zambize

Hope you feel better, it's great that you're willing to vent. I've often felt overwhelmed myself and it's nice to be honest with those emotions

Every teacher is unique, and is going to resonate with different techniques better or worse than other teachers. I wouldn't hold Leo using psychedelics, 5-Meo, or whatever other substances he has found against him, those are what resonate with him. If it works, it works. Psychedelics have worked wonders for a lot of people, and he just knows what he's doing with them. Math teachers teach math, science teachers teach science. Leo does seem to have his own subject he teaches that isn't necessarily a complete spiritual education, but I haven't gotten any other impression from Leo other than you should go try a variety of techniques and teachers

Goals day 12/66 I'm glad I didn't buy poptarts as I was feeling rather ravenous last night, I settled for the oranges I had bought. As far as emotional sensitivity which I would say is the primary goal of this 66 day set of goals is going rather well. I find myself surprisingly happy throughout the day and rather lucid and a lot gentler with myself. Like I definitely trust myself more than anyone to handle myself emotionally, significantly more. Enlightenment work has been non-stop for probably a couple months now. Having two distinct enlightenment experiences within a couple of months is a nice, "you're doing something right" for me. I saw some people talking about how masters did self-inquiry sun up to sun down, but like is there another option? There is just no way I couldn't be aware of the remaining resistance and suffering I feel, all day. It's right in front of me at all times, and I have to make sure I spend the proper amount of time each day working with the emotions that come out of this kind of training. I think enlightenment work emotionally can be a lot like riding a wave, you gotta get on and stay on. Some people seem to fall off at some point and the negative emotions pile up, and keep piling up, however because so much negative emotion has piled up it becomes daunting to process any of it at all. In this way it seems like some people can ride the wave of enlightenment while others just kind of get tossed around drowning and screaming in the wave of awareness that pushes forward

Wait did the trees say anything or was it more of an empathetic kind of connection?

Loyalist personality type, fear of looking like an idiot or saying something dumb, fear of not being good enough for my own standards or others, fear of not being able to be happy. Those are some of my egos fears, although as I've said, me and my anxiety are buddies so I ain't tryna be rude and kick him out

Maybe you're anxious about anxiety you're anxious about and it's just a big loop of being more and more anxious about more and more anxiety until it's so utterly debilitating that you want to die, and only that amount of surrender will set you free because you actually dont give a fuck if you die it's so bad

I think good Egoic development looks a lot like good parenting. This should make sense, I mean what is parenting but developing a child? I know I'm oversimplifying things a bit, but I think it's important to look at how good parents behave. To mimic their firmness with children within ourselves, to reward ourselves and set small goals like many parents do for their kids, to be firm and strict yet unquestionably loving with ourselves. Look to good parents and ask, what are they doing that I'm not? I think there is a lot to learn there. On a side note just talking about random shit in my life, the downstairs neighbor came up to pay for Wifi. My soon to be best friend Luci downstairs told that bitch she had to come up and pay and couldn't just have the password for free. Now I won't be losing money from Wifi :)) I feel kinda weird cause she mentioned that Joe and Mercedes downstairs were dating. I find this awkward because I told Joe he had to pay ahead of time because the last roommates stole Wifi money and were absolute bitches about it. I also told him he had to send the MAC Addresses of all his devices so I could make sure he didn't give the password out to anyone else without me seeing it on the Wifi settings. I'm glad I was firm here, because otherwise I know for sure he woulda just passed around the password, especially after I called his girlfriend a bitch and a thief. Maybe that was too much, but he messaged me asking me if he could pay 5 dollars for the password (my portion at the time was 24 dollars that I had to pay alone). I think I messaged him back telling him how stupid that was, I was certainly clear, probably a bit too rude. One thing I've been trying to do is not let anyone take advantage of me in any capacity. First of all, I don't like being taken advantage of. Second, why would I let someone use me to build habits of treating other people like shit? Silly silly

From my experience, these drugs usually uncover a lot of repressed emotion and shit in your life. If you are already in a bad mental place in your life be it depression/anxiety etc, I wouldn't recommend taking those drugs. It seems to me like you did a drug, then a bunch of repressed emotions and shit came up, and you didn't take the appropriate time to integrate that experience and deal with those emotions that popped up. Then you hoped maybe another trip would jumble things up again and maybe help get through that, but that will often just make it worse. I would personally not recommend doing an Ayahuasca ceremony, but I haven't done one personally. Just kind of thematically based off of what psychedelics do to me in general. I really think you should be looking at stuff like physical exercise, taking more walks outside, finding a creative outlet, journaling your emotions until you feel like you're in a better place and can do a ceremony like this. I know @Serotoninluv has experience with Ayahuasca, so I'll just @ him in case he has anything to add Hope you feel better <3

One thing i think you got going for you is that I do feel like our capacity to feel anxiety and terror is proportional to our ability to feel positive emotions. So even if you're getting butt blasted every night, your high-highs, when/if they come, will probably be nothing short of amazing

I'm not sure how confident you are going to be posting your more creative work when you labeled it a one, but it could be find of cool to see how that develops over time. Also if you're doing 2 hours upper body, that's insane, youd be able to rip me in half

I definitely feel like people are too ready to call on their limitations. We are much quicker to look for our limitations in order to be lazy than to look at our limitations and say, well how can I work around that. What can I still do regardless of this list of limitations? Something I'm working on personally I'll take square idio though, it's probably being a bit kind, I'm probably closer to an octagon

Goals day 11/66 I wasn't an idiot when I went shopping, so I have oranges instead of pop tarts. As far as emotionally connecting with people, it has gone really well but I think I'm running into a problem that is maybe a bit bigger this time around. This girl that I deal to seems to be trying a lot of stuff. Like she messaged me if 7:30 worked, which it did, but we aren't really friends, and she kind of forgot to mention what exactly she needed and what it was for, like it could be open to just hanging out. She did this in a lot of ways, like before she left she said "now I have a serious question to ask you", then she waited a couple seconds while I'm like "oh shit.", she ended up asking me if I thought her license plate would be fine w/o the sticker from the new year for a bit... I feel like she's not actually talking to me just probing reactions from me, I'm fine if people probe my personality and reactions, but it has to be part of a legit conversation. Otherwise I'm just a test subject having no fun She messaged me after saying she forgot to talk to me about X, which was nice, I'm happy to be her friend. No one enjoys shutting someone or something down, and if that has to happen I want to do so before it becomes painful for either party. Sometimes I have a tendency to kind of hope things will work out, when I know they won't. I don't want to pawn this off on, it'll work out, and kind of let her know I'm not really looking right now. Well now that my suffering is approaching 0 I kind of am starting to think about the kind of woman I'd like to be with and how a family would look with that relationship, but I still think that's a bit out there. Definitely not with this girl, as nice as she is I give myself an A- for my goals. Side Quest: I want to focus on the trees and the bees today. Yesterday I was looking at the ground and kind of was looking at all the bugs and shit working away, and thought to myself I had kind of forgotten about that world since I was in elementary school playing with ant hills. Going to try and connect with nature a bit more on my walks

Do you have experience with shrooms?

What kinds of things happened to you in your childhood if you dont mind talking about it?

I don't have anything smart to say, just think that was really well worded and think that is an especially valuable perspective for this community which does seem to lean masculine to be exposed to

This video on climates affect on culture, and subsequently people and politics a lot of good information in 7 minutes on kind of a sensitive subject

Your message also came off as insensitive to the situation, and while I didn't disagree with a lot of what you had to say, it just didn't seem like good advice given the situation. I also think he's just trying to give you some constructive criticism, you seem more offended by his words than interested in hearing about what someone who has a lot of experience with helping women in abusive relationships has to say. Instead you seem intent on making this more of a personal issue, your response wreaks of sarcasm, and you still haven't seriously considered his perspective (labeling it green ideology)

What time you planning to get to sleep if you're waking up at 5am crazy boy?

Hope you feel better, maybe you'll be happy you went through this one day as suffocating as it might be right now. At the very least it will help you sympathize with people going through the same, depression is actually very common so there certainly isnt anything wrong with you

How did getting closer to nature help you? It's been something I've been thinking about doing more of outside of the walks I take

Glad you're back <3

@Zetxil If I had my own vagina, my life would be much less complicated.... Anyways! I'm going to bitch about tipping culture. Not the fact that I have to do math every time I go out to eat, which is totally fine, but the fact that it kind of ruins one of the few genuine people to people interactions. It definitely doesn't feel the same for me when I know people are getting tipped based off of how nice they are to me essentially. I prefer people to just act how they want to act, if you want to be a bitch, be a bitch. But such a large percentage of your pay is based off of not being an absolute bitch. This sounds like a +1 for tipping culture, but I can usually see through this and still think they are a bitch who I still have to tip. I also think about older people, who might only get out of the house a couple times to go out to eat. It's a great opportunity for them to be social and maybe form some kind of short-lived but friendly conversation with the waitress/waiter. I don't like that they won't be able to tell if that is coming from their heart or if they are just doing it for the extra tips. Not everyone is a good job of people's intentions, so it's always going to be in the back of someone's mind when they see someone do something genuinely nice for them that they are just doing it for personal gain. ---------------------------------------------------- Goals day 10/66 I do need to go shopping so I'll do that right after I finish typing up this and look for some super healthy foods, or just try and stay away from what I actually want . As far as emotionally connecting with others, I really feel like I can have a conversation a lot better with just about anyone on the street. I can't really remember the last time me and a stranger had a bad conversation, although that seems hard to define. I continue to be a bit more expressive with my body, subconsciously. I've also been spending less time on the forums in general, I think a lot of the threads go in the useless category. It often feels like pre-K thinking if they understand a line or two from Calculus that they will somehow be further along than the other pre-K kids, but these people still gotta learn pre-K (and 1st-11th grade.....) You can't just skip 12 grades. I know cause if anyone has tried to do that in the past >>>>>me<<<<<<<. Shit don't work, learn what you gotta learn rn. Stick to the fundamentals

How will you use this information kind sir?

Coming out as awesome