flowboy

oh okay, maybe not then I think we know a bit more about what you want, then. + Not Nauseating ( not marketing ) What would give you the opposite feeling?

You'll kill some bugs by going for a walk in the forest. In my mind, you can: Become a monk, live with other monks, not be involved in any work, and focus on meditation and not killing anything Pick one cause that is most important, focus on it, and strive to have a big positive impact there, that makes up for the bugs you'll crush and the trees you'll use up in toilet paper, in order to get there

If you want it, you'll make it. If you think you want it, you'll think about making it. - MJ DeMarco

Toastmasters is great for that. Those table topics take some courage, good job! Apart from that, are you recording yourself regularly, and getting feedback from people on the video? Maybe you could combine it: when you do a speech for Toastmasters, first do it to a camera and record it, and practice that way.

With a BA in Psychology you could get a job in Marketing

Agreed. And you're not prioritizing until you're deprioritizing. Shelving things for later, adding them to the Not Doing list. If it hurts, you're doing it right.

@Hello world Do you have 1 hour and 14 minutes to listen to something that might help your pain? I invite you to take that time right now. Why not. Being loved by someone else is made possible by loving yourself first. The other people your age are able to receive love, because they love themselves first. And that's easy to do, believe it or not. Love is not conditional upon your circumstances, your accomplishments, even your track record. Tell yourself in the mirror: "I love you". Do it despite all your mistakes and flaws. A little spec of unconditional love every day. One simple action step. Do it right now.

I had a lot of problems listening to my intuition, and listened to the wrong voice so many times... Chose the wrong study, chose the wrong partner, decided to move to a different city for the wrong reasons... In Dutch there is a saying that translates to 'damage and shame make one wise'. Here's my read on the situation: Your mom wants the best for you. She sees you having trouble deciding, so she subtly nudges you in directions that she thinks would be good for you, in order to help you. She's well-intentioned, but I have the feeling that you are having trouble deciding partly because she's still imposing her ideas of what's best for you, on to you. Even though she says: She also says: She's too invested into her projections of what's good for you, to be able to be non-biased enough to actually help you make a decision for yourself. It's okay, projection is a human tendency, we all do this sometimes when we give well-intentioned advice. But I bet that some of the different voices in your head, that you are trying to decide what to listen to, are actually your mom's voice. So there's that. She means well, but she's unable to detach enough to actually coach you to find what's true for you. I'm not saying this is all your mom's fault, far from it. I'm just pointing to something: all the conflicting voices in your mind, belong to someone. They belong to your mom, maybe your dad, your friends, your school teachers, your education advisors, even a youtuber with strong opinions who you look up to, anyone that has an influence. Only one of those voices is yours, and it's the softest one. Maybe it's not even getting through, because of all the noise. Your true inner voice doesn't shout, and it doesn't justify itself with arguments when questioned. It's shy and only speaks when everyone else shuts up, and you are truly wanting to listen. Not only that, but your inner voice is so shy, that you have to make it feel safe, by making everyone else shut up, so that she can feel safe to speak without being interrupted. Here's a couple tips: Take a couple days physically away from anyone who has an opinion on what you should do. Set the intention to listen to that shy voice without judgment Meditate Do activities that connect you back to the feeling of childlike wonder Any hobby activity or something you really enjoyed as a child, without anyone pushing you, will work. For me that would be playing drums for example. Maybe even reading a specific book you used to enjoy. A walk in nature can be good, if those work for you. What works for most of my clients is shamanic breathing. 30 minutes of it is basically guaranteed to get you back to that childlike wonder state, where your intuition has the floor.

I honestly think that doing a Byron Katie worksheet on this would be perfect, and it could help you not feel so bad anymore. It helped me when I had heartbreak a couple years ago. You can do it for free here: https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/

You've already fallen into it a little bit, judging by your words: "shit ton of action". Pickup gurus are always shouting about taking "massive action", and while that is generally a good thing, it's not helpful when you start from 0 and you expect yourself to suddenly take massive action. Look at how much pressure that creates in your mind. Expecting yourself to take "a shit ton of action", means that if one day you say hi to one stranger, it's still not going to be enough in your mind, so why bother? There is no reward to start, if you are programmed to believe that only "massive action" has any value. That means that all the incentive is taken away from taking the first step. It's like watching too much of a fitness channel, where some gym bro tells you that if you don't lift for 4 hours a day 5 days a week, you won't get anywhere. It's totally demotivating. And they didn't start that way either. You need to find your edge. A little outside your comfort zone of normal behavior, but not so far that it's so steep of a hill to climb, that you'll either never do it, or do it one day and then experience so much reality shock from that that you don't look forward to doing it again. Lift the 4 kg weight until it becomes easy, then you'll want to keep doing it and move up to the 6kg. What's the 4 kg weight for you? Is it just saying hi to one person? Is it even just asking for the time? Is it complimenting one stranger and then saying goodbye? Then you do that until it becomes easy, and you'll naturally want more. This frustrating feeling and this idea that you could be doing so much more, is from watching too much advanced pickup content. I know, because I've done that, and oh boy did it become hard to take action after that. I would cut it out completely, and start doing your 4kg weight, and maybe if you get lost on some obstacle you can seek out a bit more information. Really pace it.

Sounds fine, just keep doing that for a while. Don't overthink it. The ones who say yes, meet them When you're inexperienced, you're vulnerable to overtheorizing, because everyone tries to sell you their own method and theories, because that makes them feel smart, and for the inexperienced one, it's tempting to overtheorize, because it is a low resistance activity compared to action taking. Don't fall into that trap. You're taking action, you're on a roll, keep it up. When you hit a serious sticking point, ask for more ideas But maybe you won't. Maybe you can just approach a bunch of people and get laid like that, with a bit of trial and error. In that case, you're better off without all that theory in your head. You are already good with women. You're just learning to let go and let it come out naturally, through practice.

Watch this video. You already decided subconsciously to not actually commit suicide, so might as well start fixing your life now. I gave you a step by step progression that you can use as a plan. If you commit to taking action to change, people on this forum can help you over obstacles every step of the way. You are not alone.

This line is perfectly alright though, because you communicate intent. If you left the 'you looked cute' part out, you wouldn't get as many rejections, but those others would have been friendzone conversations anyway. Depending on how strong and grounded you feel, you can communicate intent with your energy and eye contect alone. But what you're currently doing accomplishes that goal too just fine.

Anyways, awesome work man, ten approaches a day is a lot! Especially if you want to make it a consistent habit.

@itachi uchiha Nevermind, found a "system" that sounds like what you need

It's not about the lines though. Strong eye contact + calm, determined, positive energy + deep loud voice always gets the open, even when I just say 'Hey'. Regardless, good work! please keep posting how your 10 approaches went every day on this thread

How much dating experience do you have?

@Hello world I don't think dating should be the first priority if your life is in such a state. Taking better care of yourself should be. Then treating the depression. Possibly with a psychedelic ceremony or treatment, for example mushrooms or especially ketamine, can be very effective against depression if done under the right supervision, unless you have schizophrenia in the family. Then developing your interests and passions. Finding new ones. Then working on a vision and life purpose. Once you are on track with that, you'll feel better and women will be more receptive to you. Because women are wired to be attracted to healthy individuals. It's for your own good. We all know that you can be a better version of you than what you are now. And when you decide to toss the bullshit aside and start being that, women reward you. Try to appreciate the beauty of that. If women didn't have that bias for healthy people, we'd all be microwaving mac'n cheeses every day. Make a commitment to become a healthy man. It's not like I haven't been there. Microwaving shitty food, not showering for days, only coming outside to smoke cigarettes, never wearing fresh clothes even, constantly being bothered by shitty negative thoughts about myself, and having to drown them out with drugs or entertainment. I've been there, and I might be there again. You never know. But you have to discover the path out of there only once. The first time is the hardest. ?

Hang on, sir. "Models" by Mark Manson is NOT redpill. Neither is NMMNG. Also, if you already found those books, what more do you need? Did you read them fully, and understand everything? Why would you be asking for more material and "systems"? Just go do what the book says!!!

How you do one thing is how you do everything I'm painting over some damaged walls. I am sure that I am wasting my time. Because I can't do it right anyway. But I'm doing it. Because if I made the effort, I can run back to mommy and say that I tried. My paint job is ugly. Splotchy. I'm not using tape, and I should have. The color doesn't match the wall, but I'm pretending that it does. As I paint, I notice myself not focusing on a single spot, but jumping all over, looking for quick wins. It's almost impossible to do one spot well, and then move on. The plan is to throw my hands up and say "I did what the document said!' (with the color code), intentionally not read it very well but cherry-pick some details that make it look like I'm innocent and honestly misunderstood. I'm playing dumb, basically. I'm almost certain that the landlord will bill me anyways for having to paint over the entire wall now. And then, because I made some pointless awkward effort now, I get to throw my hands up and feel like a victim. I'm setting myself up for an unpleasant result that I'll pretend to be surprised about, after which I get to wallow in victimhood. Now what should I probably do? I think to make this look good, the entire wall has to be painted over, which is much easier and cheaper to leave to the professionals and just pay for it. Also, the wall is damaged because I glued on some strips that hold the fly net in place. Did I know it would damage the paint if I ever ripped it off? I didn't think about it. I was so much in coping, so much in panic and pain because of sleepless nights, that my plan was to just apply these strips and hope for the best. And if they cause damage, then just throw my hands up: "It's impossible to do anything right! I'm suffering and if I want to do something about it, and it has consequences, then screw the entire world." It's either take the panicked action, from a place of coping and urgency, and have it go well, or throw up my hands and cry about it. No responsibility taken. It always worked with my mom. I'm so manipulative. As long as I could look like I tried, it was good enough for my parents. So that's how I do a lot of things now, when they're hard, or when I don't know how to do it properly. My plan is not to ace it. My plan is to exert reasonable effort and then let people know I tried, and hope they take pity on me. Doesn't work so well with other people as an adult. Having soft parents also has its drawbacks. This is one. Sloppiness and half-hearted attempts were always accepted. My dad is a DIY-everything guy, who loves imperfect quick-n-dirty solutions, so how could he disapprove. I turned it into an even worse pattern: making a show of the effort, assuming failure, and then expecting and demanding acceptance for it anyway, using my half-hearted effort as an excuse.

You're identified with being chill, which means being loud and energetic would be uncomfortable to you. You have to be willing to venture outside your comfort zone, in order to find mates. It's perfectly possible to be chill and laid back and attract women. However if you become rigid in it, and identify with it, then at moments where it would be natural to be expressive and loud, you'd hold yourself back. That means you can't flow with the energy of the situation, wherever it takes you. So let go of your comfort zone a bit. It's not your chillness that's holding you back. It's your attachment to the chillness.

I've gone through that many times. The key is to accept it for yourself. Just say: "yeah sometimes this happens, whatever" and just laugh it off. You have to be fully okay with not having sex. Until you get there, you'll keep having this issue. Then chill in the bed with her, having a good time, and maybe your dick will pop up later, after you stopped putting so much pressure on it.

The video is not that bad. It's easy to misinterpret, though. Things that you don't want to provide early on, are things that you should provide later on, in a healthy manner, in order to have a good relationship with someone. When you just got someone's number and have been on one or two dates and haven't slept together multiple times yet, you should have a boundary that you don't overinvest: you're not going to play therapist, and you're not going to buy her whatever she wants. Providing emotional support is something you do for each other when you're either good friends, or in some kind of male-female relationship. If you're not able or willing to do so at that stage, you're not being a healthy, valuable man, and only emotionally damaged girls will stay with you basically. So it's more nuanced than: "never do it" or "always do it". She has to see that you treat your friends really well, you provide your friends with emotional support, and you are generous with them. This tells her that you have a great inner circle that she should want to be a part of. But to become a part of it, first she has to show you her good side, by being fun and interesting and not boring you with stories that you wouldn't care about (such as complaining about another guy). The emotional support and the generosity are two examples of something you have to earn, when you come in to someone's life. Both when making friends, and when dating. TL;DR: don't listen to any stories about other guys, or anything else that you're just not interested in, in the beginning stage of dating. She has to impress you, while you are also impressing her. If she's going on and on about this other guy, it's pretty clear that she stopped wanting to impress you, so you're wasting your time at that point. But don't take it to the extreme of making it a principle that you *never* buy girls anything, or you *never* listen to anything emotional, because then you'll be an undateable douchebag. Find your center. Feel into what stage of investment you are in, and what feels right for you to provide at this point. If you go to either extreme, you lose. If you try to stick to some hard rule that someone on the internet made for you, you come across like you have issues, and healthy girls will run away. The only way to do it authentically, and not scare healthy girls away, is to invest what feels good to you, and no more. If you say you "don't trust girls", then the most useful practice for you is to lean into your discomfort, and give the girls a bit more trust than you normally would. This will give you better results. Because if you come into it with an untrusting attitude from the start, she'll feel that, and either mirror that back to you and behave untrustworthy, or just run away to a guy with a healthier emotional state.

This is cool: My particular trauma and the reason I got into pickup was less related to parents and more related to bullying in high school, but I think it's really cool anyway that there is at least one pickup coach out there who looks a level deeper.

Don't give full approval until you have gotten to know her enough that she deserves it. Otherwise, what are you really approving? You don't know if she's fun to hang out with, whether she treats her friends well, what her values are, and if she's any good in bed. And anything else that might be important to you. Until you have found out all of that, giving her full approval is just based on projections and assumptions. And that's needy. It's okay to give out a couple breadcrumbs on the way though, notice some things you appreciate about her personality or style for example. If you don't do that at all, you're being unnaturally standoffish, and she's going to wonder why you're even talking to her.