nistake

Understanding reality on alcohol

I'm not sure where I'd put this song on the spiral, but I'd say it's certainly conscious: Gang Starr - Moment Of Truth Sometimes you gotta dig deep when problems come near Don't fear, things get severe for everybody everywhere Why do bad things happen to good people? Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil The situation that I'm facin' is mad amazin' To think such problems can arise from minor confrontations Now I'm contemplatin' in my bedroom pacin' Dark clouds over my head, my heart's racin'

Imo, moving back would be a temporary solution. Your anxiety and depression issues would remain. Maybe don't move back just yet, try to work on your problems in your spare time instead. Leo has several great videos about these topics and you can probably find lots of useful books if you do some research. Do some inner work for a while to build a foundation and try to socialize. Get involved in group activities, different classes, yoga (lots of hot women), you name it. You'll have to step outside of your comfort zone, but it'll so worth it.

Why are you so sure that these are yours?

The hard problem of consciousness. Scientists still don't know where consciousness comes from and that says something.

@John Mitchell I also live in a small city (too small, actually) and a while ago, I purposely did some ridiculous shit (not pickup per se) just to prove myself that I could do it. I used to be soically anxious and I didn't have friends/girlfriends when I was younger. I realized that no matter how much I meditate, exercise, contemplate and do other practises, I can't get good socially without facing my fears. So what I did were doing push ups on the middle of a busy square, asking a street musician if I could try his guitar (he agreed to it and it was embarassing, but fun :D), asking for free samples from a girl who sold ice cream (she also agreed to it and had a great chat with her afterwards), asking direction from a cute girl in English (I'm Hungarian - she couldn't speak very well but was cute as hell and she really tried to help me) and several other random stuff. After doing these, I could've easily done pick up, but I'm not interesed in that. Bottom line: If you want it bad, you'll find a way without excuses.

Spot on

@Stoica Doru Fasting can be pulled-off when it comes to not eating for a long time (Connor Murphy @ youtube, for example) but not drinking for a long period of time can be dangerous.

What do you think about "spiritually gifted" people? (what are the signs?, why is there such a thing?, etc)

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Body awareness (combined with the breath) is huge. Train yourself to let go of the random tensions in your body during the day. Maybe take a few deep breaths as well. If you haven't already, check out Leo's video about body awareness. There's also a great book on his booklist about it (currently reading it and I find it quite useful).

Do you have some hobbies besides learning/consciousness-work and actualized.org?

It depends on my mood, but I usually do 2 types of journaling: 1. Contemplation (Serious topics like non-duality) 2. Stream of consciousness (I just write whatever's on my mind. This tends to be chaotic and unorganized. The purpose is just to let it all out.)

Obligatory

Yup, that's what I do as well. I have a job, which I don't really like, so I work on my future career every afternoon and on weekends.

Cross legged on the floor with some blankets. That's all for me. I prefer meditation as natural as possible.

- This forum (for real) - Yoga studios - Retreats - Spirituality-related seminars

@Ananta Nice one

I'm pretty much at this point in my practise as well. This is what I like to remind myself of when I try to solve this intellectually: If awareness is everything and is 'under' every experience, then "I" don't need to do anything or figure out anything. Just be with the silence.

This book may have some answers to your questions: https://www.amazon.com/End-Your-World-Uncensored-Enlightenment/dp/1591797799

Don't get me wrong, I'm not under the impression that learning any software/technical skill will 100% get me a job. Knowing softwares by itself is useless. It's clear that the work you put out needs creativity, personal touch, knowledge about traditional art (just like you said) and anything that makes it stand out from the rest. Anybody can learn a software in a few months, that's not the difficult part, although I still think it's really important to learn it sooner than later because you obviously need platform to create in.