My sex life so far has been one of deep exploration. It has been a way for me to experiment with different states, sensations, emotions, capacities, roles and such. But more so than experiement its been a way to grow... find an push boundaries, take down walls. This has happened through pain play, role play, shibari, submission, domination, among other things, somtimes going into the extreeme. Seeking discomfort can have a postive impact on ones life. This has been my personal development before I even knew what it was.
After many years of developing myself with psychedelics, therapy, healing, research, following Leo since the beginning, books etc and finally realizing the truth (that I am not my thoughts, feelings, sensations or story)-I see where some of the urges came from. The ego wanting to affirm some untrue beleifs I had about myself. Many of the destructive desires, power play type games have subsided since coming to realize what I really am... But I still cannot imagine myself having a purely vanilla sex life and enjoying it. My mind still wants to try new things, Now that thing is tantra, as it is still non conventional but non destructive.
I wonder if experience seeking will leave me unhappy, or if I should embrace my naturally explorative side. I´m not sure how to feel about at this point in my evolution. If my view on sex is skewed. For now i am keeping to myself while i figure this out.
I welcome perspectives. Thanks
