Healingheart

I feel better. I always feel better in the evening. I have meditated for more then 2 hours today. The feeling I have now is good. I have compassion for people who've done terrible things. I wish I could be feeling like this on a daily basis. All these anger is making me unhappy. I'll do some stretching and I'll go to bed.

Almost everytime I wake up I feel depressed, even when I go to sleep happy. If I reflect on my dreams, I see why. I have these dreams where nobody takes me serious and people don't listen to what I'm saying. I'm going to take some time reflecting on this and then try to do some affirmations. Law of attraction.

I'm doing better. I decided to get rid of addictive apps on my phone. My consciousness is better. But now, I feel this feeling of emptiness. The truth is that the past can't be undone. That I never had and never will get the unconditional love from my mother. I built this denial system in my brain. It's slowly collapsing. Slowly realizing the truth. This is hard, extremely hard. The feeling of emptiness. The feeling of ''what now''. It is best to take the time. Time to really feel that deep sadness. It'll be hard. I'll get pass this.

I'm having a huge setback in terms of my development. I saw myself binging on youtube, instagram, facebook. This while Laying in bed. I tried to be aware of myself, seeing that I was just escaping reality. Feeling a lot mind fog -> unconsciousness. It is a setback, but I'm aware of it. As I said to myself before, I will get myself out of this hole. Let's start by being conscious. By taking it easy.

Hey guys, I'm a guy very low on the Maslow Pyramid. So the thing I will discuss is probably not a problem for you guys haha. So I'm going to a nlp therapist a few months now. And I'm beginning to get flashbacks and emotions I've hided for many years. For example : anxiety. I thought I didn't have social anxiety anymore since I rarely felt anxious. Today I went to the gym. I felt anxious for the first time in years. When I entered the gym I felt no anxiety. I did feel a huge drop in awareness. I couldn't concentrate and I was being angry at people, judging them. Conclusion: Anger is in this situation a defensive mechanism. Low conscious is a way to not having to deal with emotions. Finally I understand wy Leo is saying ''raise your awareness''

Hello guys, I would love to hear your opinion about this. A few weeks ago I took mushrooms for the first time (paddo's). I had a panic attack at the end of the trip. I thought I was going to die. Now a few weeks later I sometimes have this pressure on my chest. This comes and goes away. Today after my daily strong determination sit, after hard concentrating. I felt a bit anxious. But it went away. 20 minutes ago I went outside to go to the gym and I felt a panick attack coming. I didn't know what I was anxious for. Only thing I could think of was fear of death. It's crazy cause as a small child I thought about death a lot and since then I rarely thought of it again. Now it's rising up. How can I deal with this? What is your experience? Peace

Hey guys! I've been following actualized for almost a year now. I've been trying to meditate for 9 months. And it has been a almost daily habit. While I meditate I feel a lot of small muscles moving and then relaxing in my upper body. My awareness improves, I feel emotions. So it helps. But... my body closes directly and I feel stressed again. I can feel good in the evening and I wake up all stressed up. My stomach and heart region all tensed up. (I'm going to nlp therapy for over two months and it helps.) Had a lot of trauma in the past and used all kind of defensive mechanics to hide the truth for myself. Now the question is: Has somebody else got experience with all the backlash of meditation. It's like I can't be relaxed for a longer period. It takes so long.

@PsiloPutty Thanks for the reply. Just being impatient. Meditation helps but in the long run.