Advocate

@Joscha Do some research on MDMA. It’s amazing for healing after previous bad trips. If you have a trip sitter and measure the dose correctly, it’s been super safe for me and a lot less scary than other psychedelics.

@fopylo I can totally relate to you. I have felt the same for many years. I tried so hard and yet everything seemed to be so much easier for other. In fact, “being in the head, trying hard and not getting the results” is the consequence of my birth trauma, the most deep-seated trauma I discovered so far. So I’d advise you to keep up the hope and keep digging and dissolving traumas! Good luck and much love.

Yesterday I listened to a radio interview with a representative of the German customers’ rights agency (Verbraucherzentrale) on vitamin D. She claimed that your body can store vitamin D for the cold season so that people under the age of 60 don’t even need to consider taking supplements. From what I understand, vitamin D is one of the most important supplements to take generally speaking, and is likely to help you cope with COVID-19. So I did some research and found that the German customers’ agency and the German society for nutrition are actually engaged in a war against ANY kind of supplement. They regularly post articles on subjects such as vitamin supplements, rhodiola or reishi, and get quoted for “fact checks” by the mainstream media. Their general line of reasoning is: ALL supplements are useless because your body can generate everything it needs from a healthy diet. Supplement companies are just ripping you off. Honestly I’m baffled by such a perspective. Why would these institutions keep people from taking stuff that could potentially safe their lives? Is it just fear? Stage orange materialist medicine? Or even a naive green attitude towards “unnatural” supplements?

@Heinrich Faust I agree, you made some good points. And thanks for the article.

Any recommendations for a milligram scale? The ones I have are not accurate enough to weigh 70-90 mg. I was looking into this one: https://www.amazon.de/Digitale-Präzisionswaage-001-20/dp/B003KN4TD8?currency=EUR&language=en_GB However, the thing is that there are always some negative reviews of almost any scale which does not help me to choose.

Thanks a lot

I’ve experienced this phenomenon for some time now: I get involved with a new personal development method. I make progress and get results. At some point the method seem to not be working anymore, or at least a lot less effective. I know that it’s crucial to stick to your path on the way to mastery, but after a couple of months I develop an enormous resistance towards this method that it feels just right to try something ( perhaps slightly) different, some variation. This new method then works really well and I continue practicing it. Usually I don’t come back to the old method anymore. It feels like a step back. And so the cycles continue... These cycles do occur with meditation techniques and even with supplements. Some times reishi, omega 3 or curcuma feel like they work really well, but after some weeks or months I don’t feel the effect anymore. My mind/body seems to be working that way. I grow. And it would not feel right to force myself to stick with something when my whole existence is screaming that something else is better. It seems that I master by dabbling. Does anyone have similar experiences? Any advice?

I used to give speeches at the university on how essential it is to always stay curious, justifying the addiction. Now, it feels right to just call it what it is, an addiction. Not to demonise it or myself, but to observe what is there. I've read books on the "scanner personality" which did not explain the core issue. So thank you for putting my situation into a meta perspective. It sounds like a beautiful mission that is awaiting me.

In my experience, the more you are "not trying to run away", the more you will run away. Rather, accept that you run away, be conscious of it, and your behaviour will change. Thanks, I haven't considered hedonic adaptation as an explanation yet. Yes, I hate plateaux and I am chasing experiences after experiences. I should mention that I lived in four foreign countries and learnt their languages. Once I got the hang of it, sooner or later I got disinterested in the languages and cultures and moved to a different place. Same with study programmes at the uni, relationships, sports, or basically any area of my life. I am aware of this pattern. It is super frustrating. I put in massive amounts of energy, time and money into various stuff. I always wanted to be the best at everything and I got decent results in almost anything I did. Still, I feel like the pay off could have been massive, if I focused my attention more. I just can't help myself. I feel like a drug addict, my drug is new experiences. Forcing myself to change the behaviour won't work. I guess the only solution is to be even more aware...

@Zigzag Idiot I guess that’s how my enthusiasm works as well How cool that you mention Gurdjieff in the context of the enneagram. I hold a degree in Russian and Eurasian history and I mostly studied the period when Gurdjieff lived. Gotta do some more research about him. Perhaps that’s something for a PhD It’s fascinating how seemingly unrelated topics are connected!

@Zigzag Idiot @blackchair Thanks for your responses. I used to attribute my behavior to the “scanner personality”. I had no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes, @Zigzag Idiot . To be honest, what you mention sounds a bit far out there, but I’ll be reading more about it.

@Bach I feel ya. I guess your therapist is right. People who experienced some kind of trauma early on in their life often times strongly identify with their mind and don’t feel their body. The bodily sensations, your gut feeling so to say, may guide you when deciding what you want or acting out who you are. So if you don’t feel your body and identify with your mind, you don’t have a strong opinion that you or others really feel. You are not centered or grounded in yourself or anything. You could be anything and therefore you can understand many perspectives, hence the stage yellow thinking. So within your thinking there probably still is an element of opposition to the perspectives that you encounter. The others feel this subtle energy. That’s my best guess according to my experience.

@lostmedstudent It may be related to the time that you were in your mother’s womb or your birth. Perhaps something happened to your mother during the pregnancy, like she was threatened. It was very insightful for me to talk with my mother about all the events surrounding my birth.

The pandemic made me return to my home country and move back in with my parents which was very painful and confusing but finally provide me with the opportunity to reconnect to my family and finally face BS and take my meditation to the next level. It was the most profound transformation in my life so far.

@soos_mite_ah Congratulations for your realization! I guess at some point everyone goes through this phase. Counterintuitively, once you stop being neurotic about personal development (or at least less neurotic), you may expect real growth and feel a lot happier. I’d recommend you slowly cut out all self help content that you usually watch. Im pretty sure eventually it will feel amazing like a smoker who stopped smoking. (Of course a couple of months later you may start taking in a limited amount of content.) (Honestly, my impression is that the majority of the people who regularly post on this forum practice a highly neurotic and unsustainable form of self help - which of course includes myself in some instances. It may be lots of mental masturbation, taking excessive psychedelics or cutting out all social contacts. A healthy balance really is key in personal development in my experience.)

@Kuba Powiertowski Welcome to the forum

@NatureB Sounds like a nice trip, although the title made me imagine that your grandmother took mushrooms as well

Well said

This doesn’t sound like healing, man. Psychedelics may be too much for you at this stage, at least in these dosages. Perhaps try some Kriya Yoga or Osho’s healing meditations. My personal favorite is his Nadabrahma meditation.

@ShardMare Hmm, your reply looks like a contradiction to what you wrote in the original post. Do you love learning or not? Openminded or not? Perhaps you yourself are not sure about it, or it varies depending on your mood. I feel the same about myself from time to time. What has helped me the most so far is to allow myself to really feel into my body instead of (over)analysing everything with my mind. Your gut already knows what to do. (Also, Vitamin D and Omega 3 supplements were very helpful to overcome apathy.)

@ShardMare You sound like someone with a Scanner personality. Those people are curious about almost everything and they have a hard time choosing something. I'd recommend you take a look at "Refuse to Choose" by Barbara Sher.

This year my meditation and introspection skills have improved a lot, I could release many deep-seated traumas. Because of my focus on trauma I have mainly dealt with negative stuff. Therefore I'd like to focus on being positive in 2021: 1) Building an inspiring vision for the future by retaking the Life Purpose Course. Actualising at least two of the following projects: I am a historian and would like to help people writing down their family histories. Also, I would like to give guided tours in my home town Ravensburg in southern Germany. Finally, I would like to continue teaching the languages I know (German, English, French, Spanish, Russian). 2) Having a positive relationship with money and work (books, introspection, psychedelics, journaling, affirmations) -> Start working regularly in a profession that I like such as in teaching, or in a library. 3) Increasing Love and Happiness (psychedelics, journaling, affirmations) -> My girlfriend currently lives in Latin America. My goal is that her move to Europe will be smooth and she'll find a job quickly. Perhaps we are going to get married.

@charlie cho Isn’t every human action in a sense an action of self-help? Even if it’s destructive from an outside perspective, it may still be “helping” someone. For instance, manipulative behavior in a relationship that helps keeping the relationship alive.

@Michael569 I agree. Although honestly, it took me years to find out what the root cause for my issues was let alone resolve it. And in the mean time, you still somehow need to function in everyday life and CBD was invaluable for me in that regard.

@Michael569 Thank you for the info. I wasn't aware of those reports. I have been taking CBD for over 1.5 years with no negative outcomes whatsoever but now that you mention it, it's wise to at least take a break. Thanks again!