flowboy

Amazing!

Where did I say that I did? I did not, you are projecting. Also you are projecting onto, well, everyone here who doesn't agree with you, that they're in search for happiness in relationships. Notice how no one has thanked you yet for sharing your infinite wisdom in this topic. Why do you think that is? My take on this is that with this 'purifying' you are fighting to suppress and deny an aspect of yourself. Why do I think that? Because you feel the need to start a topic to project this onto others and fight it in them. As it usually goes with the shadow.

Who is this 'you' you speak of? I am you. So you are wasting your time. So all these Worksheets have mindfucked you to believe that your views are now superior to other's views and you need to go spread them. After all this enlightenment work, you are being a judgmental ideologue. Who "close to" doesn't feel the need for sex, so he has more energy left to go offer unsolicited life advice and tell people how to live their lives. At 19. If you really can't see how your ego is running with this, you have a long road ahead. Is it true? No. Can I absolutely know it's true? You need to get out more.

Yeah, even in my past open relationships I've always said that I draw the line at getting pregnant with someone else. I could not imagine how that would work. We did have a bit of a scare when one of my other partners turned out to not use protection.

What is your motivation for posting this anyhow?

I'm back Got up at : 7:40 Days in a row with morning routine : 2 Number of women approached : 9 Total infield time : 5 hours Total meditation time : 10h50 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Days without smoking : 47 alcohol : 1 caffeine except tea : 1 TV : 1 grains : 1 sugar : 1 dairy : 1 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 1 I should add in case I refer back to this later, that there is some mental fog and ... I don't know the word for it. Weakness? Coping. Lack of enthusiasm and wanting to reward oneself easily. Subtle self-pity. I did my full morning routine, but needed to promise myself a dairy-free caffeine-free cappucino at the end. Also I'm scrolling this forum without enough attention span to read anything in depth. I'm craving replies on my text messages without anything to say. Just the short dopamine spike. Content doesn't matter. I'm drawing a parallel to the addicted, dopamine-deprived state you can get into after a peak orgasm. Which I'm in, probably. Maybe it's the loss of ojas. Maybe it's the shift back into low-carb eating. Probably a combination. I expect it to get worse before it gets better Woke up clutching my chest, with some anxiety/bad mood. I have learnt that this is linked to not having a plan that I trust. Which is true: two months of this fine year have passed already, and I don't know yet when I'm going to do some bigger things like the meditation retreat and the LP course. I need to plan my year. Also: getting up at 7:30 is going fine, but I want to make it 6:00 so that I don't rush through my affirmation and visualisations. I feel that today I'm seeing sharper and my patience for my work is coming back, which is good

It's your journal, you get to be as negative as you want I relate to this. Being shocked and angry with myself that I have done it for so many years was part of my process. About smoking, and eating pizza daily for example. It does pass.

All the zero counters make me feel like I'm back where I started. I may be out of ketosis, but I'm far from back to zero. I will remind myself what I have accomplished: I practically always eat only things that I consider to be super healthy. When I don't, I feel weird about it. I meditate, practice concentration, do a cold shower, and do some yoga nearly every day. When I don't, I feel weird about it. I don't smoke and am not seriously tempted. Not even when I'm feeling sad. Not even when my friend is also 'making an exception'. Not even when I'm drunk. Not even when I'm on drugs. I have some practice withstanding social pressure and choosing sparkling water when out in a bar. I am in the gym three times a week and I'm looking forward to it every time. There is no effort in making myself go. I have stopped saying I have ADD and making it part of my self image to be a victim of this. Instead, I say that certain food groups cause anxiety and concentration problems for me. I have actually spent some hours on a project that could be LP related. Instead of just fantasizing about doing that. Notes from the Do Nothing technique video Breathe. Notice that it's breathing for you. Notice your thoughts "Now, I'm doing Nothing." Let go of control of attention and mind process. Whatever your mind decides to to of it own accord, you accept it and don't resist it. Eyes open and unfocused, spaced out gaze. "Panoramic vision" The only thing you're doing is watching for those moments where you're trying to control, and letting go instead You're going to feel guilty about sitting there and doing nothing Don't move. Keep eyes open. You do exercise control over the body, but not the mind. Let your breathing be deep. Don't control it, but stop restricting it. It will seem like you're not progressing but it does work. The extreme monkey mind is a purging process. I'm going to try it. Right now. Edit: tried it for 20 minutes. Not sure if I'm doing it right, it feels like I'm at times trying to get lost in thoughts on purpose. When my eyes are open, the focus of my eyes is tied to the focus of my mind, so that when my thoughts bounce around, my eyes wiggle, but when the eyes try to hold still and readjust the gaze, my thoughts fall silent and come back to the moment. Another milestone: I skipped the Toastmasters evening to just sit around, meditate and go to bed early. Something I would usually feel neurotically guilty about, and have to justify that with extra activity. I'm sooo going to enjoy sleeping in a moment...

@Serotoninluv Yes! You get it. This describes my last long-term relationship. Great moments of flow and understanding, but also being anxious and insecure around her and addicted to her approval. My hope is that it will help to just meet more people so I have more trust that there will always be another good potential connection.. Man this thread dug a lot deeper than I expected

This?

I recommend you stop that immediately and put that time towards cultivating a healthy relationship with the feminine You have to integrate Orange before moving up the spiral. While you're at it, look up what spiritual bypassing is and ask yourself if that's what you want for yourself.

That's great news!

I would have expected you to say that there is no separation, and therefore you are simultaneously sleeping with all the girls already, because they are you and you are them?

Sure, I'll bite. Are you getting laid while you're cooking all this up?

@Shin ? sounds healthy indeed

* rolls eyes * Well some of them are going to want to get laid. As they should

Woke up feeling kind of empty and depleted, with some negative thoughts. Which was expected. Did my routine with a nice 30 minutes of meditation, and took a MD. I am determined to get back on track. Got up at : 7:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 9 Total infield time : 5 hours Total meditation time : 10h40 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Days without smoking : 46 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 0 wheat : 0 grains : 0 sugar : 0 dairy : 0 Porn : 0 Peak Orgasm : 0 Edit: this weird, ominous background sadness is back. Not as strong as it used to be, but I'm clearly in a different space than I was a few days ago. I blame it on the peak orgasm and wheat. And maybe the MDMA hangover still a bit. It seems that one peak orgasm, I get weaker. A few more, I get dependent, needy and negative. Several more, and well, today is what happens. I have been crying a bit in the break during work even! I do not feel like a 26 year old man, but rather like a boy. The masculine sense of direction is not there at the moment. Now this is not scientific because I haven't eliminated all the variables. Yesterday I ate some bread for the first time, so that actually looks more like bread causes me to feel sad and weak. The thing is, I just want to feel like the awesome version again and improve my life from a place of strength. No time for disciplined experimentation. I'm just going to do all the things that I know are making me feel better.

Some questions to ponder that might help: Would you do it if no one else was doing it? How would you feel if having kids was mandated by law? Relieved? Trapped?

So I'm noticing today this all-too-familiar feeling of everything in my mind being jumbled and unclear. Never fully being awake or close to lucid. Not ready to take on the world's challenges. Lazy. Needing a lot of sleep. Tomorrow I'm starting my renunciation practice again. And I shall be RELAXED about it this time

Troll alert. No human being is this ridiculous. Let's not waste our energy

I don't. If women were attracted to crybabies imagine what hell the world would be.

I came up with this remedy: I will write down this affirmation 15 times every morning: , until it no longer feels special and rare that I get along with a girl and that she's interested in my thoughts. That should feel normal. More abundant.

Thank you guys for sharing your views and not holding back.

I don't have it completely clear yet, but I do get the sense that what's happening has to do with the reason I decided that I shouldn't be in a relationship for a good while. Every time I meet someone, something in me goes: "OH MY GOD WE ACTUALLY GET ALONG THIS IS SO RARE, PLEASE STAY" Maybe it's not that rare.

Went out to a restaurant and had noodles that in hindsight probably were made of wheat. Gotta be more mindful of that. Interestingly, I can immediately feel the addictive properties of such foods: I am immediately craving to eat the rest of the crackers. To fill my belly with grains. Yesterday night I revisited some old patterns: watched some Netflix and drank alcohol before bed. Well, the patterns are not that old. Did not set an alarm and slept so late that there was no way to do my morning routine without being obscenely late. So I skipped. Something amazing is happening though: where in the past this regression would have driven me into panic and depressive feelings, and caused me to lose all my self esteem, today I'm fine. Those feelings are still there, but less strong. They are based on an assumption that if I don't punish myself, I will never keep it up. That seems less true. I have more trust that I will go back to my good habits. And so I can stay relaxed. Which is amazing. Also I tend to have this perfectionistic, all or nothing mentality about it. Obsessiveness. I'm either eating perfectly and completing ALL of my routines, or I'm fucking up and deserve punishment. No middle ground. Today, I didn't find time for meditation or yoga, AND YET I did a quick prayer before leaving for work. I drink coffee and eat cheese today, AND YET I politely declined the birthday cake. This middle ground would not have been possible for the neurotic me from a month ago. It makes me feel like I can actually sustain this. That maybe the first fuckup doesn't mean I lose motivation and quit forever. Which was the fear I had. Paradoxically, this straying from the path I set is turning into a milestone. The blissful, grateful, humble feeling is still with me. I want to just be very relaxed to everyone and enjoy being. I just want to listen to this with happy tears: Got up at : 9:00 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 9 Total infield time : 5 hours Total meditation time : 9h50 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Days without smoking : 45 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 0 TV : 0 wheat : 0 grains : 0 sugar : 0 dairy : 0 Porn : 0 Peak Orgasm : 0