zambize

I wouldn't say you store how much consciousness so much as you have barriers against it that get removed and make it seem like you've gained something, but you already had it. I also don't really like the word storage in the first place

Well there are many ways, I'll give you one tip that was helpful for me. I taped up a piece of loose leaf paper to my bedroom door with literally just three sentences on what I'm about as a reminder so every time I leave for work or go to the bathroom, I'm reminded what my purpose is and what I'm about. Maybe you could do the same on your door and have something along the lines of these which I just looked up on a site. I deserve to be happy and successful I have the power to change myself I can forgive and understand others and their motives I can make my own choices and decisions I am free to choose to live as I wish and to give priority to my desires I can choose happiness whenever I wish no matter what my circumstances I am flexible and open to change in every aspect of my life I act with confidence having a general plan and accept plans are open to alteration It is enough to have done my best I deserve to be loved Anyways pick and choose, there are other things you could be doing but that's my small tip. Find a way to remind yourself throughout the day who you are or who you want to be, hope that helps, self esteem is so important and sexy (to me) so rock it, I think you're a pretty cool dude (or God D:)

Concepts are concepts, we can go in circles all day and get nowhere D:

Yeah I think the crazy thing is you don't have to believe in them to have them, I still have skepticism despite all this and I like that. I just keep an open mind, I do listen to them though or try to extract meaning if only for shits n gigs

Yeah I had some psychosis and loneliness after some early enlightenment experiences. I had just about maximally narcissistic thoughts, I wanted to be the most advanced person spiritually to have ever lived. Well it's not to say I had that deep desire but those are the kinds of thoughts I had. I had this limiting belief and still do a bit but I see the idiocy in it that if I allowed myself to be too happy I would become complacent in my progress. This isnt true, as I love myself more and more I've become a better person in life, to other people, on these forums, everywhere and I feel like I have almost limitless spiritual willpower. I spend almost every waking moment working through repressed emotions and having a lot of fun doing so. Maybe you see no value in socializing because you think that all there is to do is churn out spiritual practice and get more and more insights and shit, but value doesnt exist, you can assign value if you want but its just a word and not something fundamental to the universe. The world is your sandbox and your free to pursue whatever you want, seeking enlightenment is a choice. In terms of your huge ego, I still have one, and it may be even bigger. But it's not taken seriously, and if it ever gets in the way of my desires to love and self actualize, it gets pulled back. But I don't try to cover up its narcissistic thoughts, I cant choose my thoughts or desires and neither can you. Let those thoughts pour out and they will correct themselves over time, if you have this attitude of this big bad ego, then everytime you have an egoic thought, you push it away and never give it a chance to work itself out, same with emotions. I'm by no means advanced but I really sympathize with a lot of what you said, and I really think you're on the right path. Let your thoughts and emotions work themselves out however seemingly terrible or egoic, I still think about slitting my throat every once in a while. Also your relationships get better, all of mine have, it's just a phase. You're not crazy, you're aware of the crazy, and it seems like you're on the right path

I rewatched that show in college haha, no shame I enjoyed it like I was still a kid. I am still a kid actually, so that would make sense. I get chills when I read these stories, what was your reaction to this? Were you like, yeah there is something more to the universe, or did your mind try to play it off?

That's insane, I'm glad my story didn't involve me getting in a car accident, I think I prefer non car accident related synchronicities for now. Thanks for sharing!

One thing on the note of feeling what you authentically feel about a situation is that I've found some questions helpful get me unstuck. "What am I hiding from myself?" "What is wrong with this moment in my opinion? What would I change?" These questions often reveal embarrassment and other kind of subtle emotions that I've kind of pushed off to the side because I naturally repress them a bit. You can do this for thoughts too, I've never not been deluded as far as I can tell so every time I realize I'm deluded and find a thought I've been hiding from myself, I think, well what's next, I've been deluded my whole life, I'm still deluded, lets figure out how. This attitude has helped me tremendously

I don't think there are many areas where thats a common occurrence, hopefully D:

I wish I could say it was another random video, but I can't. I had the thought about my synchronicity story earlier today around when you uploaded,must've been really close to when you uploaded tbh, and when I saw your video in my recommended it send chills throughout my body, so thank you for that haha also you didnt share your synchronicity jerk

Sounds like something worth trying for me, we'll see how it goes, at worst it's an excuse to get a bit drunk haha

When I get the chance, Ill be watching that video for sure, or at least a large portion of it as I have a lot of spare time traveling atm, thank you

I appreciate these last few days on the forums where people haven't been at each others throats over each others ideas/theories/conceptualizations etc

This journal is inspired by Joseph Maynor, who I have realized is far further along the path than myself, he has multiple journals on here with far more quality content than I foresee having for a long time. Nevertheless, for those who would like to follow my journey. Journal Entry 1 As I found this "I amness" manifesting as a strange bodily sensation, I followed it. It squirms, further and further away out of my sight. I follow it, a little bit further it nervously moves, I understand the practice. I feel an itch, no on dares complain. Reading Joseph Maynor's content on Coral vs. Yellow humbled me, I'm a bitch sometimes

Thank you and good luck! You're not alone in this so if new shit pops up or you need help, you should make another post in the future. It's nice to be able to work on this kind of stuff together

Absolutely would, please don't throw me in prison

I can only answer what it seems like to me. Two things kind of come to mind, first is a belief that a particular emotion is negative. I'm just kind of programmed seemingly to not want to feel my anxiety, and to not want to feel my embarrassment. It's like I believe subconsciously that if I push it to the side, I'm saving myself from suffering. But this refusal to accept the suffering causes this tension and lack of awareness which takes a toll on me. So I think a combination of having an emotion your ego doesn't like, and refusing to feel that emotion

I'm so sorry that I'm in Florida and can't join in too much until the 15th, I'll try to make some healthy choices on vacation and document them in our little group journal we got (which I'm actually really excited about). When I get home, it's full steam though, this is going to be a kickass journal

I agree, we are so often ready to point the finger at people who dare say something like this, but it's true and it should be this way imo. We know our own suffering more than anyone else, we all have to manage our own suffering, we are the only ones that really can. If you fail to manage your own suffering, you make others suffer. It's beautiful to me that being selfish is often the least selfish thing you can do paradoxically

Start a group journal around workout/nutrition for me and you haha

I really think you have to meet her, talk with her, show her some love. Maybe the mother is at fault too, but you have to end the cycle. I don't think you're a bad person, there are so much nastier people out there than you. Are you afraid of going there because you don't want to confront the potential damage you've caused to this little girl's life? Are you afraid that she will get attached to you as a father and you just won't be able to step up to the plate and be the father she needs? Do you think she is better off without you? These are hard questions you have to ask yourself, sometimes I notice that when I don't feel the desire to do something that I know I want to want to be doing, it's because of conflicting desires or concerns like these. I think you have to deeply think about the consequences for you, the woman you got pregnant, and the daughter, and exactly what you feel you need to do. On a side note, feeling bad about your past mistakes does no one any good. You can believe you're a shitty person, or you can believe you're not a shitty person, but at the end of the day all that matters is what you can be doing right this moment to start fixing this, because it's not going to go away. Eventually she will get old enough, and very likely resent you in the same way you resented your parents. Your dad is dead, and I'm really sorry for that loss, and that maybe that relationship didn't end the way you'd like, but you have a very real opportunity to not be that... You can be happy, your daughter can be happy, and I believe you can be at peace with your past. But you have to put things into motion

Yeah they really help each other, positive feedback loops are so nice. Improving one area of your life definitely makes me want to improve other areas of my life

I don't think I'd want to talk about spirituality with them, I'd like to see how they are on a personal level, I'd roll a joint if they smoke and talk about our non-spirituality related passions. They all have books and plenty of material out there for times when I want to learn theory, I'd be more interested in the stuff that doesn't get put into the books. I'm starting to feel theoried out a bit, there aren't really any questions I have that I want answered, just kind of working on surrendering more and more to the moment while pursuing my goals

You're a nut, don't ignore nutrition through all of this, although I wouldn't be surprised if you had already thought that out or are eating healthy

You looking to feel better or look better for the ladies?