flowboy

@meadow is a total nerd/expert about this stuff. If you're looking for a tool to periodically download these transactions into your sheet automatically, and run the calculations you want, look into Nordveld.

For an information product, you are paying for someone to put together and prioritize the right information to get you to your goal. This means you can always find the information yourself, and carve your own path. This can take longer, and also you could find a lot of information that is wrong or unhelpful, which delays you on your path or even sets you back. And so a course could potentially save you that time. The value is not in the information you need, but in the absence of information that you don't need. In other words, prioritization and curation Still, an extremely high quality, well-curated information product, be it a book or a course only has a success rate of 20%, at best. That 80% of people starting on a book or course, don't get the result they wanted from it, which can be ascribed to their lack of follow-through and discipline. So before buying an information product, it is wise to ask yourself: am I the type of person who has the patience and dedication to finish things for myself, in isolation? If you are, you can get good value from an information product, if it is high quality and the creator has experience successfully teaching others, as well as doing it himself. A coaching program is different from a pure information product, in the sense that there is live personal contact involved, either with a community of people learning the same thing at the same time, or directly one-on-one with the teacher or coach. (Perhaps certain information products are called coaching programs these days, even though there is no regular coaching involved, and you are just left to work through it on your own - be sure to know what you are getting) That highly improves success rate. Human contact, even if it's only a weekly check-in call, can make the difference between 20% of people succeeding, and 80-99% succeeding. Still, what matters is whether the teacher has experience successfully creating the promised results for himself and for others. And it helps to do research on that, such as check review videos and see if you find them believable. We simply are humans who learn best when the ingredient of human contact is present, be it a classroom, a weekly group call, a university with peers around, or one-on-one meetings with a teacher.

Careful not to conflate skepticism with lack of open-mindedness. Someone can be open-minded and still not convinced.

@Gabith Cool!

@Gabith Have you tried doing it while writing? You can just do this while writing instead of visualising, it certainly works better for me. The trick is to not think about your answers, just write the first thing that comes up and don't stop writing. Don't stop to worry whether it makes sense. This is how you channel your subconscious. Did this yesterday and worked pretty well, here's a simple example for you: Hope that helps!

You are confusing wants for needs. That is where you are stuck. A man who can authentically express his desire, is an attractive man. Actually the inability to express this makes you unattractive. Stop telling yourself that you can express this by looking at her a certain way, or listening to her. That's how women express attraction, not how men do it. Women expect you to be able to be direct. So increase your direct expression of your desires. (Of course, in situations where it's socially appropriate and doesn't cause her embarrassment) A man who needs a woman to give him sex, love, or approval, is an unattractive man. Neediness is like having bad breath, it's just a no-no. So you have to show up to the date, making her feel: "I am attracted to you, but I don't need you, and I need to know more about you to be sure that I actually want you." That means, wanting her physically is not the same as being ready to fall into her arms. (Don't fall into her arms anyway, better to let her fall into yours) You may be attracted to her body, but if you are truly not needy, you still are not convinced that she is the right woman for you until you know her better, and have screened her to know that she ticks all your boxes. What are your standards for a woman? If it's just "attractive and willing to have sex with me" you are too desperate. Take some time to contemplate what type of woman would be a healthy match for you, and practice interviewing her to find that out. You can tell her that you think she's hot, but you still need to know more about her, to be sure that you want her. This is the correct vibe to come from.

Although on a God level, I'd say this is an illusion, because Everything matters, I do understand the desire to do something that matters on a relative level too. Most successful artists have found a way to create a mission around their art, they want to change the way people think in a certain way, or inspire people to do X or Y, et cetera. Could be anything, from just making people feel good, to motivating people to make love not war, to motivating people to have more compassion for animals. Whatever is their jam. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Every artist you love has a mission around it that they believe in. That enables them to have the drive to continue in hard moments. You need to come up with something like that, if you want to get past this, and have your art feel more like a purpose. And then verify and convince yourself that it actually does that to people, that you're not just playing mind-games with yourself.

This tells me that you haven't gone deep enough on the source of your lack of self-love and approval. Self-love practices are good, but they are surface level. A temporary action to raise your vibration for today, but not always tomorrow. Like we discussed in DMs, if you want approval, there is deeper work you can do to go back to the root of that lack of self-approval, heal it, and your problem is solved. Your favorite shadow work method should be enough to get you there in most cases.

Actually, needing something from them is what is stopping you from being truly authentic and enjoying the dates. Wanting sex from them is not only okay, but without that there is no point in going on the date! Are you okay expressing your desire for a woman openly, or is there some shadow around that? Are you currently in a place where you can say: "I'm attracted to you" without flinching or making yourself uncomfortable, thus projecting an incongruent vibe? If you have a shadow around your desire, then the next step is to work through that by practicing honest expression. (Learn to say: "I think you're hot.", "I would fuck you", "I'm attracted to you" from a comfortable, detached place) If you actually have neediness, then your sense of being complete without her needs work, and is what is missing. The best way to do that is to create a life you love, that you think is awesome even without a woman. The quick and dirty way around it is to just have more dates on the calendar.

Your own name or some variation of it is usually a great name for a website - and available. You can always invest in building a brand and choosing a cool name for it later.

@Javfly33 Yes it does. But also it has sugar and dairy. I wouldn't recommend depending on something with sugar to be able to do work. (Although I definitely have in the past) Truth is it's probably still better than going back to chugging espresso's. But also I get that work is important, so again you have to think about whether you want to push through or quit another time.

@DManKee It could contribute indirectly to depression in two ways (that I know of, @Michael569 correct me if I'm wrong) The crash that you get half an hour after consuming it, causes anxiety and negative feelings and thoughts, because the brain is deprived of fuel. The repeated consumption of sugar causes damage in arteries and overnutrition of cells, which causes low grade inflammation, low grade inflammation causes chronic low mood, brain fog, lack of energy and depression. Eventually this leads to diabetes, auto-immune disease or heart disease. According to Aubrey Marcus: monk fruit and stevia are best. But to be honest, I never use any of that stuff because I don't miss sugar at all. Quitting cold turkey is 2-3 weeks of suck, and then your taste buds recalibrate and everything tastes sweet again, even though you don't eat sugar. Best to just take a deep breath and go through it, in my opinion. Your body will thank you, and you'll never miss it anyway once you're on the other side.

@Javfly33 Yes, I managed to code without coffee... but man, it took me a long time to believe that it was possible. People with more practical jobs don't get how much raw abstract thinking power is needed to do programming. And there's two types of programmers I found: those who have never gotten into coffee drinking, and those who drink it every day. I'm the third kind: I managed to stay quit and do my job again. Those are more rare I had to quit multiple times, and each time it was multiple weeks of pretending I knew what I was doing, until the brain came back online. It sucked, and I felt guilty and bad about myself. But I see these people just drink water and code away, so I knew it must be possible. You probably got at least 2 more weeks of this, depending on when you quit. I won't judge you if you go back to caffeine, I did many times. Also when I got a new job, I started again. Starting a new job may not be a great moment to have zero mental power. But keep in mind that there will never be a good time to get off it, because it takes 40 days to regain full function. So if you still want it, it's something that you have to pick a time for, and then commit to performing like shit for 3 weeks and being okay with that. That time might not be right now. Or maybe it is. It's up to you, a very personal choice, and there's no wrong answer. If anyone judges you, dare them to give up their precious tea, coffee, sugar, or cigarettes when starting a new job. Didn't think so Edit: hot chocolate (homemade with a lot of pure organic cacao powder) could be a good alternative to hold you over for a couple weeks, if you still want to go ahead. It still contains tiny amounts of caffeine, similar to decaf, but it doesn't give the jittery feeling and crash, because the active ingredient is mostly theobromine, and more importantly, it's by definition harder to make (heating up oat milk etc), and not available in every office / street corner, so less chance of escalating into an addiction. (I say that because drinking chocolate you can buy ready-made won't have enough cacao to have an effect on you, and probably has other ingredients that actually hurt your mental clarity)

satisfied ✅ I borrowed a bicycle and went on an adventure. I cycled along the river and just explored nature and looked at different buildings. Since the shadow work yesterday, I feel like a new person. This sense of weakness, of being a lost kid far away from home, has lifted. Now I'm just a man, having a good time exploring things on his own. In a sense my situation has always been my worst fear. Ending up alone, not knowing anyone, in the middle of nowhere, far from home. And going through that, I have really felt that for the past days. Buildings looked unfriendly, and everything looked like it wanted to tell me to go the fuck home where I belong. I took the same walk around the block every day, trying to suppress this sad feeling of being lost. Today, it's a lot different. As long as I'm here, I might as well explore the environment! And there is no sense of being an abandoned helpless kid, stopping me from doing that. I just feel like an adult, having some fun. There is a lot of energy being freed up. I felt really excited to get on the bike, to take a steep walk uphill through the woods. I stopped at a closed sports park which had a sheltered bench and a table I could use. Video called my buddy and we had a great conversation as I smoked my pipe. Ate a can of tuna, and I was on my way. I feel almost careful to enjoy this too much, because the anxiety and despair could be back tomorrow. It is still winter, after all. But I also feel just really proud of who I am, and what I'm doing. I'm living in this totally unfamiliar country, I hardly know anyone here. The only person close to here that I know well, I am currently not speaking to. And... I still feel great. If this doesn't stop me, what can? I feel invincible. easy✅ connected✅ Working on serene. Just came home from hike. Will take some time to warm my feet and then start cleaning.

Now what would be cool, is a documentary about coaching an actual homeless person to heal and build themselves up all the way towards creating and maintaining a million dollar business. Would take years, but I bet it can be done. Needs a multidisciplinary team of dedicated professionals. I feel inspired.

@Mosess You can try to become yet-another-meditation-teacher, which is hard. It's hard because: Your competition is: every meditation center and teacher out there Your customer base is: people who are already looking directly to learn meditation from a teacher. So that means that you will have to explain to everyone why you are better than Isha Yoga Center. Or you can think a step further and come up with a story to sell it in a unique way, to people who were not necessarily looking for a meditation teacher. Ask yourself: how did meditation help me? What was my life like before and after I started doing it? Then start telling people about that story. They will want those benefits for themselves. Now you are inspiring people to learn from you how to overcome the same obstacles that you went through, and get the result that you got. Even though they were not going to look for meditation as a solution, if you hadn't told them your story. This is what is called a Blue Ocean. You have little competition now, because you are not fishing in the same sea of seekers looking for enlightenment, together with the big guys like Sadhguru and TM. And if you profile yourself well, you get inquiries from people you have a lot in common with, which means you can actually help them better and make quicker progress with them, than some generalist meditation class would. Of course, this only works if you are willing to do more for them than just teach them a meditation technique. You have to be concerned with their particular situation and really want to help. Then meditation is just a tool in your toolbox.

@Lyubov I didn't always feel like this when I still had my dayjob, but I can tell you, some days I felt so, so guilty for not performing well. I knew I could do better, but I felt like I dropped the ball, taking too long breaks, watching videos instead of working at times. This guilt would build up and make it even harder to do the work properly, because I put more pressure on myself, and that caused anxiety. Yes, finding something you're more passionate about is probably the true solution, but here's a short term fix. What helpt me, was honesty. I bottled up all this guilt for not working as hard as I could. Until one day, my girlfriend advised me to just confess. I told my coworker: "I've actually been unfocused all day and not done much of anything. I feel guilty and ashamed" He responded with compassion and empathy, telling me performance is a cycle with ups and downs, and to take care of myself. Feeling lighter, I told my team lead. He accepted it too. My slate was clean. Here's how I think this applies to your situation: I think you can regain some energy by practicing some honesty with your clients. You gave an important clue: You can tell them. "I love helping people that are willing to work hard. That motivates me to put in even more effort for you. We are doing this together." And you can tell the others: "I notice that you haven't been willing to work as hard as I think you can. That makes me feel less motivated to help you. How we can turn this around, is if you actually give it your all. I know you can do better" Another way to make it more interesting to you, is to explore with them why they are not willing to work so hard, and then coach them a bit. I believe motivation is a natural state. You only have to find what is blocking someone, and remove that, and their natural motivation will come back.

I've worked in sales for some time. Products and companies that were kind of shitty, or somewhat okay but still not really caring about their customers that much. It's not about the tactics. Of course there are deceptive sales tactics, and if you find a company using those, naturally stay away. But every tactic, every sales conversation will feel shitty if you don't fully in your heart believe that you are really helping people with something awesome. If you want to get into sales and not have it ruin your soul, focus on finding a company you believe in, with a product you love. Be a customer and buy that product. See if you actually love it. If not, how can you sell it without being a hypocrite? Finding a company and a product you really love, will help you: Get a job with them. They want true ambassadors who believe in their products, because they know those make the best salespeople. Actually sell. You don't need tactics when you really believe in something. People will feel that from you.

What kind of Sunday would Erik like to have? Hmm. I think he would like to feel satisfied. Like with a small adventure, such as a hike or a run. He would like to take it really easy, sleep in, have a slow breakfast with some hot chocolate. And he would like to feel serene. I could take care of that for him by cleaning his place for him. And he would like to feel connected. I can set up a couple of calls with friends for him.

Okay, now I feel calmer and kind of okay. Also after talking to a friend. Made myself a hot chocolate. But still, this winter sadness is majorly impacting my ability to be productive. This is the last year that I'm just passively letting that happen again. Next year, I'll go to a warm sunny place.

I'm realising this sense of being lost, far from home, abandoned, hopeless, has followed me throughout my life. It's popped up in all sorts of moments of uncertainty. Or just in winter, when the days get short and they are way too dark. But perhaps it has just been amplified by winter and circumstances. It's always been a companion when I travelled alone. Let's try something different. 3 The disturbance is a profound feeling of being lost, abandoned by parents, forgotten at the supermarket, far from home. It makes me on the verge of crying. It upsets my stomach and causes tension and a contracted sensation in the body. It makes it hard to look around and perceive my environment. The more I sense about my environment, the more sad I get. Retreating inward is my default reaction to mitigate it. It is the feeling of being forgotten on a train as a child, riding to unknown, unfriendly places, and being too frozen to ask anyone for help. It makes me weak in situation where others would be strong. It totally overshadows my confidence. It makes it hard to think and see clearly. 2 Hi, profound feeling of being lost, forgotten, and abandoned. I respect how powerful you are. Why won't you leave me alone? Because you haven't learnt to live without me yet. What does that mean? you know. No, I don't think I do. I think I am much more powerful than how you are making me feel. I don't feel that way. Then how are you feeling? Like no one's listening to me. Ok. Let me listen to you then. What is it you want to express? I feel alone because I was alone. I feel abandoned because I was abandoned. I feel frozen because I was frozen. When were you frozen? Before. I was frozen before .. time started for you. Are you saying you are older than me? Much, much older. Can you tell me how old? Ask me what you really want to know. You're right, I'm sorry. What I really want to know, is: how do I get rid of you? I'm sorry that you want to get rid of me. I'm sorry I hurt you. I hurt by just existing. I am in constant pain. You ignore me in the summer, and then you ignore me harder in the winter. I'm sorry I tried to get rid of you. I just didn't want to feel the way you are feeling. Guess we have that in common. What are you here to help me with? Coping with loss. You have no idea how to cope with loss. You distract yourself. And then when you lose something, you cry one time and then pound yourself on the chest for how emotionally healthy you are. Yikes, I see what you mean. I guess I just don't like being sad. But I do like learning things and then talking about them. I know you do, but sometimes it is time to slow down. Take time for yourself. Feel this. I don't buy it. We do this dance every winter. When are we done? Never. What are you here to tell me? That you can't control anything. If I decide we're not feeling well today, then that's what's up. What would make you happy? Listening. Reading me stories. Warm socks. Cuddling in bed. Sigh. If I give that to you, then can you stop making me feel so bad? I want you to want to. What you did today was nice, but it was a manipulation. You think you can just get rid of me, shut me up, by throwing me a bone. Okay, I think I get it. I want to want to take care of you. But what would help me, is to know who you are? I'm YOU. I'm the you that you left behind when you wanted to be popular and cool. You pushed me away, and I have been tugging at you ever since. 1 I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I want my mommy. I'm not okay on my own. I'm left here in this classroom with mean kids, MEAN kids, I can't go anywhere for help. Teachers won't help, they don't care. I've been sent on this school trip and I feel abandoned. I'm in this foreign place, everything looks unfamiliar and ugly and menacing. Things look evil. I am ancient. I am the ancient abandonment. In this lifetime, in this instant, I am living through betrayal by teachers, being sent to survive before I was ready, with a bunch of mean kids I don't understand, with my parents out of reach. I'm being cornered, bullied and ignored, the girls laugh at me for crying. No one cares about me. I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. * crying break * Okay kid. We can go home. I take the kid out of his bed, throw away the energy drinks he had in an attempt to be accepted, and hug him. Then I carry him to the front of the living room, where the girl betrayed his trust by making everyone watch him cry. I give everyone a stern talking to, telling them to look in themselves and raise their hand if they never felt sad and out of place somewhere. And it turns into a lovely conversation, where even the bullies come forward saying they didn't mean it that way. But we still go home. He never wanted this class trip. He would much rather play in the forest, with his buddy. So I take him there. There's trees, a goat, one friend, and just nature and his parents' caravan. Space to play and a space to come home to. That's a real vacation for him.

Separation and Learning Me and my woman decided to separate two days ago. We are not speaking for 4 weeks, and then, on the day of our anniversary, we'll meet again and see where we are. I've had tremendous difficulty with it. Because it's not just a pause, it's an end. It's either the end of a beautiful movie, or the end of season 1 with a cliffhanger. We don't know yet. It was a hard but inescapable decision. We suddenly realised on Sunday that we didn't feel like partners anymore. Every little disagreement or even major fight we had had up to that point, we were able to resolve beautifully, leading to tremendous insight and growth. This was different. We had become too deeply enmeshed, in our efforts to take care of each other, and suddenly there was no more mystery, no more magic. The spell was broken. We realised there was nothing to work out, we just needed to be apart. That evening when we called and made that decision, and we cried and thanked each other for being a part of the most magical love story that we could have asked for, I noticed something. She seemed very together. She spoke thoughtfully, poetically, eminating wisdom and maturity. It's the same qualities that I found so irresistable when I got to know her. The moment I left, they were back. I don't know what that means, and I decided to refrain from overanalyzing. Even of creating a story of "what went wrong". We decided that we will assume that this was supposed to happen, and this is good for us. Even if it hurts. Could it be good for me too? I have moments that I feel like utter shit, I have this pit of anxiety and hopelessness in my stomach, and my entire body is contracted and screaming for warmth. In those moments, I just feel a lack of connection, that can be temporarily medicated with YouTube videos, and temporarily relieved by talking to friends. But then it comes back. If I'm honest, I have always felt like this in December. I call it winter depression. But that label makes it fixed. I practiced giving that sense of connection to myself. Holding my own hand. Hugging myself. Breathing deeply under a hot shower. It does help. When grocery shopping, I thought to myself: "This was so much easier when I had someone I loved, to shop for, to bring all this good stuff home to. Someone to think of when picking out food items, asking myself what would make her really happy" Then I realised: I do have that person. Instead of shopping for medication (sugary yoghurts, desserts, alcohol), I shopped for what would make future me really happy. Some cacao, and a small piece of chocolate. I'm holding my own hand, feeling that sense of connection, and realise I've never done this before. I don't know why I'm feeling like I've been abandoned by a parent. That's for another moment to dissect.

Insights from talking to God Erik keeps worrying about making the right decision for the future. Some future he's clinging to, and idea of what is supposed to be, and what is not supposed to be. Relax. Play. Decisions are only hard because you think you are making them I'm creating exactly everything you need, no more no less Don't mistrust me, don't doubt me, if you want to keep your sanity Just have fun. It's all good, bro. I'm experiencing Erik as a movie, for it to be any fun I have to believe he is real, and identify with him. But I'm doing that. Erik really likes to control things and make up rules and hang on to information that he never needs and make his life hard HAHAHAHAHA

@Gregory1 Thank you for your wise words, they made me feel a bit warmer.

I have one rule though: don't give up on things during the dark months of the year. So I will feel whatever I feel, but not draw conclusions. That's my resolution