flowboy

@billiesimon I would make it a priority to heal that wound, then, that came to be around that age. I just came back from a week of Primal Childhood Deconditioning and I feel reborn. If you are willing to invest in the cost of a workshop and a LOT of physical and emotional energy in working through your childhood/adolescent trauma, then you can feel almost like it never happened, in a week of hard work and many, many, MANY emotional purges. It's been absolutely lifechanging for me. I really have no words. It's like trying to explain psychedelics to a person who's never been in an altered state. Except that psychedelics are NOTHING compared to how meaningful and deeply healing this week has been for me. If it could help you, I wouldn't want you to miss out. I went there because I felt "held back", like I was pushing really hard to be more social, have a better dating life, and face my nervousness around public speaking, and all these things, but I still was feeling like I didn't 'deserve' to be doing that well, and was destined to keep backsliding. Like my superego, deep inside me was certain that I was supposed to be a neurotic person, not the awesome version of myself that I envisioned. It's still very fresh and the dust hasn't settled yet, but I can already feel some profound changes. Neurotic thought patterns have diminished with 70%. I actually smile at strangers, wish them a good day, and mean it, from my heart. I have so much more trust in life. I used to distrust other men, viewed them as competition. Now I feel brotherhood. I feel reborn, like I had a whole new, perfect childhood with many naturally occurring friendships. And most importantly, the brakes are off. I have no doubts that I can get where I want now. And that I deserve that. And I feel very distant from the version of me that I used to be. Something I found: self-esteem issues, anxiety, and addictive tendencies and the like have a cause. They started somewhere. Because small children aren't actually like that naturally. They trust life. They run up to children and ask them to play, without fear of rejection. But between age 0 to 7 you can pick up a lot of negative vibes and messages, both said and unsaid, from your environment, that just stick there in your unconscious, without ever being noticed, and fuck you over for the rest of your life unless you go back to them and process them properly. I really have no words to convey how deep this process goes, except that I've gone pretty deep with psychedelics before and that's nothing compared to how meaningful and transformative this felt. The therapist, Puja, who leads it is such a loving and skilled person, she's awesome. If you're interested, I'm talking about the Primal Deconditioning Intensive at www.pujalepp.com . People I did the workshop with flew in all the way from the States, even Ireland. Expensive but so, so worth it. The next retreat date is somewhere in the fall, I believe. If you decide to go for it, PM me and let me know what it brought you? I'd be sooo curious...

Does it, though? This question is just more evidence that you don't trust your own impulses in the moment. And more thinking of what-could-happen won't get you closer to that. To answer the specific case: Yes, I would say, do it. She might take it well. In that case, you successfully broke a limiting belief of what you could get away with. Or, she might not. In that case, you need to laugh it off and go "whoops ha ha" and get some valuable practice in maintaining your emotional state when not everything goes perfectly. Tolerate awkwardness. Enjoy it, even. In that case, you successfully taught your gut that awkwardness is okay and can be survived and forgotten quickly in an interaction. From that moment on, you'll feel less scared to express yourself freely, also physically. See? The whole idea that it's important to escalate smoothly so that nothing goes wrong, is deeply misguided. There's supplication in that. It's still walking on eggshells, hoping not to scare the girl off, to keep her approval. But that's not what turns her on. A masculine man escalates authentically. He acts through his own desires, puts his arm there if he feels like it, and then calibrates accordingly if she's not yet comfortable. Authentic desire + empathy and calibration

@Liger Not to go all Freudian here, but how was your childhood? Could the friend represent a father figure, and the woman a mother?

What's your plan for that? Primal wounds seem like a secondary problem, while actually they run your entire life in many ways. Don't worry about the girl. Heal your trauma! Problems like this will evaporate and seem so silly.

@Yuliya_Lei This is called emotional abuse. You're in an abusive relationship. Do you realise this? https://www.yourtango.com/experts/wendy-kay/avoid-abusive-relationship-15-signs-abuser-expert You have "warning sign" 3 and 5. Yes, you can rationalize that "it's your choice" to be isolated to avoid conflict, but the fact of the matter is he's controlling you with his emotional reactions, and he's isolating you. And this is only a list off the top of google results. Let's hear what Leo says: I just listened to it, and you have at least 3 of the red flags that he names. I'm baffled that many others here are not seeing this deeply toxic dynamic as a red flag. So I'll be the one to call it out then. You'll probably be in denial and feel angry with me, that is natural. But really, do some research and let it sink in and contemplate. I predict that if you bring this up with him, he'll emotionally manipulate you to (feel like you have to, to avoid conflict) get off this forum, as a next step. Be on the lookout for that. Best of luck.

Primal therapy is a form of guided shadow work that has helped me a LOT. How long have you been shy? Since you can remember? Then probably you picked up some negativity from your environment when you were very young. Either something traumatic happened, or your parents gave you negative messages. A child is not naturally shy, you see. It trusts life. Unless the parents have taught it that it can't.

Probably, pretty intense Let us know if you had to clean the ceiling

You must be joking. He's showing way too much that he cares about her specifically (= neediness), look at the conversation! It's right there. She's annoyed because he was too clingy and ungrounded, and is trying to get him to back off a little. And being quite unsubtle at that, so he must have been uncalibratedly pushing her for awhile. Do you think guys that go to RSD events have to hide it from their girl friends? Noooo. They own that shit. @SageModeAustin made a bold move bringing her, that's not the mistake. The mistake is not fully owning it, and getting insecure about it afterwards. Of course after admitting you're an aspiring manwhore, you can expect a decent shit test, e.a. her getting offended or pretending to like you less now, to see whether you would crumble or whether you fully owned it. You failed that test. Asked her if she thought it was weird. Now she knows you're insecure about it. And decided to have some fun with you. The lyrics she's referring to: She's enjoying playing with you bro. You're so anxious for her approval now, that sending you mixed signals is an amusing game. About the being hard on yourself "because you could have done better": no you couldn't, or you would have. Knowing what you know now, you can do better. But you needed this reference experience first. Without this experience, you'd make that mistake over again, every time! See how everything works out? You have earned knowledge now.

Devil's threesome. Best and only solution. Either they both bang her at the same time, or neither. You'd be surprised how normal it is. Many girls tell me they've done it at some point.

This. Read that book, by David Deida. Your questions will be answered.

Generalizing groups of people and forming opinions and moralizations about them is a waste of your time at best, at worst it's an unhealthy obsession. Get over your addiction to this sort of drama. I know it's in the media a lot. Get away from that shit. It doesn't mean anything to your own life.

Why would you try to start such a pointless debate. What would any answer mean to you? It's more nuanced than that, so really there is no answer. Men vs Women. Emacs vs Vim. Spaces vs tabs. Simple people like to believe in simple truths.

@kag101 @Igor82 COMPLETELY DISAGREE My version: If you're in doubt on whether or not to touch a girl, the fact that you're thinking about it means that your intuition is taking over. Then, ALWAYS DO IT. Because if you ever want these things to feel natural, they need to come naturally, so acting from gut feeling. If you want your intuition to be able to take the wheel, you have to trust it. And even if it's wrong, then you'll at least learn. Whereas you learn nothing from overthinking. Have that winner's mentality. Or growth mentality, if you will. If you follow the "when in doubt, don't do it" strategy, you're only teaching yourself to be scared and in your head. More thinking is not the answer.

Preach. I am not that smooth, but I just use the eyes as a clue. Does she stare back into my eyes without saying anything? Then she's on board. You can just go in for the kiss for example, and she'll be grateful that you did. I just want to make the side point that you can be super clumsy and still have a successful escalation, as long as you are able to quickly recover your emotional state after a mishap. I've had dates with rejected kiss-moves, many awkward leg touches that didn't feel quite right, but each time I was able to laugh about it and just keep talking and interacting, conducting and accepting my emotional reactions, and leading her in that, and in the end still had sex and a beautiful connection. What you feel, they feel.

@Yahya I said life purpose, not "course"

Ask your grandparents Ask your uncles Get a job Sell your art Do a lemonade stand Walk peoples dogs for money Babysit If you're not able to solve the simple problem of how to come up with a few hundred bucks, how in the hell are you going to solve the much harder problems of pursuing life purpose!

The latter is a kind of yoga, named after the former

Don't confuse Kundalini with Kundalini Yoga

I pm'ed you

@Farnaby I recommend looking for Tantra workshops together. Together, because she needs to be on board if you want to change anything. The New Tantra is a great organisation that teaches the sexual aspect of being in the moment and having more mindful, blissful, connected sex, as well as how to find your masculine core and grow towards the 3d stage. They are very much about the Deida teachings. Worth checking out.

@LoveandPurpose Absolutely. Absolutely fucking worth it. It's expensive, but it's the best. Which didn't matter to me at all. I knew beforehand I would only do this once in my life and its effects would be permanent. I really feel healed of a lot of shit that I was carrying, and didn't even know about. I was talking to friends yesterday, and realised again how much I've been transformed. My eyes are open wider, I feel lighter, I feel a much deeper connection with people, I feel love while talking to them (instead of neurotic thoughts), I express myself more freely, like the brakes have come off and there's no judgment, and people respond better to me. Even strangers notice, apparently, because I talked to a guy for a few seconds and then he just popped open and started sharing with me like a friend. It's like magic?? I feel so grateful to Puja and her team?

@LoveandPurpose http://pujalepp.com/project/primal-intensive/

@Farnaby I'm not misunderstanding you at all, you are failing to accept what I'm telling you. This shared responsibility mindset is second stage stuff. I thought like that for a long time. My point is, in the 2nd stage that Deida describes, both partners are each responsible for their contribution to a conversation/whatever, and when one is going a bit overboard, he/she is expected to calm down on her own and come back later when she has cooled off. You know another characteristic of the 2nd stage? Relationships that are getting boring. Hey, that sounds familiar! The answer is right in your face. The beliefs you're fighting me so hard for, about how you think relationships are supposed to work, are exactly what is wrong! You are confusing contribution and responsibility. You can always take full responsibility for what happens in a situation, regardless of "who did what". Anyways, I'm getting fed up with your stubbornness. Hope my advice did something and wasn't a complete waste of my time. I really hope so, cause I'm trying to help. But letting go of beliefs is not easy. One needs to suffer, in order to have the emotional leverage to do it. It's possible that, like me, you need 3 or 4 more serious breakups before you'll take this stuff seriously. Belief systems are precious.

I already answered that. Responsibility is a masculine thing. If you put it on her, you force her to be in her masculine and you lose polarity, the spark. You're trying to blame your girlfriend for making you upset. Men don't do that. That's what little boys do. And she will come to resent you for that eventually. Listen to the audiobook. There are great workshops and courses to learn to work with these principles in practice, if you're interested.

Welcome to the experience of being attracted to someone. What is strange to me is not that you crumbled, but that you say it is super uncommon for you to be attracted to people. I would say I have this a couple times a month at least. Do you have big walls around you? Are you uncomfortable with being open and vulnerable? Because you're describing this like it's a bad thing that you want to get rid of asap, while actually it seems to me like you've been dead in a way and you're just now coming alive.