zambize

Lot of questions, not all of them I'm going to answer. But your first one about "What's wrong with making a comment etc..." Nothing was wrong, I'm just pointing out to you that on the majority of threads, you aren't actually interested in having a debate. You continuously butt heads with trolls, and troll yourself meanwhile. What I'm trying to say is it might not be just them, it's the way you come onto threads and just make comments with what seems to be zero thought. You literally said he doesn't know what he's talking about, and that's it. ????? There's a reason you have issues with a lot of people, and I'm just letting you know I think it's because you come off as arrogant and don't seem to put any thought into helping other people. Err as far as me having screw loose, probably, Idk I journal it from time to time, if you got anything to say about me I'd love to hear it though just make yo claim

You came onto this thread and said "@kieranperez wilber doesn't know what he's talking about " That's just not a discussion to me. "But you had to make it personal." >>> but also you "You're a few biscuits short of a barrel" ???????? You have like five unanswered comments from him? What are you expecting from this for you and for him? It honestly looks like you just threw a fit and I'm honesty surprised mods didn't take over for thread-hijacking

Mostly Post Trip Journal So core to this trip was really self-love, as in some way every trip is. I think one thing I've been journaling about a lot recently is how I've felt a strong desire to start looking around romantically for myself. But I really need to do a good job at sorting what is a genuine desire to have a relationship with someone else, and what is supplementing for my own inadequacies. I put the note to myself about putting lotion on. It doesn't sound like much but the lotion is just for me. I just like how it makes my cloths feel against my skin, and also just my skin in general, fuck everyone knows why they like lotion. But anyways, it occurred to me while putting it on how thoughtless I was about it and how it had just kind of become part of the routine. It's one of the few times of the day where I very deliberately put care into myself for no other reason than it matters to me, and yeah I don't know, I'm just letting some self-care come out of routine when it can only come from the heart. I think there are tons of ways in which I can improve my life by being more deliberate in my self-love, and conscious during my expressions of it. Part of me still associates self-love with loving the image of yourself in your mind, and it's probably going to take some time to fully feel comfortable with showing myself the love I have.

I actually tried, it's so unintelligible. I go on such intense emotional experiences and then I'll read back to get a sense of how well someone else might be able to get a picture of what I'm talking about, and I just know its not going to hit anything. I think that's going to be a passion of mine, bringing these experience down to earth, but right now I'm just not there. Like I just can't keep track of what sub-arguments I'm working on etc for anything meaningfully long. What I will say is that I think there are two parts of the path. One where your fears exhaust you, and one where you exhaust your fears. I'm feeling pretty strong, and my fears know where to find me. I do really want to talk about self-love though, uhh especially me putting on lotion (future note for me)

Goals Day 29/66 I'm going to do a tab of acid mixed with 1.5 grams of shrooms, I want to see if the mix helps for whatever reason. I'll probably be walking around a lot today, shall see what I'm in the mood for. Would be nice to really connect with nature today

Glad the trip all worked out

If you're an idiot dont say anything

Because there have been many masters who have claimed to have powers and abilities to just kind of blow people over and fight them from a distance that have gotten that absolute shit beaten out of them in a real fight For Example

@Zigzag Idiot That picture is pretty spot on what I was imagining <3 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals Day 27+28/66 Okay so I ate a quart of cookies and cream ice cream but Eddy's just does that flavor really well so what was I supposed to do.... This is my mini one week vacation before I start work, I'm probably going to smoke a lot of weed and see some friends. I could also do an acid/mushroom trip and go outside. I'm totally doing that weather permitting, I live in Wisconsin and yesterday it snowed but any other day it could go up to like 60-70. It's a surprise. Enlightenment work is going well, sometimes my emotional body just feels invincible. I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to like seriously suffer again, in this life of course. I always end up suffering again, I'm definitely not there yet. Seems like people can only salt your own wounds, and while it's kind of being a fucking dick to salt other people's wounds if all they are going to do is suffer from it, I have really appreciated people making me lonely, making me upset. making me feel uncomfortable etc. Those are the situations that help me grow. That's not to say I make those people my friends, but I appreciate those people in the world. Also in case there is reincarnation, it may be like having to book a seat on a flight, if you don't say anything you just get random so I'm going to take the time to type out my request I'll have to make a priority list in case a few aren't open 1. Killer Whale 2. Regular Ol' Dolphin 3. Wolf 4. Hawk 5. Tiny cute monkey I was just kind of fucking around but I think it's interesting I mostly thought of social animals that are considered predators and have pack like behavior. That's probably my own current need for socialization speaking. Also I picked animals that have a lot of freedom in terms of movement. I think that's what always appealed to me about being a bird, I like spaciousness and not feeling confined in any ways. I'm sure I'd feel confined as a bird in my own way, but it's harder to see that looking up in the sky with two feet on the ground. I don't really have an explanation for tiny cute monkey, maybe that I really want to feel loved and I know bigger monkeys are kind of douche bags to each other so I was hoping being a tiny cute monkey would make everyone want to handle me with care <3 Grade B+ cause I can't eat a whole thing of ice cream and get away with it unscathed, still worth. My GPA goes down a bit though

People learn more through observation than being told what to do, so when they observe you acting like an asshole telling them to be more loving, you're being counter-productive

@mandyjw Thank you, the interview went really well, also coincidentally I think I've already posted that Lana Del Rey song in this journal haha ----------------------------------------------------- Goals Day 26/66 More and more flickering into a more non-dual state throughout the day. Job interview went really well, I knew I really liked the owner of the company already, but it also looks like the manager I'll be working with seems really nice. Gives good eye-contact, kind of treats me like I'm actually another human being. More than meat. Apparently he has like two kids and left his last job and took a pay cut for this one because he liked the work environment, so I'm excited to work with this guy. We also both seem like we attack problems in the same way. That starts like either next Thursday or Monday, depending on what he emails me. I'm mostly excited and slightly nervous because everyone's expectations are pretty high for me. I don't see any reason I can't meet them, but it's still pressure that I'm not sure if I like or not. We will see, I'll try to kick ass and see what happens. Until then I have a mini summer which I'm excited about Grade A, cause I got the job. Also my crown chakra been lit up last couple of days, usually it's kind of rare to start really radiating but it's really quite common now. I don't look much into the chakras other than something to kind of talk about what sensations are going on in my direct experience and where. Also, Indie hype continues for me Side note: Wouldn't it be tragic if every one of your conceptual insights about enlightenment occurred before a direct experience was about to occur? Like your mind is just holding onto insights that it knows will distract you from your direct experience. So you're meditating and meditating and anytime you get too close to directly experiencing your ego in a way in which it doesn't want you to look at it, it throws some "genius" insight about the inner-workings of reality with zero evidence but your crusty ass gets distracted and thinks about how fucking profound of an insight you just had when it was just the voice in your head/bullshit getting in the way of an actual direct experience. Same shit with pleasurable sensations. You gotta let that shit go, don't stop to try and catch happiness with your hands during meditation. You can get as distracted repressing emotions as you do clinging to good sensations, all of it has to go

You must revolt against your strict family, down with them.

Cause your friends will feel pain, I'd suffer greatly if one of my friends committed suicide and so will yours if you do. You dont have to think they exist or know any conceptual bull shit, if you can suffer, so can other people possibly. I dont even agree with half the ideas you have, language fucking sucks for describing any of this anyways. Trust in how you want to live your life, you seem like a nice guy who is just going through some troubled waters, give it a couple weeks of you being you unforgivably and see from there Also I definitely feel like I exist on some level, or am etc and suffer from the same solipsism from time to time. Its completely normal

@mandyjw if your god ever tells you to kill me come to me first you're lucky you get him sending you shit and talking to you, I just get silence, love, and the occasional hug from old man good for nothing god --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Goals day 24+25/66 Had the friend I wanted to see hit me up yesterday. I'm really excited to see her and it's nice to know my friends want to be around me, especially this one cause she's such a sweetheart to me. I think it's cause she get bad anxiety attacks, and that left a bit of a soft spot for looking out for how other people are doing mentally. Also I have a job interview in a couple of hours, low-key tempted to take a bong hit before I go in just to make it fun, but I need money so I won't do anything too reckless. There's also kind of high expectations on me here, so I gotta go in and preform, I'm pretty damn good in these situations so I'm expecting everything to work out well, but we will see. Finally, this song is so cute and he does a cute little dance I've been getting into random indie songs a bit more

I would just keep making sure that is infarct the future you want, we change over time and so will what you want. Don't get stuck chasing something because you also have, just make sure you're flexible and you should be fine with planning as far ahead as you like

By improve I mean a lot of the points you've made, taking calves away from mothers and killing them, nonstop pregnancies, etc. Standards of living for the animals. I think there is a lot of unnecessary suffering, and I'll definitively be taking time on my own to consider my choice knowing the conditions at a lot of farms. That being said, I don't this is a situation that ends in a bunch of cows and calves roaming around in sanctuary farms. even though it's heart warming to see people show so much love for animals. There are apparently 94.4 million cows in the U.S., and if there wasn't a market for their meat or dairy, I can't imagine more than a few tens of thousands of them being kept in sanctuaries or as pets. The population of cows is tied to their financial viability. That's not to say we shouldn't end the dairy/meat industry if they are causing a lot of suffering, but I think it's important to see that this cycle ends with just about every single cow dying, and whether that happens over a couple years or a couple decades, people want dogs not cows, and enough dogs already die because they are unwanted. As far as it being an assumption on my part, of course it could be. We are different kinds of animals with different social needs and ways of experiencing reality, it's as much of an assumption that they are calm as it is that they are suffering in the same way humans. It was just a general sense based on how animals seem to me when they are calm, but of course I could have misread the situation

AHhh lot of questions. I'm not sure on a lot of it, it was more of a general sense of being a good farm in that the animals looked happy and comfortable. They had good outside space and their indoor facilities were clean. As well as an intuitive sense that the farmers actually cared about their animals. They probably do artificially inseminate although I have no idea, I watched a cattle artificial insemination to try and get a sense of how the animal felt about it. It seemed moderately uncomfortable, but nothing more than kind of shifting around, and it was all done rather quick. I'm curious as to if that's done in a really harmful way sometimes or there are other reasons against that, but it seemed pretty mild compared to some stuff I've seen from farms As far as taking calves away from mothers, I also don't know, it's not something you ask farmers. Looking it up online it seems like 20% or so of farms will kill off the baby males, although it was really hard to find a good number cause it's kind of a "dirty secret" apparently. I think also when I consider what happens if the dairy industry just dies overnight. It's not like those animals are going to be kept as pets, and they won't survive out on their own. If a dairy farm closes tomorrow because they aren't making money, those cattle are just going to be slaughtered or shipped off to another dairy farm, rinse and repeat. On one hand, it ends a cycle of being raised for slaughter, and on another, it would just lead to an extermination of basically every domestic cow. I think that's part of the reason I lean towards wanting to improve the industry, instead of just shut it down completely What have I gotten myself into 0-o only for you I guess <3

Enlightenment work is just playing red rover red rover, you're love running into your fears and each time you are successful he joins your team like in red rover I looked up an image to make sure it was the game I was thinking about and it's pretty cute so I'll post it too. I hope he just plowed them all over

That would be awesome if something came out of that, especially for the kid @DrewNows nothing paranormal unfortunately, just good intuition. Thank you though, I'm glad you think so

I doubt that's been done much in history Haha

Well I'm glad you turned out the way you did. I'm definitely going to continue to learn how to develop that yearning in other people, to show what an emotionally deep relationship can be like without making someone who hasn't had those relationships uncomfortable can be challenging. When I joined this forums, I actually thought you were pretty wee-woo and stayed too far away from more logic oriented points, like over-compensating for your intellectual bias. You seem to have really balanced it out recently at least from my limited perspective, I think it's cool that people can make changes even later in life. Gets me excited for my journey. Anyways, keep killing it, thanks for the reply <3

I was outside thinking about how I was pretty grateful that I was born naturally gifted in a couple of ways, and had all the tools I felt I needed to do whatever I wanted. As I was thinking it I saw like a little sticker on a car window "Built For Your Success". Enjoyed the chills from that, even if there is absolutely zero deeper significance. I can dissolve into reality a lot better in public, my emotional wounds are mostly closed as well, which feels really good. A- cause

Because I think the dairy industry can and is often done right, I grew up in a more rural town where there were a lot of farmers, and seeing the way they treat their animals and cared for them made me feel like there is a place for the industry. It's complicated because there are farms that I feel treat their animals well and I'm comfortable buying milk from them, and also farms that don't look after the well-being of their animals. I think this is why it's kind of a sticky issue for me, because in practice you can't separate the two. I'm certainly buying milk from both people that abuse their animals, and people that take really good care of their animals. I would say overall my choice is based on a mix between being exposed to what I saw as healthy farming and also that I just really like dairy and it's an important part of my diet. It's something I'm still thinking about, I definitely want to limit the suffering I cause others, but me wanting to live will kill others. Even going vegetarian, there are animals that are going to die when they are kicked out of their homes in place of a farm field to grow vegetables. So I really see all methods of nutrition as something that will end up in the suffering or death of some other creature, and see dairy as one of the better methods. I live in a state which revolves around it a bit, so I definitely have my bias but that's a rough idea

I really like what he says at 12:00 about relationships, he's got some good points spread out

I think it's interesting how the ego inflating its self-image makes it harder to admit our flaws and imperfections. It's like it builds us up to be something greater than we are just to use the fear of accepting the fact that we aren't that great against us during exploration of our awareness. In this way the ego is certainly a master tactician, I would be fucked if not for the illusory nature of the egos threats. All bark no bite. Every fear, every shitty thought, every bit of self-hate will be used against you in self-inquiry to shake you off the bull. I've had times where I would just think like really racist words, and I couldn't figure it out at all. I realized I was more likely to say or think those especially bad thoughts after feeling a burst of anxiety or whatnot. However, the ego doesn't want you to directly observe your anxiety, because if you do it will turn into love/awareness and be kind of reclaimed. But my mind will like throw a smoke bomb and I'll be cut up thinking "why am I having these thoughts?" "I'm not racist am I?" "uhhhh". Cut up thinking about shit that doesn't matter when the real job at hand has nothing to do with these thoughts and I should just be doing my self-inquiry. Be prepared to accept literally anything your ego can throw at you, because if it finds something that it can use to distract you or make you repress reality, it will use it over and over and over and over and over again until you deal with that thought and the emotions that come with it. ANYTHING THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. I also don't want to paint ego as this evil tyrant that you have to be scared of, but it has its tricks you gotta know