flowboy

Much respect for being mentally flexible enough to consider unexpected answers and immediately think about the next step! Since you are looking for a particular type of connection with a girl, you will have to meet a lot of them and learn to screen for qualities you want. There's no way around regularly spending at least some time in the city, or online dating. Preferably both.

DON'T. This is a mistake. If you take responsibility for handling your moods within the relationship, the sexual tension will be gone and you will just be friends. Do you want that? Instead, teach him how to properly support you when you are emotional. Probably he needs to listen for awhile and then do something to make you smile. This way you can keep the nice polarity going. It should be your boyfriend posting this question. Outside the relationship, sure, take the advice others suggested and improve your relations with others. But, since your boyfriend has the more masculine role within the relationship, it is vital that you can continue to trust HIM to handle your every mood. Make your boyfriend read David Deida - The Way Of The Superior Man. If he does this, this problem will go away and you will not regret it.

I love that!! Very insightful. Will try the same with my tinnitus.

Followed! Really enjoying this topic. You are doing great work! Very courageous. Also made me realise that I need to go out more. So I will go approach. Today. Thank you

Then learn to! What makes a spiritual or non-spiritual woman anyway? What makes you think you can judge that?

Agree with @SFRL. My two cents: don't think about what to say. You become more attractive when you are able to flow freely, meaning to trust that whatever comes to mind is good to say. So say whatever comes to mind. You can always say "just kidding" and change the topic, whenever you accidentally hit a topic that doesn't work so well. Your ability to recover from that and 'forgive' yourself for saying weird shit is also hugely attractive. The more relaxed, loving and forgiving you are with yourself, the more relaxed she will feel. The more relaxed, the more horny.

And this is a problem why? My guess, from the way this is worded: you have been equally participating in the kind of dramas you describe, and you are severely addicted to this drama. Or you would have cut ties years ago. Now you are having withdrawal symptoms. You are going to have to 'unaddict' yourself from this drama. It's going to be rough. I'm saying this not to attack you but because I am recognizing myself. I'm guessing you had several motivations for posting this: Surface level: your painbody wants us to tell you how much they are toxic and wrong and you are right Subconsciously you are hoping to find guidance to overcome this addiction to drama. Your painbody is not going to like that though. Expect some ego backlash. This work is important though, because if both of you are addicted to the drama this couple was causing, and now your painbodies have nothing to feed on, you may start to turn on each other and hurt the relationship. Do you meditate? If so, how much?

I'm experiencing this as well. For me it's fragments of songs that my drum teacher made me study 10 years ago. So I'd be interested if anyone has an idea of what to do about it

Just got some helpful advice on this forum related to scheduling my activities, thank you @SFRL and @JohnnyBravo This will take some days for me to work out and implement. Even though the side of my head is pounding from caffeine withdrawal, and my vision is even affected, I'm starting to feel more like myself. That sense of calm, that you really can't get with coffee, is coming back.

This is great advice! A bit challenging for me, because I like rules haha. Will try this, thank you! That makes sense! Probably I've been clinging too much to the idea of doing everything in the morning. Thank you

@SFRL I realise that. I'm having a good time with dating apps as well. But my goal is to practice approaching people in real life, so that I can do it spontaneously, whenever I see someone I want to meet.

Woke up with a headache, clumsiness and severe irritability. Day 4 of no coffee, hurray. This shit ain't no soft drug. I planned to get up at 6. I keep failing, though. Why? Because I keep forgetting in the evenings, that that means I have to be going to bed at 21:30. I'm stuck and it's time to make a decision. Am I serious about this ambition to do an hour of meditation in the morning? Or am I just dabbling, playing around? If I'm serious, that means I have to stop trying to prove to myself that I'm a fun sociable person by hanging out with people way too late during weekdays. It means I have to go home at 9 wherever I am. Or, if I'm staying over somewhere, apply the same rule. I'm going to bed at nine thirty and setting an alarm at 6. I don't care if whoever I'm staying with thinks that's early. I have a habit of not caring what time it is when I'm with people. Have a girl over? Screw it, to hell with sleep, let's just stay up until 4am. I must be willing to miss an opportunity to get laid, because I care about my sleep and my meditation habit. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, but I'm going to try. David Deida would approve. Then how do I go out and practice pickup? During weekdays, only for an hour max, I guess. I could skip dinner... Got up at : 8:45 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 66 alcohol : 1 caffeine except tea : 3 TV : 1 grains : 14 sugar : 4 dairy : 20 peak orgasm : 2 porn : 23

The first time I quit I ate an alarming amount of chocolate bars... per day! Then I started stealing them. Not because I became a kleptomaniac but because I was so out of it I forgot to pay. You'll be back to normal in a week and from then on it's just watching out for triggers. May need an outlet for the extra energy though, like workouts. For motivation what I did was write down one reason that I am happy to be a non-smoker every day, and hang it on my wall. I did this for 30 days. My wall was full of them. But it worked.

@Dorotheus Ignore these negative guys man, you are working on your approaches and doing great! Much respect bro.

@28 cm unbuffed I could not bear to watch more than a few minutes of that. So much toxicity and victim thinking in that! "Women are the deciders, men are the providers" Ugh. All I hear is excuses to not step up from a butthurt victim. This is a very disempowering belief system. If you want success with women, I recommend staying far, far away from that red pill/MGTOW shit. Or anything that promotes "I can't, because..." thinking.

I usually take a couple 5-htp, go running, avoid interacting with strangers and take it easy. Stay mindful of your emotions and try to disidentify with them. Maybe write about them. Hypothetically. I never do drugs.

This is the only legitimate reason to break up you named. The rest is unimportant nonsense and you will see it soon enough. Not trying to be harsh, sorry if it seems like that. And even here: YOU don't know whether you want marriage or children. I know you think you do, but from what you wrote I gather that your values are still way too intertwined with your parents' opinion. Trust me when I say you are going to go through another puberty-like phase where you truly separate your value system from your parents' and fully realise that they are just people, and you love them, but they don't know better than you. A good rule for life is to only adopt the belief systems of those who are living the life you want.

Your parents will die. How old do you think you'll be when that happens? It's not important what they think. No, it's not. Who told you that? People are responsible for their own sexual pleasure. Some girls come all the time, some hardly ever. That's for her to work on.

Good morning journal! What went well today: I automatically grabbed my phone in bed but then decided to NOT respond to messages until after meditation Today is day 3 of not drinking coffee (except decaf) I'm feeling still quite lazy and low-energy. I blame lack of sleep and the fact that I've been cumming left and right. But, I'm taking action on the sleep issues by quitting alcohol and caffeine again. After a week of that I intend to start a new no peak orgasm streak. I'm separating porn and peak orgasm again, because I actually haven't watched porn in more than three weeks (I just counted by reading back) and this is not hard for me. But still an accomplishment. What's hard is to retain semen. Especially with a new girl. I just get too excited. But a part of this is discipline. Got up at : 8:15 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 65 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 2 TV : 0 grains : 13 sugar : 3 dairy : 19 peak orgasm : 1 porn : 22

Got up at : 13:00 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h40 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 64 alcohol : 1 caffeine except tea : 1 TV : 0 grains : 12 sugar : 2 dairy : 18 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0 This is going to be an unstructured rant. I'm feeling extremely sleepy, excited, horny and unfocused. Last night the girl who I was so enthusiastic about three weeks ago came over again, and we had an amazing time. She's so spontaneous and I like her a lot. I just want to fuck her all night and feed her strawberries. I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to hold conversation well, because of quitting caffeine that day, but that worry disappeared quickly when I felt how much energy I'm getting from talking to her! The green tea may have helped too. I will quickly describe the state I'm in. My focus is completely shot. Has been all week. I compulsively check Tinder during everything I do. Even in the middle of thoughts. Or reading a book. Or working out. It's gotten really bad. I've been with 3 amazing women this week. It's brought me a lot of bliss and contentment, but also cost me quite some sleep and health (drinking). And I'm still craving more, more, more!! Automatically, compulsively swiping girls on Tinder, getting their numbers, trying to set dates. For last night I even had a backup girl. The only reason I have time to write this now is because my date for today cancelled. And I'm still so. Fucking. Horny. So one thing is clear: if my dick got its way, I would get nothing done at work, would get nothing done on my own projects, and would live in a constant daze of dating girl after girl. While my life falls apart. And I'm not even sure I would care. Okay of course I care, but there's something about getting laid that really takes away a lot of motivation for other things. Like your lizard brain is saying: "keep doing what you're doing, bro! Don't change a thing!" I need to become the master of my own dick. It occurred to me that dating women has simply replaced watching TV series as a pleasurable distraction that I can lose myself in endlessly to get away from my responsibilities and grown up plans and life purpose. I found a new addiction. Okay and I think it's a lot better than being a TV addict. But it's still addiction. I value the richness and color it brings to my life. But it doesn't bring me much else. On the contrary, It takes away motivation to change It costs me a lot of time It costs me a lot of focus (addicted to phone) It costs me a lot of sleep It makes me feel so good that I don't even care if I would smoke or drink. So, in conclusion, It feels like a good idea to spend a lot of time being a manwhore, but my feelings are wrong. More things are falling apart. I did go to the gym 3 times this weekend, but halfheartedly and I skipped a lot of exercises. I am trying out high intensity training as a timesaver, but I freakin' hate it. Probably won't keep that. Haven't done two days with morning routine in a row in a while. This is quite terrible. I would feel bad and guilty about it but my brain is being hijacked by evolution. I'll drag myself out of this hedonistic stupor guys. Gimme a sec.

Your mistake here is to think that you can think your way out of this. A problem cannot be solved from the paradigm within which it was created. You need to have a direct experience of being rejected by a woman and still being alive afterwards. Smiling pretty quickly again afterwards even. Nothing but direct experience will fix this.

@tsuki Interesting question. I don't know yet! I also have heard and believed this for quite some time already, but indeed that doesn't stop the mind from fantasizing and craving more, more more. I guess it's one of those where you have to periodically remind yourself. And direct experiences help. "I wish that everybody could get rich and famous, so they can see that it is not the answer" - Jim Carrey

@LoveandPurpose Couple things you can do: (heavy) Exercises that involve the glutes. Squats, hip thrust, deadlifts. Find a professional (tantric) bodyworker in your neighbourhood and schedule a de-armouring session, or a deep tissue massage Dip your balls in cold water for awhile if it gets really bad Learn to play with the ass. This is where men usually have blockages that prevent the sexual energy from flowing freely through the body

I get that. I get turned off by pressure too. Which is why I didn't want to try out online dating for a long time, because of the pressure to say something interesting. Now this, I can not relate to. You seem to be of the opinion that there is something 'unenlightened' about sex. Like it is sinful. I'm curious where that value comes from? Is it truly your own? Often we unconsciously inherit shame and judgment about sex from our parents, without ever realising it, is why I'm asking. I'm very different in that regard, I practice tantra and value sexual connection as contributing to enlightenment. Good non-goal oriented sex can be very meditative. David Deida recommends this and I like his teachings. @JohnnyBravo Well I learned about this when I got into the pickup stuff by RSD, but that's just the idea. The 'aha' moment where I had a direct experience of it, was a few days ago. A girl I met on Tinder took initiative, without much chatting asked to meet up and came directly to my house. It was clear that although she liked me, she didn't need a lot of small talk then and was good to go. We had amazing deep conversations afterwards though. And after that night she basically texts me "what are you doing tonight", I text her a time to come over, and afterwards she's not cuddly but is more like 'thanks, bro, now I can sleep '. And to hammer it in another woman also spontaneously started sharing how sex was an important activity to her and asking me what I liked. Very free and unashamed. These experiences changed how I feel towards women in general: before I felt like still a bit of a taker, a man who has his charming moments where he can 'get' girls to have sex with him. Now, I feel more like it's truly equal, win-win, and me and women are 'friends'. Buddies, who want the same thing. I feel more connected to the opposite sex. Like a barrier has been broken down.

Alcohol is the explanation for these bags under my eyes, or why I only got up at 12:15 today, or why I feel less motivated to work out today. I'm even in bed typing this. I've been drinking several glasses of wine every day for over a week. Something is telling me I'm not getting the full benefits of a clean diet this way. Interestingly, I did not wake up with any anxiety. Just apathy. Today I give up drinking. I rationalised it to myself by thinking that it would make my date feel awkward if I don't drink with her. Well guess what, she can drink tea with me! Most of the time wine was my idea anyway. Also I figured: no drinking during pickup, but I didn't say anything about during dates! Well my thoughts aren't as clear thanks to this regimen. It needs to stop now. Got up at : 12:15 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 18 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h20 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 62 alcohol : 0 caffeine except tea : 1 TV : 2 grains : 10 sugar : 0 dairy : 16 Porn & Peak Orgasm : 0 @ZenDancer Good luck, Lucas! Thank you for your thoughtful words. Do you have a journal here?