zambize

I agree with what others have posted, your rise in conciousness has probably made you even more aware of the emotional pain you may have been repressing. Take it as a good sign that you've been heading in the right direction. But now you've got all this emotional pain to deal with. If self inquiry is a little bit extreme in terms of discomfort, maybe just seek to quiet down your life in general. Maybe where you once played video games or browsed the forums, you could replace this with mellow music from your favorite artist. You could slowly seek to slow down your life and limit the amount of distractions your ego has and approach this emotional pain in a more manageable way. Manageability is key, if whatever you are doing right now doesnt feel manageable for the rest of your life, you can slow it down and take it at your own pace

I appreciate the feedback <3. When we disagree, you should let me know, I feel like I havent had too many people disagree with me recently and it's good exposure training for me because I still cling to my worldview and it's nice to have it challenged

I actually dont know, I'm not that good at theory or vocabulary around enlightenment so I honestly hadn't heard of those two terms used. I can say there have been distinct changes in my life in regards to my awareness and how I perceive the world, I just dont know if those represent the same shift that the two terms you used point to D::

Saying theory is a trap is also theory, which is a trap. You're trapping us

You can have an existential crisis with or without meditating, trust me but that's not to say when we make big changes in our life, there isnt a bit of ego backlash. I think it's for you to judge how much change you've been making in your life, and whether you need to slow down, change directions etc. Also dont get hung up on there not being meaning, it's really not a particularly useful statement, as those same people say there isnt meaninglessness either. Its typically said to just emphasize that meaning is a relative truth created by the mind, so you're welcome to create meaning where you want to, or you're welxome to consider the world meaningless. That's on you, universe doesnt have anything called meaning but you're welcome to create your own. If you're genuinely happy, then just relax and live your life

Yeah weed can help me be aware of subtle emotions I wasnt aware of not on the drug, acid and shrooms same thing but in a different way and to an even larger extent. Those really light up your nervous system. If weed has worked wonders on you I'm curious on your stance on psychedelics, they could offer you a lot

"He is using an argument from ignorance fallacy." The mind loves when it has a chance to make up whatever it wants the answer to be when we don't have the answer or can't get the answer, I'm happy you pointed out that fallacy because it's so common

Well it seems like it's coming to a bit of a head recently, hopefully you find some relief soon

Says a bunch of gurus, you'll have to verify that no? Does shin know that shin will know the truth? You can't know that you'll know the truth unless you know the truth I would think. How can you know that you'll know something you dont know? I know that's really nitpicky but I fell into some similar traps of not verifying stuff in my own experience and taking peoples words on what stuff might be like, maybe you're not doing that, but it sure as hell was a trap for me

Well just cause if you became anything, you couldnt be everything. It's an irrelevant statement in my opinion. What you are aware of that you are is always going to be a subset of what you actually are no? Seems silly to stress about going from a subset to a full set, but it's natural for some people during their enlightenment process I guess

1/10 chance you become a fucking badass

I have a one piece analogy for you that I thought of when I saw your profile pic. You're zoro, and luffys ball of pain is self inquiry

How do you feel right now? Are you suffering in this moment at all or resisting anything? Would you consider yourself unconditionally happy? And those are just things I want, I guess I didnt get a sense of what you want from your post, so it's hard to tell you what you should do. Do you want to be happier, more aware of the present, better more genuine relationships with people, a life purpose? What do you want and what seems to be in your way of getting it? Also you seem like you've recovered well, that's great

I'd probably believe you based off your last 100 posts or so

I just wanted to let you know I appreciate the post, I think people often exaggerated how happy they are or are afraid to admit just how miserable they are. I think part of this is because they are afraid if they admit their life isnt perfect and they suffer, that the image of themselves as some emotional master would he tainted. Personally I've found it helpful to just say stuff like "I'm miserable and have no clue what to do" or "this is literally unbearable". I usually end up internally thinking, well it's not actually that bad, and then it doesnt seem so bad. But yeah, I think it's cool that you're willing to admit you're having a hard time, especially to others who are afraid to admit the same

Hopefully the pills dont lose effect over time, sounds like they are having an awesome effect on you

I talk to one of my friends about enlightenment work because he has some conceptual framework to understand the work I'm trying to do. To my other friends, we just talk about what's going on in our lives, play games, go out to eat etc. They have no clue that I spend a good chunk of the day doing enlightenment work, and that's perfectly fine with me. I'm lucky enough to have supportive friends, if they weren't supportive though, I'd never text them and ignore their invitations to go anywhere. This has happened a few times where I felt like I had to pull a few weeds for some flowers to grow. I also just dont really try to fix peoples lives in my day to day, which ironically has led to people confessing their issues to me more. Like they just had to get it off their chest and I'm not trying to shove advice down their throat, which their ego likes, so they can get through a lot of their own issues without me having to say shit. I prefer this. I go out to lunch with a local business leader who I would consider a friend and I just sip on soda and listen to his problems for a decent portion of the lunch. It's very therapeutic to him, and I get lunch and stories.

That's my boyfriend, back off bitch

Well I'm sorry you ended up on the butt end of so many jokes. Friends can be little shits. One of my best friends for around 14 years or so at the time tried to get my girlfriend at the time to suck his dick, and when I was nice enough to chalk it up to him being drunk, he messaged her again four months later same thing. He did it again once we broke up, which me and my ex who are very close friends basically laughed at how unbelievably stupid he was, and how bad of a friend he was. While this was the worst of my friends I cut out of my life, I cut out probably 4/6 of my serious childhood friends. Which today is kind of what laid the foundation for the core friends and relationships in my life today. I'm not saying you have to go cutting out friends, but if you arent happy with how you're treated or feel around any of them, dont hang out with them. All of my relationships with my friends are open, and I've made it clear that I need them to care about me and my life in order for me to want to be around them. So yes, my friends were supportive, but I also pick supportive people to be around. I have a very high standard for people I let into my personal life, being an emotionally vulnerable person this important to me. I hope you find or have found some friends who arent dicks, they can be nice to have around

Well call me a sharp shooter for getting all three. One thing that helped me was being open with my friends and anyone important to me that my personality tends to be pretty dynamic, that I'm into personal development and making changes in my life, and that they shouldn't always expect the same person in every way when we see me next. This has helped because now a lot of conversations after I haven't seen these people in a while touch on all the changes I've been making in my life and gives me an opportunity to express myself for who I am, sitting there that day. Maybe that's not how you will practically apply that knowledge, but I do hope if this is something that is bothering you, that you do seek out practical ways to transform your life

Today I decided I was going to "schedule" an acid trip, and by that I mean I had a rough idea intuitively that I wanted to trip and could benefit from it. So me at 10 AM pops some acid and smokes a bit of weed while I'm waiting for acid to take effect. It was a pretty standard acid trip, working through repressed emotions, working on being more connected with my emotions etc. Anyways, in the height of all these shenanigans I hear a knock on my door, and I kind of shit myself because I don't know if it's the apartment people to show the place, and I've already made enough noise that it's pretty obvious I'm home. So you can imagine I was a bit flustered when I opened the door and she introduced herself as the neighbor downstairs looking for Wifi. Which I have huge beef about the wifi situation cause 4/5 people who were on the WiFi last semester flat out stole from me, so I kicked her thief roommate off the Wifi. Anyways, my point of this whole story is that I thought it was really cool that when she saw that I was clearly flustered given the situation, that she handled it so well. She didn't try to pretend like I wasn't acting like I was on acid, and she didn't patronize me. She calmly placed her hands kind of on my arm because I was typing in my venmo, and let me explain everything at my own pace, and she didn't interject with anything stupid like "yeah fuck them for not paying", like she was so much more concerned about me as an individual than any guru fantasy she had internally, insights she was just waiting to spout off to someone. She really knew what I needed in that moment, which was just a second to compose myself and explain the situation, and she made it so much easier with her body language, the way she softly looked at my eyes, the way she asked relevant questions etc. What this situation made me reflect on was just how awesome everyday people can be. I doubt she would be able to give me a lesson on whatever stage green deficiencies I was working through, but she gave me a lesson in being human. Her being a calming presence and being an outlet for my emotions which I was definitely feeling at the time made the rest of my day so much better. I was able to basically forget it happened for a bit, took a nice acid stroll around the lake while dealing with any repressed emotions/suffering, and my trip ended up being great. I get too lost in trying to articulate my ideas, that I sometimes lose focus of the person in front of me. The way she looked at me in the eyes when I talked, her body language, her tone, and how she felt really responsive to me. Like every second, I knew her attention was on me and how I felt, and it made my day so much fucking better because it was the perfect tool for that situation By the end of the conversation, I told her I was on acid and joked about the situation as a whole, and we laughed about how that made her feel so much more comfortable. She also paid the Wifi twice, which was on accident I assume, so I have an excuse to message her about that and I think I'll invite her to smoke a bowl with me (she said she smokes) So apart from me just getting that story out and being able to think it through in my own head, I do want to emphasize any takeaways that I took and maybe you the reader could consider in your own life. I definitely want to consider my eye contact with people I love, and just everyone. I think the eyes convey so much emotion and opportunity to let other people know "you don't have to have your guard up", I definitely want to use that knowledge to my advantage when my goal is to help other people open up and let their guard down, give them a chance to express their own emotions they might be feeling. I also want to look towards everyday people for more and more of my spiritual journey, so I think it's fun to look for lessons in people who weren't even trying to teach a lesson. She was trying to get wifi, cause I kicked her roommates off it, cause they stole wifi money from me. But, she certainly handled the situation as well as any master I've seen could have. I will also be writing her a small thank you, she really deserves to know that she made my day that much better

That's really interesting, I wonder if that will happen with her. I hope not. I don't think i'd let it, I have a habit of letting the cat out of the bag like Michael Scott when he just can't keep a fucking secret. But I can't lie and say I haven't had a similar experience on acid where some kind of encounter got swept under the rug. Be it awkward or a heart to heart. I do get it though, that woman caught me so off guard, and if that situation made her uncomfortable and she just wants to ignore it, she has every right to. I personally hope that isn't the case though, fingers crossed.

I guess we'll see when I get a chance to talk to her about it, whatever theories I might have, I have an appointment with reality where I'll be able to get her point of view as well. I'm slightly nervous that while on acid I took her phone and was the one that made the payment the second time, but I don't think that was the case. Certainly would be funny if I took her phone from her hand, entered the wifi money, made a second payment and didn't say anything about it while on acid. I don't think that's the case though, fingers crossed though cause she was pretty awesome I don't need that to be my first impression

I like how you used the word "may". Cause it's so true, we may one day find out he took advantage of his position, that he let girls suck his dick while looking them in the eye and thinking "This bitch is going to get attached to me and I'm going to have to deal with the public outcry, can't I just get my dick sucked" Or it could be the most loving, spiritually uplifting sex. I certainly don't know. It's really not that important to me, he would just be one more guru who let their shadow take shits on people. Add them to the list I guess. What's important to me is more the attitude of taking personal development into our own lives, and helping other people take control of their own lives. I see a lot of gurus kind of offering the same for what feels like sexual pleasure, so it's nice to be able to joke around while at the same time raising awareness

Thank you for offering the counter perspective, sometimes reality is more complicated than the simple humor it produces. I do think it's healthy to have a bit of cynicism towards gurus, especially considering many examples just didn't end up well for anyone