flowboy

Hey Philipp, I feel your pain. Like you said, everything has its shadow side, and the shadow in you is what makes you hate it. If you enjoy hating the system, I don't want to stop you from doing that. It can be fun. If you feel like it's costing you a lot of energy, and you'd rather have peace of mind, you can integrate the shadow. Which is the process of finding and recognizing everything you hate "out there", somewhere in yourself, and then loving that. ?

Hi Rasheed, I don't think your question is stupid. Whilst I don't know the reasoning that Leo or Sadhguru provided, here's some thoughts: I don't think Sadhguru said "only one in your life", rather one at a time, right? A relationship is one of the biggest investments you could make. It can go wrong in many ways, due to incompatibility of personalities. Before you commit to one, it's good to know yourself and your personality and what fits with you and doesn't fit with you. And just like God created all of us to know itself, to experience itself through us, you also need to experience interactions with others in order to know yourself. Therefore, interacting with women helps you get to know yourself, therefore it helps you discover what type of woman fits well with you. Because it's such an emotional investment and carries a high cost when you have to break it up (your life getting derailed with pain and sadness for months), it's imperative to choose wisely. When you buy a house, will you sign for a 20 year mortgage on the first one you see, without going to see any other ones? Perhaps, but then it has to be a really amazing fit, and everything feels right about it. This can happen in relationships too, but if you haven't trained your intuition with experience, it can be hard to know what even is right for you.

Nice balanced perspective. Good to see you integrate your past experiences into this holistic viewpoint. Thank you for sharing.

Hey, I'm with you as well! No need to make such a big project out of approaching girls, unless you want to. I personally like to go with things as they naturally occur. I feel like I want to meet someone. I walk outside. I see her, recognize her from something. I feel a bit of fear. I go up to her and stutter a bit. She gives me her number. We date for 6 months. No clubs were hit, no pickup forums were browsed, no scorecards were harmed in the making of this adventure. It's very low-key and casual. Of course I was excited about it. But meeting people is a natural process. When you feel the impulse, all you need to do is not suppress it. ?

Hey Gabith, sorry to hear you are going through this. Actually your anxiety makes sense to me. Why do people get anxious on job interviews? Because they really really really want it, it's all they want and this could be their only chance anytime soon. This is the situation you've created for yourself by only working on your social life. The real solution here is not a breathing technique, but to shift your focus to something else, something that feels purposeful and meaningful to you, that's what you're thinking about and working passionately towards every day, and you care way more about than getting the next girl. This is what really lowers anxiety on approaches. Because now you still want the girl, but it's not the most important thing in your life, if that makes sense. Do you have something like that currently?

Hi, and welcome to the forum. I've read your story and I relate a lot, because currently I'm pursuing my passion but also making money, and it took me a while to find that balance for myself. Here's what I'd do in your situation, knowing what I know now: Remain living where you live now (assuming this saves you money). But give yourself 6 months to get your project off the ground. Brainstorm creative ways to have people pay for you doing your passion, TODAY. Execute. Use the 6 month deadline as motivation. Do not waste time and energy on anything that is out of alignment, "work experience" is worthless to you if you already know that it's not what you want to do, and the money you earn with it is worth less than the time you lose with it. I repeat: the money you earn with it is worth less than the time you lose with it Starting something next to a job, in the time and energy you have left over, is 10 times as hard as without the job. This is where most struggle. I did it, and I would not recommend it. Don't underestimate the power of prioritizing where your fresh energy goes versus the leftovers. You are in a perfect position to make your purpose work for you. Don't blow it now by moving out and getting a job you hate DM me if you want to brainstorm a bit.

Unlike some other replies here, I'm going to contend that it is not about you. She needs to grow up. Just... a little. Yes, fangirling over a rock star is normal. And you understand, which is very mature of you. But it sounds like she's expecting you to cater to that, and just let it all out without any regard for your feelings or respect for the relationship. Things like: Are just taking it a little too far. This to me is her being a bit immature and expecting you to cater to the teenage girl inside you, without any regard for your feelings. A statement that acknowledges the relationship, like "Sorry but I'm just going to fangirl out a bit, I'd never really be with a guy like that but he just tickles the teenage girl in me. Thank you for feeling secure enough to let me experience this", would make a difference for me personally. What she's doing now is basically openly stating that if this rockstar propositioned her, she'd sleep with him. And this is probably true, but saying it openly, I find to be a sign of lack of respect for what you have (assuming you are a monogamous couple) My advice is to not make a big deal out of it in this situation Go to the concert, be a big fan of the rockstar together But keep an eye on the dynamics of your relationship in the coming months. Make sure that she's still feeling really lucky and stoked to be with you. And if not, make sure that she knows that other women are attracted to you, and you are grounded, on your path and okay without her. (without telling her, obviously) It could be that you've been a bit off your path, not so strong lately, and this is a good reminder to get centered and grounded. And allow her to walk away if she's not totally stoked to be yours.

@integration journey You can teach yourself to not act in a needy way, but that's a whole lot of trouble you will put yourself through. And a lot of conditioning you will have to unlearn later. Because the blockages and filters you create on your self-expression, in order to come off non-needy, will come back to bite you at some point. Then you have to undo that conditioning you created later, when you are actually non-needy and need your freedom of expression back. Having learnt all these constraints on your communication is only going to make you neurotic in the long run. I'm speaking from experience. The more low-effort way is to actually be non-needy! This is by doing shadow work, you already referred to your shadow. How I would do that with someone is: Take a recent memory of approaching someone Cut out the part where you felt that need strongly Replay it over and over until the body sensation becomes apparent Then ask questions to the body sensation, until you enter a dialogue where it becomes clear which part of you it is, and where in time it is stuck, and what it needs Then heal it by giving it what it needs You can do that on your own, won't take you more than 2 hours, and your next approach will feel a lot different already. I have an instruction video on this, but you can use whatever process works for you best.

Hi Roy, A good friend of mine had this issue with his girlfriend. She is now his wife and they have a baby, so it's clearly possible to work it out. She would get upset knowing that he watched porn, and consider it cheating. She would cry or get angry. At first he would react by hiding it, but one day he decided to be radically honest from that point on. He told her about the drugs he experimented with, and the porn he watched. All things that greatly upset her. But he established the frame that this is just what he did, it has nothing to do with her, she has no say over it, and he was not going to feel bad about it or hide it anymore. They had some fights after that, because it is really a re-establishing of dominance that happened. But then the rocky period was over and they both settled in. And still to this day he mentions watching porn when she is there, and she doesn't even flinch. Myself I never had this particular issue with porn, girls I've been with have always been cool with that or even exchanged links to videos with me. I've had it in other ways though, where I like to do certain things that many girls don't agree with or which makes them insecure. In recent years I'm learning to be upfront with all the things about me that she might not agree with, in the first couple dates. It really does pay off when I do it well. And I've gone through enough pain that I am motivated to set it up correctly. My honest opinion is that arguing on a logical level over what 'should' be considered okay for you and the technicalities of it, is a battle that will never end. It can not be solved on this level. Because you're basically negotiating terms with her while she's in the higher power position. It's like asking for a raise in a job you can't afford to leave. However, you can always re-establish the frame and redefine what things you do that she has no say over and vice versa. You may have to have a little fight over it, though. Because if you've let her insecurities and emotional outbursts motivate you to stop watching porn or hide it, then basically she established dominance over you. I'm not saying that she does this on purpose or anything. It's something that happens in relationships and is easy to slip into. Not her fault. I'm just saying you can re-establish frame if you're willing to go through some uncomfortable fights and put your foot down. Actually be willing to lose her. Otherwise, there's no changing this. It's no fun having to cater to someone's insecurities, but it's equally no fun having to watch and police your boyfriend's porn habits, and being enabled in emotional controlling behavior. Re-establishing the frame and holding firm on that will actually make her feel more secure with you. You being the dominant one in that. As evidenced by my friend J's story. Word of warning though, if your dynamic has been based on everything being equal from the start, and you have never been the 'alpha' really (meaning she sets the frame of the relationship, leads and makes the final call on decisions), it's possible that this is the only way she wants to relate with you. And setting your own frame can lead to a breakup. That actually happened to me before. So it's not without risk. But it can work. As you can see, it's much easier and less risky to establish the frame that allows for everything you want from the beginning. Addendum: I dislike having to talk about dominance, and being the 'alpha' because it sounds so crass, but sometimes it is a dynamic that can't be ignored. It's not to be construed as you being dominant over her or bossing her around, but rather you having ownership over yourself and being the leader in setting the frame for the relationship, creating the container in which both of you can feel safe.

I'm organising my first retreat with a friend and busy with onboarding candidates and chasing them down to confirm their attendance I'm also booking accomodations for my trip to Spain I'm working on my communication skills by studying others and watching myself back I'm still creating new content for my coaching program I'm having calls I'm creating blog posts I'm creating youtube videos I'm recording podcasts I'm creating videos and content for my employee (s) I'm making branding decisions And I'm sure I am omitting a few things. Even 4 months ago, this workload would have sent me into a full-on panic - shutdown - depression cycle. Now, I'm fine. Fine. What happened to me

@Vivaldo Yes, they usually wait for the guy to initiate. So you have to step up or miss 98% of your dating opportunities. The reason is that your ability to initiate is part of what proves to her that you are worth dating. Taking initiative and being courageous is an important part of what makes you attractive to her.Courage and initiative are an important part of what makes men attractive. Less so for women: I bet you'd be fine with dating a girl who is not as brave as you but has other attractive qualities This is the reason that it's usually the guy who makes the first move. However, really it's the woman who makes the first move by looking at you

Can you describe some examples where this helped you? Especially when a stranger did it? I can understand that when a respected teacher does it, it makes someone think and put in the effort to understand why, and wake up. But that's predicated upon looking up to the holder of the stick. If a stranger who holds no special credits in the hittee's perspective, does this, I doubt there would be contemplation as a result of it. Rather defensiveness and derailment. The trap is that the ego likes to imagine itself in the position of the teacher with extra respect credits already built up. So that it can say anything and people will consider it deeply.

So two months after we break up, I suddenly find out that I have this other part of myself who is still in love with her. What. Great -.- I thought my parts were integrated, and I was making such fast progress and doing so well because my achiever-part and child-part had been integrated. And maybe they have, but now I have a Romantic and a Businessman inside me, and I just had an hour long emotional conversation with them. They seem to agree and want to work together, but when left to their own devices (Businessman has been thriving the past weeks), they keep kicking over each other's sandcastles. I don't think it can be resolved in one session. I'm still confused.

Clearly, you have never seen what a knee does to a guy. There's a reason it's forbidden even in the most brutal fighting sports. I don't think it's ethical to do it unless you are physically threatened, but it is at your disposal.

If you want to get laid and have women respect you, yes. It's not even that extreme. It's just radically being yourself.

@assx95 Yes, 40 approaches is a good start but not enough to get good at flirting, but another thing most pickup guys will not tell you, is: High self-esteem matters much more than flirting technique. So do whatever it takes to get you to honestly believe you are an awesome, very attractive man, and everything else in the flirting and game department will become easier. This may involve you getting better friends, a better life purpose, better clothes, a better place to live, or completely changing your life direction. Whatever that is for you, do that. It may also involve therapy and/or trauma release. Unprocessed pain from the past is often in the way of having high self esteem.

@Medhansh Another thing you can do (when it's authentic), is when she says something negative about something you like, whether it is her criticizing Leo Gura or saying some music artist you like is lame, instead of half-heartedly agreeing or trying to find a middle ground, you just look her straight in the eyes and tell her that you actually love this X or Y. Look at her with a vibe of being fine with the awkwardness of the dissonance, and being mildly entertained at the same time. If she backpeddles and corrects herself to agree with you, you basically already know she's yours if you want her.

Yes. Simple but not easy. If you can cut out all people-pleasing behavior, even the subtle stuff like allowing someone to finish their story which you are bored with, or telling her that you think something is cool whilst you should be telling her that you don't like what she just said, or allowing her to finish her sentence whilst you actually want to kiss her, or you actually want to send her home because you want to sleep, then that's enough. Beware that this manifests throughout your entire interaction with her from the beginning. Instead of trying to create a good vibe and being entertaining to her, you will be amusing yourself whilst constantly judging and figuring out whether she meets your standards or not. Always be willing to walk away as soon as she does something you don't like. Be respectful but don't slip into politeness.

I feel like you're conflating persuasion and stimulating insights here. To study what makes people say yes, I'd recommend to read Robert Cialdini's Influence. For deep insight, you can not make someone have that. But you can encourage it, which is the domain of coaching. Here, what's the most important is to let go of the insight you think they should have, and after doing that, actually ask the unbiased deep questions that makes them figure it out. If they are stuck, tell a true story about someone else (or you) in a similar situation, and the insight that they had. See if it resonates. If it doesn't, then that is not the insight that the person you are talking to is currently ready for.

I take a gram a day of good quality cod liver oil... very important for brain health. Omega 3 is one of the things that is present in abundance in food that grows in the wild, plant-based or not, but when we cultivate it on reused soil with only one type of fertilizer, or in animals we raise on unnatural or unvaried food sources, it starts to disappear.

These things a woman must have or I will not date her: Good relationship with father Can trust people easily Warm personality Wants to connect and talk about things. Well connected to her body, comfortable with sexuality and orgasms easily. Doesn't make me wait for it for months Reaches out by herself Wants to get serious, comfortable to talk future Emotionally healthy Independent enough to be fine without me for months Esthetically appealing pussy with healthy smell and taste Pretty face that is appealing to me Healthy body that she loves and takes good care of Good ass, nice tits that feel and look good Doesn't smoke Willing to experience - not just analyze and think about Curious enough to talk about each other's interests, even if we don't share them Really gets me, gets my sense of humor and I find her funny Really fun to be around her, also without sex A "spark" and natural banter, just a great dynamic Feeling of belonging together Feelings for her, butterflies, desire to be near her Bisexual and wants to go pick up chicks with / for me Secure attachment style https://quiz.attachmentproject.com/

Never noticed that with bell peppers. Keep in mind that your erection strength is a function of you getting everything you need in the nutrition, sleep, exercise and meaning/purpose department. So if you were missing a lot of vitamin C, or something else that's in bell peppers, this makes sense. Anyways, good that you discovered this for yourself. Here's three more foodstuffs that improve erection strength and help replenish semen: Steak Eggs Spermidin supplements (Yes, this is a thing - spermidin is a powerful antioxidant that was first discovered in semen, hence the name - but it can be isolated from vegetables and taken as a supplement )

@Hello1 You are against it, so that's all that matters ? Stay true to yourself and you'll attract the right people. The truth is not that bitter in my opinion. Some guys are really not boob guys, they care about other things in the looks department like a pretty face and a good ass. Quality of connection of course is always a factor, but in my opinion it's best to have someone who 100% loves your body the way it is, too. Some guys will think your boobs are sexy. And some guys will wish your boobs looked different. Being in love is not a permanent medicine against that. You need to screen out those guys and not waste any time with them. You can't make someone like something. You can find other guys who love the way your boobs look. So only spend time with those. I have possibly a similar issue with a 15 cm penis. It looks good and I can use it to give people orgasms, but some women really need more to get off, so I try to work it into the conversation as soon as possible so that they know what they're getting into. Usually that makes them more attracted to me. I've always had a great sex life, but still, sometimes when I don't feel great, I wish it was bigger. Point being: be really F*ing honest about what you are looking for. You should be looking for a guy who in the looks department is more of an ass man or only cares about a pretty face, or has an unusual taste in boobs which happens to make yours really delicious to him, whatever it is for him, but someone who is physically really attracted to you. And then of course the emotional connection matters a lot, but my point is: an emotional connection doesn't make a guy forget that your physical appearance is not his taste. Eventually that shit will come back to haunt you after the honeymoon period. So always assume there is an abundance of guys who you are exactly their taste for, and screen hard to find them. Then you can invest emotionally with them, build a good connection, and your boobs will be appreciated too. Not at all. Just watch out for guys who pretend to like everything about your body, just because they are desperate to get laid. Those are the low quality guys. They will tell you stories to get you to sleep with them, but because the stories will be half-truths, they won't be committed after that. You need to use your own God-given feminine radar to screen for honesty and authenticity. Maybe you can do it in a tit-for-tat fashion, where he is honest about his penis length or the amount of minutes he usually lasts in bed, and you can tell him whether you are still excited to get to know him further, and in return he gets to see a picture of your boobs (on your phone, don't send!), and he can tell you to your face whether he's still excited. Don't allow him to lie to please you - abundance of guys who will love your boobs, remember that!!! Yes, because if you have selected the right guy who truly loves your looks for other reasons, you won't even feel this insecurity. The wrong guy will, the right guy wil just be thinking of you. (Sidenote: men will always fantasize about other women every now and then, this is not necessarily unhealthy or bad, provided it's coming from a place of being happy with you and just their hormones making them desire variety) Yes. I mean this way you are just wasting your time with someone before you know if they are the right guy. Don't hide, you are wasting your time doing that. And yes, it's a turnoff. I personally have no patience for that level of body insecurity. Yes, focus 100% of your energy on finding a guy who can honestly tell you that he either loves your boobs or is not boob-focused at all and is more of an ass man, and only invest in the connection and relationship once that is clear. It won't be a complication at all if you do that. Looking at your picture, you have a pretty face, which means you can still get high quality guys, as long as you treat yourself as a high quality woman, which means screening hard and not going on a date with a guy who may not be the right fit. But it takes radical honesty and authenticity. Which, if you embody those qualities, you will attract men who do that as well. It's an all-round upgrade to your love life to hide nothing and just be honest.

Look at it this way: if you are 100% honest, you are creating enough of an emotional rollercoaster to keep an emotionally healthy person interested. Example: one day you say you like her energy. The other day she blabs on and on about the emotional problems of her friend, which you don't care about, and you tell her to cut it out because it doesn't interest you. That's enough in my experience to keep a healthy girl interested. If you have to play the I love you/ I hate you push-pull game, you'll attract traumatized girls and you'll be stuck in drama for however long you're with them. So it's a bad investment to overdramatize your personality. Your honest likes and dislikes, expressed without sugar coating, create enough emotional spikes.

@Preety_India Of course I can't 100% put myself in that place (although I've been uncomfortably hit on by big old guys in the showers at the gym, if that counts for something) - but here is how I've seen women respond to this in a healthy way: Confront it directly. Call out their passive aggressive misogynistic behavior for what it is. Be specific about what it exactly is in their attitude that they need to cut out if they want to be able to talk to you. A classy person addresses the behavior, not the person. So favor things like: "I do not tolerate misogynistic lewd comments like that", over: "You are a misogynist/chauvinist" If they respond in a way that makes you feel physically unsafe after doing that, don't be afraid or ashamed to call other men to the rescue. Men love to white-knight and protect women from each other, so use that. However if the situation becomes chaotic/dramatic, leave. Don't associate yourself with drama if you want to stay classy. Always default to leaving the situation altogether.