flowboy

What results are you looking for?

By Wallace D. Wattles? Yes, a classic! That one helped me overcome guilt regarding to wanting to be rich.

Nice hat! The journey never ends. Congratulations on how far you've come?

@Tiny Nietzsche I'm prone to the winter blues, so I have quit many things in November over the course of my life. I had to make a pact with myself to not quit anything between September and March. You may not have that, but you are in a state of being affected by a breakup. I can tell you are trying to minimize it, by the way you phrase things, and pretend like you are not affected. But I think you are affected. So that's not a great place to make life decisions from. My advice: stay put, and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, while not making major life decisions. When you feel good again, optimistic and mentally clear, then look at the dilemma again.

It's called a "shit test". She's trying to see how grounded you are. If she can easily make you let your insecurities get the best of you, then she can not trust you deeply. Why? Because the date is a model for how you approach the world. On the date, you are going for what you want (her). If then she pokes at you, and triggers an insecurity, and you let it derail your pursuit (instead of laughing and being okay with it), then to her, that means that also in your work, purpose and career, you will be easily derailed and let your insecurities get the best of you. And she wants a man who can go for what he wants despite his insecurities. That's a man she can believe in. The answer is to be more present with what you are feeling, and be okay with it no matter what. That way, you never let something derail your flow. Apply copious amounts of self-love and being okay with whatever arises, and also be okay with showing vulnerability. But don't crumble and turn it into an unsollicited therapy session. Move through it in self-acceptance and your date will go smoothly.

@EntheogenTruthSeeker The root of addiction is unprocessed pain from your past. I used to think that quitting smoking made me a non-addict. Then I wised up. Coffee, tobacco, weird supplements, I'd abuse it all in order to feel that nice, focused dopamine rush. When I cut it out, I would still abuse netflix and youtube. What substance you take or not take doesn't have anything to do with whether you are addicted. I healed from my addiction when I did emotional integration work, where I gave appropriate love and understanding to all the unanswered questions my child-me had, when things happened that he could not understand and process. I went through ages 3 to 18. Reprocessed what my inner child went through. Forgave my bullies. Recently, I had an experience where I started to remember things from before I was born. I've had coffee in my cupboard for weeks now, and zero inclination to touch it. That is unheard of for me. I'd always tell people: "there's some things that if I have them, they will be consumed. Coffee and beer and chocolate belong in that category" That is no longer so. Reprocessing old pain is the only thing that works to truly remove that desire to feel differently.

Only you can There is always, always a deeper reason why. When you blush, what do you feel? If you focus on that sensation, what thoughts and memories come up? Inquire and inquire, and the answer will come to you. Could take a couple days. Then you know what needs to be healed. If you feel too disconnected from yourself to get any answer, do shamanic breathing.

@MilenaS See what I did there? How many different "I"s do you have? Your confusion is because of the assumption that you should be one person all the time. Actually, everyone has different subpersonalities that want different things. First step is to become aware of them: how many are there, what are their different needs and wants?

@ImHooper She still exists, your love for her still exists. Your love and memory of her doesn't die when she does. So in that sense, she is still alive by you remembering her. Think of everything she taught you and inspired you with, and be grateful for it. Try to embody and honor what you learned from her. Take it into your own personality. Let her become part of you. That way, you carry part of her with you now. That helped me when my friend killed herself.

this is sold mixed with paracetamol in Europe, so that if you drink enough to get high, you kill your liver. Also, OP talked about ketamine therapy, which involves usually some sober psychotherapy sessions and a controlled guided setting. This therapy setting is important, it sets the frame of what is to be healed. Not the same as getting high on cough syrup by yourself. Please don't do that in an attempt to self-treat depression or OCD.

By making a pact with yourself to not regret anything. I know, sounds stupidly simple, but not easy. It has to be learnt. This future problem of regret will instantly change, if you stop your habit of regret now. Can you see that? If you think of an example of something you would do and regret later, and you ask: what is this bringing me? What do I like about it? How has it provided comfort? You will find an answer. And then you allow yourself that experience. "I did this, I enjoyed it, I am allowed to enjoy and feel comforted" Bask in the pleasure and comfort you get from it. If you love yourself, how can you not allow yourself to have some enjoyment and feel comfort? Thus, you end up not regretting that thing Thus, you break the cycle. I know: the fear is: "but if I don't regret, if I don't feel bad for it, then I will do it more!" I would offer that the opposite is true. Verify for yourself.

For me it just helped to directly realise that the dread comes from not doing it, not from doing it. Doing it, is very smooth. When you think you should be doing it, then the clock starts ticking: every second you think you should, but aren't, you are in conflict, fighting yourself, and rapidly draining your energy. The dread builds from every second of being out of alignment. Then wondering: what is it bringing me? Well, I get to watch videos and that's fun. So what if I allowed myself to do that, and simply switched it around: don't build dread but do it, then watch videos? Or perhaps I'm afraid that when I start, I will never be done, so I can never relax and watch videos again! Okay, then decide on a time when I stop and allow myself what I enjoy doing. Same content of the day (some work, some relaxation) without the dread.

Transurfing helped me. I only listened to the audiobook on youtube. It had a big impact though.

LSD and memories from inside the womb And she asked: What are ADD symptoms? "It's not ADD. It's being unsupported by father, not being sure whether I want to be there, having no masculine guidance to lean on." Where did it start? "In the womb." In the womb? "I was just a peanut! My mom was afraid that my dad would leave us. He was not sure whether he wanted to be there. If he is not sure whether he wants to be there, how can I be sure whether I want to be there? How can I know it's safe?" * cries like a baby * "So I turned around before I was born" (I was born ass first) "And I held my breath" (I still hold my breath when I focus) * starts to breathe deeply and heavily, like catching the first gasps of air after being born * "And so I preferred to watch for a long time instead of participating. I was always cautious" (I watched others play on the playground instead of joining them. I also was not very enthusiastic about life events that excited others) Why did your dad want to leave? "He was tired of her insecurities about her body. He was just tired of it. She had an eating disorder. There was nothing he could do to make her feel better and accept that she was okay, and he did not feel useful. He was tired of it" * this is where we realise that we are reliving that pattern * I don't want to relive that and become our parents! "How else would we understand them? How else can we go beyond that without understanding them? I think Nature makes you become what you don't understand, so that you finally get it."

Vision comes first. That's what I do with all my clients, is build out all aspects of a powerful vision. That then works as an attractor, that pulls you toward it with a gravitational force. Daily check in with your vision also gives motivation and prevents detours and distractions. Right now you say your issue is procrastination, but I would counter that it's not clear what you are procrastinating on. If your goal was to work 12 hours a week and chill and be on your phone for the rest, which is a valid thing to want, then you are not procrastinating at all!

It will not solve the underlying problem. Emotional work has to be done to cure an addiction. A neglected inner child version has to be loved, heard, nurtured and integrated. If that doesn't happen, you can take someone's dopamine away, but they will just switch to something else. Something that provides serotonin, or endocannabinoids, or oxytocin, or numbness, or pain. Anything else really.

@soos_mite_ah First, investigate where this judgment is projected onto others, to get a complete picture. Where are you judging other people for believing something that makes them comfortable? What you judge others for, you can't let yourself do. Then there is that stern waving finger, and a voice: "But it is not aligned with truth! It is wrong!" Whose voice is that? Where did you first hear it? If it's ruining your party, I can guarantee you, it's not yours. Please answer these questions for me: How would it feel to let yourself enjoy your tarot and your astrology, without constantly having to submit yourself to this strict voice and constantly have to pledge allegiance to the "truth" that it preaches? How would you feel if you could even believe in those things that make you feel so comforted, having let go of the thought "but it isn't true"? If an idea feels relaxed to you, that is a sign that is pointing to truth. If an idea feels stressful, that is a sign that it points to falsehood. Our bodies know. We don't need the internalized voices of others to tell us which way the truth is.

That is a very honest and practical answer. I think she's cooperating with you and open to setting a date. Give her two more options, not too far away. It's better to give options because it's less resistance to just pick one. Asking someone else to come up with options is a bigger ask (more mental effort required) And teasingly comment about her weekend trip, if you can come up with something. Something contextual to what you talked about. "Weekend trip", sure sure. That's what I would also say if I had just been on an assassination mission with my KGB friends Don't worry, I won't tell. This example is contextual to a Russian girl I knew, and what we talked about. Hopefully you can come up with something that makes sense in your context. Being too fixated on setting the date to listen to anything else she tells you is a turn-off. That's how girls screen out guys who are too needy to get the date. They don't respond to anything else she says. I've made this mistake many times. But don't get lost in conversations over text. Address what she gave you in a fun way, but steer it back to meeting. No, that would be killing the nice flow you have, and probably not getting it back.

Are you stuck because you don't want her to know that you don't live by yourself? Honesty is better and saves brain cycles. "Meet 8pm at yours tomorrow?" I don't think you really want to have tea with her somewhere else. Go for what you want, then negotiate.

@KenDo I don't know if you already do this, but my friend has a very similar problem, and he noticed that it gets much worse when he drinks milk. So I'd try going dairy free for a couple weeks, if you haven't already

Realisations happen under a surplus of love and understanding, never under force.

Fixing addictions has nothing to do with willpower, hahahahahahahaha remember when I thought that? seems ridiculous now

Notes to self. I've been more integrated than ever. My woman notices it. I notice it. My addictive tendencies are pretty much gone. They are gone. It's the weirdest thing. I've had quite hard work pressure on me, while I was alone in an apartment where coffee also was. And I did not drink it, nor was I really tempted. That is unheard of for me. I haven't smoked my pipe in over a week. It's my birthday today, so I thought I might try it. It's nice, but then I quickly put it down because I had to stand in the cold. Also unheard of. Even though pipe smoking is not addictive in the sense that I develop a compulsion for it, I still used to enjoy and steer towards the nicotine high. This time, I had a couple puffs, didn't get any high from it, and decided to put it down anyway. I never would have done that before. Also had a crazy experience earlier, where I was about to smoke it, but then I couldn't find the lighter, and I thought: well, whatever, guess I won't smoke. It's tobacco!!! I'm usually very disappointed if I promised myself I could use it and then I can't. This time, just mild relief. What the hell man. What have I done? The life story exercise was very important: recording it all, listening and taking notes, finding common themes But then the childhood-mother spaceholding exercise we did really finished it off. I really feel like a different person after that. Here's where I discovered where I developed a split. Here's the split. I just cried watching the movie Captain America, when the father gave his son strong guidance. "Always be honest. Treat a woman with respect." Et cetera. I never got strong guidance. But I craved it. I also cried when during Primal a substitute father figure gave me guidance. Guidance is what I was missing when I wanted to be socially successful (not get bullied) and romantically successful (have girls accept and love me instead of mock me and be mean). I looked towards my mom and dad, and realised that they also did not know how to be successful in either of those areas. They're not good at making friends, or at dating, or at being social. I saw that at a young age. When everything you try, for your survival, goes horribly wrong, and then the parents also have no guidance, then it feels like you shouldn't have been born. I interpreted it as: it's a mistake that I was born, I'm unfit to survive, I don't want to live. (yeah, no shit I wasn't very enthusiastic about things, that story) The "I don't want to live" stuff came out during the childhood-mother spaceholding exercise. That went deep, I realise now. Anyways, that created the split: following what my parents seemed to want for me, I could not get what I wanted, so I started to distrust them and look elsewhere: what the cool kids were doing. Which translated later into trying to fuck a lot of women and wanting to become filthy rich. And strong and big and aggressive, I suppose. Here's the insight: that created many of my ADHD symptoms. I did this one thing, didn't finish it, then did the other thing. But they weren't random things! It was the one personality, who wanted to make parents and society proud, starting a University course. Then, when things didn't look so rosy, (and I had winter depression), the other one took over, and I quit. Because I couldn't get rich this way (notice the other value set there) Then later I found myself pursuing women and having a job. I found a job I really enjoyed. But then personality A came up again, and said: you are not complete without a university degree. Make parents and society proud. So I went to study again. After 4 months, it was the season for winter depression again, things didn't look so rosy, and personality B took the opportunity for a coup: "All this studying is never going to lead to fucking lots of women, being rich and admired. Better quit" So I went back. Yes, "fear of missing out" is an aspect of it, but it goes deeper. The fear of missing out is not random. It is connected to something I was really missing at some point when I was young. There's not random things we fear missing out on. We are looking for what we were dearly missing at a point in time where part of us is stuck. So yes, this can't-trust-parents split caused me to be two people in one body. It really showed during parts work. And since forever, nothing I did has felt fully meaningful to me. Only half meaningful. The other half didn't care. I've only experienced finding things fully meaningful in the past week. We've been doing a lot of sex magick lately. Let's call it divine father reimprinting. Other things that are important, besides the life story exercise and the childhood-mother spaceholding exercise, are also the TNT exercise where you get to hear things you needed to hear, and are held, and also the Primal exercise where you get to hear things you needed to hear from the father. This shit is fucking powerful. I feel really changed in a permanent way. Primal shook things up, this brought it to a close. - Parts work was helpful as well, but I didn't resolve it during that, it kept agitating me - What I did, was I hugged my other part in my visualisation, and promised it that I would always give it what it needed (feeling like a winner, strong, on top). I think that also contributed.

Body awareness can help. Cycle through all the options you have, saying out loud: " I want to do X ". And then pay attention to what the body does. The option where your body gets the most relaxed, is your truth. That doesn't mean it's coupled with the most pleasant emotion. It could be coupled with sadness, or fear even. Or joy. Whatever it is. But if all the muscles can relax with that choice, then that means something, I'd say.

That is a scary thing to realise. I realised it when my friends told me. I had started and quit 3 different university courses. I had lived in 17 different places. I started creating an app, then I lost faith in it and quit. Realising that this pattern leads nowhere is an important part of the transformation. I've been doing the same thing for over 2 years now, and I don't really think of quitting anymore. There's things to pursue that are so true to you, so authentic, that the thought of quitting won't occur. The rest is temporary exploration, fun, but although it's painful, you can let it go when it's ran its course, and be better off for it. The more open-minded your personality is, the more of these temporary explorations you will have. The higher your impulsivity is, the more you will commit to things you have to later uncommit to. The more you are in touch with what is truly worth striving for, to you, the less you will want to spend energy elsewhere.