flowboy

Help me with some hints?

That's awesome. Then those ideas should make it clear whether counselling is a step towards, or a step sideways.

@Matt23 My apologies then! I only used that tone as a tactic because I thought it would help you. It's worked on some. Here, I see I misapplied it. I remember what it was like to be late twenties and feel like a total fuck-up. I may not have taken this well either. I learnt something, thank you. Anyways, I do not think you are a fuckup at all! That's not what I meant. I'm not here to push your buttons. I was unaware you had that button. I am on your side.

Yup, that too. Could all be the wrong thing to hear for the wrong person. Nietzsche himself didn't do so well on it either. I guess those are worse because they are not based in spirituality, just thinking. I'm not saying information should be restricted. Perhaps more carefully marketed towards people who are at the right stage of the spiral, and at the right level of emotional maturity and health, and will actually benefit from it, and away from those who will abuse it. Maybe Leo is already doing this, I don't know.

@Carl-Richard Good point. Same could be said for that stuff, I guess.

I don't think already depressed people should be getting into solipsism and interpret it to mean that they are totally alone. Or that teenagers who get bullied and contemplate suicide, should hear that death is not to be feared, because it's just an imagination and their life isn't real either. Or that someone suffering from derealisation, is helped by a video telling him nothing's real and life is just a dream. Or that people with an already shaky grip on reality are helped by the message that they are God and created everything. I don't condemn putting out these videos, I love them. But I'm mentally healthy, so whatever I don't get, I don't get and that's it. I think there's groups of people who would be prone to dangerously misinterpret these teachings, and are not ready to hear some of these things being proclaimed with extreme conviction, and perhaps something more can be done besides disclaimers. Then again, if not all the teachings would be democratically made available, that is a bit cultish... It's a conundrum. I'm just brainstorming here. These arguably dangerous truths are surely magnitudes less dangerous than all the lies being circulated by ideologues... so what are we even talking about. I'm just saying, I get why spiritual truths would be guarded. There's also a reason that not everyone knows how to make a Philosopher's Stone. There's freemasons sitting on that (I've heard). Disclosing everything to the masses leads to chaos.

I would argue these are also more effective than what you would learn at university, with the caveat that they should be applied to healthy people. I would not recommend getting into anything purely for the money. If you're not passionate, you won't be willing to do the work to be good at it. Now you can become passionate after starting, when you see results and get good feedback. But start with an interest that is authentic, I would say. Well, get sure! Start with the end. Expand on this vision and I'll be happy to brainstorm with you what a reasonable first step can be that can already make you money. Your visioning game is not on point, and I'm not letting you get away with it. You are 30. Get a compelling, detailed vision already! Time to know where you are going.

I would tentatively say no, because as far as I know, they don't talk about solipsism being true, reality not being real, your parents and friends being imaginary, death not being real, your life being just a dream, and other stuff that could make an already troubled person jump off a bridge. Their stuff is more feelgood. If you don't get it, you don't get it. No high risk of dangerous misinterpretation. Of course Leo's stuff is also more effective in some ways, but then, also more dangerous to someone at the wrong stage in life.

Maaaaaaaaaaaybe it's possible, who knows. I've seen videos of the breatharian who only drinks coconut water and claims to get most of his nutrition from breathing and absorbing through the skin, and sun. He seems healthy, but not powerful. He's soft-spoken, and spends most of his day doing breathwork and a couple push-ups on his bed of nails. He wears a pyramid on his head, for reasons. I would rather be productive and creative, and have some umpf behind my words and actions, than be totally chilled out but not really doing anything in life, just so I can prove my point about not eating.

You are also 20. When I was 20, I could get away with sleep deprivation (which I can't today), but if you left me without a responsibility in the morning, I could easily sleep 14 hours. Don't try to sleep less than 8 hours, you'll be cutting your number of disease free years ahead down dramatically.

What have you learnt in those 30 years, that you can help other people with? Perhaps there is a skill that you developed, which can become a marketable skill, if you market it correctly. For example, my friend has taught himself techniques to be super relaxed and chill under the highest university workload. Out of necessity, he perfected the skill of being cool under a huge workload. He knows how to slow his heartbeat down and everything. I've told him that he should teach that, and/or put it in a book, because other college students who suffer from pressure will want it. Btw, to be a good counsellor, it not only takes a master's in counselling, it also takes being counselled. Reasons being: It's important to have experienced both sides You can only take someone as far as you have been willing to personally go

I guess this is why most enlightened yoga teachers choose to water down their teachings and hide most of what they know until you advance to their inner circle. Before then, you would not be ready, and nondual truths would be confusing and derailing to your life if you got them prematurely. You wouldn't even have your life together, basic needs met, emotional issues resolved, forgiven your family et cetera. Many gurus have a requirement that you have to completely sort your life out beforehand. Leo just said F That, let's see what happens if we put everything out there in the open anyway. While I resonate with the rebellious rock-n-roll attitude, I think we are collectively finding out why other advanced guys in the past have consistently chosen to not do this, keeping the advanced stuff a secret, and focused on embodiment instead. Ramana Maharshi would be a prime example of this, he chose silence and embodiment. I'm speculating, but perhaps the silence is because he didn't want to ruin people's game with his absolute truths, and he knew he could not communicate at their level anymore without confusing the hell out of them, letting truths slip which they could not absorb anyway, so instead he gave them everything they needed simply by looking in their eyes and showing them how he lives. I think Leo provides tremendous value, creating this community and all his content. I just think that he undervalues the most effective parts of what he teaches, which are the how-tos of advancing your spiritual practice, how to do psychedelics, what to watch out for, which yogas are good, how to recognize good and bad techniques, pitfalls, dark nights of the soul, and also his more basic personal development videos are very effective I think. Any support on the path, every step of the way, is helping a lot of people. And then he overvalues the advanced stuff, the Truths that can not be properly expressed into words anyway, the solipsism, the "your parents are imaginary", that are going to be turned into a religion by nerdy guys who like to analyze instead of embody. The content that you probably should be realising for yourself anyway, because hearing it from a video doesn't do it justice. Then again, if you realise you are God and you imagined your parents, you would perhaps feel crazy and like you were losing your mind, if you didn't have those videos telling you that it's okay and normal. So it's a conundrum. Perhaps a bit of a barrier for the more dangerous truth content would be good? Somehow proving that you are emotionally fit and financially taken care of, and have done enough of the basic work, before you get to the nothing-is-real stuff? I mean Leo does warn against that in all his videos, and he keeps saying: "I teach very advanced stuff. Don't like it? Don't watch it", but who are we really kidding: I bet he also clicked the "Yes, I am over 18" button on websites when he was 16. I sure did. Does that mean I should have seen those enormous dildos go into that tiny woman's asshole when I was 11 years old? No, I was traumatized by that for a long time, and had to come crying to my parents. It did not advance me on the path of healthy sexuality. Something more clever would be needed. Questions that you can only know the answer to if you are healthy and mature enough to receive these teachings...

What activity used to recharge your emotional batteries, but you gave up on? What activity have you always been interested in, but not ready to try in your current version of yourself? What have you been denying yourself?

@charlie cho It's not pathetic to be in-between friends. It just means you're changing. Although when I was without friends, I definitely thought I was pathetic. A couple years later I almost have too many of them. Did it make sense to classify myself as pathetic in the mean time?

@charlie cho Sign up for something new, and you might make a new one!

I've read your description of what you need, and I would recommend separating it out into: Person to tell your troubles to and recharge your emotional batteries: any good friend can be this for you Person who knows about pickup and can recommend solutions: any coach or even book or internet resource can be this When you complain about something not going well, people usually offer unsollicited advice. This is not always helpful. A good friend can be asked to not do that, and just listen, express empathy, and provide diversion. So that it doesn't matter if they are not an expert in what you are trying to do. You can get the solutions elsewhere.

Wanting to give someone a cervix orgasm is not an emotion, and neither is having sex for 2 hours. Those are thoughts, fantasies triggered by something you might authentically feel. Separate the thoughts and fantasies from the here-and-now feeling. What are you feeling when you think this? Attraction? Intimacy? Connectedness? Horniness? Then choose a more simple and prudent expression of that, to start with, and build it up from there. Start with simple things like prolonged eye contact, hand holding, touching various places, telling her what you find attractive about her, asking if that lipstick would come off if you kissed her, kissing her, and then if all of that is received well, tell her about your cervix plans. Step by step. It's called calibration.

Connecting emotionally with others == connecting emotionally with yourself. Which means, being aware enough of what's going on inside you, moment by moment, that you can express it in a conversation. It's really not rocket science, and your complicated analyses are not helping you, I can tell you that. All people emotionally connect naturally without any of these models or analyses, what does that tell you? When you or her talks about something, you have to be continuously aware of how what is being said, is making you feel in that moment. Then, express it. Either with body language or with words. This is something that happens naturally, you don't have to learn it. The only reason it doesn't happen is because either you're holding the expression back, or you are too much in your head so that you are not aware of how you feel. So you have to unlearn being in your head, and also unlearn holding back your emotional expressions. If she experiences similar emotions at the same time, you are connecting emotionally. Simple as that. So it could be that one topic or story makes both of you feel X, then that's an emotional connection building block right there. Or even that because one of you expresses something, due to mirror neurons, the other feels it too, which means both people feel the same thing, badabing badaboom emotional connection. Thank you for inviting me to think about how an emotional connection comes to be, I never have before

Okay, that's good work. I know this is hard. Now all you gotta do is a differential diagnosis. Vibe off Potential causes: Hidden agenda (e.g. not focusing on genuine enjoyment of the interaction, but on getting the number/getting the lay/getting the approval boost) Unprocessed emotional trauma coming up (e.g. having a boiling rage beneath the surface, because of women mistreating you in the past, this used to be me) Mistrust of women in general, being projected on the one you're talking to Faking a vibe that is not really there (such as fake confidence, fake masculinity, fake liking yourself, fake finding yourself interesting) Shiftiness and hiding parts of yourself (the typical indicator for this one is if you're standing there with the feeling that you're putting on a show, and you hope she won't ask about X, or find out about Y) These are all things people pick up on. They are all taken from my collection of problems I've had personally. I'm sure there's more. Perhaps you can find out for yourself what you are feeling in those moments, and pick the explanation that makes the most sense? From there, you can solve it by doing some type of emotional work, depending on what it is. I'm sure @Emerald can recommend something. Offline Potential causes: No genuine interest in the person you are talking to No genuine enjoyment of the activity that you're doing Rather being somewhere else Brain fog Depression Anxiety attacks Having thoughts or feelings that you are not willing to share, or don't know how to express Filtering your words, being busy finding something good to say Having an agenda and thinking about the outcome Again, I'm sure there's more, I would recommend forming a hypothesis and going from there to a fix.

Hi Corey, I've certainly been in the position where the thought of changing my life and doing anything great was too scary to say out loud. If a conversation would help you, I can make some time. I would have some questions for you. You can PM me.

Are you looking for someone to help you accomplish your goals, or for someone to figure out with you what the goals are?

What is she helping you with, and are you making progress there? That's the main question in my opinion. That, and also whether you feel good with her. She may be being a bit unprofessional, or she may not be. It depends who you ask. Some would say that a therapist is not supposed to share anything about her own life, and be an unpenetrable surface, that everything bounces off and comes back to the client. Others would say that therapists should humanize themselves and build an authentic relationship with the client, because a real relationship is more conducive to transformation than a one-sided one. It depends on what you prefer, really. You don't have to accept anything that you think is not okay. Here's an example of what I would consider unprofessional behavior: if a therapist would get emotionally triggered about what a client is sharing, and starting to project their own unresolved stuff onto them, resulting in a very clouded judgment. This would be a clear case of a lack of professionalism and boundaries. I don't know. What I can say is: She might have a point What you have written contains many instances of you trying to control how a therapy session should be done. But she is the therapist, you are the client. Either you trust how she does her job, which means that all your observations of how she should do it, should be treated as merely projections, and it's your job to observe these thoughts and question them, instead of taking them at face value. Or you decide that you don't trust how she does her job, and find another therapist. Both equally good options But choose one. Edit: now I apologize in advance for taking a wild shot in the dark here, but let's entertain it. I'm probably wrong. But if you in fact would be a control freak, then you would on some level have chosen this therapist on purpose: she has weaknesses, so you can control her. Judging by how she handles the control freak observation, mentioning it casually but not really digging deeper, it seems she's not strong enough to really penetrate into your core. And that's more comfortable for you. Even though you also resent it on some level. Again, shot in the dark. If it doesn't resonate, please forget what I said.

Well, then if you look at concrete results, redpill hasn't brought you anything. If it was really so great, wouldn't you have a girlfriend by now? It hasn't brought you the results that you (say you) want. So take a break from it. All theory. You want to know what gets results? Going outside and talking to people.

This is not your authentic self, though. It's a survival strategy you've adapted a long time ago, in exchange for acceptance and safety from conflict. It's called a "feminine shield". I'm making this assumption because you say you're attracted to feminine women, which means you probably have a masculine essence buried under that feminine shield of voice and mannerisms.

Drugs are not a perfect long-term solution. Who knew