flowboy

Take risks. Trust.

When another guy comes sniffing around, it’s a game of who can stay the most cool and detached. If you can ignore him and keep a strong vibe with her, demanding her attention, that can go well. If that doesn’t work, you can physically carry/move her away and take her home. I’ve had that happen once, some hot but immature girl started sitting on some guy’s lap while we were out. Because she didn’t feel like I was giving her enough attention or something. I just commanded her to come with me in a strict tone, and then we had sex in an alleyway. But I was also immature, so I still had the inclination to play that game. Did you overreact? No. She was rude and immature, and sometimes that’s a way of testing you, and you can pass the test by ignoring it or forcefully taking her back, but it’s up to you whether you want to play that game. You certainly don’t need to, and can just find a woman who is not a teenager on the inside.

Great I’ll try that. Do you have a YouTube channel btw?

Yes, video and voice messages as soon as you can. But also: don’t text for the sake of texting, just exchange one or two niceties and push for the meet. Unless you already know and have met her. in which case just be yourself

Interesting. Doesn’t it make you look away all the time, sort of ruining the flow? Leo doesn’t look like he’s peeking in his videos. I wonder how

I have a similar question: where do you keep the notes? I tape them to my tripod at the moment but it’s a bit clumsy.

Java is widely used and there’s a lot of jobs in it. Microsoft’s C# is winning some ground on it. But a good programmer can get started in any language in 2 weeks anyway. Except Haskell.

@StarStruck I didn’t say it was “bad”. I said a substance habit is self-medication. To compensate for trauma usually. For lifestyle factors too, like lack of sleep, too much ejaculation, toxins. It’s to compensate for something. I didn’t say it’s bad. Coffee’s bad for the stomach and gut due to the acids, so drinking it on an empty stomach is not great, and for caffeine sensitive people it ruins sleep no matter what time you take it. But that’s not enough to say that everyone should quit coffee. It depends where they are in their health optimisation journey, how far they want to take it. Also taking it away really helps to deal with whatever is the reason you need it, be it the stressful lifestyle or the diet or the underlying trauma, but if you’re not planning on doing that, you’ll have a hard time staying quit. It’s normal. 80-90% of people have childhood trauma and have no idea about it. Its also why people smoke. when I see someone smoke, I just see childhood pain consuming the adult’s body.

Approval from others is a neurotic motivation, FEEDBACK (seeing how what you do affects people positively) is NOT. I’m hugely motivated by interacting with the people who benefit from my work, and if I wasn’t interacting with them, my work wouldn’t be as good, it would just be a solitary mental masturbation. You’re 29 and you think music is your life purpose, even though you don’t play any instruments. That makes me think you’re overlooking something more obvious, which you already do for friends without knowing, because you don’t value it, since we never value our zone of genius properly. But if you think it’s music, then START. You can theorise all you want, all of that is wasted energy if you find out you hate playing instruments, or you don’t have a good ear. Make the next YEAR about music, sign up for classes in 3 different instruments and commit to recording something 4 times a week and playing for people (even if it’s in the street) every week. And get a band of other beginners together with whom you meet and play songs every week. That’s how you find out whether something is for you, AND you get direct feedback, which will be motivating. So you don’t have to wait for 10 years to build a channel, or whatever theories you have in your head. Reality is much different than theories. Go do it!

Don’t underestimate how quickly a woman can go from ‘somewhat into you’ to ‘ugh why did I do that’ when you show her needy behaviour.

This is childhood trauma without a doubt. Yes, you should start healing it! Read Reclaiming Your Life by Jean Jenson Go to this retreat i'll post videos youtube on how to do childhood related self-healing in the future.

Get her to do Primal therapy. Preferably go with her and both do it.

..., primal therapy, regression therapy, self-regression, self-primaling, inner child work, shadow work, bioenergetics, ERT bodywork, reiki, following my youtube channel where I will upload a complete guide on how to resolve trauma in the future,...

@UpperMaster It works, but the dark side is that you never "get there". Getting away from something definitely is a way to get going, however, you'll never actually feel satisfied with where you got, because what you were trying to resolve with your action was in the past, and present action can't fix the past. So yes, if the choice is between apathy and trauma motivation, I'd say get after it son. It's how I got out of apathy. But also, there's a high chance of pursuing inauthentic goals and taking unnecessary detours. And the delusion will be that once you resolve the trauma, you'll lose motivation. The opposite is true, but it's very counter-intuitive and will be hard to believe from where you're at. The more you heal trauma, the more motivation you have for doing what's really important to you, and the clearer you can actually see what's really meaningful to you. Healing trauma is like wiping the windshield clear. Therefore, I suggest a combined approach.

Fresh turmeric is great, you can combine it with ginger and make a tea out of it. Just beware that it will paint everything permanently yellow.

@Focus Shift Peopled Darkness: Perceptual Transformation Through Salvia Divinorum https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4459250-peopled-darkness I haven't read it yeat but I'm awfully intrigued.

@Phoebe Excellent point. @melodydanielluna I'll record an even better one today

Did you have any complications with your birth? Was your mother in distress when she carried you inside? Was there an unsafe situation or were you mistreated when you were between 0-5 years old?

@PurpleTree Wanna get rid of those feelings blocking you? Can't get around them. Gotta work through them! Maybe now you're motivated enough to go deep

Her girlfriends probably told her that she shouldn't rebound that quickly, or something like that. Reminded her that her trap is to get attached too quickly. And maybe it is, and you got caught in the crossfire. I'm not sure what the most effective text would be to get her to respond again. Perhaps accusing her of being a player and having used you for sex, in a one-sentence joking way, would be my best guess for something that would work. The healthy advice is to just leave it alone because her questions on the second date indicated that she gets attached too quickly, and her having been in an abusive relationship means she's got issues. That's two red flags. Keep in mind that people will say all kinds of things in the heat of the moment. She may have felt very attached then, and ask you whether you're seeing others, and the next day she's in a different mood and doesn't feel attached. Maybe she needed to create that feeling of attachment and intimacy to be able to have sex, and that prompted her to say those questions. I'd probably say "I have neither the time nor the inclination to put up with these games." and just leave it at that. Delete her number if she doesn't respond within a day.

She/he should never have dropped you that quick. Watch my video on what makes therapy effective and how to ask for it.

??? These are not friends. Friends don't do that. Have some self-respect and don't engage with people who treat you like that. My honest advice to you is to do get a good therapist. Your behavior (engaging in conversations, and even friendships, with people who put you down), indicates a lack of self-respect, boundaries, self-esteem, self worth, self-belief, all the good stuff. You have none of that, and the only way that would happen, is if your parents also treated you with little respect. There must have been some abuse or neglect in your relationship with them. You don't get past this simply by learning a different mindset or following somebody's advice. You do deep inner transformation, emotional labor, preferably guided by a professional. If you can pay out of pocket for that, I can point you to some people. Otherwise you're dependent on insurance. Hence, get a good therapist.

I wouldn't do dates that take a lot of time investment for you to organize before you've had sex. So yeah, if you had sex on the first date, you can get fancy if you want. Although I wouldn't. Most of these are more 4th -and-beyond type dates, and a scavenger hunt that you have to organize is just a really bad idea unless you've been dating for months or something else special is going on. I'd recommend at least 3 low investment dates and having sex before you get fancy. Don't forget that if you invest a lot of effort (or money) into a date before having slept together, it makes the girl uncomfortable, because you might expect something in return for all that effort, and she hasn't figured out whether she wants to sleep with you yet, and she wants to figure that out in a low-pressure setting. What you can and should do, is already talk about these plans during the simple dates (create a future storyline together) The ice-bath-hike thing WAS a first date, it was high-investment, especially because I had to book a flight to her country, but we're engaged now, all of which goes to show that you CAN break the investment rules but you better be sure that she's very emotionally invested on her end. (actually it doesn't matter whether you've had sex, it matters whether she's emotionally invested enough to already have decided that she would have sex with you, and the fact that you've had sex is just an easy heuristic)

If you want to get laid but not get drunk, go shopping for food together and then go to your place to prepare dinner together. You can probably even start this off by just saying "help me shop for food" and then turning it into "now that you've helped me, let's go cook something together" It helps if the recipe is your idea. It does NOT need to be an impressive recipe, you just need to be in charge of it and instruct her how to help. If you don't lead, you probably won't have sex that day, but it's okay at least you had a helping hand in the kitchen. (don't get neurotic about it, she can have ideas too) Also you can already touch her and play with the sexual tension in the kitchen, because you're standing so close together. Forgot to mention that one, but that was my go-to when I was single. If you did all of those, you just finish eating and then kiss her. I've literally never had that kiss rejected after going through the above sequence of events. I don't think it matters what it is, except that you must like doing it. I don't think that picking a date is more complicated than just doing something you would have done without her anyway. And coffee dates suck, caffeine puts people in a logical state, don't do it. The girl will be in her head, thinking of reasons to not go too far, you will be in your head, missing all opportunities to escalate, it's the WORST. Also, sitting down together and talking is not a good date, there needs to be doing something together in which you lead and she follows / learns from you. Don't worry about what it is, girls know how to play their part, if they like you then they will just play along and follow your lead, even if it's not actually new to them or they would have done it differently. This is why picnic dates lead to sex if she helped with the shopping (dynamic, doing something together, you lead and she helps), but less often if you prepared it for her (investment balance is way off, less opportunities to lead). Don't forget we're primal beings, and she wants to have sex with someone who can lead an adventure.

No all of these were different people