zambize

Forgot about a great creative outlet, gotta go though before the zombies come

Well first I'd just like to say a mod will likely close this or ask you not to ask where you can get illegal drugs from. I tried asking advice on how to get 5MeO U.S. and I was shutdown. I would warn you against doing that though, these kind of drugs can really light up your nervous system and make you aware of a lot of repressed emotions and feelings, if you're not in the right place already, I can see the experience being potentially very traumatic

I agree, but loving her unconditionally might mean leaving her if you are being used as a toxic influence in her life

I'm glad you brought that up, I see so many people making themselves unhappier on the path the happiness unfortunately

I'll start by saying I got right up this morning, I was really close to not getting right up, but I think preparing myself and having it in my mind explicitly how I wanted to improve in the morning gave me that extra motivation. +100 exp me So while I want to be less analytical during my day, I want to do a better job in practical analytical thinking, and how I apply it to my life. I would also like to show you how intellectualism might be used to help one on their spiritual path. It's important to me to really push the limits of intellectualism to truly see where its limits exist. I often see people site it's limits and then have logical fallacies, shit reasoning, and zero structure in their responses. It would be like seeing a preschooler site the limits of math, they just don't know them because they don't know math yet. I think one way to look at how fast and efficient we can grow is to think of how fast zambize 10.0 can go to zambize 11.0. This is where it gets a bit complicated because there has been both continuous improvement in my life, and discrete jumps in awareness in my life. But the basic idea is how fast can I look at my life, decide what habits and personality traits I want to work on, maximize the rate at which I embody those habits, reevaluate from my new perspective what habits and personality traits I want to work on, and repeat. It's a feedback loop and you want to maximize the effectiveness and amount of loops. So how might one maximize these things? First it's important to realize that we can only embody so much at a time, too much and it can be overwhelming, and we can be inefficient or just flat out end up dropping it all. The first step in this process might look like listing of the most pertinent goals in your life. I think this should go into two categories with a balance of both positively motivated goals, as well as bad habits that you might want to get rid of. I'll do this for myself. Things I want to add to my life: I want to continue to focus on equanimity and emotional sensitivity throughout the day. I want to explore my own femininity deeply, and make sure I am not repressing any of that as I did through a lot of my life. I want to explore my creative side more and get damn good at it, be it dancing/painting/creating music I want to continue to connect with people and form meaningful relationships Things I want to remove from my life: I want to stop going to bed after I wake up, and make sure I do a good job of getting right up into the shower and starting my day. I want to stop munching on junk food when I don't want it. Sometimes I find myself eating to eat, or drinking to drink, and then regretting later. I want to make sure I'm not coming off as cold when I think a hard truth needs to be said. I want stop overusing intellectualism, even though it might be one of my greatest strength, it's just a tool. Those tools have specific advantages and disadvantages, and while it's important to know my strengths and utilize them, it's also important to not get into the habit of relying on that tool too much. Now that I have a basic list of habits I want to form or remove from my life, in order to continue with the maximization, I need to think about my day ahead of me. Based on this day today, what can I choose to do or not to do to maximize the embodiment of my goals. For example, if I see myself being in more social situations, it might be appropriate to pick a goal for the day to focus on that centers around that. Of course you can pick a goal, and put yourself in those situations, but that might not always be the case. Today I am with family on vacation, I think we are staying at the house for most of the day, so I will want my choice of goals to reflect the environment I am in today. I'll pick two from each category, that seems manageable. I want to continue to focus on equanimity and emotional sensitivity throughout the day. I want to explore my own femininity deeply, and make sure I am not repressing any of that as I did through a lot of my life. I want to stop munching on junk food when I don't want it. Sometimes I find myself eating to eat, or drinking to drink, and then regretting later. I want stop overusing intellectualism, even though it might be one of my greatest strength, it's just a tool. Those tools have specific advantages and disadvantages, and while it's important to know my strengths and utilize them, it's also important to not get into the habit of relying on that tool too much. Okay so of my goals, I have picked four things that I feel like in the environment I will be in today, will allow me the most growth. I'm typing a bit more than I want, so in my head I will be doing the analysis of how I can be the most efficient in terms of embodying these goals. I might be trying to put myself in certain situations more, or setting aside time to meditate, but I'm not going to be specific here. From a more mathematical point of view, you are trying to maximize an equation. (16 (physical/mental effort) - (time spent not embodying))*Efficiency of embodiment So some simple things to consider. The 16 is waking hours, which is going to be some function of physical and mental effort for me, I will fall asleep sooner and sleep longer if I have exerted myself. Time spent embodying does not mean time spent arguing theory with people on the forums, or non-dual semantic debates. This is going out and acting, not talking about it, doing it. All the time you spend talking about doing it, is less time actually doing it. That's why I'm trying to use my analytical brain more so before I go out during the day, and when I get back and want to reflect, hence this morning post. I think this will help me maximize embodiment throughout the day. Finally efficiency of embodiment is something to consider. I need to be able to look at my goals for the day and ask, how can I put myself in the perfect situations to practice embodying those goals, and I need to act on that. I won't be typing that out here either, but I will be thinking about that. Peace bitches

You might be forced to do self-inquiry! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnn Yeah that's right, planet earth is the only place I know in the universe to smoke me a joint or do acid/shrooms. Maybe I chose to live here before I was born for a reason :)))))

How is that even possible do you think? (Fellow flat footer)

<<<<33333 that's awesome, I didnt know that thank you

No worries! I have said so much stupid shit on this forums that I'm sure what you said was fairly benign. He gets so much shit, but hes actually such a sweetheart, as you may have realized afterwards. Of all the mods he makes my heart melt the most I actually had a song that took me 20 min to find, and I know he likes it, so it all works out perfectly cause now it's like I only spent 10 of my minutes for me, and 10 for him. How selfless of me @Serotoninluv remember this song?

That's great to hear, some people really draw benefit from their conversations on here. Which mod did you insult if you dont mind me asking?

That's awesome you apologized, an apology can go a long way for both sides

Favorite zen koan A disciple asked the master: "What is the most expensive thing in the world”? The master replied: “The head of a dead cat, because no body gives it a price”.

It sounds to me like you should slow down a bit and really digest the experience you had. Sounds like it was at the very least a very insightful trip you took. It's okay if you don't want to be enlightened, some people just want to live a happy normal life,and that's okay. So if you want to replace the enlightenment work with more emotionally based meditation to help you work with what's on your plate, or you just want to take a break from spiritual work for a while, that's perfectly fine. You're the master of your life, what do you want right now if not enlightenment? Want to get your dick sucked? Go get your dick sucked. Maybe you don't want that though (don't let me project onto you). Anyways, I hope you find some relief soon, and I don't want to belittle your problems, but I think it's worth remembering that our problems always seem bigger while we are in the middle of them. Happiness could be right around the corner, hopefully it is for you

That's interesting, I've never heard of type vs personality. I definitely resonated a lot with Mars-Solar based off the link you posted, I can definitely be a loose cannon haha

I had never done my Enneagram of personality, or however you word that. I would say I relate more with the sixth because even though I can be literally everything listed in the summary of eights. "Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering." I would say that's less fundamental to me than a lot of what I read from type six, of all the psychological ailments, I really only suffer from anxiety. I cry but I rarely feel sad, it's usually happy or just an emotional moment so to say. I am a very committed person, and that's partially why I have such a high standard on my relationships. It's emotionally taxing for me to cut people out of my life, and I really enjoy long lasting deep authentic relationships. I do end up becoming very loyal to my loved ones, so I definitely think there is something to be said there. I'm also very rebellious, I had the habit of breaking rules when I was younger just to exercise my freedom and kinda say "fuck you this is my life". I also typically take a moderate stance on stuff and seek to unite extremes on issues and try to get everyone to see each other's POV. Overall I think that's a pretty good analysis of my personality but I tend to think reality is much more nuanced than the models used to understand it Also your story made me laugh, I appreciate that

I would say I preformed a bit better today than I expected, if I could suck my own dick I would, but I can't, I tried when I was younger and heard Marilyn Manson took out a rib to do it. I'm skeptical of that, but that was the inspiration. Anyways without further ado What I did well: I would say I did really well in terms of equanimity today, it was a bit of an emotionally intense day, but I felt super confident in my ability to handle it and have conversations with people and connect with them. I did so well in checking the forums less and keeping off my phone for much of the day, and all of dinner. I also took my own advice in not having so many tabs open when I'm listening to music, it allows me to keep my focus much stronger on the song and emotional healing rather than kind of having one eye on the actualized.org tab to see if I had a notification. Allowed me to double triple the amount of healing today. I had really good conversations with everyone today in real life. Maybe I said something really fucking stupid on here, but I didn't have a single conversation that wasn't a positive experience for both sides, kudos me. What I didn't do so well: I slept in too long. I gotta stop being such a fucking baby about getting out of bed in the morning. I need to trust my biological clock more and when I get up at 8AM, or w/e I should get into the shower and start getting ready instead of going back to sleep. Too much sleep makes me feel tired and is unnecessary, I feel better when I just start my day and trust my biological clock, I can do better here. I want to stop over analyzing my everyday life in terms of personal growth, I don't want to break down everything throughout the day into pros and cons. It's a real strength of mine how well I can intellectually dissect my life, but I'm tiring myself out and overusing that tool when it isn't needed, and it's causing an unnecessary burden on myself and taking away from the moment. I'm going to try and leave my heavy analytical thinking in the morning so I have a plan for how I am going to attack the day, and when I am going to bed and want to reflect on my day (IE rn). I want the middle of my day to be more flow-like, more emotionally intense, more lucid, and less analytical.

I feel like I'd prefer the stars, stars are much cooler than the moon and way further away. They are bigger and stronger "Shoot for the stars and if you can't get out of orbit, you'll land on the moon" Fixed your quote

She is so slept on from my experience on this forums, that video is pretty gold and is exactly what a lot of people are suffering from on here

I definitely think it has, you offer some of the best tough love I've seen on here personally

Fucking christ took me 20 minutes to find this song from a thread a long time ago, absolutely worth

I'm sorry but this made me laugh "Edited 3 minutes ago by Tony 845 Granmar"

Yeah I'm sorry but I just dont see that working out, and it may be biased from my own experience, but my ex was far less neurotic and it still was an issue for me. What are your plans moving forward? Are you going to try and bring it up again and hope it goes different? It doesnt seem like you have an idea of how you are going to approach it differently this time, because if you dont, I see no reason she wont do the same exact thing. Of course you're here looking for advice to help form this plan, but the only plan I have for you is to start figuring out a healthy way for the relationship to end that minimizes the amount of suffering you both face, and maximizes how fast you can move on and be happy for both of you. What plan do you have for yourself atm?

Hmmmmmmm Does she have any serious plans to address this herself? If so what? Also could you give me a more clear idea of how these conversations go where you address your needs specifically in regards to her neuroticism?

When helping someone, it's important to find the proper balance of 1. Introducing them to new information they might not know 2. Acting as a safe emotional outlet to help them articulate their inner emotions without feeling judged. 3. Asking thought provoking questions so that the person remains active in the conversation, and doesn't rely on you for all their answers, teach force them to think for themselves