to it. Lot of information is missing here, and you deserve to know the whole story.

If this happened before, get out. If you don't, then you confirm that it was a lie when you said you don't tolerate it. You do tolerate it. You are tolerating it right now, by allowing her to stay with you.

@EnRoute Why are you asking whether you are doing something wrong? What negative feedback did you get?

Honestly, you're probably going to have to break up with her and start over. Learn to respect yourself this time. I know it's hard.

That's beautiful.

Concrete action steps: kick her out of your place, and tell her to come back when she knows what she wants. Demand at least two weeks apart for her to think about things. If she runs back to her ex, then good, then she's not ready and the sooner you know it, the better. Only accept her back, after the cool off period, if she literally begs you. She should be on her knees, apologizing and proving to you that she cut contact with all other fuckboys. No? Then goodbye.