flowboy

Okay, that's good work. I know this is hard. Now all you gotta do is a differential diagnosis. Vibe off Potential causes: Hidden agenda (e.g. not focusing on genuine enjoyment of the interaction, but on getting the number/getting the lay/getting the approval boost) Unprocessed emotional trauma coming up (e.g. having a boiling rage beneath the surface, because of women mistreating you in the past, this used to be me) Mistrust of women in general, being projected on the one you're talking to Faking a vibe that is not really there (such as fake confidence, fake masculinity, fake liking yourself, fake finding yourself interesting) Shiftiness and hiding parts of yourself (the typical indicator for this one is if you're standing there with the feeling that you're putting on a show, and you hope she won't ask about X, or find out about Y) These are all things people pick up on. They are all taken from my collection of problems I've had personally. I'm sure there's more. Perhaps you can find out for yourself what you are feeling in those moments, and pick the explanation that makes the most sense? From there, you can solve it by doing some type of emotional work, depending on what it is. I'm sure @Emerald can recommend something. Offline Potential causes: No genuine interest in the person you are talking to No genuine enjoyment of the activity that you're doing Rather being somewhere else Brain fog Depression Anxiety attacks Having thoughts or feelings that you are not willing to share, or don't know how to express Filtering your words, being busy finding something good to say Having an agenda and thinking about the outcome Again, I'm sure there's more, I would recommend forming a hypothesis and going from there to a fix.

@Loving Radiance

Hi Corey, I've certainly been in the position where the thought of changing my life and doing anything great was too scary to say out loud. If a conversation would help you, I can make some time. I would have some questions for you. You can PM me.

Are you looking for someone to help you accomplish your goals, or for someone to figure out with you what the goals are?

What is she helping you with, and are you making progress there? That's the main question in my opinion. That, and also whether you feel good with her. She may be being a bit unprofessional, or she may not be. It depends who you ask. Some would say that a therapist is not supposed to share anything about her own life, and be an unpenetrable surface, that everything bounces off and comes back to the client. Others would say that therapists should humanize themselves and build an authentic relationship with the client, because a real relationship is more conducive to transformation than a one-sided one. It depends on what you prefer, really. You don't have to accept anything that you think is not okay. Here's an example of what I would consider unprofessional behavior: if a therapist would get emotionally triggered about what a client is sharing, and starting to project their own unresolved stuff onto them, resulting in a very clouded judgment. This would be a clear case of a lack of professionalism and boundaries. I don't know. What I can say is: She might have a point What you have written contains many instances of you trying to control how a therapy session should be done. But she is the therapist, you are the client. Either you trust how she does her job, which means that all your observations of how she should do it, should be treated as merely projections, and it's your job to observe these thoughts and question them, instead of taking them at face value. Or you decide that you don't trust how she does her job, and find another therapist. Both equally good options But choose one. Edit: now I apologize in advance for taking a wild shot in the dark here, but let's entertain it. I'm probably wrong. But if you in fact would be a control freak, then you would on some level have chosen this therapist on purpose: she has weaknesses, so you can control her. Judging by how she handles the control freak observation, mentioning it casually but not really digging deeper, it seems she's not strong enough to really penetrate into your core. And that's more comfortable for you. Even though you also resent it on some level. Again, shot in the dark. If it doesn't resonate, please forget what I said.

Well, then if you look at concrete results, redpill hasn't brought you anything. If it was really so great, wouldn't you have a girlfriend by now? It hasn't brought you the results that you (say you) want. So take a break from it. All theory. You want to know what gets results? Going outside and talking to people.

This is not your authentic self, though. It's a survival strategy you've adapted a long time ago, in exchange for acceptance and safety from conflict. It's called a "feminine shield". I'm making this assumption because you say you're attracted to feminine women, which means you probably have a masculine essence buried under that feminine shield of voice and mannerisms.

Drugs are not a perfect long-term solution. Who knew

oh okay, maybe not then I think we know a bit more about what you want, then. + Not Nauseating ( not marketing ) What would give you the opposite feeling?

You'll kill some bugs by going for a walk in the forest. In my mind, you can: Become a monk, live with other monks, not be involved in any work, and focus on meditation and not killing anything Pick one cause that is most important, focus on it, and strive to have a big positive impact there, that makes up for the bugs you'll crush and the trees you'll use up in toilet paper, in order to get there

If you want it, you'll make it. If you think you want it, you'll think about making it. - MJ DeMarco

Toastmasters is great for that. Those table topics take some courage, good job! Apart from that, are you recording yourself regularly, and getting feedback from people on the video? Maybe you could combine it: when you do a speech for Toastmasters, first do it to a camera and record it, and practice that way.

With a BA in Psychology you could get a job in Marketing

Agreed. And you're not prioritizing until you're deprioritizing. Shelving things for later, adding them to the Not Doing list. If it hurts, you're doing it right.

@Hello world Do you have 1 hour and 14 minutes to listen to something that might help your pain? I invite you to take that time right now. Why not. Being loved by someone else is made possible by loving yourself first. The other people your age are able to receive love, because they love themselves first. And that's easy to do, believe it or not. Love is not conditional upon your circumstances, your accomplishments, even your track record. Tell yourself in the mirror: "I love you". Do it despite all your mistakes and flaws. A little spec of unconditional love every day. One simple action step. Do it right now.

I had a lot of problems listening to my intuition, and listened to the wrong voice so many times... Chose the wrong study, chose the wrong partner, decided to move to a different city for the wrong reasons... In Dutch there is a saying that translates to 'damage and shame make one wise'. Here's my read on the situation: Your mom wants the best for you. She sees you having trouble deciding, so she subtly nudges you in directions that she thinks would be good for you, in order to help you. She's well-intentioned, but I have the feeling that you are having trouble deciding partly because she's still imposing her ideas of what's best for you, on to you. Even though she says: She also says: She's too invested into her projections of what's good for you, to be able to be non-biased enough to actually help you make a decision for yourself. It's okay, projection is a human tendency, we all do this sometimes when we give well-intentioned advice. But I bet that some of the different voices in your head, that you are trying to decide what to listen to, are actually your mom's voice. So there's that. She means well, but she's unable to detach enough to actually coach you to find what's true for you. I'm not saying this is all your mom's fault, far from it. I'm just pointing to something: all the conflicting voices in your mind, belong to someone. They belong to your mom, maybe your dad, your friends, your school teachers, your education advisors, even a youtuber with strong opinions who you look up to, anyone that has an influence. Only one of those voices is yours, and it's the softest one. Maybe it's not even getting through, because of all the noise. Your true inner voice doesn't shout, and it doesn't justify itself with arguments when questioned. It's shy and only speaks when everyone else shuts up, and you are truly wanting to listen. Not only that, but your inner voice is so shy, that you have to make it feel safe, by making everyone else shut up, so that she can feel safe to speak without being interrupted. Here's a couple tips: Take a couple days physically away from anyone who has an opinion on what you should do. Set the intention to listen to that shy voice without judgment Meditate Do activities that connect you back to the feeling of childlike wonder Any hobby activity or something you really enjoyed as a child, without anyone pushing you, will work. For me that would be playing drums for example. Maybe even reading a specific book you used to enjoy. A walk in nature can be good, if those work for you. What works for most of my clients is shamanic breathing. 30 minutes of it is basically guaranteed to get you back to that childlike wonder state, where your intuition has the floor.

I honestly think that doing a Byron Katie worksheet on this would be perfect, and it could help you not feel so bad anymore. It helped me when I had heartbreak a couple years ago. You can do it for free here: https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

You've already fallen into it a little bit, judging by your words: "shit ton of action". Pickup gurus are always shouting about taking "massive action", and while that is generally a good thing, it's not helpful when you start from 0 and you expect yourself to suddenly take massive action. Look at how much pressure that creates in your mind. Expecting yourself to take "a shit ton of action", means that if one day you say hi to one stranger, it's still not going to be enough in your mind, so why bother? There is no reward to start, if you are programmed to believe that only "massive action" has any value. That means that all the incentive is taken away from taking the first step. It's like watching too much of a fitness channel, where some gym bro tells you that if you don't lift for 4 hours a day 5 days a week, you won't get anywhere. It's totally demotivating. And they didn't start that way either. You need to find your edge. A little outside your comfort zone of normal behavior, but not so far that it's so steep of a hill to climb, that you'll either never do it, or do it one day and then experience so much reality shock from that that you don't look forward to doing it again. Lift the 4 kg weight until it becomes easy, then you'll want to keep doing it and move up to the 6kg. What's the 4 kg weight for you? Is it just saying hi to one person? Is it even just asking for the time? Is it complimenting one stranger and then saying goodbye? Then you do that until it becomes easy, and you'll naturally want more. This frustrating feeling and this idea that you could be doing so much more, is from watching too much advanced pickup content. I know, because I've done that, and oh boy did it become hard to take action after that. I would cut it out completely, and start doing your 4kg weight, and maybe if you get lost on some obstacle you can seek out a bit more information. Really pace it.

Sounds fine, just keep doing that for a while. Don't overthink it. The ones who say yes, meet them When you're inexperienced, you're vulnerable to overtheorizing, because everyone tries to sell you their own method and theories, because that makes them feel smart, and for the inexperienced one, it's tempting to overtheorize, because it is a low resistance activity compared to action taking. Don't fall into that trap. You're taking action, you're on a roll, keep it up. When you hit a serious sticking point, ask for more ideas But maybe you won't. Maybe you can just approach a bunch of people and get laid like that, with a bit of trial and error. In that case, you're better off without all that theory in your head. You are already good with women. You're just learning to let go and let it come out naturally, through practice.

Watch this video. You already decided subconsciously to not actually commit suicide, so might as well start fixing your life now. I gave you a step by step progression that you can use as a plan. If you commit to taking action to change, people on this forum can help you over obstacles every step of the way. You are not alone.

This line is perfectly alright though, because you communicate intent. If you left the 'you looked cute' part out, you wouldn't get as many rejections, but those others would have been friendzone conversations anyway. Depending on how strong and grounded you feel, you can communicate intent with your energy and eye contect alone. But what you're currently doing accomplishes that goal too just fine.

Anyways, awesome work man, ten approaches a day is a lot! Especially if you want to make it a consistent habit.

@itachi uchiha Nevermind, found a "system" that sounds like what you need

It's not about the lines though. Strong eye contact + calm, determined, positive energy + deep loud voice always gets the open, even when I just say 'Hey'. Regardless, good work! please keep posting how your 10 approaches went every day on this thread

How much dating experience do you have?