flowboy

I'm very skeptical of that. Women can get their own money nowadays and aren't attracted to looks as much as men. Wrong. Almost nobody is doing it because it is hella scary. And it does work. And everybody is doing it, or at least trying to under the influence of too much alcohol. And that works too. Why do you think I tell girls I work at McDonalds?

Awesome! Having a direct experience that nothing bad happens to you if your approach isn't received well, is a great step!

First Date Just met a lovely girl who I had a lot in common with. This led to me sharing a lot about my passions and her "interviewing" me. That worried me because the vibe was very much about finding commonalities and becoming friends. I had a feeling that I needed to get out of qualifying myself, but it just didn't feel authentic to be masculine and change topics or be challenging or whatever. That energy just wasn't there. Then, when I tried to kiss her, she pushed me off. I kind of expected that, but I felt like I had to push through that anxiety to express my authentic desires. Then she actually went meta and discussed it: "I hope you are okay with me pushing you off, but it just doesn't feel right to kiss you at this moment. I don't know why" Me, conducting my anxiety: "Totally fine!" *suffers in awkward silence* So with that statement and the silence afterwards I thought that the fate of this night was decided: a friendly chat with some tense moments, never to be repeated or spoken of again. Suffice it to say that my fear was unnecessary and based on assumptions that turned out to be incorrect. I thought: once you get to the point of having awkward silences after failed attempts to kiss, hope is lost. Even more so when you start discussing it (going meta). And that once I got to the point that I was so open and vulnerable that I just start sharing my most intimate thoughts, and even my nervousness around her, and about the evening, that's a guaranteed friendzone. She would never feel that masculine polarity from me after I have told her how nervous I am, or oversharing my feelings and being naked. A couple things went really, really well though: We went meta about not kissing, but I saved it by coming up with the frame that it's probably normal to take things slower and discuss more in this situation (she's in an open relationship) I felt uncharacteristically vulnerable and nervous around her, not masculine and in control at all. But I was very accepting of it and kept sharing it openly. I didn't let the freakout freak me out. I held the frame of: "How interesting, I feel like a nervous teenager around you. That's refreshing after having some dating experience!" I even turned it into a kino opportunity: "Here, feel my heart. It's beating so fast!" We talked a lot about flow. She told me that she feels this flow, being in the moment, letting go and saying whatever comes to mind, from me, all evening, and she's attracted to it and wishes she could be like that. I said: that's interesting, I didn't think that would happen when I'm so nervous. Probably because I'm still accepting of it (this is when I realised) I talked a lot about sex and my own sexuality, in a comfortable non-judgmental way. "I hate it when people can't make eye contact when I cum. Sex should be more than mutual masturbation" "I love how we seem to be able to get lost in conversation and talk forever. But (strong eye contact) that's not all. I'm also attracted to you. You make me horny. That also plays a role" She answers affirmatively. I teased her a lot. "You smell quite nice" "Thank you, I don't smell anything" "That's because you're a filthy smoker." More things. I want to point out that none of these were tactics that I consciously employed. On the contrary, the evening had a very nice flow to it and I am just amazed at what good things can happen when you let go and surrender to what comes up in the moment. Even if your ego thinks you should be making out already or whatever. Fuck that. All these mindfucks are happening in my head, causing panics, were incorrect and unnecessary. Also unnecessary to plan anything or make any moves on purpose. I mean, I kinda awkwardly grabbed her hands, awkwardly put her leg on my lap, awkwardly put my hand on her knee at different times. That you could call deliberate moves, because I wasn't in flow at that moment and thinking too much. I think it still helped to do it, awkwardly or not. Taking action gets you into flow quicker. Lots of limiting beliefs shattered. For example the belief that once you get into finding-commonalities-mode without sufficient man to woman interaction first, that there's no recovering from that. Apparently that can happen if you just let go. All I did was let go. I lead in letting go, she followed. I'm amazed at the connections that can happen when you do that. Overall, I just met a genuinely nice girl that I had a real connection with, and we had an awesome time. I want to re-write all this tomorrow because I'm so tired that my grammar, punctuation, vocabulary AND spelling suck shit ass. There. I cursed.

For myself I decided a while ago that what I do is just what flows through me, and I don't have the knowledge to judge that as good or bad. So if it is authentic for me to be an asshole, I am totally cool with that. Apparently that is my purpose then. Who knows what is good for the world, anyway. So for me personally the challenge is to discern between intuition and neurotically driven inclinations. Idk if you can relate to this, interested to hear your thoughts Edit: So by the same token if your authentic behaviour becomes that of a brown bear, then that must be what's good, right? How both our little egos feel about that is not that important anymore? Sorry for spamming your blog

If we're talking run-of-the-mill enlightenment, my impression is that after things settle down you can still use your regular personality to function in the world. Martin Ball still seems like a pretty nice guy still. Gary Weber is not an asshole, it seems. Then again what the fork do I know

Promise you won't turn into another brown bear?

Notes on how to optimize sleep: We need darkness We need structure: biological night. Time pattern Temperature must be low Exercise in the morning. Even 5 minutes tiny amount of artificial light on your skin can be disruptive because skin has photoreceptors Change bulb color Be mindful of artificial light for outside Be mindful of all LED lights, maybe cover them Moon and stars are okay Screen Curfew. Every hour spent on device screen at night suppresses melatonin for an additional 30 minutes. Instead, talk to a real person or have sex. Sex and sleep are connected Blue light blocking glasses F.lux / for Android Create an Evening ritual. Brain is always looking for patterns. A great morning starts the night before. Cool off thermostat Make sure bed is sleep sanctuary. Get tech out of there, so your brain doesn't associate bed with it. source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mtw3vBQYOg I'm considering moving much of my morning routine (meditation, yoga, scheduling, visualisations) to an evening routine. Then work out in the morning. That's what I usually feel like doing in the mornings, anyways. Eat and move.

Let's not forget what clean eating has given me: increased physical energy No more dandruff! I just realized this. the end of anxiety/gloomy somber feelings. I get no more crying spells. No more excessive sadness. And I remember this sadness came back when I ate bread again, so it's definitely the diet. What it's not: the end of frustrated/angry feelings. Bad moods still occur but they are not sad, just a shallow frustration the end of concentration problems. I've been sticking to my diet nearly perfectly for two weeks now, and this week I've been really messing around in the morning, taking forever to get my shit together and leave for work, for example. I feel like concentration is mostly a choice to not get sucked in to distractions. I've been giving in way too much because I was seduced by dating apps, and I'm paying the price for it. Doing the same thing for 20 minutes has been straight up hard lately. Also I skipped meditation, yoga, visualisation, affirmation, and scheduling this morning. Still was super late for work though, because of distractability. Got up at : 8:45 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 67 alcohol : 2 caffeine except tea : 4 TV : 2 grains : 15 sugar : 5 dairy : 21 peak orgasm : 3 porn : 24 I think I'm eating too much. I have a pretty clear picture of what foods I want to eat. Now, my intuition is telling me that it's time for intermittent fasting. Or, in other words, not eating three times a day / all day long like a crazy person. Do I want to skip breakfast? Could do that. Coconut yoghurt is too much trouble anyway, so it's eggs and bacon all the time. Do I want to skip dinner? I could keep eating salad for lunch like I'm doing now, and eat steak for breakfast maybe. Have to think about this...

I'm trying to see how I could regularly go out without it messing up my sleep and morning meditations, but I feel stuck. I work 8 hours a day, 4 days a week. I can work from 9 to 17 or 11 to 19:00, it's that flexible. I planned to get up at 6. I keep failing, though. Why? Because I keep forgetting in the evenings, that that means I have to be going to bed at 21:30. I'm stuck and it's time to make a decision. Am I serious about this ambition to do an hour of meditation in the morning? Or am I just dabbling, playing around? If I'm serious, that means I have to stop trying to prove to myself that I'm a fun sociable person by hanging out with people way too late during weekdays. It means I have to go home at 9 wherever I am. Or, if I'm staying over somewhere, apply the same rule. I'm going to bed at nine thirty and setting an alarm at 6. I don't care if whoever I'm staying with thinks that's early. I must be willing to miss an opportunity to get laid, because I care about my sleep and my meditation habit. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, but I'm going to try. David Deida would approve. Then how do I go out and practice pickup? During weekdays, only for an hour max, I guess. I could skip dinner... At RSD they say that to get good, you need to go out for 4 nights a week, 4 hours a night. That's fine, I guess I'll just not eat dinner and be perpetually underslept for the next three years...? How do you combine going out with getting up early? Is this even doable or am I deluding myself?

I did an approach! Am I a pickup artist yet?? Went to the city after work to talk to girls. Then I realise: nope, it's too late already! I should be going to bed. I turn my bike around. Then I realise: nope, I'm using that as an excuse to be a pussy. Just trying to build a habit of going out, doesn't have to take more than a few minutes. As I ride into the center I feel shaky and realise that there's still a lot of anxiety. What am I going to say? What if I freeze up or be completely weird? I walk around aimlessly past empty or closed bars (it's 9:30 on a Tuesday) for a while, and almost try to escape with the "there's no target-rich environments anyway" excuse. I see two handsome women sitting outside. I walk up to them, change my mind and try to enter the bar. I see the bar is empty. I turn around and face the girls. Now or never boy. One of them is holding her (tiny) dog. FB: "What a nice cat!" Suzanne: "Yeah, I brought my puss today ha ha" FB, suddenly feeling like I need an excuse to talk to them: "Oh yeah I just came from work and it's almost bedtime for me but I figured I'd talk to some people. Since I missed Sesame Street already. Hi, I'm flowboy." Suzanne introduces herself and says to Lisa: "Hey, sesame street, is that still on?" FB: "I asked my mom to tape it for me but she forgot, damn it." They laugh. I start talking about a Dutch singer from a while back. They both remember him. We list some songs. I feel like I'm getting into a familiar flow. Saying random stuff to strangers. I've done it before, it's not that hard. But I'm really sleepy and should actually go to bed. I tell Suzanne and Lisa this and wish them a good night. Judging by their reactions, I would say that they were mildly entertained. And bored. I could have sat down and chatted them up for a while and they would have been receptive probably. But I also wasn't in the sexual zone, my voice had that friendly let's-just-get-along tonality, and they clearly did not perceive a sexual vibe from me. Which is authentic at the moment, because I just wanna go to sleep. I know this is nothing. I felt like I had much more in me. But before I go all out, I am building the habit of even going out at all. By lowering the bar. To ridiculously low. So the next time I will feel little resistance. Went home proud of my little approach Feels so much better than none. In the supermarket I was very tempted to celebrate by buying a beer, but I didn't even do that! I went for sparkling water. Actually I didn't buy anything because my bank account was empty, but that's neither here nor there

Much respect for being mentally flexible enough to consider unexpected answers and immediately think about the next step! Since you are looking for a particular type of connection with a girl, you will have to meet a lot of them and learn to screen for qualities you want. There's no way around regularly spending at least some time in the city, or online dating. Preferably both.

DON'T. This is a mistake. If you take responsibility for handling your moods within the relationship, the sexual tension will be gone and you will just be friends. Do you want that? Instead, teach him how to properly support you when you are emotional. Probably he needs to listen for awhile and then do something to make you smile. This way you can keep the nice polarity going. It should be your boyfriend posting this question. Outside the relationship, sure, take the advice others suggested and improve your relations with others. But, since your boyfriend has the more masculine role within the relationship, it is vital that you can continue to trust HIM to handle your every mood. Make your boyfriend read David Deida - The Way Of The Superior Man. If he does this, this problem will go away and you will not regret it.

I love that!! Very insightful. Will try the same with my tinnitus.

Followed! Really enjoying this topic. You are doing great work! Very courageous. Also made me realise that I need to go out more. So I will go approach. Today. Thank you

Then learn to! What makes a spiritual or non-spiritual woman anyway? What makes you think you can judge that?

Agree with @SFRL. My two cents: don't think about what to say. You become more attractive when you are able to flow freely, meaning to trust that whatever comes to mind is good to say. So say whatever comes to mind. You can always say "just kidding" and change the topic, whenever you accidentally hit a topic that doesn't work so well. Your ability to recover from that and 'forgive' yourself for saying weird shit is also hugely attractive. The more relaxed, loving and forgiving you are with yourself, the more relaxed she will feel. The more relaxed, the more horny.

And this is a problem why? My guess, from the way this is worded: you have been equally participating in the kind of dramas you describe, and you are severely addicted to this drama. Or you would have cut ties years ago. Now you are having withdrawal symptoms. You are going to have to 'unaddict' yourself from this drama. It's going to be rough. I'm saying this not to attack you but because I am recognizing myself. I'm guessing you had several motivations for posting this: Surface level: your painbody wants us to tell you how much they are toxic and wrong and you are right Subconsciously you are hoping to find guidance to overcome this addiction to drama. Your painbody is not going to like that though. Expect some ego backlash. This work is important though, because if both of you are addicted to the drama this couple was causing, and now your painbodies have nothing to feed on, you may start to turn on each other and hurt the relationship. Do you meditate? If so, how much?

I'm experiencing this as well. For me it's fragments of songs that my drum teacher made me study 10 years ago. So I'd be interested if anyone has an idea of what to do about it

Just got some helpful advice on this forum related to scheduling my activities, thank you @SFRL and @JohnnyBravo This will take some days for me to work out and implement. Even though the side of my head is pounding from caffeine withdrawal, and my vision is even affected, I'm starting to feel more like myself. That sense of calm, that you really can't get with coffee, is coming back.

This is great advice! A bit challenging for me, because I like rules haha. Will try this, thank you! That makes sense! Probably I've been clinging too much to the idea of doing everything in the morning. Thank you

@SFRL I realise that. I'm having a good time with dating apps as well. But my goal is to practice approaching people in real life, so that I can do it spontaneously, whenever I see someone I want to meet.

Woke up with a headache, clumsiness and severe irritability. Day 4 of no coffee, hurray. This shit ain't no soft drug. I planned to get up at 6. I keep failing, though. Why? Because I keep forgetting in the evenings, that that means I have to be going to bed at 21:30. I'm stuck and it's time to make a decision. Am I serious about this ambition to do an hour of meditation in the morning? Or am I just dabbling, playing around? If I'm serious, that means I have to stop trying to prove to myself that I'm a fun sociable person by hanging out with people way too late during weekdays. It means I have to go home at 9 wherever I am. Or, if I'm staying over somewhere, apply the same rule. I'm going to bed at nine thirty and setting an alarm at 6. I don't care if whoever I'm staying with thinks that's early. I have a habit of not caring what time it is when I'm with people. Have a girl over? Screw it, to hell with sleep, let's just stay up until 4am. I must be willing to miss an opportunity to get laid, because I care about my sleep and my meditation habit. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that, but I'm going to try. David Deida would approve. Then how do I go out and practice pickup? During weekdays, only for an hour max, I guess. I could skip dinner... Got up at : 8:45 Days in a row with morning routine : 1 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12 hours Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 66 alcohol : 1 caffeine except tea : 3 TV : 1 grains : 14 sugar : 4 dairy : 20 peak orgasm : 2 porn : 23

The first time I quit I ate an alarming amount of chocolate bars... per day! Then I started stealing them. Not because I became a kleptomaniac but because I was so out of it I forgot to pay. You'll be back to normal in a week and from then on it's just watching out for triggers. May need an outlet for the extra energy though, like workouts. For motivation what I did was write down one reason that I am happy to be a non-smoker every day, and hang it on my wall. I did this for 30 days. My wall was full of them. But it worked.

@Dorotheus Ignore these negative guys man, you are working on your approaches and doing great! Much respect bro.

@28 cm unbuffed I could not bear to watch more than a few minutes of that. So much toxicity and victim thinking in that! "Women are the deciders, men are the providers" Ugh. All I hear is excuses to not step up from a butthurt victim. This is a very disempowering belief system. If you want success with women, I recommend staying far, far away from that red pill/MGTOW shit. Or anything that promotes "I can't, because..." thinking.