flowboy

Got up at : 11:00 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 70 alcohol : 5 caffeine except tea : 7 TV : 0 grains : 18 sugar : 8 dairy : 24 peak orgasm : 6 porn : 27 Still having trouble with following up with girls. All my life I've done it this way: just asking to set another date to meet. "When do you have time?" But, this apparently doesn't work so well. It will take time for my brain to grasp this. I asked my driving instructor (woman) just for fun. She advised things like: "I'm in the neigbourhood by coincidence, want to grab coffee". Or: "That night I'm cooking ... and have more than for one, you could come join me" RSD seems to advise "doing cool things and inviting her along". Like going to parties, but they say it can even be shopping or laundry. A trusted friend said last night that it is important to be on your path and invite them along, to an event for example. Asking for when they have time is making yourself too available (I think?) so alternatively you could propose something and if they say no a couple times, just cut it off. "Either fuck yes, or no." Mark Manson style I told him that I really like the women that I've met so far, and I want to make sure I see them again. The control freak in me wants to set dates. His response was that maybe I shouldn't do anything at all. Because if I'm thinking about this in my daily life so much, I'm still making the women too important. I'm needing them too much. Even though I have options. There's something to it. Today I feel empty, confused and in a bad mood. I want to fill that emptiness with validation from girls. With racking up more numbers. I want the women to distract me. Yikes. I suppose it's good that I'm realising that now. Netflix never rejects me when I put too much importance on it? I'm even very, VERY tempted to smoke. Back to the topic of following up with women. I tried the advice and texted to a bunch of girls: "I'll be sitting at a coffee shop working on something today. Come meet me there if you like." Is it too boring? Too vague? Does it have to be an activity you can share? Perhaps. Not much effect: Ignored Can't because I live too far away Can't because I'm busy today with X And, this makes sense actually. On the day itself, there's a very small chance that people are available. So that's why I am inclined to ask when someone is free. The alternative is knowing in advance what I'll be doing every day for the coming week, so I can casually invite girls along, but in the future. This will require me to step up my planning skills. Scheduling out my week becomes important for dating. There's something I never expected would happen. But this is probably what is lacking. Me having plans. Plans that leave opportunities for women to join.

The library example is even worse. Imagine how that conversation would go when the girl asks: "By the way, what are you doing here" Now he has two choices. He can lie and say he's looking for a book. THAT's what I consider manipulative. Or he can go: "Oh, I'm just here to meet girls.." > "Okay then...? > Why don't you just go to a bar for that? I'm here to read." "Because mandyjw said that that can't lead to something real."

And how is OP supposed to find that person to have a relationship with? Exactly.

You misunderstand. If you are already doing yoga, that's fine. But if you start doing it just because you're hoping that you can get together with one of the 12 women in the class, can you not see how weird that is? When at a yoga class, I expect people to be there for the yoga. And if you're looking to relate and connect, well, you can do that anywhere, but the designated places are social environments like bars. There, it's normal to be looking to meet people. And it would be weird to avoid that environment, if you are.

Au contraire. Pickup makes you vulnerable and grow as a person like nothing else. You seem to believe it's easy. It's emotionally the hardest thing most people will ever do. Might I refer you to this topic: And if you still think it's easy, and a cop out, I encourage you to go out and try for yourself. Put yourself out there. Get rejected again and again and again. Remain vulnerable and open. Try to not grow from that, that will be hard

Because men don't read or do yoga? What the fuck? ? Some would actually consider it creepier to go to a yoga class just to meet women Nah, it's pretty accurate. I'm glad to hear you are an exception, don't get me wrong, but most women haven't evolved to that level. Because of the higher volume, the higher chance you'll meet someone you connect with. Yoga chicks go out too, you know. Even women who read also party, if you can believe that. Again, this eminates judgment about casual sex. What for? This value system of "relationship good, casual sex bad" is actually harmful. It's shaming women who may also want to be adventurous for a while. Can you name an example? Maybe we're not talking about the same pickup. Again with the judgment. Sex and intelligent conversations can't go hand in hand? In my experience they do.

I'm sorry that this is so offensive to you, but we're dealing with a culture that says men have to take the initiative, because women don't. So you have to teach some men how to do that, because most women won't. Women help. They participate in the pickup. If they don't like it, they walk away. Use a different term if you like. But men usually have to lead it, you can't deny that. I had the same discussion with my ex girlfriend. Going out to meet girls to her was offensive already, because she had a bad experience when she was younger, slept with a guy quickly and realised he only wanted sex from her, and it had seemed like so much more. There she felt used, so now in her world every man with the intention of leading a sexual interaction is a manipulator. This is frustrating to me personally because, well, because women don't have to take the lead, most of them never realise what it's like to be a man and have to cut through all the bullshit you encounter, and that allows them to live in a reality where these experiences "just happen". Just happened by itself! No they didn't fucking just happen. And you will never realise how tough it is until you yourself go pick up women. Not men, they're easy. Women. I agree that it's valuable to set your intention on what type of women you want to meet. But I disagree with you calling it "used", by which you apparently mean casual sex. That's so, so wrong. Wake up. Women want casual sex. The idea that it's being used comes from the myth that a guy has to lie to the girl about his feelings and pretend it's the start of a relationship and it's not. This is nonsense. I mean, that's a bad idea and not necessary. It does happen, but that's just rotten apples with vulnerable inexperienced girls. These days, you can just mutually agree to have sex, no expectations. Because guess what, women are horny. Both parties happy. This is the 21st century. [/rant]

@SunnyNewDay I was turned off as well by the Mystery Method. Tricks in the book worked but it didn't feel like me so I couldn't keep it up. Then I got into RSD. They basically teach how to be your authentic self with people and have it work. That feels much better to me. @mandyjw That's not accurate. The point of pickup is to meet people. To do either option with. Relationships start with sex too before they get serious, in case you hadn't noticed. And getting in a good relationship is even harder than just getting a casual date, but it starts the same, so I'm not sure what your point is here.

Hey, congratulations man!!! It took me 3 psychedelic trips, many tantra workshops and two failed relationships to be able to admit that to myself! I suppose that's why I responded so passionately

@tsuki Yeah. "whatever comes to mind" was not the right expression. I mean feeling into the situation until you know the choice that feels right. That can be entirely done without logic. So by an "overthinking session" I meant using logic. Oh God? Thank you for that rabbit hole... Nope, they arise spontaneously. But my decisions to go with them or to listen to my gut, also arise spontaneously. There is no one in control. Also what I'm writing here. It's arising, I don't plan it. Oh God, I feel like I'm losing touch and floating awayy? Ultimately decisions are quite paradoxical. It feels like I have a choice there, but it can only go one way. Who's making them? They're happening by themselves. Then why have discussions on what to do? Who's having the discussions? A few weeks ago I had this moment where I became aware that I had NO idea how to think. More specifically, how to come up with something creatively. I was writing something. I wondered: hmm, how do I normally do this? Oh right, just stare at it and keep reading what I already have until more things come up. Magically. That's all I understand about it. That was a weird moment. And yes, I was microdosing that day.

Yeah, hmm, it's not really a strategy, more like a principle that feels good to me. But I'm not too worried about the consequences. In fact I feel inspired to let go even more, and think even less about strategy. I mean the whole point of practicing pickup is that I remove the barriers between strangers and my authentic expression, and meeting people becomes all effortless and intuition-based with zero thinking. Ideally, I would like it to feel so flowing and like it happens by itself, that I'm not even sure who's initiating anything, if anyone. I strive to train my intuition by doing whatever comes to mind, without overthinking. If it's wrong, whatever comes to mind next time will be closer to the mark. I feel like it's harder to learn from a decision that I made after a long overthinking session. Definitely causes more noise and artefacts like weird inaccurate projections that get saved as hypothetical half-memories and possibly turn into little fearful considerations that slow you down even more next time. Basically inspired by what Alan Watts said about learning to trust your brain.

@tsuki Writing this and reflecting on this has made me feel quite grateful and happy, thank you! I have a driving lesson, will respond later to your recent message

HAHAHAHA @tsuki I liked the How to be A Man video. During the cool part, I felt my heart area contract and a very cramped motivation to be even more like that. During the warm part, I felt an emotional rush and almost got teary eyed, it made me think of so many older, wiser, forgiving, humble characters I've known... I don't like that they made it ideological, but I get that these videos are for people looking for guidance. I'm not convinced that the coolness and the warmth are mutually exclusive. I don't feel like I'm somewhere in between, rather I'm both. I think that I was raised to be warm, have gotten rid of some shadow and faced some authentic desires, got rid of some neuroses, and that process also made me cooler in some aspects. For example, I nowadays state my opinion without disclaimer that it's my opinion. I don't apologize in ways I don't mean. I don't pretend to agree. I don't pretend to give a fuck when I don't (about politics for example). I don't play it cool when I'm really going to miss someone, for example. I express that. Somehow the ideology of the warm man seems equally harmful to me. I'm biased because my parents wanted me to be warm and sensitive and I was forbidden from anything that could be perceived as overly masculine or macho. That's been a whole thing, uncovering that But this created a shadow where I wanted to express myself in a masculine way but it was almost impossible and seemed fake, something from deep inside was blocking me.

@tsuki This made me think. What do I actually mean when I say vulnerable? I'm aware of the Nice Guy trap, and there is work to be done there but I don't recognize myself in these sentences, luckily. With vulnerable I did not mean nice, or meek, or good. I meant being radically open with what's going on inside. Taking the risk of being judged for it or anything else that comes of being radically open, and trusting that that's good. Sharing that I'm nervous, even though there's a fear it could turn her off. Versus trying to manipulate the situation by pretending that I'm not nervous, or avoiding the subject out of fear.

@ExodiaGearCEO Dale Carnegie, is that you?

@Zigzag Idiot @tsuki I really appreciate your input and intend to respond later. First, some observations this morning. Now that I've been on dates with 4 girls, I get nervous about how and when to propose a next date. And what if they say no? I know the answer to that: I get over it and meet new people. This is the flow of life. So even though I feel more at ease now that I can meet and connect with girls when I want to, I'm still clinging to these particular ones. Not as tightly as if it would be a single person, but still. The feeling of abundance is increased, but not the deep abundance. But I can't help to draw a parallel: I meet a few girls, now I'm scared to lose them. Rich people don't have peace, they worry about their money. I have had an underlying assumption, pretty much all my life, that getting enough money and sex is working towards inner peace. It made sense: my path isn't blocked by lack of anything, I don't have to work so I'm free. I don't have to worry about money because there is enough. I don't have to be harsh with myself to go meet girls because that part is so integrated that it happens by itself. But what if that's wrong? Businesses take work to maintain, you can worry about those. Even plainly having a ton of cash is a huge responsibility: you have to worry about how your investments are doing, you have to make sure that you give enough to charity and that people are seeing that, because more eyes are on you. Most of your friends will be fake friends who hope to get stuff from you. This alone can drive people to suicide. It's still worth doing, but it's not a way to end all worries. You're just worrying about different things. Like RSDTyler likes to say: "Increase the QUALITY of your problems." I'm seeing a couple different girls now. I mean, I don't know whether I'll see them again, and I worry about that I noticed this morning that I want to text them all and set a next date, so that I can feel safe. But I noticed that would be coming from the wrong place, so I didn't. On top of that, I have more Tinder matches than I have attention or energy for. So I kind of gave up, and am seeing all these potential connections being ignored by me, and dying. This also bugs me. Also in the words of RSDTyler: "Stop trying for completion. There is no completion. It will never come." I'm paraphrasing. But, it pans out so far. A few months ago I set out to change my habits and activities so that I would get closer to my goals. Work out, eat better, meditate regularly, get laid, make LP plans. I worked on all of those. What did it bring me? Greater life satisfaction. I don't feel like I'm "wasting" my life anymore Better sense of self-worth. I like explaining my life to people, and don't feel inferior and envious opposite almost everyone, like before. And this is profound. For me. When getting to know people, but also with good friends, I remember always feeling like they have their shit together sooo much more than I do, I'm a mess. That's gone! I know what I'm doing and not doing, and it needs work but I feel valuable and together already. Decreased neurosis. The constant "I should eat better, dammit, I should get laid, damn it, I should ..." chatter is diminished. Greater confidence in my ability to achieve and push through. Because I fell out of the diet and got back up. Now, I fell out of meditation habit, and that makes me feel guilty still, but I'm certain that I'll pick it back up. I feel more comfortable in public places. I used to feel very self-conscious and projecting how people (strangers) see me. When I would overhear conversation, I would project whether I would be friends or foes with these people. There's a lot less of that. Sometimes I just automatically talk to a stranger. And after that it's easy to let go of that connection as well. What did it not bring me? Inner peace. Nothing to worry about. The ability to have an empty mind most of the day. I'm writing this because I'm feeling stressed about a lot of things, and I was hoping to get rid of that. I have to check my phone, answer my email, take care of my relationships, keep a calendar, et cetera et cetera. Also, if I understand David Deida correctly, merging with the feminine is a temporary moment of bliss and emptiness, which the masculine is always seeking, after which he has his purpose to get back to. Giving his deepest gift. Always willing to fight for peace, emptiness, that he never gets to keep. So if there's no end to the rat race, the stress, it becomes more important to be relaxed in it. Since the only way out is death or enlightenment, and both of those are probably far away, I might as well value inner calm over everything. Get some mindfulness into my day. Since that's all the peace I'm going to get. The peace in my daily life. It's not going to happen when I reach the next level: when I get more money or sex. I will have to strive to live peacefully despite there always being things to worry about. At every level. Got up at : 9:30 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 69 alcohol : 4 caffeine except tea : 6 TV : 0 grains : 17 sugar : 7 dairy : 23 peak orgasm : 5 porn : 26

What have the results been like? Is it working for her? When are you done? And my second question:

I like how you just went up, even though you were busy doing something else! (writing) I would have used that as an excuse... My guess is she would have needed a little more connecting before it is reasonable to ask to meet up, but you are right, you don't know if you don't ask! I'd phrase it: "Let's meet here after your reunion. You can buy me a cup of coffee."

@tsuki Thank you for the kind words brother! I suppose it was. She said she wasn't super experienced either with dating outside her relationship, and also felt a bit weird about it. Especially after her boyfriend randomly came at her door to check on her. She was quite bubbly in the beginning because she didn't know me yet, and maybe towards the end we synced up. I hugged her, she climbed on my lap, we had a LOT of eye contact and in this intimate moment the polarity, man-to-woman feeling and flow came back and it was mad horny. Glorious makeout. I was very aware that I needed this makeout a little too much, for confirmation that it wasn't a friend zone situation. But I don't think that hurt the situation too much. She kissed me when we said goodbye and said she LOVED to come over some time. So indeed that was a valuable lesson! That sometimes when you feel like friends and there's no sexual tension, it can come later if you let go!

This weekend I am not scheduled full of dates, so I have time to work out some changes in my habits, and make a new start with morning/evening routines. Still feeling awesome about the girl I met. When I woke up, I immediately felt like I had to get out of bed. I wanted to RUN. My body's like a young dog, waiting to be walked. The strung-out, underslept-but-energetic feeling is back. I guess I'm done with the coffee withdrawals. I wish I could sleep, because my mind doesn't feel so clear, but on the other hand I do feel hyper and enthousiastic. Like my off-button is broken. Hmm. And people keep telling me that keto is not a good idea. My date did it for two years but then it started making her mentally clouded and tired. Man, I should do my own research and actually read papers. I'm strongly considering ditching the whole going out several nights a week approach altogether and instead going for the one-approach-a-day habit. Will be tough. But, it gets to the root of the problem: I suffer when I spontaneously see a girl so attractive that I'm too freaked out to go up. That's when I hate myself a bit for chickening out. So if I could turn that into the daily approach... An advantage would be that I get to keep a more regular sleep schedule. Got up at : 9:15 Days in a row with morning routine : 0 Number of women approached : 19 Total infield time : 12h10 Total meditation time : 13h45 Speeches given : 2 Books read : 0 Currently reading : Stealing Fire - Steven Kotler et. al. Days without smoking : 68 alcohol : 3 caffeine except tea : 5 TV : 3 grains : 16 sugar : 6 dairy : 22 peak orgasm : 4 porn : 25

Nah, this is based on incorrect social conditioning (from parents? culture?) that girls don't crave sex as much as you do. They do. Also mainstream and Hollywood say that spontaneous sex with no strings attached hurts women, because "they are emotional". If you go find out for yourself, you'll see that the opposite is truer. Girls crave sex. They are longing for a guy that can be cool and not make a big deal about it, and satisfy their needs without making them feel judged or ashamed about it. Then, after sex, they are hoping, no, PRAYING that the guy won't get clingy, needy and emotional on her, and want to see her again immediately or cry about how "she's insensitive" otherwise. Real people are on dating apps man! Tinder is normal Again, you seem to be judgmental of people on dating apps seeking sex. Like there's something wrong with that. And I understand where you get that judgment, it's just in our culture. Try to see how much this judgment of sexuality is fucking you up; This 'wanting sex is bad' idea prevents you from going out looking for people to have relations with. Its getting in the way of you giving yourself permission to be on Tinder, and talking to girls in a bar. It's preventing you from making yourself happy, basically. If you hold the belief that casual sex is bad, you also screw over all the girls you will meet. They won't feel safe to be open with their own sexuality with you, and admit their desires. Instead, they will feel this judgment and tension from you and will instinctively close up and feel like they have to pretend to be a nice innocent nonsexual creature. You'll be alright Just you have a lot of cultural beliefs in you that you need to shed, in order to be happy and relate to girls better. I'm not saying you have to go learn tricks. Just go out and meet people. Date one of them. Immediately you will see that this is a real person, that gets to meet you thanks to your efforts, and the entire "manipulative pickup" idea will melt away. I strongly recommend the book No More Mr Nice Guy by dr. Robert Glover, as well as RSDMax - The Natural . Best of luck

This line makes me think you're not ready. Thinking about your ex is an addiction. I've been there to the point where I was thinking about her every few SECONDS. Would seeing her really fix that? Do you really want to be dependent on her, to feel okay? What if she doesn't want to meet? Are you planning to be in this sorry state forever? Or do you just need to step up, be a man and heal yourself first? I recommend watching Leo's video on victim thinking again. That's something that's subtly going on here. Best of luck brother!

@ExodiaGearCEO Why are you asking the same question again?

Interesting! - How many women did that happen with? - How long did the relationships last? - Any other patterns you recognize? It's very possible that this is just the natural flow of life, and you just have to accept it and go with. But might be worthwile to contact these women and ask them about it. Maybe 1 or 2 are mature enough to give you a helpful answer.

I had a similar situation a month ago. We'd been broken up for 1.5 years, and slowly I was getting over the resentment I felt over how it ended. I wanted nothing more than to reconnect with her, thank her for the good times we shared, maybe apologise for some shit. Funnily enough, when I texted her that wish, against my better judgment, she responded excitedly, that she had been thinking the same thing. I came over for dinner and it was weird but strangely super relaxed. We reminisced about our adventures and laughed a lot. Exactly what I wanted! It feels cleared up now, like she's actually a friend. So I would recommend to yes, do it. And check what @Serotoninluv said about what you're hoping to get out of it.