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Eating light will reduce your sleep quota. When we eat, we are getting energy, but also we are using up a lot of that energy in digestion and related processes. What you eat should depend on what you do throughout the day. Eat heavy meals only if you do heavy physical exercise or farming. Eat more fruits, dry fruits. There is a set way to eat them, over a period of time, your sleep quota will reduce. ALSO: Try being present. Thinking is another activity that uses up your energy. Meditate and focus on whatever is in front of you.

Here's one thing I've learned from Ramit Sethi. Figure out what is the most important thing for you. What do you really really love spending time on, what matters to you. Perhaps those would be one to three things. Splurge on those 1-3 things. Be miserly in the rest. It is very rewarding. Example: I love to read and learn. I dislike going to weddings. So I'd spend a lot on expensive books than a wedding dress. I've noticed I like people who notice what I'm thinking v/s those who notice what I'm wearing. I also like going for walks in nature, so I've spent a lot on expensive pair of shoes, but very cheap shoes that go with party wear. I hope that makes sense? Also, there are no shoulds and should-nots in emotions. It is for you to figure out why you feel guilty. But do not buy things out of guilt any more than not-buying something out of guilt. Guilt should not be a factor in buying things. Joy should be.

@Thought Art To become goalless.

Also, consider cooking and cleaning as an investment to your life and health instead of a chore. Try paying extreme attention while you do and it may become a meditative experience.

I work about 8 hours a day. I cook for myself and my family. And do house hold cleaning chores. I also exercise, read, write everyday. I don't watch television or socialize much as there's very little time left. I eat one cooked meal a day. Haven't eaten cooked meal recently due to hot weather. But here is something that is quick and easy. Breakfast: Fruits, dry fruits or smoothies. No need to cook. Lunch: Khichdi, rice & dal, pasta, rava upma, rava uttappam, etc. (these are Indian dishes, I'm in India) Khichdi is the most efficient dish I could cook. whenever I'm short on time, which is like 3-4 days a week, I make khichdi. Add vegetables to it. It is filling and extremely healthy. I don't have anything post lunch. If I'm hungry, I have fruits again.

I'm no health expert. But I've been off sugar for days, weeks, months at a time. Not consciously trying to control my sugar intake. It is just that I don't have sugar cravings often. Or junk food cravings. This happened automatically when I started feeling good about my life. (This stage has come by doing a few years of mental and emotional cleansing). I get cravings only when my blood sugar level drops below a certain level. Then I eat dates, dry fruits, fruits to combat that. Sometimes I use jaggery or honey as a sugar replacement, but I don't really have a sweet tooth so that is in rare cases. And the cravings usually go away. I eat a ton of fruits and dry fruits daily. Today I had half a kg of apples and a couple of sweet lime. I'm in India and the weather here is pretty hot these days. Eating light keeps my body cool. So have skipped cooked meals few days now. Feels good. I would also suggest you pay attention to how you feel AFTER you eat something. If it feels good, eat it again, if it doesn't, don't. Pay attention to how your body feels, not how your mind feels. Your body is your teacher. Your mind a cranky toddler.

10-03-2021 I am just out of the shower and my head was filled with stuff I need to do. And more stuff I need to do. It is funny how the list in my head grows bigger and bigger the more tasks I do. I thought of M and how she is making my life miserable. Perhaps she could help with some of these tasks. But it is not my job to. She just dumps all the tasks on me. Perhaps I could quietly keep doing them as much as I can. How long? I don't know. I have noticed she takes my silence and my willingness to do the tasks as a weakness. She also thinks I'm not to smart to notice. So my head is filled with M and her behaviour. I need to clear my head. Perhaps it is time to meditate. I have so many things to do today, I hope I can get some clarity on where to begin when I meditate. I close my eyes and notice the blankness in front of my eyes. It is only a couple of seconds before M pops up in my head again, yelling and arguing over inconsequential matters. Then I see J, and S and N and B and all those people who should be supporting me and my work, instead they are discouraging. Or lying. I see M again. I notice my mind creating fake conversations with her over and over again. I also notice that my mind is only thinking of people who have hurt me. That makes me laugh. I laugh while meditating. The absurdity of it all. I wish to forgive M. For all that she has done in the past, for all that she is doing now and for all that she will be doing in the future. I don't know, perhaps I have hurt her in the past or I'm hurting her now. And if I am, I don't know how to stop. I just wish to forgive her. What do I do to forgive her? "You must forgive her with your actions and words, not just with your thoughts. You must let her behave the way she wishes to, but not get too entangled with it. Forgive her and ignore her at the same time." I feel too much of self-pity. And I cry whilst meditating. And I laugh that I'm crying at things I cannot change. People that I cannot change. It has been a while I've cried. Life hasn't given me space to cry recently. So I cry for a few seconds. It feels good. Now I need to list all the tasks I need to do. How do I forgive M? How do I undo anything I might have done to her in some remote past that I don't remember? How do I forgive myself for doing whatever I did, so I don't have to go through this again? I have so much to do, and then this more added task! "To forgive someone, you must go easy on them. You must begin afresh. As if you are meeting them for the first time. Renewed. Without the hurtful memories. To forgive yourself, you must go easy on yourself. You must look at yourself with fresh new eyes. You cannot forgive anything by trying to overwork or strain yourself. If you love yourself, you must do whatever you can, then leave the rest. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. As for the in surmountable task list you have, you must stop looking at life as a chore. Life is an experience. If you are looking at it as a chore, you are missing the point. " I feel so good after hearing this, kind of relaxed, as if a whole boulder has been lifted from my shoulders. I think of actualized.org and how I could document things there. So here I am.

I have been journaling regularly for the past 4+ years in a regular handwritten physical journal. Sometimes there are voices I write in which are not mine, yet they are mine, or I don't know. Sometimes these voices say the utmost simple things which stun me and shock me. Over the period of years, I've a collection of 10+ long hand journals. I underline things which I think are important, but sometimes it is hard to document these voices pop up in the middle of me doing something. That insight is then gone and lost in the ether forever. So I'm going to try and collect some of them here as a way of reminding me. Life is busy and I'm not sure how regularly can I document these insights. I hope to be consistent. Some of the things I write might be extremely personal. And so I would be using single letter names to protect their privacy and remain anonymous. If anyone is reading any of my journal entries, and wishes to chime in, feel free to. The underlined words are the insights and the rest is just me blabbering.

I am fairly new to meditation. I do not follow any music or guidance for meditation, I just sit with my eyes closed and remind myself to focus on the blankness in front of my eyes. Sometimes thoughts come by, mostly it keeps me focused. Around 15-20 minutes into the meditation, there is a sort of a click or a shift and I see some sort of circles forming in between the area of my eyes. They are either zooming in or zooming out. They sometimes have images in them, but mostly they are just fuzzy shapes. This state is like a trance, though I think it doesn't last very long. My question is - is this something related to meditation or am I dozing off mid meditation? And what are those fuzzy circles and shapes. They are rather fast though, I find it hard to keep up with them if they have any images in them.

Shoe Dog by Phil Knight

Yes. Used to. Realized it is because you feel judged by their presence. Try to remind yourself that you do not have to look at yourself the way they look at you. And everytime you're going in their presence, remind yourself, you are not what they think of you. Repeat it everytime. Just a reminder.

Back story: I've been in a very toxic relationship once. That was my one and only relationship and I've never dated anyone since or before. It has been 7 years being single now, and I knew I had to fix a lot of issues in myself to avoid attracting another toxic relationship. I've thought about what I want to do in life and how I wish to live and what kind of relationship I want, and I'm unwilling to compromise on it. I wish to pursue awareness work and that would mean the person I choose to be with, must be walking in the same direction. This poses some problems, because I'm not sure how to go about looking for such guys, or should I even bother? I'm fine being single all my life. The reason I'm posing this question is to understand if I'm probably just projecting my past on all relationships? Or is it me being too picky? A lot of guys who show interest in me want to earn a lot of money and live on a yatch and get famous etc. etc. and I do not wish to be onto that. Not that I'm judging it, but I'm not sure I am capable of taking joint decisions of any kind with someone who is walking in a different direction. I don't live in a place where dating is the norm, and I'm not very sure of arranged marriages. They are just like making a financial deal and it puts me off. So the question being: Have you guys wondered, if romantic relationships are worth pursuing at all? How did you come to your decision?

How do you guys manage setting up deadlines for yourself and sticking to them? What is the system you follow to handle very stressful deadlines and how do you ward other people off from putting up inhumane deadlines for you? Given that you're also into self realization work, meditation and personal development, do you find it all takes a back seat whenever a new urgent deadline pops up? How do you navigate this balance? And lastly, how do you enforce your boundaries so other people's agendas do not ruin your plans? Thanks a lot!

I've read and watched extensively about narcissists. From what you've posted, you do not really fit into the definition of a narcissist. However, you maybe a codependent. A codependent is someone who often worries about how other people perceive them, not necessarily trying to be better than others. If you are someone who goes out of your way to put others first, try to avoid conflict for fear of their reactions and have suppressed emotions because of fear of them being laughed at, you maybe a codependent. Look up videos on it and you can learn how to heal yourself. P.S. A narcissist never realizes they are a narcissist, unless someone officially diagnoses them. Even then, they are often in denial.

So over the past few years, trying out various things and methods of upgrading myself, I've come to realize something: I can come to like things I hate doing. In fact, I can come to even love them and look forward to doing them. Example: I disliked cooking very much. Situation forced me to cook, not only for myself, but for others in my family too. Initially I resented the situation, but when I realized it is not going to change, I'd rather do it joyfully than waste my mind over how awful it is that I have to do this. So I began experimenting, trying out new recipes, and watching cooking videos on YouTube. It has been 1.5+ years since, and I look forward to cooking everyday now. It is like one part of my day's purpose is cooking. I earn no money from it, however it brings me and those who eat joy. Another example: I used to have a triggering reaction to anything that had to do with finances. It had its roots in the way my handled money and the topic of finances, but once I realized I cannot change my family, I started studying personal finance everyday. For over a year, I read and studied the basics everyday for 30 minutes. I came to love it. I even started sharing what I learned with others. I attended seminars to know that very few people in the audience have even the 10% knowledge that I have. I suddenly felt I could learn anything. And be anything and teach anything. This has happened to me in a lot of things - doing dishes, cleaning bathroom, etc. I have found that the thing that determines if I love something or not is the investment of time, attention and effort I direct towards it. There is no special love in any thing. Which if you look at it is extremely liberating and at the same time, limiting. Things have become more objective, free of heavy emotions, I try to do what is necessary for me in the moment. But then I find there is a lot of things necessary. How do I choose or pick? Like I could spend 1 hour cooking a regular dish or spend 3 hours trying out a new one. I find I need to set limits to my creative expressions to a certain few things otherwise I'm spreading myself too thin in all things! I find this often applies to people- I spend more time and attention to someone, I start loving them, even parts of them I did not like much earlier. I'm not talking of romantic love, though this is also why I find it hard to date. And it kept me in a toxic relationship for a long time. I'm assuming this is a deeper issue for me than I see. And I maybe blinded in my beliefs. Any perspectives on this welcome!