flowboy

I feel like you're conflating persuasion and stimulating insights here. To study what makes people say yes, I'd recommend to read Robert Cialdini's Influence. For deep insight, you can not make someone have that. But you can encourage it, which is the domain of coaching. Here, what's the most important is to let go of the insight you think they should have, and after doing that, actually ask the unbiased deep questions that makes them figure it out. If they are stuck, tell a true story about someone else (or you) in a similar situation, and the insight that they had. See if it resonates. If it doesn't, then that is not the insight that the person you are talking to is currently ready for.

I take a gram a day of good quality cod liver oil... very important for brain health. Omega 3 is one of the things that is present in abundance in food that grows in the wild, plant-based or not, but when we cultivate it on reused soil with only one type of fertilizer, or in animals we raise on unnatural or unvaried food sources, it starts to disappear.

These things a woman must have or I will not date her: Good relationship with father Can trust people easily Warm personality Wants to connect and talk about things. Well connected to her body, comfortable with sexuality and orgasms easily. Doesn't make me wait for it for months Reaches out by herself Wants to get serious, comfortable to talk future Emotionally healthy Independent enough to be fine without me for months Esthetically appealing pussy with healthy smell and taste Pretty face that is appealing to me Healthy body that she loves and takes good care of Good ass, nice tits that feel and look good Doesn't smoke Willing to experience - not just analyze and think about Curious enough to talk about each other's interests, even if we don't share them Really gets me, gets my sense of humor and I find her funny Really fun to be around her, also without sex A "spark" and natural banter, just a great dynamic Feeling of belonging together Feelings for her, butterflies, desire to be near her Bisexual and wants to go pick up chicks with / for me Secure attachment style https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/

Never noticed that with bell peppers. Keep in mind that your erection strength is a function of you getting everything you need in the nutrition, sleep, exercise and meaning/purpose department. So if you were missing a lot of vitamin C, or something else that's in bell peppers, this makes sense. Anyways, good that you discovered this for yourself. Here's three more foodstuffs that improve erection strength and help replenish semen: Steak Eggs Spermidin supplements (Yes, this is a thing - spermidin is a powerful antioxidant that was first discovered in semen, hence the name - but it can be isolated from vegetables and taken as a supplement )

@Hello1 You are against it, so that's all that matters ? Stay true to yourself and you'll attract the right people. The truth is not that bitter in my opinion. Some guys are really not boob guys, they care about other things in the looks department like a pretty face and a good ass. Quality of connection of course is always a factor, but in my opinion it's best to have someone who 100% loves your body the way it is, too. Some guys will think your boobs are sexy. And some guys will wish your boobs looked different. Being in love is not a permanent medicine against that. You need to screen out those guys and not waste any time with them. You can't make someone like something. You can find other guys who love the way your boobs look. So only spend time with those. I have possibly a similar issue with a 15 cm penis. It looks good and I can use it to give people orgasms, but some women really need more to get off, so I try to work it into the conversation as soon as possible so that they know what they're getting into. Usually that makes them more attracted to me. I've always had a great sex life, but still, sometimes when I don't feel great, I wish it was bigger. Point being: be really F*ing honest about what you are looking for. You should be looking for a guy who in the looks department is more of an ass man or only cares about a pretty face, or has an unusual taste in boobs which happens to make yours really delicious to him, whatever it is for him, but someone who is physically really attracted to you. And then of course the emotional connection matters a lot, but my point is: an emotional connection doesn't make a guy forget that your physical appearance is not his taste. Eventually that shit will come back to haunt you after the honeymoon period. So always assume there is an abundance of guys who you are exactly their taste for, and screen hard to find them. Then you can invest emotionally with them, build a good connection, and your boobs will be appreciated too. Not at all. Just watch out for guys who pretend to like everything about your body, just because they are desperate to get laid. Those are the low quality guys. They will tell you stories to get you to sleep with them, but because the stories will be half-truths, they won't be committed after that. You need to use your own God-given feminine radar to screen for honesty and authenticity. Maybe you can do it in a tit-for-tat fashion, where he is honest about his penis length or the amount of minutes he usually lasts in bed, and you can tell him whether you are still excited to get to know him further, and in return he gets to see a picture of your boobs (on your phone, don't send!), and he can tell you to your face whether he's still excited. Don't allow him to lie to please you - abundance of guys who will love your boobs, remember that!!! Yes, because if you have selected the right guy who truly loves your looks for other reasons, you won't even feel this insecurity. The wrong guy will, the right guy wil just be thinking of you. (Sidenote: men will always fantasize about other women every now and then, this is not necessarily unhealthy or bad, provided it's coming from a place of being happy with you and just their hormones making them desire variety) Yes. I mean this way you are just wasting your time with someone before you know if they are the right guy. Don't hide, you are wasting your time doing that. And yes, it's a turnoff. I personally have no patience for that level of body insecurity. Yes, focus 100% of your energy on finding a guy who can honestly tell you that he either loves your boobs or is not boob-focused at all and is more of an ass man, and only invest in the connection and relationship once that is clear. It won't be a complication at all if you do that. Looking at your picture, you have a pretty face, which means you can still get high quality guys, as long as you treat yourself as a high quality woman, which means screening hard and not going on a date with a guy who may not be the right fit. But it takes radical honesty and authenticity. Which, if you embody those qualities, you will attract men who do that as well. It's an all-round upgrade to your love life to hide nothing and just be honest.

Look at it this way: if you are 100% honest, you are creating enough of an emotional rollercoaster to keep an emotionally healthy person interested. Example: one day you say you like her energy. The other day she blabs on and on about the emotional problems of her friend, which you don't care about, and you tell her to cut it out because it doesn't interest you. That's enough in my experience to keep a healthy girl interested. If you have to play the I love you/ I hate you push-pull game, you'll attract traumatized girls and you'll be stuck in drama for however long you're with them. So it's a bad investment to overdramatize your personality. Your honest likes and dislikes, expressed without sugar coating, create enough emotional spikes.

@Preety_India Of course I can't 100% put myself in that place (although I've been uncomfortably hit on by big old guys in the showers at the gym, if that counts for something) - but here is how I've seen women respond to this in a healthy way: Confront it directly. Call out their passive aggressive misogynistic behavior for what it is. Be specific about what it exactly is in their attitude that they need to cut out if they want to be able to talk to you. A classy person addresses the behavior, not the person. So favor things like: "I do not tolerate misogynistic lewd comments like that", over: "You are a misogynist/chauvinist" If they respond in a way that makes you feel physically unsafe after doing that, don't be afraid or ashamed to call other men to the rescue. Men love to white-knight and protect women from each other, so use that. However if the situation becomes chaotic/dramatic, leave. Don't associate yourself with drama if you want to stay classy. Always default to leaving the situation altogether.

Yes, exactly. And the social/cultural environment led to denying the experiences.

@Someone here Easier said then done: but in order to recover from this habit of repressing your gay side, you need to be in an environment where it is accepted. Without acceptance around you, you'll always be swimming against the stream with it, feeling alone and it will be very hard to release the internalised judgment that gets absorbed from the social environment. Couple ways: Find a network of gay / LGBTQ people and go to meetups. They must exist, but in your environment they are probably underground, so you should make your own judgment around how safe that is to try and find. Go to another country. For a few months, or even longer. Experience what it's like to be in a scene where it is openly accepted and encouraged to be your full self. Even a week long retreat can do wonders. I would personally choose the option of going to another country to experience the scene where it is accepted. It's so important to have the right community. Edit: if @Preety_India thinks it's no big deal, then you can definitely start to ask around and start to network a bit, you'll find more people like you. I just know very little about India, so I don't want to be advising you something that can get you into serious trouble.

Once you heal the root cause of your need for acceptance, to be exact. Self-acceptance is what you need in order to feel okay not getting acceptance from others. We are born with it, then shit happens. That shit is usually either parents passing their issues onto you, or it can be bad experiences in school, or it can be actual traumatic events. It's not the adult layer of the self that needs the most acceptance, it's the different inner children inside your psyche. And they're still not over it. Once you go and heal those parts, you'll be alright. But you'll still be horny. The desire for a sexual companion is natural, so even though you can get to the point where you are super okay and happy without one, you'll still desire it. Great! You have a bias towards action. A great predictor of success. Well, you could just keep going and you'd probably get laid. You could also take a moment and introspect: do I have what women are looking for? For example: Do you have an interesting and passionate life that you love, that she'd want to be a part of Do you feel fulfilled and purposeful in your work Are you socially connected, good quality friends Do you love yourself and have self-esteem Are you emotionally intelligent and able to feel into her These are some examples of things that women find attractive, that you could work on. If you have all those things, you don't need to approach so much anymore. If you have those things and can communicate them, then 30% of people you actually talk to, will want to see you again. And if they want to see you again and are also single females, then most of your dates will go well. It's an easier life.

Honestly, you're focusing on the wrong thing. This is how to text without expending the painful amount of energy that you are doing: Say the first thing that comes to mind If that consistently turns all girls off, then the problem is elsewhere. See, natural texting is not a separate component you should be working on, unless you enjoy torturing yourself. It's only a reflection of your natural personality. Therefore, it should cost you literally no more energy to do it than it takes to move your fingers. Every thing that can go wrong with your texting conversations (which should be very short anyway before you proceed to the date), points to a problem with your inner state, and that's the level that it should be solved at. Examples: Being too logical in a text: means you're too in your head, also in face to face contact. This means you're overanalyzing, which is a defense mechanism created as a response to past pain. Solution is to do embodied practices combined with shadow work, inner child work or trauma healing. Being too sexual in a text: means you're too needy in daily life. Something is missing, and you're projecting that having sex is it. But it's not. It's either self-love, self-acceptance, self-worth, or life purpose. Not being funny: usually means you're too attached to the outcome. Getting this girl is a life-or-death situation to you, you're working so hard at it that you can't even be light hearted and willing to say something weird anymore. Solution is to build self-worth and life purpose. Using lines that you know work: means you feel that your own personality isn't good enough. Solution is to learn to let go and be yourself face to face with a girl, also working on self-worth, authenticity and radical honesty. 'Models' by Mark Manson would be a good book. Being afraid to escalate / not knowing how: actually you know how, you're just afraid she won't accept it. Meaning you lack acceptance, which you're trying to get from her. But actually you lack self-acceptance, which if you had it, you would be free to say whatever the hell you wanted and it would probably work, and if it didn't, you'd still feel fine and wouldn't dwell on it, because you accept yourself, fuckups and all. Because saying the right thing is just what happens when you are a mentally healthy man who is on his path. You don't have to think about it. Et cetera, et cetera. These are just examples, all of which I HAVE DONE by the way, so don't take this as me telling you how much better I am. I've been a huge overthinker when texting, and thankfully, I don't do that anymore. I say whatever the hell comes to mind, and get dates consistently. What you're trying to do is to not let your inner game issues shine through in the text. It's a lot of work to 'impersonate' someone who has self-worth, is non-needy and loves themselves. And it's all for nothing, because then you meet them and they find out that you don't have those things anyway. You get much better ROI by actually working on yourself, rather than pretending to be someone you're not. It solves everything. ?

Get a female friend with a good sense of style, but who you can also get to understand what you like and don't like, to go shopping with you. Seriously. You don't want to be winging this unless you have a good feel for it, or unless you're willing to spend a lot of money on mistakes.

Good mindset work includes all of those things. It's called mindset but the mind part is the least important, paradoxically

I didn't say "right off the bat" I said: "when you know that you want it" If you want it right off the bat, then you haven't spent enough time getting to know her, which means you are too desperate to check in with your own standards, and your desire is misaligned. And yes, it's worked really well

@Terell Kirby What is a surefire way to lower her attraction, is not expressing your desire for fear of lowering her attraction.

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I think there's something there for you. ?

@Illusory Self See also Being stuck in your head fundamentally is a trauma response, in the sense that it is related to an unworthiness belief, which is caused by early childhood or adolescent experiences. Unworthiness in this case is expressed in that you believe that you have to think a lot, in order to be deserving. You have to say the right thing. You have to lead. You have to be funny. You have to, you have to, you have to. Fulfilling all of these "have to"s requires thinking. Thinking puts you in your head. Being in your head blocks you from leading, being funny, saying the right thing and having a naturally flowing conversation. People who are good on dates barely think at all. Think about that Buried beneath all that thinking, is your gut instinct. It tells you exactly what to say and do, and you don't have to think in order to listen to it. The perfect dating behavior is already inside you, man. But... you are actively blocking it.

There's also upsides to being with someone more experienced. It can provide you with a feeling of safety, protection, guidance, feeling really contained and held in the arms of someone you can trust and who can really provide a lot of wisdom and resourcefulness. Basically using the advantages of his age for the good of you, him, and the world. This is the side you are not seeing. This is what other people might find valuable in a relationship with someone older. And I don't blame you for not seeing it that way. It all depends on earlier imprints of older people in our lives. Were they trustworthy? Could we count on them? Did they protect us? Or did they fail us, betray us, abandon us, even use us and take advantage? It heavily colours our paradigm of today.

@somegirl Your discomfort and irritation comes from clinging to a certain belief of what is "wrong" and what is "right" So the absolute dogma you hold about what's wrong and what's right, can actually be traced back to something that is very personal for you. So you can see, it is not an absolute rule. You have some fear around being taken advantage of, and that's why this belief makes sense for you. But you could do without it, if you could feel more trust. Trust in yourself, to be able to protect and take care of yourself, and discern people's intentions correctly. Basically, trusting your own intuition more. Then you wouldn't need this belief, because you'd feel more safe in the world.

So the insultedness comes from a belief that they should not be dating people much younger than themselves. That is an entirely subjective belief. The discomfort comes from them not sharing your belief. They are acting in accordance with their belief, just like you are. So you have that in common, at least.

Desire is awesome! Desire is aliveness. Temporary states of desirelessness are useful for insight and growth, but not something you should strive to maintain. You are suffering because you are telling yourself lies about being unworthy of what you want, or not powerful enough to get what you want.

I suspect that part of the value of a high-end retreat is in networking. But that's just a hypothesis.

@Lyubov If you are growing uncomfortable with the difference in what you want, which posting this topic could indicate, maybe it's time to have a serious conversation about it with her. No, you do not have to be responsible for her getting what she wants out of life, if you are upfront and give her all the information she needs to decide. But, you could be compassionate and investigate / stimulate her to figure it out and see if she's really sure she wants to stay with you. The more you grow as a man, the wider your circle of concern becomes. You may find yourself not just worrying about whether you can be blamed for anything while you get what you want, but also about the fulfillment of people around you. At least that's what I have found myself experiencing off and on recently. Given that you could meet a girl who is equally great, but wants the same as you, wouldn't that be better for everyone?

If someone approaches you and based on their age, you assume they only want sex, that's about you, not about them. What are you projecting, and where is it coming from? Do you believe that sex is the only thing you have to offer to a more mature person? That he couldn't see you as a worthy life partner that he could take seriously? I'm seriously wondering.