flowboy

There is actually no problem. This forum is what it is. It attracts the people that it does. That said, maybe we could make a rule that a posted thread has to be constructive and can't just be about blaming groups of people for your shit?

@Emerald This is just nonsense you tell yourself to feel above it. Making good eye contact, being able to manage your emotions and be in a good mood, speaking clearly and having your life together in a way that brings you happiness, only works on a specific type of woman? Really?? Because this is what RSD teaches. Clearly you have no idea and didn't bother to find out. You're pretending that it's about "tricks" and one night stands, while actually, it just teaches men (and women) how to be themselves in the most attractive least creepy way, and relate to women optimally, whether it is a cold approach at the bar or meeting someone through their social circle, or online dating. It makes you feel safe to consider yourself "not that specific type of woman", not a target, so you can keep believing that it wouldn't work on you. Guess what. It works on everyone. Sorry to burst your bubble, but every time in your life you have met someone who became your boyfriend or girlfriend, it could have been thanks to them following RSD teachings.

@Emerald What makes you the authority on all women? I respect that you are one, okay, but that makes your statements on "most women" just a projection. As you say yourself, you don't have much actual experience pursuing women romantically. I do. Not a lot, but at least some. And I'm saying that if he had framed it correctly and held that frame, he could have gotten her to be really supportive about his RSD work. In my experience, if a woman likes you, she'll shift her interests and values to fit yours, to some extent. What she says to herself and friends about her likes and dislikes, suddenly doesn't matter, because she's in your frame. So, I believe you that you don't like the idea of a man going to RSD seminars. But I think it's possible to meet a man (or woman) who is so attractive, that they make you forget all about that. (Also the reverse could happen, we all know guys throw their principles overboard for sex all the time) Also, I suspected that these 90%-10% percentages, you're just pulling them out of your ass. This is just your uneducated guess, extrapolated to "all women". So, I tried to find some actual numbers: guess what, the number of people likely to be open to non-monogamy is over 40%. Source: https://openpsychometrics.org/research/demographics-of-polyamory/

@Toby This idea of commitment meaning sexual exclusivity is just a conditioned shortcut to avoid doing the emotional work of confronting jealousy and insecurities. That's all it is. You can develop trust by practicing radical honesty and getting over your insecurities. This way, you can re-define commitment in a positive way (being with each other) instead of a negative way (not being with others) See, my girl friends don't have to pretend around me that they're only seeing me. I don't get insecure about that, so we can be honest and open. In the same way, I don't make any pretenses around them. I'm even seeing two best friends at the same time. Everyone is on board and happy with this. And because I share myself completely, not holding anything back, I can have very deep and intimate connections. Even deeper than in most typical exclusive relationships, where my desire for other women as well as her attraction towards men is something that is typically taboo, a topic that must be avoided to not make the other insecure. It's even normal to pretend you're never attracted to someone else! This having to pretend, and tell each other untrue stories (only you baby! I never looked at another man that way since I met you) is what makes the typical exclusive relationship way LESS authentic and intimate.

@Aeris I have both of those. You don't need to confine yourself to a single person to have that. Do you need to have only one friend, for true friendship? No, you don't. Love is endless and there is enough for everyone. You don't 'run out' of it. You can have it with as many people as you like. This bias towards exclusivity is just societal conditioning towards the codependent clingy coupling that is considered normal.

@billiesimon Cool! This is an interview with her:

@Toby Your assumptions are incorrect. 3 of the 5 women I referred to are actually friends I share a deep connection with Another one was a new date, whom I had AMAZING chemistry with and a great connection, definitely will keep seeing her Why would you assume my relationships are not long-lasting? You're thinking too much within the societal conditioning that relationships can only be meaningful if they're exclusive. Do yourself a favor and get out of that paradigm. Do you have only one exclusive friend? No. Are your friendships lasting? Yes, hopefully. And even if hypothetically I would only be having one night stands that I'd never see again, why would that conflict with being healed? Question that. Think for yourself. I think if that's what someone wants, more power to them. Being in a couple is not a superior way to live. Who put that thought in your head? Self-actualization also means the ability to be fully happy on your own, and not need someone to complete you.

@Eminent11 Sounds like you're doing quite a lot of work on that, good on you! I'm zooming in on that because I recently had an experience of healing some early trauma, and I was really stunned to how much it had been controlling me. You don't miss it till it's gone. Suddenly I have hardly any worries or neurotic thoughts when I'm on a date. Or with friends, for that matter! So because of that, suddenly my eyes are opened to the possibility that most self-esteem problems and trouble in dating may be directly linked to trauma from younger years. I just came back from a week of Primal Childhood Deconditioning and I feel reborn. If you are willing to invest in the cost of a workshop and a LOT of physical and emotional energy in working through your childhood/adolescent trauma, then you can feel almost like it never happened, in a week of hard work and many, many, MANY emotional purges. It's been absolutely lifechanging for me. I really have no words. It's like trying to explain psychedelics to a person who's never been in an altered state. Except that psychedelics are NOTHING compared to how meaningful and deeply healing this week has been for me. If it could help you, I wouldn't want you to miss out. I went there because I felt "held back", like I was pushing really hard to be more social, have a better dating life, and face my nervousness around public speaking, and all these things, but I still was feeling like I didn't 'deserve' to be doing that well, and was destined to keep backsliding. Like my superego, deep inside me was certain that I was supposed to be a neurotic person, not the awesome version of myself that I envisioned. It's still very fresh and the dust hasn't settled yet, but I can already feel some profound changes. Neurotic thought patterns have diminished with 70%. I actually smile at strangers, wish them a good day, and mean it, from my heart. I have so much more trust in life. I used to distrust other men, viewed them as competition. Now I feel brotherhood. I feel reborn, like I had a whole new, perfect childhood with many naturally occurring friendships. And most importantly, the brakes are off. I have no doubts that I can get where I want now. And that I deserve that. And I feel very distant from the version of me that I used to be. Something I found: self-esteem issues, anxiety, and addictive tendencies and the like have a cause. They started somewhere. Because small children aren't actually like that naturally. They trust life. They run up to children and ask them to play, without fear of rejection. But between age 0 to 7 you can pick up a lot of negative vibes and messages, both said and unsaid, from your environment, that just stick there in your unconscious, without ever being noticed, and fuck you over for the rest of your life unless you go back to them and process them properly. I really have no words to convey how deep this process goes, except that I've gone pretty deep with psychedelics before and that's nothing compared to how meaningful and transformative this felt. The therapist, Puja, who leads it is such a loving and skilled person, she's awesome. If you're interested, I'm talking about the Primal Deconditioning Intensive at www.pujalepp.com . People I did the workshop with flew in all the way from the States, even Ireland. Expensive but so, so worth it. The next retreat date is somewhere in the fall, I believe. If you decide to go for it, PM me and let me know what it brought you? I'd be sooo curious...

@kag101 Thank you for your assumptions, it shows your ignorance. I actually had sex with 5 different stunning women over only the past 7 days. A good week for me. How was yours? You see why my sack is empty and my statements about women are pretty confident.

That doesn't mean you understand how to do it. Or that you have a lot to say about how it should be done most effectively. Try going to pick up women with your bisexual girlfriend. You'll be shocked how clueless she is, and she'll be shocked how hard it is.

@sgn Wow, that's pathetic. Like you wouldn't, if you had the chance. That judgmental attitude is why girls don't like you.

Not true. One side has actual experience of what works, the other can only project. I am no exception: I will readily admit that I'm bad at predicting which kind of marketing I would actually fall for, as well as what a girl could do to get me. Being the object of a pursuit doesn't make you understand how to pursue.

I did it!!! So painful to sideline important stuff, and admit you're not doing the important stuff. But, if I didn't, I would just be lying to myself and not doing anything. I have to be ruthless here. Tomorrow I will make new weekly schedules and update my habit tracker...

I always find it hilarious when women think they know something about game, just because they're a woman. It's like thinking you're a good salesperson, because you've made a few purchases.

Actually, no. I would be supportive and happy for her. Because it's 2019 and I don't buy into the bullshit that you have to be exclusive for a relationship that means anything. Believe it or not, I have many female friends that are taking workshops in being seductive. The thought to judge them for it wouldn't even enter my mind. And if my polyamorous girlfriend did it, I would love it. Yes, EVERYTHING does!! How do you really not see it... All the things I named before. The "like a normal person". That's clearly frustration. And everything else I named. Do you even have any experience building romantic relationships with women, or are you just projecting yourself onto all women?

Why I'm Not Motivated Today A few weeks ago, there were >40 items on my to-do list. Then I started weekly scheduling and accomplishing a lot of the little items. Now, I have 62 items on the list. I'm stuck and really, really fed up with the always-busy never-done way of life. I don't feel like I will ever get through the list. I don't remember ever having been through my list. So... I will make a NOT DOING list, where I put everything I will CUT. I'm going to have to cut... a lot. Let's see if I can get it down to 15 items! That's 5 per card. Maybe that will make me feel better.

@Emerald So we agree that he should have been upfront and authentic about it, and held nothing back concerning his feelings nor his activities with RSD. Because any attempt to control her opinion/reaction would probably have been transparent and off-putting. At least caused incongruence (thoughts, words, actions not aligned) Then I don't understand why you claim that I don't know anything about how women function. I do agree that he might have given her too little approval and not communicated genuine interest. Seems plausible. I sometimes make that mistake too. You've given me something to think about. But what girl would say that thing about the sleeping late, if not for being annoyed with someones neediness?

The responses to the thread below may also apply to this.

It all depends how he frames it. He could have convinced her that it was awesome that he was working on himself to be more attractive and less creepy. We don't really know how that seminar went, but it could have changed a lot. While that may be true that most women today would be judgmental about it, what choice does he have? Are you suggesting he pretends to not go to RSD things? Because he's already been doing that, that's a given. So he can be dishonest about it, or not, or even be inviting. Bringing her along at least has the potential to flip her preconceived notion. Lying about it (or quitting RSD) would be inauthentic and make her lose respect for him, rightfully so. And not bringing her just leaves her behind with all these preconceptions still in her mind.

Your view is apparently colored by your own judgments and insecurities, since you keep calling it that. Also your statement that women typically don't like that, well that really depends on their upbringing. If they don't have toxic shame around sexuality, they might not be so judgmental.

This is a bit of a far-fetched projection. I agree that there may have been an initial judgment, but there's no telling how the actual experience was for her. Since many women go to those seminars, there must be something in it for everyone. In the end it's about teaching men social skills, to be less creepy, and helping the sexes meet each other in a more natural, flowing way. Her man is into self-development. That's a positive. Unless he had some shame about it, and handled it wrong! My point is, it's very well possible that she liked it, once she got to see it.

@Emerald Look at the subtle clues. He's fretting a LOT in this post about what he could have done better, so he was probably fretting about what to do during their time. She must have felt this insecurity. The texts we see here are not needy maybe, but her responses indicate he's been needy and she's had enough. "I slept late like a normal person does, just fyi if you're trippin' on a text back". Meaning: he's been bugging her before when she took longer to answer a text. So often that she's trying to preempt it now. This is super needy behaviour. The upper line says "...being weird?", followed by him qualifying and defending his decision to her to take her there. Meaning he's been bothering her to assure him that it wasn't a bad decision to take her there, and she doesn't think it's weird, and she still approves of him, because the doubt has been EATING HIM UP. This is super, super needy. He asks about her seeming cold (needy, insecure), and she refers him to some shitty songtext, which I can only interpret as her playing games with him because it's so easy.

Caring is one thing, changing your behaviour is another. Sure I can take an interest in someone's opinion. But if I like to go to RSD seminars, I'm not going to pretend otherwise because she may have some weird judgmental attitude about it. And bringing her along to show her how awesome it actually is, might be a good idea.

@Emerald I'm pretty f*ing sure about this one Never hide parts of your life because you're afraid of what she might think. Care to elaborate then, if you're making such bold claims about me? Because you're recommending dishonesty here. And that doesn't give me confidence that you know anything about how to relate to women in a romantic way.

See, but this is already supplication, caring about how she'd react to it! That's my entire point. Doesn't matter how she sees it, if YOU care about how she sees it, she will see you as a pussy and a beta male. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying it doesn't matter because hoping for a good reaction is a dead end in general.