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@koyadr3 When I was your age and had soul-crushing social anxiety, made so many social errors that everyone hated me and I had no friends, and I couldn't talk to girls without freaking out, I got angry enough about my situation to bear the pain of changing it. This defeated attitude is what's going to repel women, much more than your height. Social anxiety and low self esteem have their roots in childhood trauma, they can be improved through practice + therapy. So on the one end, push yourself, and then on the other end, process your past. That's the formula for personal transformation. I know it's hard. But you can get laid, a lot, if you want to. You just can't do it with a victim attitude.

You're already getting paranoid just by being there. I've had a job once (door to door sales) where most people including the owner were scammers or criminals or lowlifes. And they scam each other constantly when they can, too. After I quit, they kept trying to suck me into their toxic world with promises of making more money if I sold for them, some shady enterprise with a shady product, joined this or that MLM scheme, maybe grow a little weed in my house or sell it for them, it was an absolute shitfest and I regret going along with their schemes even a little bit. Those people are like bloodsuckers. Give them the benefit of the doubt and they see it as a weakness, they'll assume you're a sucker they can profit from. Ask critical questions and demand to read the contract you're signing, and they get hostile. Meanwhile, they are constantly broke, in debt, in trouble with the law, and blowing all of their money on cocaine. I've hung out with psychopaths, rapists and lowlifes quite a bit in my early twenties, due to my naivete and the fact that they were work colleagues. Can't say it did my mindset a lot of good. I did get sucked into a scam, what's worse, I let these people interact with my parents on one occasion and they tried to suck them in too, which I facilitated. I'm still ashamed about that, haha. It didn't cost me any money in the end, but I got sucked into their violent, criminal mindset for a bit, which definitely had some negative consequences. I would say get out, it's a poisonous environment. Are you writing a book on lowlifes, and that is your life purpose? Then take the risk and stay. That would be the only exception. People who have 75 million don't show up in kiosks.

Yes, that could work. I love watching relatable journeys of transformation, many people do. But then you actually have to be willing to look stupid and film yourself not having answers to most of your questions yet. Figuring out what your "thing" will be should already be part of the journey. In other words: start now. If you make a video a week, then you also have a nice motivation to make progress at it.

@Someone here It's all permutations of: create something that you enjoy providing, that certain people are very eager to pay money for, and then get lots of people to buy it from you without the time it costs you increasing with it. You have a creative brain, you can figure something like that out right? I choose to disregard the voices that say you need to have a job first, because it takes very different qualities to be a successful business person, qualities that are not developed or stimulated at all when having a kushy job. For example: original thinking, being a dissident being innovative and disruptive being self-motivated tenacity & persistence All these are lulled to sleep when being managed in a 9-5, not saying you have to choose either-or and jobs are bad, not at all, I've just ran into too many people who think that if they work or study long enough, they "someday" will be more ready to start a business because of that. It's BS for the most part. Yes you can get experience and knowledge about a certain field while working in it, but you would also get that if you would start a business in it, and much more quickly. Yes 90% of business fail blah blah blah, a tenacious business owner starts something new after one thing doesn't work/stops working and they continue making a killing, I've seen it up close. 100% of tenacious people succeed. Having said that, I have always been tenacious at certain things. I know 100% certain, in my heart, that I would never give up, no matter how many ideas don't work or how stupid I look. And that's good because I've already had many failures and adversities. If you're not that tenacious, and most are not, better get a job because you'll never be financially independent. If you are, then stop wasting time and go make some money.

Okay, discussion over then.

@Gesundheit2 Good example of the harsh, unfeeling, unempathetic attitude that I'm saying mental health professionals shouldn't have. What you write seems to be from a place of evaluating who's wrong, who to judge, whose fault it is. You can do that, it doesn't interest me very much but you can run that mental experiment if you want. My thesis is that mental health professionals / authorities should not have that attitude. Look for who's wrong all you want, I'm just not speaking from that perspective because I don't see the point. The situation is what it is, people are what they are because of what happened when they were developing. From that perspective, indeed, personal responsibility falls away but healing opportunities open. I agree that people have their personal responsibility to "do the work", seek out therapy and do it, yes. Can I put responsibility on them to not be a certain way? To not react emotionally to this or that? I'd love to, but it just makes no sense. These impulses come from a place that is prior to will.

@Someone here Order MJ DeMarco's books. Thank me later.

@Gesundheit2 lol, this is not about me I don't have BPD. Yes, someone else's words can hurt someone with BPD more easily, that does mean they have work to do. Classifying them as inherently selfish is unhelpful. The reason they are more sensitive is because their system is overloaded with emotional pain. Not from your thoughts and words, but from their childhood. With that amount of overload of chronic emotional pain, they are going to be sensitive and selfish, like anyone else would who is always in a large amount of pain, be it physical or emotional. Hence the thumb screws example.

If you worry whether you're a narcissist, you ain't a narcissist. @Wisebaxter I'm balls deep in the shadow work & therapy topic so beware of my bias. I don't think enlightenment work is the appropriate tool for the job. Insights don't cure neurotic behavior patterns. This is also why talk therapy is so ineffective. You can make someone understand why they behave the way they behave, but it doesn't change because of that. There is value in understanding how your psyche works. It's not just "the mind". There's levels to it. Beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and interpretations are only the outer layer. Deeper layers contain childhood feelings and baby feelings. Including repressed, unprocessed ones. These push on to the outer layer and twist the beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and interpretations. A superiority complex could be one of a myriad of effects of that. I don't agree that unhealthy aspects of the ego should be left "as is", or just "accepted". Of course, you can, but they won't go anywhere. Much better to actually work through it and transform it to create a healthier ego. If you've got the time and the inclination. Regression therapy, primal therapy, some forms of shadow work, those will get you a resolution. See also my video on why therapy works and what makes it work.

Everyone who is in pain is self-centered. It's not an aspect of a "diseased" psyche that other people get to pretend they are clean from. What people don't understand is that this type of disorder is basically like having chronic pain. There is a chronic emotional pain at the root of it. It's always there but it is repressed, not conscious. If I put screws in your thumbs and clamps on your nipples, you're going to be selfish too.

@StarStruck https://www.prionline.nl/therapeuten/ I believe this is what you're looking for. PRI is a therapy form grounded in past re-experiencing, which, as I've explained in videos and posts is the only thing that can truly be curative. The methodology is somewhat watered-down, with a spiritual touch which I find somewhat unnecessary, but it's in all probability way better than the talk therapy BS you'd normally be fed.

Thanks!! @acidgoofyWhich book does he describe my case in? Would love to read that!

What I'd love for @Leo Gura to understand, is this: lately he's been losing his patience with people and been rude and abusive. That can happen to anyone, BUT if you're the leader of a community, and you are structurally rude and abusive to people, then what will happen over time is that ONLY the people willing to tolerate abuse, will stay. Now you've got a group full of admirers willing to take the abuse every day, hearing how stupid and worthless they are, in exchange for being in the in-group. And the ones who have some status, will copy that behavior, as well. I've already seen mods (I won't name names) be very rude, dismissive and ridiculing people, more than ever before. That's cult dynamics that Leo certainly has said multiple times he wants to absolutely prevent. So he's shooting himself in the foot here. Assuming he actually has feet. We've never seen proof of that.

@Cocolove It's much better to assess these things moment by moment, than trying to determine what the rule should be. I'm just saying: if you don't have a relationship currently, you have no obligation. Can you be considerate? Sure. If you can take it or leave it, choose the option that won't upset people. However both people are hurting after a breakup, and both people should take care of themselves first, put their own oxygen mask on before helping others, so to speak. If finding comfort in someone's arms (or legs) is what you need in that moment, to soothe your hurting soul, then I would say that should come before wondering what anyone else would feel about that. That's just healthy selfishness.

You're absolutely right, but the OP is in a critical situation right now, in my assessment. If she starts practicing introspection and self-awareness first, instead of leaving first, it may well be too late. First things first. GTFO, then heal.

@ElenaO Parents are going to mess up. I'm going to be a parent at some point. I'll mess up so many things. It's impossible to do it perfectly. For example: it's not very useful to tell a pregnant woman to prevent any stress. Yes, babies can feel stress and it influences their development. But a mother with a certain level of neuroticism will have a certain amount of stress. There's nothing she can do to prevent that. Also after children are born, they reflect your neurotic patterns back to you. The only thing I can do to be a better parent in the future, is do more regression therapy, more shadow work, more primal therapy. That's the only thing that makes me less neurotic as a person, which means my future children will be mentally healthier too. Parenting is so stressful (I hear) that it will bring out the worst in you, especially when sleep deprived. Regardless of what rules for good parenting one has remembered. I'm convinced that it's about who I am, not what I do (although one determines the other). Hence, I'm going deep on healing my neurotic patterns. That's things most people don't do, and I don't blame them, but it's very fascinating to me, because the potential is so great. I've already reexperienced parts of the feelings around my birth (much more there), some early childhood stuff, many adolescent traumatic memories. Much more to be done, but I already notice a massive decrease in negative thoughts, an increase in energy and overall well-being, increased confidence, self-esteem, and a more solid feeling of who I am and what is meaningful to me. The New Primal Scream is recommended reading, it will blow your mind. I was crying every second page, not even exaggerating. Also I talk about this stuff on my youtube.

When people are that toxic and you're that vulnerable to their manipulation/charm, then it's better to just escape with no contact. Each time you let him call you or see you, you risk being convinced, charmed or threatened back into the life that will lead you to an untimely drug overdose and a stillborn baby. Yes, just go, and you better have changed your number and found a good therapist by the time you're 30 I'm rooting for you. Gameplan Go in the morning so you can get a head start. Drive 4-6 hours to another city on the way, before he finds out. In that city you copy the phone numbers of your most important friends and family to your phone memory, delete his number, throw the old sim card in the trash and buy a new temporary one. Also block/delete him on all social media, and delete the social media apps from your phone temporarily. Then just keep driving until you reach your destination. There's always a moment of cold feet, regret, and we want to prevent him being able to talk to you. Leave a note if you want, to make it feel like closure. Accept that you're never coming back. But hide the note so that it will take him a day to find. Prevent all contact from the moment you start driving. Also: realise your part in all this. You're still going to be very vulnerable and attracted to other toxic guys for a while after. So don't make the common mistake of landing in someone else's arms. They are also not going to be healthy, even if you think so. Just get some healthy friends, a place to stay, and a good therapist.

Good game doesn't look like game. How could anyone kick you out if they don't even see you doing anything abnormal? Think about that.

I'm sure Joe Dispenza has a guided meditation for this.

The definition of codependency is an unrealistic hope that people will change. What's the root of codependency? Almost always the relationship with one or both of the parents. If your dad (or mom) was never attentive or loving enough in some way, or emotionally manipulative, always putting you down, or always needed you instead of being there for you in the way that you really needed, you have two choices: accept that he will never love you and be there for you in the way that you need (hopelessness, unacceptable to a child), or decide to struggle to change your parent into the person you need him to be, who can love you the way you need. With such a history, people start dating as adults, and then they go looking not for the people they need, but the people who they can struggle to change into the people they need them to be. And it never works. See, this is the stupid boring pattern that you're caught in. It's just imperfect parenting, making you want to seek out this loser and die of an overdose with him, thinking it's romantic. It's not. It's boring and hopelessly cliche. Millions and millions of women have died because of loyalty to a toxic boyfriend, and nobody remembers them or thinks that's cool. Your parents fucked some things up, now you're codependent. Is that worth throwing away your life over? Because you could also escape this relationship and get therapy and have a great life. Just don't forget the therapy, because codependency is not a habit that you can simply unlearn.

@Kimka I'm not going to indulge your feelings about how hard this is and how you're such a pleaser etc. This is a matter of life and death, and if you don't rise above your tendencies and make an adult decision here, well, we've all seen Requiem for a Dream and Trainspotting. At first you say you'd never shoot up, then at some point you give in. Same boring story everywhere. Here's an exercise that helped me once, and that can help you strengthen your resolve: Imagine you died today. Write your eulogy. Start with: "Today we're saying goodbye to {your name}" Then add all the things your friends and family would say while speaking at your funeral. And what your life would have looked like if it ended now. Because that's basically the fork in the road that you're in. Ok let me know when you've done that and how it felt.

Yes you can leave, it's very simple. Block him on all social media, get a train/plane ticket and go. Then get a new phone number and throw your old sim card away. If you don't do it now, you probably won't live till 30. Is that what your parents and family wanted for you? Is it what you want for you?