flowboy

Yes, soul mates exist, I have found mine. Or, a crazily compatible one that I wouldn't trade in for anyone. Whatever your concept of it is. Here's what was true for me, and is perhaps helpful: She was better at picking me than I was at selecting her. Whenever I would purposefully socialize to meet women, I would do all these behaviors that "worked" somewhat on the women I was accustomed to meeting, but doing that I could have come on way too strong, repelled, or even ignored the woman I'm with now, because she would not have responded so well to my somewhat-inauthentic extraverted mask. But she found me through the way I put myself out there. In other words, if outbound marketing doesn't work, try inbound. Let more people see you, the real you, and wait for women to come find you. Of course this still requires you to express yourself honestly and make yourself vulnerable, but it's less direct sales and more brand marketing. It's worth a shot.

@petar8p thank you for your effort to bring back some balance/nuance What I recently learnt works really well is being present, but not moving. So my finger is at the entrence, just.. resting, waiting for the vagina to get curious. Then at some point it will get excited by my patient presence and start to get wet and literally suck me in. And I let it, but I still don't really move much, and my finger is not rigid. It's just there.

Rather than letting our egos feast on someone's humiliation and pain, let us introspect and see how we can use this for self-improvement. What did he do wrong and where am I doing that? I'll start. What I've heard is that he spread misinformation on his show without being careful who it might affect. Basically letting business and viewership come before responsibility and care. Where have I done something similar? Lemme think. I've told a story on my YouTube channel about a conversation with a friend, and I uploaded before I thought of checking with him whether he'd want the story public (he was fine with it) I've let some things that my friends told me in confidence, or in the container of a men's group, slip to my girlfriend in the past. Have gotten better at that since I'm sure I've said lots of insensitive or incorrect things in private to friends, that could have caused a lot of hurt if I had let them slip from a position of authority on a massive platform. It's a small example, but you get the point. Not that he's innocent, but that none of us are. If you'd like to join me, post: your interpretation of what the misdeed was an example of where you've done something similar

These are your bars that you are behind. Mental, self-created ones. Only you can break them. Reach out for help if you can't do it alone.

You're conflating life challenges with abuse/dysfunction, and falling into black and white thinking. You can have good, healthy parents who know how to support you in overcoming your own obstacles. So no spoiling, but also no dysfunction. This is what creates the happiest successful adults. There's people driven by a bad childhood, who accomplish a lot, but they're not any happier than you. Because of their dysfunctional childhood. So be careful who you envy.

@Gabith Same here. For me it's related to the weather. Maybe for you as well? If I feel confident, I know it's going to be a sunny day, at least at some point during the day. If I feel like shit, I know it's going to be a cloudy day.

@at_anchor Speaking as someone whose parents made him weak and defenceless against bullies Sitting at your laptop discussing with online strangers and philosophizing about suicide is not going to help you. You're in a situation where you're not happy. Are you physically trapped? Behind bars? No. So stop letting this situation defeat you and take some action. You have legs. Walk away. You have a couple hundred dollars, or the ability to borrow them, so use that. Go volunteer at a farm somewhere far away, the physical work, nature and change of environment will do you good. https://wwoof.net/ Yes, you're going to disappoint your parents. Fuck them. When death starts to look attractive, you need to be aggressively selfish for a while and not care who disapproves. Just get away, what do you have to lose? You don't need anyone's permission, and don't let anyone tell you that you're ruining "your future" forever. Break free. It will be the best year of your life, and you'll be much clearer about what you want after that.

@Emrie I get that it's unpleasant when people are rude and oblivious, but I think it would bother you a lot less if you had less of a shadow about it. What I mean is: People tend to get the most annoyed at behaviors that they forbid themselves to do, and are related to something they wish they could let themselves do. You mentioned that you take a lot of care to not be rude. I think that you'd be happier if you let yourself act a little more selfishly, risk offending people a little bit to take a chance on getting what you want. Just letting down that guard of judgment a little bit. I'm not saying be rude! I'm saying: the diminished, more benevolent version of it. Assertive. Are you letting yourself be assertive? Are you letting yourself go assertively after someone you feel attracted to, and enjoy sexual initiative and success without guilt? I think on some level you want to, and there would be benefit to exploring that side of yourself.

Gonna say something a bit out of left field here: A good way to make whatever you do look completely natural, is to get yourself into a state where it IS completely natural (for you). That way, the awkwardness is only on her side, and she'll get pulled into your frame. The way I would recommend going about it, is not ejaculating for 30 days. That way, your body will be in a state where it realises it needs to socialize. You'll find yourself doing all kinds of things without having to force anything. It's magic. (sidenote: I don't condone nofap ideology. touch yourself whenever you want. just refrain from ejaculating for 4 weeks. it's simple impulse control, any adult can do it.)

@StarStruck Spot on. In which way are you working on it, which techniques are you using? With regards to the situation: you never want the topic of money to break the flow of conversation. It shouldn't be a big deal, period. That doesn't mean that you pay for whatever she wants. It can also mean that she pays for the next thing, or for the whole date, it just needs to flow naturally. If it's a big enough deal to you that you're willing to stop the conversation and set a boundary regarding to who pays for what, that's a turnoff. But even if you don't bring it up at all, she will sense that you have bad boundaries, and that's why they keep ghosting you. Here's what you should have done: You invited her for a coffee She says let's get a beer now You realise that you don't feel like getting alcoholic drinks You say: actually don't feel like getting drinks now, but why don't we do that after your dinner with colleagues. I'll pick you up from there at 9 Point being: The boundary crossing happened BEFORE payment was even the topic at hand. You didn't want to get drinks.

Haven't heard you say "and I love her"... Do you? From your post it seems like you are very disconnected from your feelings. Like your girlfriend is this thing with practical requirements (must be pretty, must give good sex), and now it stopped working like a broken toy. There's no judgment here. I get into that mode sometimes. But if that's the case, then no relationship can work, neither with her nor with another girl, as long as you're disconnected from feeling.

Because it won't. Lack of self-love comes from being incompletely loved as a child. To reach a state similar to those who have never had issues loving themselves, meaning self-love is SO default that you don't need a word for it, or to waste another thought on it, it's just there, the unfulfilled needs of childhood have to be FULLY uncovered and felt. Unless your meditation sessions leave you crying and screaming for mommy, you're not healing. What meditation CAN do, which IS helpful (but not curative), is learn to ignore and pay less attention to the unfelt pain of childhood. Before your mind goes "I don't have childhood pain / I've already dealt with it" - no you haven't, you just think you do. Unless self-love is so natural and default for you that it doesn't need to be thought about and reminded of and affirmed, or even conceived of, there is more. That's what it means for something to be unconscious. Repressed. It means that you're going to believe that it's not there. The psyche is powerful at repressing, keeping what's unconscious in the shadows. Through meditation, you can learn to repress better. You can learn to keep a calmer mind, train it to remain calmer in stressful situations. Cutting off all links between the conscious experience and the unconscious unprocessed pain. Leaving it buried. Festering. Giving you wild dreams. Nightmares. Addictions. Endless pursuit of what doesn't fulfill you. Tests have been done on people claiming to be enlightened through meditation. Their endorphin levels were through the roof. Meaning their repression system was working overtime. They were feeling blissed out, having no idea that their bodies and subconscious were still chronically stressed. This is not to knock meditation, consciousness and a calm mind are very useful to train. Don't confuse it with healing.

As a man currently in his dream relationship, and with a good history of past relationships, I can only assume that you haven't experienced a fulfilling relationship, because it's not possible to have been in love & union with someone and still believe that a business transaction can compete with that. What I want you to realise is that your thoughts are no replacement for experience. It doesn't matter what point you argue here, or who wins, or who convinces who. You won't know until you've lived it. Don't you care about actually living and experiencing?

@Indianonymous Congratulations on achieving all of that by 30, that's amazing. And also congratulations on noticing that it doesn't make you feel permanently amazing, and it doesn't fill the emptiness. Most people only find out by 50, 60, or never! So that's good. Here's what I can tell you from experience of me and also helping others doing deep inner work at various ages & stages: Low self-worth can not be fixed externally "self-esteem boosts" aren't real, accomplishments, titles, possessions and clothes do nothing. Even philantropy and charity don't make a dent. A powerful life purpose statement that is all about helping others, doesn't cut it. Even that will become an independable liferaft for your ego to cling onto when the internalized worthlessness grabs your ankles and pulls you under. There is nothing to add, there is only something to subtract. That something is the layer of conditioning, old experiences and pain that is too buried for you to remember, but still very much in the way of the high self worth that is your birthright, valuing yourself in a way that comes so natural that you don't even think about it. This is your default state Lack of self-love can not be fixed by adding 'self-love' Self-love practices are a band-aid if you have to think about them. Meditation, while beneficial, will not heal this. Being nice and taking good care of yourself and respecting yourself all come naturally when the underlying feeling of lack (of love) has been remedied. Before that, you'll find yourself chasing. Not chasing money, but chasing doing nice things for yourself. A temporary feeling of appreciation and love, which also doesn't last no matter how many fun things you do. This is actually good news, it means that you don't need external achievements, possessions, or experiences ever again to feel complete. The only thing that is needed, is to access deeper layers of your psyche and excise whatever is blocking your unconditional self-love and self-worth. A painful but rewarding process, for those who are ready. Feel free to DM me for some recommendations if you're interested in this path.

Thank you! That's helpful. Were you worried about it being too hard on her and it hurting / breaking your relationship? I would be, I think What was the turning point like when you started to be resurrected?

@Vladimir When you say you remained dead for 18 months, what was your body doing at that time? Was Vladimir still talking, breathing, going to work whilst feeling dead inside? Was his body just laying in bed the whole time, like a depression? Would you say it was what people mean by a dark night of the soul? What is it like to be dead in a body? What was it like for your wife, did she worry, could you explain, did she have to care for you?

@Judy2 No I personally don't, but I'm sure there's people here that do! I personally never really get the sniffles, only when I'm really in pain do I take paracetamol (when I had covid) And even then I just suffer through it on many days instead of taking it. I'm actually unfamiliar with what "cold medication" is ... in the Netherlands we don't take medication when we have a cold But a fever can really hurt. I still take paracetamol for that when it gets bad, I'd love an alternative for that too... but I don't know. Perhaps @Michael569 knows something?

Yes. Ibuprofen kills your stomach lining and paracetamol poisons the liver and gives your child adhd if you take it during pregnancy. I'm not an expert on this but I do remember this anecdote from a friend who sees a lot of suicidal patients: When a patient is brought into the ER with an overdose of pills (from a suicide attempt, under the influence or not), the question is always: Did they take a bunch of psychiatric medications, like sleeping pills or antidepressants? If that's all they took, they can pump the stomach, give IV fluids and have good hopes of the patient waking up. Or did they swallow a pack of OTC cough medicine, or pain relievers that have paracetamol in them? Well, fuck, then they're dead.

@BlessedLion Amazing experience. She is not your person. She is just a stop on the way. I haven't heard you say that you feel a deep connection with her. If you did, you would know. In my experience, the desire to be noncommittal follows from not feeling a deep connection. So there is no basis for an open relationship here. Because there is no basis for a relationship. When you meet someone you can go deep with, you will know. It's just not this one.

Contact me privately and I'll show you how.

I'm going to give you my read on it, and allow myself to be a little direct with you. You can disagree and that's perfectly fine: The highlighted parts are what's really keeping you from being an art director. They are judgments/false beliefs, pieces of shadow, that need to be transcended for you to be what you envision yourself being. If you don't investigate and overcome these limiters, you will never be an art director. The 10-15 year timeframe is an illusion, you may as well say 'not'. People change so much in that time span that it's not realistic or useful to plan that far ahead. I think it's an unconscious smokescreen for a mindset block. You've got a reason for not going for it, and that reason will not be fixed by waiting 10 years. Only challenging your beliefs will help, and you may as well start now. To unpack that: You're keeping a belief that the only way to move up quickly in the world is through shady and manipulative ways. There's plenty of evidence to the contrary, if you go find some and challenge this belief, you'll find the real fear that is fuelling it. You'r keeping a belief that introverts can't lead people. Again, plenty of evidence to the contrary. I advise you to go find some, because if you keep believing that introverts are incompatible with leadership positions, you'll never get there. You're keeping a belief that leaders 'command around people', in other words, you judge leadership. Same here: not true, but if you hang on to that and don't dismantle that belief, it's not that 10-15 years will change anything. Until you challenge this part. Networking and contacts are blockers for you, I assume this relates to the 'introvert' thought. I can relate, I am also an introvert and don't like networking. Waiting 10-15 years will not magically change that. If this is a requirement for your dream, you should be networking and building contacts today. Anything else is procrastination.

@RendHeaven I hope she reads your words not just one time but many times on different days. I think you provided a wise, integrous and heartfelt satsang to her personally. If she'd like a practical exercise to try, I've gotten good feedback on this video of mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjG_4MSZDP0 Which might help her too, at least get a start in the journey of feeling deeper.

That's a commonly made mistake, that one could simply think really hard and remember what past event is really bothering them. It's understandable, but rests on a mistaken view of the psyche and the unconscious. For something to become conditioning/trauma, means it is repressed from conscious access. The repression system, consisting of gating mechanisms in the brain + the endorphin production system, literally prevents the person from remembering. Often times the entire memory is inaccessible then, and other times the events and facts are somewhat accessible but not the emotional depth of it. This is when people remember their childhood as "fine" and nice and uneventful, or feels like somethings were a bit hard but they dealt with it just fine, but that's not at all how it really felt. There's no thinking your way around it, because the body is doing its best to block conscious access. In the mean time, this stored pain bubbles up to the surface in moments that the repression system is not paying attention, or overloaded/busy dealing with something else. An everyday life stressor causes an anxiety attack. The person has nightmares or even night terrors. Or, more commonly, emotionally overreact, with anxiety or anger, to an everyday interpersonal situation, because it is similar enough to the original buried painful memory to make the emotion bubble up to the surface, whilst at the same time the repression system is still working hard to protect the person at all cost from the truth of what painful thing he/she is really being reminded of. Thus, overreaction and projection are born.

In general, I think it is good to not only do what everyone else does, for example: yes an artist should have an instagram and a portfolio on artist websites, but literally every artist has one, so you're in high competition there if your only touchpoint is online. People like to hire people from their own network, if they qualify. Even if I've seen someone face to face only once, that person is a lot more real to me than just a digital profile. If the world is trending towards using social media to get clients, stand out by doing the opposite: meet lots of people face to face.

This is why I asked these concrete questions. What does it mean to you, to break into the field? This is just an expression. Does it mean being an art director? What does being an art director mean to you? Is it someone who gets creative assignments and works on them with a team? If it is that, for example, and I'm just speaking in terms of what it means to you: What is the difference between that and what you are doing? Because if that is what you want to do, you could go get an assignment and go put some freelance artists together to do it with you, and become an art director in one day. Provided that you already have the contacts. I would suppose that perhaps what you're missing is contacts, networking. Knowing people in companies that need art, knowing lots of freelance artists that trust you. But that could be me projecting, since it is my weakness which I have to work on. I tend to be shy about what I do, and introducing myself to people who might need my services, or know people who might, is scary, therefore building contacts has been the one glaringly obvious thing that I have omitted doing. So what's the concrete difference between what you are doing, and what the person who you want to be is doing? Is it skill? Is it contacts? Something else?