UNZARI

this is something i’ve been thinking about for over a year. i was obsessed with social media since 6th grade. it made everything in highschool super overdramatic, i felt like i needed to be perfect. i took a long break for a year and decided now all i will do is follow/ talk to people i know in real life and post my art. it’s perfect i don’t care about it anymore. balance is key

vincent van gogh slept on the floor of a broken down shack with a prostitute, drank heavily, and ate very little. if you look at all of his works he has THOUSANDS of pieces. most of them duplicates of the same image just so he could perfect it

i hear ya man, one of my friends is a super talented musician. he’s on unemployment and makes music all day and always talks about it and shares it with me, we plan on making a band. he’s always shared his view on it as he doesn’t care where he lives or what he does as long as he’s making music. i have a similar philosophy with my art. i’m saving up for my own place with a job i have but all i really give a shit about is my art. i spend all day thinking about it. i’ve been in poverty before with no electricity, running water, or air conditioning in 100 degree summer, and very little food and i STILL made my art during those times don’t let anyone or anything stop you. if it’s in your heart. it will take you all the way, as you say, no matter how long it takes

@aurum yeah you’re right. i get timid with stuff like this because i’m very sensitive and sensitive of other peoples feelings. but yeah i just gotta rip off the bandaid. i would say the worst part is just that i’m going hard with my stuff and she’ll try to show me a meme or something. normally it’s funny and whatever but because i’m trying to concentrate i perceive it as super annoying. it’s equivalent to getting a mcdonald’s ad in the middle of one of leo’s videos or something lol. also during when i’m making my stuff she’ll say how bored she is or will want to go out with friends. and i get it, and we still go see friends i’m not against that. but then occasionally i have this attitude where “i have better things to do” and i’ll tell her i don’t want to go. then i feel bad cause she’s sitting there bored while i’m at the best part of whatever i’m making (im the only one with a car/liscence. i try to encourage her to get into a hobby or creative pursuit and she wants to but she feels she doesn’t have the energy for it, i guess i can’t blame her thanks for hearing all this out i need a therapist lol

@aurum she works too at a different warehouse so we’re both tired as hell when we get home. it’s not that i just sit there and completely ignore her. i spend a good 2-3 hours not doing anything but talking then i hop on the computer and start doin my stuff trying to still talk to her and deal with my brother all while trying not to explode on everyone. i understand it’s just as hard for her everyday as it is for me so i massage her and give as much as i can give. i feel like a ticking time bomb, every so often i get a little snarky when she distracts me and i feel bad for it, so this creates a situation where i’m constantly hiding my anger and bottling it up

he’s safe no worries lmao

Just woke up from a crazy dream cause i took melatonin. It was about three characters i could oversee and distort their reality as they moved throughout what looked like a videogame world. One of those characters was kermit the frog and i made him get chased by Shrek lol. Anyway, i was omnipresent in this dream and i can see how i was god in this dream because i was alone watching this weird story unfold. This dream obviously has different rules than this life dream. Is survival apart of this dream or is survival a manifestation in every dream to certain degrees? Is survival a hallmark of gods many art pieces? Thanks

fuck....

?

i just moved back from the middle of the desert back to my parents house with my girlfriend in the city so we can save up for an apartment. before coming back i was extremely excited and full of energy and vigor as i had been living in poverty but now i would be in a comfortable environment to work and create in. the first two days were great but around the 3rd day back a giant sorrow began to grow in my heart. then about a day ago i had a massive depersonalization where i realized everything i was looking forward to doesn’t exist, and everyone that i used to know in this city doesn’t really know me anymore cause i was gone for a year (on top of that the whole quarantine, so it’s hard to go anywhere to see them). i’m also have strangle delusional thoughts where my teeth begin to hurt and when i focus on them an audience begins to start clapping (as a visual hallucination behind my eyes, not as just a thought but like a compulsion or something). i feel hollow, frightened, frustrated, annoyed by everything, deeply depressed, and to a degree suicidal. this all just came out of nowhere, i was doing so good! i just got back into art, and had a whole plan for when i got back into the city. it makes me want to cry it crushes me. my theory is the change from open nature to the city? i don’t know. also i feel very confined cause in california the air is smoky and disgusting so i don’t feel comfortable outside and my girlfriend and i have to share a room with my 8 year old brother and he can be a little annoying lol. please if anyone has any advice or experience with something similar feel free to share

i have an ouroboros and a face with a 3rd eye kinda cheesy but i drew it myself so it means more to me lol. when i wanted tattoos i immediately thought of leo’s video of life going full circle so i got an ouroboros

so as a reckless yet experimental teenager last year i tried molly several times and i want to share some of my experiences and their long term effects for anybody interested. the very first time i tried molly was in a small capsule, about a year after beginning to watch Leo’s videos and after previously trying LSD and Mushrooms. going into the experience i had a lot of the theories in mind and wanted to see if i could “maybe pick up on something” instead i got thrusted into a realm i didn’t know existed. my friend and i each popped one capsule and once the effects emerged “i” was no more. the character, the “me” and all of my problems/worries were obviously a made up story and what was left was a growing empathy. this empathy expanded through the whole room until i made eye contact with my friend. we both instantly intuitively felt a massive barrier break down between us and we hugged each other sobbing. we confessed our judgments of each other and forgave each other SINCERELY. and when i say sincerely i fucking mean it. as if we cut open our hearts and became ripe with honesty and openness, no. more. lies. dishonesty is an unnecessary delusion. in this state if someone got mad at me and threatened to kill me cause i told them the truth i would instantly forgive them and love them regardless, in fact i might even tell them to do what they’re meant to do lol. then the MDMA tingles began and the whole room felt amazing to touch, the love just growing more and more. we hugged and praised his dog, talked about our families and friends and how much we love them. we shared our deepest secrets. (i highly recommend you try MDMA safely with a boyfriend or girlfriend, strongest bonding experience i know of). that was only the first experience, every other time i experienced this in different gradations and in different locations. with that being said all of those experiences had a deep lasting impact on me and are my reference point as to what real LOVE is. it’s strange to think if i didn’t try this stuff along with other psychedelics i would never have a clue. (MDMA can easily be abused and can be addictive, i haven’t taken it in a year and i never found it addictive, but some people might! stay safe! ❤️)

almost very acid trip i’ve had especially the most recent ones i’ve had experiences of seeing myself as a woman. it feels so natural and expressive also empowering as though FINALLY i admit to myself i am truly a woman although i know i still enjoy being a male. i just think of it as an aspect of myself that i don’t normally embrace because obviously it’s seen as weird or gay by lots of people and i grew up around many homophobes.

@Esoteric Well it’s pretty simple and weird. So i am in a way squatting with my girlfriend on her grandpas property, in a house he built (he is dead). The property isn’t currently in our name, but will be in the coming months. We have no rent to pay. As for the food share, there’s zero obligations! I help volunteer sometimes but anyone can put their name on the list and get a box of food. Also the property has a water well that we occasionally pump with a generator and we get water out of the hose and filter it through some little water filter thing we bought at Walmart.

Going back to a factory job i took up earlier last year cause i need money to fix my car and to save up for a new apartment in near town. Right now i live off the grid in the middle of the desert near las vegas. My small town has free food shares so my basic needs are taken care of (food, shelter, with my girlfriend, water well etc). I hear lots of talk of not socializing i wonder if this job is a danger to me because even though i’m pretty isolated when i go to work i could get infected and have trouble reaching medical attention, but i need money for a car to reach medical attention. See the catch-22? Maybe i just don’t wanna work lol it’s a shitty job. What are your guys thought on this whole thing? Any advice for anyone who is young and in this situation? I get a ride to work but i’m not sure those people would be willing to give me a ride if i’m a sickly hag. Not too scared by it honestly but it’s a question nagging me if that situation actually happened

my girlfriend and i, and a friend each took two tabs of potent lab tested LSD in a hotel room. my intuition was going WILD after we took it telling me something bad was about to happen, i just figured i was overthinking. the trip went very well for all of us for about 2 hours, we had intense visuals while watching the Simpsons, and we all felt extreme love for one another, until... my girlfriends mom walked in the room. she knew we were going to trip however there was still a feeling of disapproval from her, she told us earlier “i wish you guys would stop doing drugs”. i handled the small shock that she was there fairly well so did my friend, we just became a little anxious. however my girlfriend started acting weird. she would go from a loving state to saying hateful things. from there everything went to hell she became violent and started punching me and her mom. her mom actually never was mean she was only thankfully comforting to us, but i think the shock set my girlfriend off. she became uncontrollable and went butt naked screaming “ DEATH RAPE TORTURE, CALL CPS” as well as other random sequences of sentences while vomiting everywhere. i was in pure shock and disbelief. least to say it was traumatic. we got the cops called on us and we barely got away with not getting arrested. we had to get my girlfriend in the car until she finally calmed down and fell asleep (she is fine now). ironically i had many realizations during this. i realized i am immortal (i was punched and kicked while tripping). that showed my that pain is not ever something to fear, nor is death because consciousness is prior to those, also i am WAYYY stronger than i think. when things died down i also realized that my life is a lie. everything is one substance projecting a dreamlike “world” that appears from nothing into something and it is made from a raw brutal love. i learned to truly love myself for the first time. seeing my girlfriend almost die or get hurt changed me. i have empathy for all violence and suffering. BRUTAL LOVE is the nature of god. i also appreciate much more all of leo’s content, i understand it much deeper

i also want to say i’ve seen things from that that are INDESCRIBABLE. seeing a person fall apart like that (especially when you love them and have known them for so long) fucks with you in an unimaginable way. it showed me something beautiful yet absolutely shocking about the human psyche. how fragile it is, how RAW it is, how powerful it is.

ever since i could remember i’ve been very depressed/suicidal periodically . i love them to death but my parents are very materialistic and emotionally immature. my dad blames every problem in his life on me and my mom, he would verbally and physically abuse me. my mom would just kinda ignore me when i try to talk about it. they labeled me with a mental illness and did the whole pill thing, even though i was greatful i felt like it was full of shit. my senior year of high school i had enough. i felt suicidal, alone, numb, disconnected. i hate the quiet lonely suburbs where i don’t have a real functioning family. so long story short i drove myself out of california and moved into an unfinished house in the middle of nowhere in nevada with my girlfriend and her family. i now work on a ranch where as before i was too depressed to work. i sleep in a tent each night and take care of 6 dogs. I LOVE MY LIFE. life is meant to be challenging, it humbles you. i have no air conditioning, no running water, i get food from food stamps but i am greatful now for everything. i am much more robust and thicker. my girlfriends family is very laidback and loving we all get along. it feels like a real family.

my friends and i all dropped acid last night and i had 2 incredible awakening experiences. i realized that my girlfriend was me and everyone is me and i started crying my eyes out. i got to watch the sunrise and it brought forth all joy possible in my soul. all the craving and longing for true peace and love granted. i dont need my hard drugs anymore (i was killing myself doing cocaine cause i was so horridly depressed) now i am whole. PURE LOVE, i looked deep into my girlfriends eyes and i only saw my pure love in her eyes. all seperation lost, all my negative overthinking explained EVERYTHING IS NOW LOVE IS NOW JOY IS NOW all so clear. :0 i genuinely want to thank Leo Gura for CHANGING MY LIFE I LOVE ZYOU!!!! and thank you everyone on this forum i finally see love for my family, my pet dog!!!

i relate to this a lot

so relatable it hurts

like most people in america i live i very overly comfortable lifestyle. i have a strange obsession with fantasizing about suffering, not in a fetish type way lol but ill say to myself "i wonder what it would be like to get mugged right now?" cause i wanna go through and experience that pain TO LIVE. anyway after taking molly, acid, and shrooms my body has become very sensitive. i went to a homies house to get a big tattoo on my chest. i had got my first tattoo months before and almost CRIED AND PASSED OUT from the pain. but after doing psychedelics and contemplating fear and pain, this time was different. as he starting tattooing me i just observed the pain. IT WAS EXCRUCIATING, but i didnt care at all, it was just there and i had no reaction. my skin was bleeding cause this was a two session tattoo so this was the second day i was getting it, my skin was already irritated from the day before. he said i was a gangster for not crying or passing out lmao. it really boosted my self esteem because im a very sensitive emotional guy BUT I CAN TAKE SHIT HAHHAHAHAHAH

ive been on and off having suicidal thoughts for a year now because of anxiety and depression. its what got me into looking into this material then finally doing the practices. i started off rough, but i finally started finding comfortable ways to meditate and realized that the thought of wanting to kill myself was not wanting to kill the experience, but actually the miserable thought stories i had created around my life. today at school i was getting miserable because i created this whole story about how my girlfriend didnt love me anymore, i tend to be very sensitive haha. at lunch i went to the park across the street and sat alone on the grass i sat and layed down for a half hour very focused, and it finally clicked ALL THERE EVER HAS BEEN IS THIS EXPERIENCE, THE NOW all the theory needs to be true and authentic to "the now"/experience or it cannot be true. i had been so lost in the theories i didnt even realize this for months which made me overthink everything when i went back to class after lunch i met with my girlfriend and all my thoughts were now in the background not bothering me. i could finally also see her "in the now" and i felt the deepest sense of love and connection, the type ive only felt on acid trips. ive been able to delude myself into feeling lonely when i have a gf, im sure its because i havent been present enough to feel the connection, which is why i felt so detached i have a long ways to go but this proved to me that all this has a meaningful and practical application to my daily life