flowboy

The way to do that would be to set your life up in a way where you never have to do a job that requires you to think logically and analyze. In addition to treating any anxiety, depression or other tendencies to ruminate and think about oneself. Getting in flow in this case is basically the process of turning off the logical analytical mind, and letting go of all filters. This is in my experience most necessary if you had the analytical mind and filters turned on in the first place, for example because you were at work, or because you were worrying/thinking about yourself in some capacity (something that people who do personal development will inevitably do at times). So yes, if your life requires you to never have to get serious, and you can be in socializing-party-mode all the time, and you stop all self-reflection and rumination, perhaps also don't read books anymore because it requires too much thinking, it's theoretically possible. Provided you are an extravert. If you are an introvert, you will need to have times of not being 'on', or you'll burn out. There's probably some jobs that lend themselves to being almost always in 'state', as RSD used to call it. Bartending maybe, club promoters, any job that is based on you being social and organizing parties and stuff. Trip promoters. Being a pick-up coach, also a good example. Rock star, perhaps, I'm not sure. But if those things are not part of your purpose, I wouldn't worry about it. If you love what you do and how your life is going, you have self-acceptance and self-love and self-esteem and all of that, and your traumas have been properly dealt with, it doesn't take many conversations to get into flow anyway.

I've never heard of someone being suicidal and there not being some sort of neglect or abuse in childhood. It's always there, even if they are blocking it out or minimizing it. I would look into Primal therapy.

@StarStruck I find it gets better after I get warmed up with some interactions. Don't just go out and stare at people, you will never get warmed up. And also that's a creepy way to go about it. Talk to 10 people in quick succession and try again. I think you'll find it will come naturally when you are in flow.

Coming home should not be practice. Coming home should be utterly relaxed, all shields down. Unless your main purpose in life is to live with people uncomfortably, and then write a book on it or something, this is probably detrimental to what you are trying to do in life and you should leave this situation.

@fopylo This. Obviously what they are saying has found some resonance in you at this point. Or you wouldn't be hurt, just weirded out. Getting back to the place of just being weirded out, is the key to turning this around. So I would investigate those beliefs in you and deconstruct them until you see the absurdity in it. If you do that correctly, you can get yourself back to a place of just being utterly surprised and weirded out by any of this namecalling, and you can react authentically with: "What the FUCK are you even saying? Are we just saying shit that doesn't make sense now? Am I going to call you X Y and Z (insert equally ridiculous things). " You can only pull that off if your inner game is strong, which means that there is no part of you that thinks the other is right to blame you or shame you. Only if you are not mentally busy with whether the insult is true, because it is just soo ridiculous you won't even entertain it, will you have the mental headspace to question the other person's sanity/validity for what they are saying. This is basically a frame battle. If you don't believe that the other is making any sense, and react accordingly, then you make the other feel weird about what they just said. And it will stop really quickly. To put some more force behind it, you can start questioning out loud what is wrong with the other person, that they say something like that. Make them feel weird for their behavior. Because it is socially undesirable behavior that they are doing, and you should make them feel weird and ashamed for that, instead of the other way around! In order of level of aggression (never go further than you have to or it will backfire) "Why are you so awkward?" "Are you jealous of my chess game?" "Dude why are you trying to put me down to feel better about yourself? It's okay, we accept you as you are, man. Calm down already" The psychology angle is very effective, basically discrediting someone's mental health while framing it as though you are simply worried about them and trying to help. There are endless variations on this. It's mean because it's true, you are exposing their true mental weakness that causes them to do this, meanwhile it looks like you are being clean and nice, you have the plausible deniability because it doesn't even look like you are bullying him or her back. And they are warned that they have to behave well with you, or they will get a label of mental illness sticking to them. And the rest of the group might adopt that silly label. "Do you have something going on at home?" "Is your daddy mean to you or something?" "Are you secretly afraid that we will know about your small dick, and that's why you keep saying mine is that?" "Are you secretly thinking about my dick all the time, and that's why you say that? I'm sorry, I'm straight tho" "When are you coming out of the closet for us?" Never aim this at the group, only aim it at the specific person who hurled the insult at you. If there are multiple, focus on one, and throw these laser daggers at this one until the rest of the group starts to find it amusing and the target feels shame. Then you won. And then stop, never be meaner than necessary or it backfires. Basically start questioning out loud why the person would say this, until you find something that makes them look really silly and the rest of the group may love and adopt. You try to label me, I will label you. If you are reactive to the other while doing this, you lose. You must hold your focus and ignore their counterattacks and attempts to distract you. If you are coming from a place of hurt and anger, you already lost the game and everything will backfire. That's why I'm saying: first clear your own negative beliefs about yourself. Because you've gotta be cool and amused to pull this off. Have an inner and outer smile and a chuckle armed and ready. I can't stress this enough. If you try to pull this off whilst overwhelmed with fear, anger or sadness, it will explode in your face. Good luck!

Me in a nutshell. At least, a side of me. It was more pronounced when I was younger. Nobody told me that spending all my money was bad Nobody told me how to talk to girls Nobody told me how to keep my place clean. Or my clothes I BLAME MY PARENTS FOR EVERYTHING What an attitude... but hey, that's what it was. A coping strategy that arose out of pure panic and powerlessness. I am what some might call a "late bloomer", which in my case meant that my ability to socialize and understand and care about people developed very late, as did my executive functions (organizing, strategizing, self-control, etc). What do you do, when others are able to do what you aren't? I alternated between considering myself deeply flawed and blaming my environment for not teaching me life skills.

Being boring == finding yourself boring. Being interesting == finding yourself interesting. If you find yourself interesting, not only would you talk about your life more animatedly, and be able to share more colourful details and a wider range of emotions, also, then no one can tell you you are boring and get any other reaction but laughter out of you. Which is automatically passing the shit test.

Help me with some hints?

That's awesome. Then those ideas should make it clear whether counselling is a step towards, or a step sideways.

@Matt23 My apologies then! I only used that tone as a tactic because I thought it would help you. It's worked on some. Here, I see I misapplied it. I remember what it was like to be late twenties and feel like a total fuck-up. I may not have taken this well either. I learnt something, thank you. Anyways, I do not think you are a fuckup at all! That's not what I meant. I'm not here to push your buttons. I was unaware you had that button. I am on your side.

Yup, that too. Could all be the wrong thing to hear for the wrong person. Nietzsche himself didn't do so well on it either. I guess those are worse because they are not based in spirituality, just thinking. I'm not saying information should be restricted. Perhaps more carefully marketed towards people who are at the right stage of the spiral, and at the right level of emotional maturity and health, and will actually benefit from it, and away from those who will abuse it. Maybe Leo is already doing this, I don't know.

@Carl-Richard Good point. Same could be said for that stuff, I guess.

I don't think already depressed people should be getting into solipsism and interpret it to mean that they are totally alone. Or that teenagers who get bullied and contemplate suicide, should hear that death is not to be feared, because it's just an imagination and their life isn't real either. Or that someone suffering from derealisation, is helped by a video telling him nothing's real and life is just a dream. Or that people with an already shaky grip on reality are helped by the message that they are God and created everything. I don't condemn putting out these videos, I love them. But I'm mentally healthy, so whatever I don't get, I don't get and that's it. I think there's groups of people who would be prone to dangerously misinterpret these teachings, and are not ready to hear some of these things being proclaimed with extreme conviction, and perhaps something more can be done besides disclaimers. Then again, if not all the teachings would be democratically made available, that is a bit cultish... It's a conundrum. I'm just brainstorming here. These arguably dangerous truths are surely magnitudes less dangerous than all the lies being circulated by ideologues... so what are we even talking about. I'm just saying, I get why spiritual truths would be guarded. There's also a reason that not everyone knows how to make a Philosopher's Stone. There's freemasons sitting on that (I've heard). Disclosing everything to the masses leads to chaos.

I would argue these are also more effective than what you would learn at university, with the caveat that they should be applied to healthy people. I would not recommend getting into anything purely for the money. If you're not passionate, you won't be willing to do the work to be good at it. Now you can become passionate after starting, when you see results and get good feedback. But start with an interest that is authentic, I would say. Well, get sure! Start with the end. Expand on this vision and I'll be happy to brainstorm with you what a reasonable first step can be that can already make you money. Your visioning game is not on point, and I'm not letting you get away with it. You are 30. Get a compelling, detailed vision already! Time to know where you are going.

I would tentatively say no, because as far as I know, they don't talk about solipsism being true, reality not being real, your parents and friends being imaginary, death not being real, your life being just a dream, and other stuff that could make an already troubled person jump off a bridge. Their stuff is more feelgood. If you don't get it, you don't get it. No high risk of dangerous misinterpretation. Of course Leo's stuff is also more effective in some ways, but then, also more dangerous to someone at the wrong stage in life.

Maaaaaaaaaaaybe it's possible, who knows. I've seen videos of the breatharian who only drinks coconut water and claims to get most of his nutrition from breathing and absorbing through the skin, and sun. He seems healthy, but not powerful. He's soft-spoken, and spends most of his day doing breathwork and a couple push-ups on his bed of nails. He wears a pyramid on his head, for reasons. I would rather be productive and creative, and have some umpf behind my words and actions, than be totally chilled out but not really doing anything in life, just so I can prove my point about not eating.

You are also 20. When I was 20, I could get away with sleep deprivation (which I can't today), but if you left me without a responsibility in the morning, I could easily sleep 14 hours. Don't try to sleep less than 8 hours, you'll be cutting your number of disease free years ahead down dramatically.

What have you learnt in those 30 years, that you can help other people with? Perhaps there is a skill that you developed, which can become a marketable skill, if you market it correctly. For example, my friend has taught himself techniques to be super relaxed and chill under the highest university workload. Out of necessity, he perfected the skill of being cool under a huge workload. He knows how to slow his heartbeat down and everything. I've told him that he should teach that, and/or put it in a book, because other college students who suffer from pressure will want it. Btw, to be a good counsellor, it not only takes a master's in counselling, it also takes being counselled. Reasons being: It's important to have experienced both sides You can only take someone as far as you have been willing to personally go

I guess this is why most enlightened yoga teachers choose to water down their teachings and hide most of what they know until you advance to their inner circle. Before then, you would not be ready, and nondual truths would be confusing and derailing to your life if you got them prematurely. You wouldn't even have your life together, basic needs met, emotional issues resolved, forgiven your family et cetera. Many gurus have a requirement that you have to completely sort your life out beforehand. Leo just said F That, let's see what happens if we put everything out there in the open anyway. While I resonate with the rebellious rock-n-roll attitude, I think we are collectively finding out why other advanced guys in the past have consistently chosen to not do this, keeping the advanced stuff a secret, and focused on embodiment instead. Ramana Maharshi would be a prime example of this, he chose silence and embodiment. I'm speculating, but perhaps the silence is because he didn't want to ruin people's game with his absolute truths, and he knew he could not communicate at their level anymore without confusing the hell out of them, letting truths slip which they could not absorb anyway, so instead he gave them everything they needed simply by looking in their eyes and showing them how he lives. I think Leo provides tremendous value, creating this community and all his content. I just think that he undervalues the most effective parts of what he teaches, which are the how-tos of advancing your spiritual practice, how to do psychedelics, what to watch out for, which yogas are good, how to recognize good and bad techniques, pitfalls, dark nights of the soul, and also his more basic personal development videos are very effective I think. Any support on the path, every step of the way, is helping a lot of people. And then he overvalues the advanced stuff, the Truths that can not be properly expressed into words anyway, the solipsism, the "your parents are imaginary", that are going to be turned into a religion by nerdy guys who like to analyze instead of embody. The content that you probably should be realising for yourself anyway, because hearing it from a video doesn't do it justice. Then again, if you realise you are God and you imagined your parents, you would perhaps feel crazy and like you were losing your mind, if you didn't have those videos telling you that it's okay and normal. So it's a conundrum. Perhaps a bit of a barrier for the more dangerous truth content would be good? Somehow proving that you are emotionally fit and financially taken care of, and have done enough of the basic work, before you get to the nothing-is-real stuff? I mean Leo does warn against that in all his videos, and he keeps saying: "I teach very advanced stuff. Don't like it? Don't watch it", but who are we really kidding: I bet he also clicked the "Yes, I am over 18" button on websites when he was 16. I sure did. Does that mean I should have seen those enormous dildos go into that tiny woman's asshole when I was 11 years old? No, I was traumatized by that for a long time, and had to come crying to my parents. It did not advance me on the path of healthy sexuality. Something more clever would be needed. Questions that you can only know the answer to if you are healthy and mature enough to receive these teachings...

What activity used to recharge your emotional batteries, but you gave up on? What activity have you always been interested in, but not ready to try in your current version of yourself? What have you been denying yourself?

@charlie cho It's not pathetic to be in-between friends. It just means you're changing. Although when I was without friends, I definitely thought I was pathetic. A couple years later I almost have too many of them. Did it make sense to classify myself as pathetic in the mean time?

@charlie cho Sign up for something new, and you might make a new one!

I've read your description of what you need, and I would recommend separating it out into: Person to tell your troubles to and recharge your emotional batteries: any good friend can be this for you Person who knows about pickup and can recommend solutions: any coach or even book or internet resource can be this When you complain about something not going well, people usually offer unsollicited advice. This is not always helpful. A good friend can be asked to not do that, and just listen, express empathy, and provide diversion. So that it doesn't matter if they are not an expert in what you are trying to do. You can get the solutions elsewhere.

Wanting to give someone a cervix orgasm is not an emotion, and neither is having sex for 2 hours. Those are thoughts, fantasies triggered by something you might authentically feel. Separate the thoughts and fantasies from the here-and-now feeling. What are you feeling when you think this? Attraction? Intimacy? Connectedness? Horniness? Then choose a more simple and prudent expression of that, to start with, and build it up from there. Start with simple things like prolonged eye contact, hand holding, touching various places, telling her what you find attractive about her, asking if that lipstick would come off if you kissed her, kissing her, and then if all of that is received well, tell her about your cervix plans. Step by step. It's called calibration.

Connecting emotionally with others == connecting emotionally with yourself. Which means, being aware enough of what's going on inside you, moment by moment, that you can express it in a conversation. It's really not rocket science, and your complicated analyses are not helping you, I can tell you that. All people emotionally connect naturally without any of these models or analyses, what does that tell you? When you or her talks about something, you have to be continuously aware of how what is being said, is making you feel in that moment. Then, express it. Either with body language or with words. This is something that happens naturally, you don't have to learn it. The only reason it doesn't happen is because either you're holding the expression back, or you are too much in your head so that you are not aware of how you feel. So you have to unlearn being in your head, and also unlearn holding back your emotional expressions. If she experiences similar emotions at the same time, you are connecting emotionally. Simple as that. So it could be that one topic or story makes both of you feel X, then that's an emotional connection building block right there. Or even that because one of you expresses something, due to mirror neurons, the other feels it too, which means both people feel the same thing, badabing badaboom emotional connection. Thank you for inviting me to think about how an emotional connection comes to be, I never have before