Advocate

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Posts posted by Advocate

  2. Posted

    @fopylo I can totally relate to you. I have felt the same for many years. I tried so hard and yet everything seemed to be so much easier for other. In fact,  “being in the head, trying hard and not getting the results” is the consequence of my birth trauma, the most deep-seated trauma I discovered so far. 

    So I’d advise you to keep up the hope and keep digging and dissolving traumas! Good luck and much love. 

  5. Posted

    48 minutes ago, Moksha said:

    ? It is beautiful. Letting go of the false promises of the conditioned mind, and directly realizing Yourself as unconditional Love, is the ultimate liberation. Curiosity isn't inherently imprisoning, as long as you don't cling to it for Self-discovery and validation. The cosmos is fascinating, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying its wonders, but true Self-knowledge is entirely non-conceptual, and can only be directly realized. All the best in your beautiful journey!

    Thanks a lot :)

  6. Posted

    12 hours ago, Moksha said:

    Realizing the addiction is the first step toward dissolving it. You're right about forcing yourself to change. It doesn't work, because it doesn't address the core issue. You are looking for happiness through experiences that can never provide what you seek.

    How many millions of lives have been wasted, desperately diving into one experience after another, only to realize that it never provides the fulfillment that it promised? 

    As your intuition is telling you, the answer is to be aware. But aware of what? Most of us require a lot of hell before we finally realize that the chasing itself is the source of our suffering. This whole time, the answer is within. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to dive so deeply into yourself that you directly realize the infinite abundance that You already are. Everything with a beginning must also end. So let go of the transient. Discover the infinite, changeless, timeless Love that is your essence. Abide in You.

    I used to give speeches at the university on how essential it is to always stay curious, justifying the addiction. Now, it feels right to just call it what it is, an addiction. Not to demonise it or myself, but to observe what is there. 

    I've read books on the "scanner personality" which did not explain the core issue. So thank you for putting my situation into a meta perspective. It sounds like a beautiful mission that is awaiting me.

  7. Posted

    On 27.2.2021 at 10:08 AM, blackchair said:

    i think im in this group cause i have tendecy to "run away" hope to God this time wont be running away....learning never stops....

    In my experience, the more you are "not trying to run away", the more you will run away. Rather, accept that you run away, be conscious of it, and your behaviour will change.

     

    On 24.2.2021 at 1:31 AM, mandyjw said:

    Read up on hedonic adaptation. In a nutshell, it's like I buy a new thing, it makes me happy, then I'm like "meh" and forget it. Most people see through this, but not always with personal development because we think it's finally seeking after something real. It's like scrapping the bottom of the barrel of all the things we've tried in life to find lasting happiness. It feels good to have direction, to know where we're going, to be excited about it. But if stayed that way forever, we'd never have an opportunity to be spontaneous, creative, or make unexpected discoveries. Enjoy the ride, go beyond, and pay attention instead to what does not change. 

    Thanks, I haven't considered hedonic adaptation as an explanation yet.

    On 26.2.2021 at 9:25 PM, mmKay said:

    It's a plateaux. You expected too much resulta too easily. Read the dip by seth godin. Literally google " The dip" Pdf.  Gos bless the internet

     

    On 24.2.2021 at 0:49 AM, Moksha said:

    Is it possible that you are chasing an experience, rather than residing in being?

    Yes, I hate plateaux and I am chasing experiences after experiences. I should mention that I lived in four foreign countries and learnt their languages. Once I got the hang of it, sooner or later I got disinterested in the languages and cultures and moved to a different place. Same with study programmes at the uni, relationships, sports, or basically any area of my life.

    I am aware of this pattern. It is super frustrating. I put in massive amounts of energy, time and money into various stuff. I always wanted to be the best at everything and I got decent results in almost anything I did. Still, I feel like the pay off could have been massive, if I focused my attention more. I just can't help myself. I feel like a drug addict, my drug is new experiences.

    Forcing myself to change the behaviour won't work. I guess the only solution is to be even more aware...

  10. Posted

    @Bach I feel ya. 
    I guess your therapist is right. People who experienced some kind of trauma early on in their life often times strongly identify with their mind and don’t feel their body. The bodily sensations, your gut feeling so to say, may guide you when deciding what you want or acting out who you are. So if you don’t feel your body and identify with your mind, you don’t have a strong opinion that you  or others really feel. You are not centered or grounded in yourself or anything. You could be anything and therefore you can understand many perspectives, hence the stage yellow thinking. So within your thinking there probably still is an element of opposition to the perspectives that you encounter. The others feel this subtle energy.

    That’s my best guess according to my experience. 

  11. Posted

    I’ve experienced this phenomenon for some time now: I get involved with a new personal development method. I make progress and get results. At some point the method seem to not be working anymore, or at least a lot less effective. I know that it’s crucial to stick to your path on the way to mastery, but after a couple of months I develop an enormous resistance towards this method that it feels just right to try something ( perhaps slightly) different, some variation. This new method then works really well and I continue practicing it. Usually I don’t come back to the old method anymore. It feels like a step back. And so the cycles continue...
    These cycles do occur with meditation techniques and even with supplements. Some times reishi, omega 3 or curcuma feel like they work really well, but after some weeks or months I don’t feel the effect anymore. 
    My mind/body seems to be working that way. I grow. And it would not feel right to force myself to stick with something when my whole existence is screaming that something else is better. It seems that I master by dabbling. Does anyone have similar experiences? Any advice? 

  13. Posted

    The pandemic made me return to my home country and move back in with my parents which was very painful and confusing but finally provide me with the opportunity to reconnect to my family and finally face BS and take my meditation to the next level. It was the most profound transformation in my life so far. 

  14. Posted · Edited by Advocate

    @soos_mite_ah Congratulations for your realization! I guess at some point everyone goes through this phase. Counterintuitively, once you stop being neurotic about personal development (or at least less neurotic), you may expect real growth and feel a lot happier.

    I’d recommend you slowly cut out all self help content that you usually watch. Im pretty sure eventually it will feel amazing like a smoker who stopped smoking. (Of course a couple of months later you may start taking in a limited amount of content.)

    (Honestly, my impression is that the majority of the people who regularly post on this forum practice a highly neurotic and unsustainable form of self help - which of course includes myself in some instances. It may be lots of mental masturbation, taking excessive psychedelics or cutting out all social contacts. A healthy balance really is key in personal development in my experience.)

  18. Posted

    22 hours ago, Eren Eeager said:

    @electroBeam  IT was like I am burning in every inch in my body. But I didn't experience any ego death effect, weird, making me question if there was like legit ego death or I am fucking enlightened since the beginning, wtf ? But there was this small incidence in which I felt the ego trying to recollect and then it burned like a shadow facing the light. 

    Honestly my OCD bothered me a lot so the trip was not that productive, insight Wise but it was a good base for further tripping.

    But take this I experienced God as the most meaningless detail as a grass in the mouth of a zebra and as tiny as a fraction of a nano second and as horrible as Hell itself. 

    But for now, I am the mentally ill individual who is trying heal himself and shut up his fucking mind (OCD). 

     

     

    This doesn’t sound like healing, man. Psychedelics may be too much for you at this stage, at least in these dosages. Perhaps try some Kriya Yoga or Osho’s healing meditations. My personal favorite is his Nadabrahma meditation. 

  19. Posted

    @ShardMare Hmm, your reply looks like a contradiction to what you wrote in the original post. Do you love learning or not? Openminded or not? Perhaps you yourself are not sure about it, or it varies depending on your mood. I feel the same about myself from time to time. What has helped me the most so far is to allow myself to really feel into my body instead of (over)analysing everything with my mind. Your gut already knows what to do. (Also, Vitamin D and Omega 3 supplements were very helpful to overcome apathy.) 

  21. Posted

    This year my meditation and introspection skills have improved a lot, I could release many deep-seated traumas. Because of my focus on trauma I have mainly dealt with negative stuff. Therefore I'd like to focus on being positive in 2021:

    1) Building an inspiring vision for the future by retaking the Life Purpose Course. Actualising at least two of the following projects: I am a historian and would like to help people writing down their family histories. Also, I would like to give guided tours in my home town Ravensburg in southern Germany. Finally, I would like to continue teaching the languages I know (German, English, French, Spanish, Russian).

    2) Having a positive relationship with money and work (books, introspection, psychedelics, journaling, affirmations) -> Start working regularly in a profession that I like such as in teaching, or in a library. 

    3) Increasing Love and Happiness (psychedelics, journaling, affirmations) -> My girlfriend currently lives in Latin America. My goal is that her move to Europe will be smooth and she'll find a job quickly. Perhaps we are going to get married.

  25. Posted

    @Neorez I take about three drops three times per day of a 5% CBD oil (which probably is not a high dose) and it helps me being relaxed during the day and to sleep deeper. For me as a sensitive person it is absolutely amazing to have a clearer mind in the face of everyday struggles. However if you wanna try and use it for real serious conditions, you may need a really high dose as well.
    My recommendations: Buy a high quality full spectrum oil (which contains a bit of THC and thus is more effective); keep it at room temperature; shake every time before use; start slowly: one drop under your tongue and wait for 1 to 2 minutes; increase later and see how it feels. Enjoy!