flowboy

Well I'm still not quite sure what I think of @Flatworld Crusades's interpretation, but it's very clear that I was triggered and got unnecessarily defensive. I sent her an apology which I hope she'll accept. I was quite out of line and I feel pretty embarrassed.

@LastThursday I agree. I love honesty.

Wow. That's beautiful! Thank you @Nahm Deep and powerful these words. Will take some time to 'cook' in me. Feels true

I asked some other ex girlfriends and a long time friend who is a psychologist. We'll see Still, I am pretty sure that I didn't give enough information in this thread to determine that I engage in a negative way, or am being controlling. And the "offensive" part is just weird to me, seems like it's personal for her. Also, I don't think offensive is a bad thing. If I'm not offending people at times, I'm not being honest.

@Shin Interesting. It hasn't come up previously when I did an ego feedback workshop which was pretty harsh. But I did learn there to take feedback in as if it were true. Try it on, see if it fits. So I will consider it and ask around a bit. Thank you

I don't know, I really feel like there was anger behind that last message, and I can't trust someone to be helpful if they have a chip on the wrong shoulder That said, I don't like being called controlling, my ex girlfriend used to accuse me of being a controlling asshole.

@Flatworld Crusades I think you are heavily projecting and really missing the mark here. I am baring my soul, expecting to be met with respect and responsibility, apparently to be rewarded with judgment and immaturity. I am willing to look into aspects of me that I share with most people, whereas you seem to be trying to demonize me for what I shared. You abused the power I gave you. You have crossed a line. Please don't respond again.

@LastThursday

It is never a good idea to explore that if you're not ready. And don't worry, it's not a necessary step. Being open can be a tool for self development and working through jealousy and insecurities. But against your will, it will just be traumatizing. Be open minded. Research it, get to know the people, and understand it. Doesn't mean you have to do it

@LastThursday You're speaking my language!! Thank you my man. I feel like I must try some of these out.

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you sir for the kind words! I too believe that I can do this. I don't feel like I ever really seriously started again. It's just a matter of focus for a few more weeks.

Meaning what, exactly?

Wow, that's how it feels for me as well, thank you for wording it so clearly! This will be very useful to me I think. As always, you've given me a lot to think about. Thank you.

Last week 33% of my schedule got done, and most of that was because of fixed appointments. Factors: RSD workshop triggered me and caused huge ego backlash Working on something for a friend I felt a lot of pressure, and procrastinated for two whole days, watching TV. Finally, I skipped the entire night of sleep, only to work on it for 2 hours. I have a problem. I'm thinking maybe I should get to the root of these procrastination habits. I really went into a mode where I didn't wash myself, have contact with anyone, eat healthy, brush my teeth, or sleep properly until my task was done. But I didn't do my task, I couldn't bring myself to stop watching TV. Considering a 30 day no-procrastination challenge next. No Smoking Day 11 It's going pretty good. The fact that I made a commitment in front of the circle of men is helping a lot.

@Knock I'm impressed!

@Inliytened1 Thank you for the positive outlook. Actually I used to meditate, but I'm not at the moment. I want to work it back in.

I'm entertaining the thought that this is more about attention (acknowledgement) than approval. It would be a nice symmetry, because I've also gotten the feedback that I don't acknowledge people in conversation. Which is true. I don't naturally care a lot about what people say back to me, when I'm just getting to know them. I just want them to respond favorably and like me. My listening skills are reserved for friends only.

@Ampresus Oh yeah that's far from me. But you can look for RSD inner circles in your area to help you! (ask in RSD facebook group)

And what's your progress on that so far? I ask because you seem to have not emptied your cup.

Commas. Use them. Why would you think laws of physics apply to nonphysical concepts? Can you also calculate the friction coefficient of the ego on a flat surface, when it's decelerating with 1.26 m/s2 ?

Here is a clip that inspired my thinking:

@mandyjw Good advice probably, thank you. Bringing awareness to it is definitely one thing I must do. I also understand that desire for connection and being understood is not a bad thing. I'm just thinking about how much is acceptable. How strong the need is supposed to be, and whether that is a weakness. Indeed I'm thinking about how to channel this. Journaling is one. And for most things, there are friends who'd want to hear about it. Still, my need to tell seems not easily satisfied.

I really appreciate your feedback, guys. I've never really talked about this and my friends accept my need for attention, so it's always been a thing in the background. Now I'm thinking that me being an only child, raised as a mommy's boy, had something to do with it. My mom and I would have this pattern since always where I would ramble about whatever was on my mind and she would listen every day with infinite patience.

@Shin So, keep my insights to myself and inhibit the impulse to tell people what's on my mind, unless it's clear that they can benefit, of course. The thing is, nobody really is dying to know that I did a little work on myself here, or had some musings about my entrepreneurial ambitions there, anyway. Seems like it would be handy to be okay without having to share.

@Shin Such as what, specifically? My idea was to try an outside-in approach, starting with behaviours, to get me more triggered and the motivations more clear. I take it you don't think that will work?