OlgaK

Hi, there! You remind me of myself. If you really want to get high, or experience a national high feeling. You really need to start running on a regular basis, 3 to 4 times a week. When you run your brain produces or creates a certain hormone that gets you high naturally...and if you really want to spice it up! Come home after your run and meditate. You can do this siting down, or standing up. All you do is breathe deeply and slowly. Visualize a stream of energy that is flowing down into you, through the top of your crown chakra. Visualize how this Devine pure energy is flowing into you and is giving you pure satisfaction. This will get you so high! All you do is breathe and visualize. Visualize how you are creating a connection with the life source energy. Let that energy fill you up. Your lounges, your body, your mind. Imagine that you are an empty body and that there is a lot of empty space inside you. Imagine how the life energy if filling you up. This will take some practice...you need to learn how to fully trust yourself to surrender fully...and you do this by breathing slowly and deeply. Imagine that you are one with God through visualization. Try it! You will love it....just like you love your weed. You welcome !

Hear I will be writing about personal inquiry work. I will be looking inward for things that are holding me back from spiritual growth and development. I do apologize for my spelling and gramer errors. English is my second language and I'm taking English classes at collage this semester to improve my writing skills. Enjoy! Not too much though, I wouldn't want you to get addicted to my juiciness. 3/9/16 I woke up early today as usual. I started my day with a 30min meditation session. My meditation was some how different today. I felt a peaceful loveing presence surrounding me. I was asking Spirit to draw me closer to his love. After I was done meditating. I drank a big cup of green tea and went to the gym for a run. During the run I was listening to loud music throw my headphones. Music fuels me somehow it brings out my passion to push myself to achieve more. I was on the treadmill for about 50min and then I felt a certain flow of energy causing me to be thankful for all the people that caused me pain. It just started to flow within me, without my mind trying to filter or control my thought. I was reminded of all the people that caused me pain from my childhood/teen/adult life. I was reminded of memories that I already forgotten about. I stopped running. I knew it was time to go home because I was about to cry. I went to my car and I just had to let it all out. I was using my app notes on my phone to record what I was feeling. The memories and feelings came up so strong that I began to cry while writing them. The funny thing for me is that I thought I already forgave these people and let them go, but I was wrong with some memories from my childhood. They were still hunting me and holding me back from achieving success. It was like a revelation for my mind. I never before experienced the feeling of so much gratitude pouring out for my past experiences. Now that I look at myself and my life. I'm thankful for all the people that did me wrong. I'm thankful for all the people that caused me so much pain and suffering. I'm thankful for my firs grade teacher and that she made me feel stupid. I'm thankful that she told me that I was different from other students and that I had to go to special ad. I'm thankful that when I was a child. I would go outside and look at the dark sky. I would speak to the stars that sparkled, asking them to send aliens to take me far away from this planet. I'm thankful that because of this experience I was able to know how it feels to not belong. I'm thankful that growing up I didn't have a close loving relations with my mother and that she made me feel insecure and stupid. I'm thankful for my close relationship with my father and that he was my best friend. I'm thankful that my parents got a divorce. I'm thankful that my father abandoned me and moved to another country. I'm thankful for knowing how it feels to be abandoned. I'm thankful that I was able to experience how it feels to be rejected by other girls in middle school. I'm thankful that they would come up to me in groups and would ask me questions like "if I thought I was too beautiful and all that!" I'm thankful that these girl made my life a living hell. I'm thankful for the fear that pearlized me. I'm thankful that I grew up to be socially awkward and insecure. I'm thankful for the rotten pain that totally made me hate my self. I'm thankful that through my teen years I was rebellious and hated everyone in the world. I'm thankful for how it felt to be addicted to drugs, tobacco, alcohol. I'm thankful that I knew how it felt to search for love in the world. I'm thankful that I got to experience how it felt to be needy and desperate for love. I'm thankful that I get to experience how it is to live without intimacy and love in a marriage. I'm thankful that my husband is an angry poisonous person. I'm thankful that he verbally abused me and yelled at me with madness. I'm thankful for him because that's how I learned to speak up and stand up for myself. I'm thankful for him because of him I get to learn how to love people and except them as they are. I'm thankful for the experience of trying to find motherly love and attention from other woman. I'm thankful that my mother never gave me that love growing up. I'm thankful for my crazy obsession that I developed towards my fitness instructor. I'm thankful for knowing how it feels to be obsessed and in love with someone that I can't have. I'm thankful that I got to experience how it felt to have my first hart brake. I'm thankful that I found the strength inside my self to walk away. I'm thankful that I was able to know how it felt to be depressed. I'm thankful that through this depression I was able to let go of my old self and become my new empowered Self. I'M THANKFUL FOR ALL OF THESE PEOPLE THAT HELPED ME GET STRONGER. I'm thankful that I was able to forgive myself and the people that caused me pain and misery. I'm thankful for my freedom. I'm thankful that I know how it feels to live a life without attachment. I'm thankful that I can be one with the Spirit of life. I'm thankful that the universal love totally and completely captivated me. I'm thankful that I was able to experience healing of the hart through the holy stream of white light that was poured into my hart supernaturally. I'm thankful that now I can drink from the Spirit of life. I'm thankful that through painful experiences In my life I was able to find the universal love that I deeply wanted and craved.

04/29/16 I went to the Lorna Jane store yesterday. I bought myself a new workout outfit. I have to motivate myself to stay healthy and strong. Because I'm worth it. Before my meditation, I had to put some sucks on because my feet were really cold. Ok, I'm ready to begin now! I'm not here for power and control. I'm here to serve others. I'm here to be obedient. I will share everything that I receive with all of you. In order for you to receive, first you must empty yourself. You need to become an empty vessel. Is there vessels that are available? Where are my vessels? I need vessels of every shape and size. Tall and short, wide and narrow. I need my vessels of every color. Dark ones and the light ones. I need vessels that are transparent and the vessels that are opaque. There is so much that is coming. I must be obedient, I must share all that I receive. I must focus my mind. I must open my ears. I must open my heart. I must have a clear throat. I must surrender fully. I must receive new rare seeds. I must learn how to water them. I must learn how to nurture and care for theme. I feel so much bliss right now. I feel pure intelligence flowing through me. Prepare vessels for me that are of the forest and of the sea. Vessels that are of the earth and the air. Pure vessels and impure ones, all vessels are needed. Prepare vessels that are whole and the vessels that are broken. The vessels that are sick and the vessels that are healthy. Vessels that are alive and the vessels that are dying. Make these vessels deep for your oil to flow into. All vessels are needed. I connected myself with the Devine and, I interceded for all the vessels to be prepared. Everyone who will hear my worlds, these vessels will be emptied and prepared. I was receiving powerful energy, that was flowing through me. The energy was rippling out of me in the powerful way. Life itself was in him/her, and this life gives light to everyone. John 1:4 What was with the rain and the thunder storm tonight? My pet cat was so afraid, she was hiding under the blanket. (Sorry, this was really random,)

04/21/16 I've been noticing that I need to start concentrating on the positive things in life. It is so easy for me to get sucked into negativity. During my meditation practice I will be concentrating on the universal love. I will be connecting my soul to the flow of the holly light. Where are my sisters? The whole earth is covered with beautiful creatures. I want to find you. I want to find my sisters. Today I've been experiencing a lot of irritability and negative emotions. I had to go out to the nature and just sit by the lake for like an hour to just clear my head and come back to balance. I was just not feeling like myself today. I don't like to feel irritated. Why do I get affected by other people's energies so much? 04/22/16 I need to show acts of kindness to other people. I need to love them first. I know that I'm free to love unconditionally. I made a decision to practice this skill everyday. I will love other people unconditionally because I know how. 04/23/16 My morning was super magical today. I felt a natural high feeling overtaking my being. I'm so happy that I'm back to feeling like myself again. I came up to my husband this morning and told him, that I can feel his feelings. I gave him a hug. He hugged back and in that moment, I felt how the walls that were between us came crushing down. I always come up to him and whisper random creepy playful things into his ear. That's how I approach him. He loves me for it. My creepy playful uniqueness somehow turns him on. I'm a playful soul and that's how I express myself. I came up to him the second time while he was brushing his teeth. I stood close to him. I placed my hand on his back while he was kneeling his face down over the sink. I gently caressed my husbands back while moving my hand up and down his spine. I told him the second time that I feel him and he has beautiful emotions inside of him. I told him to show me his felling and emotions. He didn't say anything. He was just breathing and brushing his teeth. I left and gave him some time to think about what I said. I came up to him the third time while he was putting his clothes on to start his day. I hugged him again and told him that I feel his feelings. He was really turned on by my playful creepy approach. Can you just please show me how you feel? Why do you have to hide from me? I want you to show me your deepest most intimate feelings, show me your heart. Why is it so hard for you to connect with me emotionally? I know you have emotions! Don't even think of lying to yourself. You are a human being and you have emotions. Please show me what you feel. I've been noticing lately that I don't just feel my husbands internal state. I also feel other people's emotions and the things they are going through. I'm finally beginning to understand with what's going on with me lately and all the sensitivity that I feel to other people's emotions. I'm so happy right now! I finally discovered the truth about myself. It feels so good to live a life of freedom. It feels so good to finally stop denying myself of who I am. It feels so good to understand myself and my uniqueness. I finally feel like I'm comfortable in my own body in my own skin. There's so much magic in the air today. I don't know what's going on but, I'm loving it! I meditated late in the evening, there was a lot of stillness in the atmosphere. Does it mean that the storm is coming? 04/24/16 I meditated early in the morning, felt stillness all around me. I'm becoming more aware and sensitive to my environment. It feels good to feel and be aware of the energy that is surrounding me. I didn't feel any flow that was coming from the Source this morning. I don't try to force that connection. I just let myself feel the beautiful stillness that was all around me. After my meditation, I felt very grounded internally and, connected to the present moment. What was with the evening weather today? Rain, pink sky, thunder storm? The universe was definitely trying to communicate something to us. 04/25/16 For about two months now. I've been feeling still like the water. I'm so glad that, I got my fiery energy back. Feels so good to feel like myself again. I was working out and listening to Eminem-I'm now afraid. This song came up on my Pandora music station. I became very interested in the lyrics. I wonder, did he wrote that song himself? I was very inspired by the words that he used in his song. I didn't hold back at the gym today. I decided to go beast mode during my workout. I ran for an hour and then the other hour and a half I did bunch of squats and lounges. I did some abbs too. Why not, right! Might as well get ready for the summer season. Couple of days ago, I spend the whole morning cleaning out my closet. I was getting rid of the old things, and was making room for the new things that, I was going to put in my clothes soon. I was making lots of new space. I meditated for one hour before picking up my kid from school. I was practicing the mindfulness skill of how to hear with my ears. I noticed that my right ear hears better then my left ear. I will be focusing on my left ear to develop better auditory perception. 04/26/16 I feel so much love today for my mother. I'm so glad that she was there in my life. I know that she never knew how to show her motherly love for her daughter and that's ok, I'm not upset with her anymore. I forgive her, tears were dripping from my eyes, these tears were the tears of love and gratitude, that I was freely expressing for my mother, in that moment. I'm so, thankful for her because she thought me a lot more than I realized. I love you so much. You made me so strong. Thank you, for teaching me, what you knew. Thank you, for not abandoning me. You where always a strong hero in life. I'm great full and thankful that you are my mother. I was lying on my back on the ground, right next to the lake, my feet where bare in the water. The palms of my hands were touching the ground, that I was lying on. I felt very connected to the earth. In that moment, I knew that I was one with the world. I was one with the earth. I felt so much love for the world. I will love the world. It is something that I'm experiencing freely and naturally. I will love this world because our Creator loved this world first and, I want to feel what He feels. I want to love this world with His love. 04/27/16 The first thing I thought about when, I woke up this morning, was that my first grade teacher lied to me, about when she told me that, I had a learning problem. All these years, I believed her. I believed a lie. I see now, that I don't have a learning problem. I can actually soak up information naturally and without even thinking about it, it becomes part of my being. My mind is very beautiful and unique and, I know that now. I realized today, that I'm one of the best students a master can have. I always show incredible results and that's what a true master truly wants to see. I know now, as a fact, that I will never have a problem with my education again. I went to the gym in the morning with one of my coworkers. We were strengthening our upper body, chest and arms. I was there for two hours. It felt great to have a partner to work out with. Evening meditation was really intense. I felt how the Spirit of God was working on my upper body also. I felt a lot of firm pressure from both sides, the front of my chest and the back of my upper body were being strengthened by the Spirit of God. I felt a really strong connection that was pulling me into the Source of unity. I was also experiencing, how I was becoming one with His universal love. Spirit of God approached me in a totally new way today. I didn't want to stop this experience. So I stayed in this moment for another hour. I disciplined myself to meditate two hours a day, morning and evening. The more I do this the more I value the gift of spending time alone with myself. I noticed that the more time I spend connecting myself to the Spirit of God, the more I feel like, I'm in unity with life that is all around me. The more I practice this the more I feel what Spirit of God feels for us. I'm feeling so much love right now for people. I could feel what God feels for us. He loves us all so much every person on this planet is precious to Him. After this incredible experience. I will never look at people the same way. I feel very concerned to people. I can feel what they feel. I'm one with them. I will love them and, I will serve them with all my hart. 04/28/16 This morning, I forgot the whole reason why I was practicing meditation in the first place. My mind went into my overthinking mode for about 20 minutes. I was not even aware of my mistake. I had to restart the timer and begin again from the start. I felt a really strong connection that was coming from God today. It was amazing! I felt so much love and compassion for other people. I was asking... Spirit of God take me and teach me how to serve my brothers and sisters with the gifts that you have given me. Teach me how to freely show your love to all people that will come on my path.

04/14/16 Today when,I was driving in my car, I was listening to a song called Zero Gravity-of Verona this song triggered tears to roll down my face because I understood that, I was so far away from my master. Why do I have to push you away? Why do I deny you? Why can't I accept you fully? I know that I'm one with life and all creation but, why is it so hard for me to except you fully? Why can't I accept you as my teacher, as my master? There's so much I can learn for you. I need to finish my self mastery. Please, reveal your face to me and show me your ways. It been always difficult for me to accept Jesus as my master. The first time at age twenty when I decided to become a spiritual seeker. I couldn't even pronounce the word out loud, that I accept, Jesus as my savior. My ego was literally trying to choke me. I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for air. I experienced a lot of resistance for, I was an atheist and for me it was really hard to even submit myself under a higher power. It's been an ongoing battle for me ever since I can remember. Why can I just expect Jesus fully? They're so much battles that, I already won, with him by my side. Why am I still denying him? 04/15/16 What am I still missing? What is there that I didn't learn from You? I know! I feel it in my being, that there is something, that He is supposed to teach me. Please reveal your face to me. Why can't I see you? Why are you so far away from me? I'm ready to do whatever it takes to see your face. I know that you are suppose to teach me a skill. I know that you are supposed to give me some tools to win the war. What are the skills that you are preparing to teach me? What are those tools that you prepared for me? 04/16/16 I'm just gana be honest with myself right now! I made a promise, I made a promise to never live a life of denial. So! I'll be truthful with myself right now. No more denial and no more lies. Why is it that when I think about submitting myself to a higher authority, I feel sick just thinking about it? The idea makes my stomach turn. I want to throw up right now. I can't breathe. I have to take deep breaths to come back to my homeostasis. Why do I have to submit myself under other people? To be perfectly honest, I don't think I can do that! I'm sorry, it's just not who I am. I rather be a loner all my life, then live, under someone else's control and commend. Spirit of God show me the map, show me the undiscovered territories in my life. Show me those hidden dark places, that I need to go into. Which way do I go? I want to go on an adventure with you. Show me where do I start? My intuition told me to look left from where I was sitting. So, that means, I need to turn west to find my hidden territory. It's not clear to me yet, I don't know what this means. 04/17/16 Holy Spirit in me, I want you to be my compass. lead me into the right direction. I want to be at the right place at the right time. What will I see if I turn my head to the left? Reveal your many secrets to me. Today during morning meditation, I entered a state of pure mental clarity and awareness. I entered this state after one hour of meditation. I stayed in this place of pure awesomeness for 40 minutes. I felt almost super human, like I was looking through the eyes of God. 04/18/16 I want to see your face in the water. I want to see your reflection. I want you Jesus to be my mirror. Transform me into your image. I want my face to look like your face, you are my role model. I want to see you, live in me. Today in the morning, after my meditation, I was thinking about the reason why, I fell into depression in my earlier years. I started thinking about it and I realize that, I ended up in this place of darkness because I stopped being a spiritual seeker. I stopped working on myself and my spiritual growth and development. I just gave up on myself and my life. I love spirituality and after I cut it out from my life, I died inside. From now on I have to watch myself very closely. So, I don't make this mistake again. Being in the state of depression was the lowest point in my life. I need to make sure that I don't end up there again. I meditated for one hour in the evening before going to bed. The flow from the Source was very steady and gentle. It was flowing into me like a steady stream of pure awareness. I've been training my mind to not go into fantasy land. I've been focusing my mind to be disciplined, focused and, clear because that's the mind that I want for myself. I want mental strength, clarity and, focus. I want my mind to be transformed into a mind of God. I want His light to shine for my mind. I want to be one with His thoughts and His plans. Wisdom in me, show me your sketches. Show me your design. Show me your masterpiece. Jesus, I don't want to deny you. If I deny you, I deny myself. You are my brother and I am your sister. We come from the same place of life and all creation. I want to except you fully, teach me your ways, show me mastery. 04/19/16 I've been noticing how lately people are being drown towards me, anywhere that I go, strangers want to start conversations with me. People want to hang out with me. People are attracted to me because I opened myself up to them. I know now that, I will never ever have problems with people again. I know that I will never be a loner again. I feel open to start new friendships. Come to me. I'm calling you towards me. You know who you are. I'm willing to see you. Let our paths meet. Let us walk side by side. Life is a journey. I'm calling you near me. 04/20/16 I need human love to survive on this planet. I need someone to love me. Please, can someone come up to me and give me a hug? Come up and tell me you love me. I can't stop crying this morning. I feel like l'm dying inside. I need a healthy relationship or, I'm going to lose it soon. Why do I have to suffer so much? Why is this happening to me? Don't I disease to be loved? Don't I deserve just to have someone who will hold me in their arms and, tell me everything will be all right? I can't live like this. I don't want to live a life without love. Why are these emotions coming out so strong? Why do I even need human love? I never needed it before. I was fine with living my life the way it was. Why is this happening to me? Are these emotions that I'm having, are they even my own?

04/07/16 I was siting on a shore meditating next to a lake this morning. I noticed how a small wave pushed a piece of drift wood on to the shore next to where I was sitting. When I stood up to pick it up, the drift wood was shaped like a hart. The hart didn't look like it was a human hart, it looked bigger, much bigger than a human hart. I excepted this hart. I took that hart home with me that day. 04/09/16 I admit it now! I know that I've been a coward. I've been running all my life from myself. Running for my greatness. Running from my insecurities and fears. It's better to just be a cowed and run than to face yourself. It's always easier to just deny the truth. I'm tired of running. I don't want to run anymore. I will not be a coward. I will never abandon my family. I will never leave anyone behind. I will take responsibility in my own hands. I'm ready to be responsible. I need to see myself as a maze runner. I need to see myself as on the mission to go into the unknown and discover new unknown territories. I'm very adventurous and for me this experience will be priceless. I want to go there, into the unknown. What is there in the darkness in the deepest waters. What is there hidden from my eyes? What wild adventures await me on my path of discovery. I get exited just thinking about it. I wonder, what brave souls will join me on this mission? Why is it that for the second time today I've been having random thoughts, that pop up, about betrayal? I don't know why this warning is popping up. I feel it all through my being. 04/10/16 Why do I have to fear you? Why can't I trust you? Why one side of me wants to embrace you and, the other side want to push you away? I know that you will just betray me. I know your human nature. That's what people do to each other. Why do I have to even involve myself with people. Why? Why do I have to even help them? Please don't betray me. Please don't lie to me. Please don't come into my space. Please don't judge me for existing. Why am I even pondering on this? I know that you will do these things to me because you just can't help yourself. You will try to trick me because that's what you do. I have so much subconscious fears that I can't even admit to myself. It's all the small things like, trusting people, having health relationships, falling in love, living in reality, knowing my true self. For me it's always easy to be a coward and deny my really. I see it now that, I'm living in denial. I created my own imaginary world of deception in my head. I'm safe here. I'm happy here. No one can get to me here. 04/11/16 I love music, I can't deny that about myself. Music is part of my soul. I meditated in the morning, wasn't really feeling it. My soul was not satisfied. I was so thirsty. I wanted to drink from the Spirit. I wanted to be satisfied. I wanted the Spirit to quench my thirst. I wanted to try something different, something unique to help myself get in the flow. I decided to listen to music, while meditating. I found a good song on Utube called Holy, by Jesus Culture. Her songs always help me to connect with the Spirit better. I was just breathing in an out. My soul was pleased with my decision. I started feeling a strong flow from the Spirit, that was especially working on my hart center. Only then I remembered that this is how I received the healing of my heart, through the white light that was being poured into my heart by my Heavenly Father. I remembered how I was standing grounded in silence, with my heart opened. I was trying to feel with my heart and not my mind, this was One of the most incredible experiences that, I experienced on in my life. I was changed forever. It only takes One time to be transformed forever. Don't wait for the things that your soul truly desires. Go seek after them. The seeker always finds the answers. Go onto the holy ground and seek. I finally found the courage in myself to finally start Leo's Lift Purpose Course. I was always really interested in this course but, deep down inside I was afraid to go through with it. I was always afraid of learning the truth about myself. Today I watched half of the introduction and, by the end of the third video, I felt like, I couldn't breathe. I was running out of air for my lungs. Today the whole day I felt sick. I just wanted to throw up and, get the fear out. Why am I feeling so much resistance? Why am I so afraid of learning the true about myself? Why am I always trying to deny myself? Why am I so afraid of finding my true calling, my life purpose? I won't let fear stop me! I will overcome it! I will find strength and courage in myself! With the help of my Heavenly Father, everything is possible. 04/12/16 Today I decided to never live in denial again. From now on, I will let life flow freely and naturally through me. No more resistance, I choose only the flow. 04/13/16 I realized today how much I love to be in the flow. The flow from the Source is the most satisfying relationship that, I can have in this life. The Source is my fountain of youth. People don't know this but, being in the flow, and drinking the living water from the Source, will reverse the ageing process. I do this all the time. I drink to replenish my soul to live. When people meat me for the first time, they think that, I'm a teenager. I always just laugh hard because I'm in my thirties now. People get even more shocked when I tell them that, I have a 10 year old kid. I love surprising people, there's so much that the world doesn't know about me. I will share my truth with the world! I will tell them my juicy secrets. Today I realized that the things that I fear the most, I need to persuit the most. I always heard successful people say this but, I never thought about taking their advice. I used to be a very ignorant person. I denied, ignored, pushed knowledge away from me. I never really read much books in my life, for me it was always easier to run a marathon, then to sit down and read a book. A lot has been changing in my personal growth lately. I finally feel like, I'm limitless. I feel like nothing and no one will stop me from achieving great things in life.

03/28/16 You don't have to observe me from the distance anymore. I know who you are. I accept you. I understand you. I want your friendship. I want your help. I want you to show me the way. How can I join you? How can I walk into that place that ones I was so afraid to walk into? I will not run away or, be afraid anymore. I accept who I am. I will not run away from myself anymore. I will not run away from my own greatness. I will not try to fit in anymore. I choose and accept my uniqueness. I'm ready to discover my authenticity. I'm ready to be one with my life purpose. I'm ready to create. I remembered today that at age 20 I was on the search to find my true life purpose. It was something so important and precious to me. It was my dream to find my belonging here on this planet, where I existed. I wanted to discover my uniqueness my genius blue print that lays hidden somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to reveal my true potential but, somehow I got caught up in everyday life and with time I stopped focusing on myself and my own dreams were forgotten. 03/29/16 I had a strong desire to be by the lake today. I ran there and sat on a big rock that was on the shore overlooking the water. I was breathing in the fresh air. I was looking at the water and the nature surrounding me. I noticed that there is so much life around me. I was meditating outside today. I had my iPhone with me. So, I was listening to soft meditating music through my headphones. I was breathing in and out. I felt like I was one with nature and all creation. When I opened my eyes I saw a small squirrel that climbed onto the rock and sat right next to me. The squirrel would look at me and I would look at it . We just made eye contact and I saw that I was the same with that squirrel. I saw that the same life force was flowing through it. I saw that one of the squirrels stood on two of its back legs and faced the direction where the breeze was blowing gently into it's face. The squirrel was in such a grounded state that it reminded me of myself. I know then that I was one with all animals and life in creation that's around me. I entered a really deep tranquil state where everything around me started moving in slow motion it felt like the time stopped for a couple of minutes just for me to see what I didn't notice before. I saw life in a totally new way, so much beauty and grace. After this amazing experience animals don't turn against me anymore. My pat cat wants to sleep on my chest. She doesn't bite or scratch my legs when I walk around the house. She lets me pet her fur. She doesn't want to bite my hand like before. Also, I noticed today that when people walk their dogs in the park. The dogs just passed me by like they don't even see me. Before it was not like that. I had a really big problem with dogs. They would try to lounge at me with rabbit loud barking. Thank goodness the owners had their leashes on them otherwise they would eat me alive and tear me to pieces. 03/30/16 I could not focus on anything today. I'm beginning to see how these lovely love songs that I listen to are beginning to blind my eyes and my focus. I made a decision today to cut that off. No more foolishness. I need to stay focused. Just before bed, I meditated for one hour. I infused Young Living essential oil into the air. I used the purification blend. Aromatherapy helps me take my meditation on a totally different level. 03/31/16 Today I've been feeling really insecure about myself. I'm having a hard time at college. I haven't been turning my assignments in. I skipped class for the second time this week. I wanted to just brake down and cry for being such a failure when it comes to my education. I couldn't and I didn't cry today. It's just something I don't do very often. I took my blues to the gym instead. I was running on the treadmill listening to emo music and, of course, guys were staring at me from across the room as usual. When my eyes met with theirs, I just couldn't keep myself from laughing out loud. I couldn't control my laughter. I felt like I was being tickled by their gazing eyes. I noticed that whenever uncomfortable situations pop up in my life, I just laugh it off like a hyena. People are probably beginning to think that I'm a little bit off and, that's okay with me. I always knew just the right things to say and do to push people away. So, this crazy laughter works for me. I've been thinking about spiritual inquiry work today. Am I even doing this stuff the right way? My insecure voice was screaming at me telling me that I should stop sharing my personal experiences with strangers that I should not trust people that they should stay away from me that I don't need anyone. I wanted to block and push everyone far away from me. Please don't try to help me. I will just push you away. The closer you get the more I want to run. Don't do this to me because I will run away from you. I don't even know who I can trust anymore. Will your plants turn against me and eat me up alive or, will they open me up like a beautiful flower? 04/01/16 I know Devine unconditional love. I feed on it each time I meditate and come into contact with the Father of life and all creation. I'm willing to share and pass the love that I receive to other people. I feel free to give. Why is it lately I am so obsessed with human love? Why all of a sudden I need human love? Why is it so easy for me to receive from the Spirit of Life but, so hard to receive from people around me? I know that the Devine unconditional love will never hurt me, reject me, betray me, force itself on me. Am I afraid of rejection? Betrayal? Pain? Force? I don't know yet. I will get to the bottom of this. There's so much greatness and untapped potential in every person. I need to accept my greatness. I need to not fear. I need to discover who I am. (Random thought during meditation) 04/03/16 Last week I've been experiencing a really big creative writing block. I just couldn't express my words on paper. I'm glad it passed and I'm back feeling free. I've been meditating for over an hour every day. Meditation is part of my life now. Leo, thank you for introducing me to meditation. I finally found my missing puzzle piece that was lost for so long. Today I've been feeling really emotional. You know how before I said that I didn't cry much. Well today the flood gates were open. I was listening to a song on YouTube called let it feel like falling by Digital Dagger. Her music helped me release whatever was holding me hostage. I cried for 2 hours straight listening to the same song. I know it sounds kind of insane but, music helps me heal my soul and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to move forward in life. 04/04/16 Why do I even care about other people's judgement? Why do I care if I try to fit in? People are always trying to judge me, control me, always trying to overpower me somehow. Why do you want to control me so much? Why do you want to correct me so much? Why are you trying to be so possessive of me? Why are you always trying to teach me to think and understand like you? Are you bothered by my personal thoughts and the way I express theme? Should I ask you first? Should I ask you if it is okay for me to even have a unique thought of my own? Do you want me to check with you first. Should I ask your permission? You can wait all you want but, it will never happen. I am my own master of my life. So, don't try to fit me in your little system of control. I will never fit in. I don't want to fit in. I am only after freedom. 04/05/16 Where are you my master? Why are you so far away for me? I need to finish my self mastery. I need you to show me the way. Where do I go from here? I'm willing to put my life on the line. I'm willing to sacrifice myself. I want to see your face show me the way towards you. If it will be my own blood in the water so be it. I will bleed and I will like it. 04/06/16 I heard my guiding intuitive voice speaking inside me today when I was standing next to my husband. I and him are not very good at all right now. We haven't been for a long time. We haven't been really talking this whole week. We are very distant. He kinda does he's on thing and I do my own thing and that's how we live our life. My guiding voice was speaking to me through my intuition, saying that, I need to love him first. Love him with unconditional love that I already carried inside me. With that same love that is like the love of a Father of life and all creation. Love that excepts and loves us unconditionally just as we are. 04/06/16 I'll be dropping my English class. I just couldn't keep up. It is clear to me now why I can't have success when it comes to my education. I can't follow directions. I'm rebellious and that is why I can't complete and turn in my assignments in time. I don't want to do what my teacher tells me. I realized that, I need to submit myself under a higher authority then myself. Otherwise, I will not be mastering anything in life until I realize and except my master to teach me skills that I need to know and, yes correct me when I need correction. I know why this has been happening to me my whole life. Failure over and over again. It's because of my first grade teacher and the principle of the school that I went to as a child. They placed their judgment upon me. Please don't ever try to judge others for being unique, for thinking differently or standing out, especially if you're of a higher authority or a master in your field. You have no idea the bondage you are putting people in. I know this because I lived it my whole life. I want to be free from this judgment. I don't want to live in bondage anymore. I want to learn. I need guidance from my master. Please father of all creation send me many true masters that I will learn from. I did this exercise for about one hour and 47 minutes. That's all it took for me to make a change in myself. I've been writing all of this while meditating and silencing my mind to see what is keeping me from fully living my life in freedom and peace. Today I asked the Holy Spirit to be my master. He will teach me from now on. He is an excellent master. He will never put me in bondage. He frees me to live a life of freedom. I'm excited about the many different masters the father of all creation will send my way. I am ready and open to except my masters.

03/22/16 Beautiful morning meditation 1 hour of pure peace and tranquility. I was also being called to meditate before bed for another 60minutes. I'm glad I listened to my inner guidance. I was experiencing a very strong connection with the Holly Spirit. Today I'm calling Him Holy because that's how he revealed Himself to me. He revealed Himself to me as a Holy living flame of life and all creation. I was asking Holy Spirit to purify me with his fire like gold, to rid me of all impurities. My desire for purification came on very strong. Tonight I received the embodiment of Holy fire sacred flame energy. 03/23/16 Running always running, every other day trying to get the runners high. What am I running from? Why am I trying to listen to same stupid love songs over and over again? Why am I trying to extract these small drops of artificial love for these songs? To recreate and feel what? Could it be? Do I still have hidden emotional pain that lies hidden in the small chambers of my heart? (my random thoughts of the day) 03/25/16 Day after day the universe is teaching me how to create what my heart truly desires. I'm beginning to really love the word DESIRE. I'm glad that I know how to bring out really strong feelings in a way where I can change the atmosphere in my environment. I was noticing that today at work I carried a strong feeling of natural high the whole day. I noticed that I effected every person I came into contact with. I passed on my cloud nine felling to other people. I saw it in their eyes they where effected by my energy, and they felt the same sensations I was feeling. I've been meditating for 60min today. I noticed that when I ask the universe to give me something that my hart truly desires. I get strong energetic, electric like explosions that ripple out of me. I don't know what it really means what I'm feeling, but I do know that, I feel positive and empowered when it happens. 03/26/16 Today I decided to change up my workout routine and run outside right along a lake on the bike trail. The whether was beautiful the sun was out. It felt good to breathe the fresh air. I started running and didn't really want to stop. I ran farther and farther away from home, only then I remembered I still will need to run back home and get ready for work. I came home after my run my legs were burning, but that was not enough for me. I went to the garage and grabbed my metal bar with weights. I put the bar on my shoulders and started doing squats and lunges. I just love the uncomfortable burning feeling I get from lifting weights. I'm addicted to the results. The feeling is priceless and worth the torturous pain. I want to see results of improvement in myself. I'm willing to push myself to the breaking point. I CAN be transformed to the god like shape that I desire. And no, I'm not just talking about my physical appearance. I did a short meditation and went to working. While meditating I was focusing on being in unity with all creation. My work day was divine! I'm a hairstylist at Sport Clips a haircut salon for guys. I got this job to improve my people skills. I worked for the franchise establishment for 1 year. Now I only work about 15 hours, 2days a week to maintain my people skills. At my job, I get to talk to lots of different people with different personality types. My challenge is to connect society with as much people as possible. Today I've been experiencing a grounded peaceful free to be me feeling. I've been focusing on self acceptance and being in unity with all creation for 2 to 3 weeks now. Today I only noticed how comfortable I'm becoming with people. I used to have social anxiety and couldn't even start conversations with strangers. Now it is so easy for me to connect and talk to anyone. My favorite conversations are with the people that struggle with awkwardness and insecurity. This is how I test my progress and my skill level. They are my golden people. I just love them. Their conversations get me so high. Lately I don't even have to say much to people, they just feel comfortable being next to me. I noticed today that I can bring out the confidence in other people. We just met, but our conversation begins as if we know each other our whole life and we already have a close best friend type of relationship. I love the social high that I get from connecting with people. 03/27/16 Morning meditation about 50min. I was not really feeling it today. Evening meditation was very strong. I experienced a strong flow from the Source. I didn't even had to meditated. I just sat and absorbed the love energy that was pouring down on me. It was very beautiful experience. I noticed a hot sensation in my lower stomach again today right after Leo's acceptance video. OMG! Can I just finally accept myself already and move on with my life? I was sitting down and soaking in the love energy that was healing my being. I was speaking out positive affirmations over myself. I was reminded by the Spirit to accept my mother just the way that she is. I needed to accept my physical appearance and the fact that I look like her. I never liked my mother growing up. We never could connect socially or, have a close bonding relationship. When I was becoming a teenager I couldn't even come up to her and tell her that I got my period for the first time. We were that messed up. When people tried to complement me and tell me that I was beautiful just like my mother. I didn't like to hear it. I always responded by saying that I didn't want to look like her. I always saw her as ugly because of her cold rude personality. Next time I see my mother, I'll tell her that she is beautiful. I'll tell her that, I love reflecting her physical beauty. I know for a fact that after I will accept my mother as she is, I will develop great relationship with her and other ladies that I meet.

03/10/16 I woke up this morning feeling so good and happy. I felt like I was high on drugs. Everyone and everything made me smile. I had to hold myself back from laughter in today's English class. The guy that sat behind me, kept on saying the most ridiculous things that just made me laugh. I think that everything seems funnier when you have to hold yourself back from laughing out loud in a class setting environment. Joy was just pouring out of my hart center like a river. Not even today's gray sky and rainy whether influenced me in a bad way. Meditating , I noticed that I'm beginning to be very sensitive to my inner voice. I was listening to my inner guidance saying that I need to give friendship to other people. That there are people that will be coming into my life, and I will build amazing relationship with them. These friendships will not be based on lust or codependency. I'm glad that I'm making a progress and becoming interested in people. I was also meditating in the evening before bad. I was asking Spirit to teach me how to be a creator. I was asking for my undiscovered gifts and talents to break free. 03/11/16 The whole day today, I felt a strong feeling of natural high overtaking my being. I don't know what's going on with me lately, but I like what I feel. I've been caring lots of strong energy in my hart center. I know that other people can sense it also. People seem to be very sensitive to my energy. I see them starring at me across the room mesmerized. I always feel their stare gazing my way. They look at me like they are hypnotized by my essence. I hate when people look at me like that. What do you want? What is it that you want from me when you stare? Stop staring, just stop starting at me you thirsty fiends. Sometimes people just discus me! I will never be anyone's blood doll. Ever! Am I alone in the world, or is there people like me? I just want to connect with my own kind. Find me soon. Find me fast. I want your friendship. I want to connect. 03/12/16 Now It takes me only couple of seconds to connect with the Spirit of life. The flow of energy keeps on poring down into me through the top of my head. I'm in the state of natural high almost the whole day. Today I noticed a strong longing in my hart, a strong desire to connect with people. This longing won't leave me alone. I want to connect so much that my feelings are causing my hart uncomfortable pressure. I was always afraid of intimacy, of letting people get too close to me. I always thought that it was normal to push people away. I was always happy to have my own distance. My comfort was to exist alone in my own world of loneliness. I was watching Gotye's video Harts a Mess over and over again for the past two days. I just wanted to cry so much because he knows exactly what I'm feeling. He sings about the longing to connect with someone intimately. There's so much deep meaning and creativity in his video. I just feel in love with it. I guess the time has come. I can't hide myself from the world anymore. My hart is vulnerable and open to connect. 03/13/16 I was meditating in the evening for 40min. I'm still feeling a lot of pressure on my hart center. It feels like something wants to come out, but can't. During my meditation session, I was trying to listen to my inner guidance. The Spirit told me that he will be taking me deeper into his presence. He showed me that I will not be just sitting on the shore and watching the scary ocean, but I will be swimming into the deepest waters. He will teach me to go where no human has gone before. 03/14/16 Today was my work out day. I ran for 50minutes. I went hard core with my abb exercise. I'm so proud of myself because, I can hold my plank for 2minutes now. I was working out on the floor with the guys. I just love men. I feel comfortable being around them. They are so amazing. I'm beginning to see them as my brothers, and not just lustful animals who want a piece of my ass. After the gym, I meditated for 1hour. I wanted to go deeper into the unknown. I was curious about what was out there. What was hidden from my eyes. I was ready to just jump in and go, but something told me I wasn't ready. I didn't feel the flow of energy coming through my crown chakra today. I couldn't focus for some reason. I hate when other people get in my head. I just felt the energy flow all throughout my body. It felt like I was shaking slightly. 03/15/16 I woke up feeling different somehow. I was listening to my favorite songs, while getting ready for college. I noticed that my auditory perception is changing. I'm begging to hear and understand hidden messages in music that I didn't before. The whole morning the universe was speaking to me, showing me sign and giving me answers. I never thought that I was going to be one of those people that the universe spoke to. It feels amazing! I'm also beginning to see reality differently. I'm seeing people that are spiritually awake and the people that are still asleep. I'm also noticing different beauty in nature that's all around me. 03/16/16 I had a really good meditating session today. I meditated for over an hour. I was meditating on being in unity with all creation. Plus, for the living flame to grow brighter and bigger inside me. Today at the gym, I was giving out a very peaceful loveing energy. The energy was pouring out of me effecting everyone around me. People just wanted to be near me, but I just wanted to keep my distance. I will probably be going to a different 24 hours fitness location on Friday. I'm bothered by all the people always trying to watch after me. They give me way too much attention. I don't need your attention. Just stop staring at me. Just stay away. Why do I feel this way? I just want people to stay away. Why am I trying to protect myself, and from what? 03/17/16 Why am I pushing people away? Am I really that afraid of intimacy? Why do I have to feel defensive? I don't want to connect with people and that's how I feel. I want them to give me my space. I want to be in my comfort zone. I feel comfortable being a loner. Stay away, just stay away from me. I was watching a Utube video today about energetic connection with other people. This video triggered anger inside me. The first thing I said was...no way, I'm connecting with anyone. I don't need anyone's help. I see trigger points as an alarm that lets us know that we have a internal problem that we need to deal with. I understand why a lot of people hate trigger points. It's hard and painful to deal with internal problems. I on the other hand, love trigger points. Please let my alarm go off. I want to know. I want to deal. I want to feel. I want to live. 03/18/16 After work, I meditated for 60min. The whole session, I felt a peace loving presence flowing into me. I was asking the Father of all creation to reveal my unique abilities inside me. I was asking Him to show me how to master theme. I felt a physical reaction in my chest. I felt like something wanted to brake free from the inside of my chest. I've been also feeling lots of energy in my throat, feels like I've been drinking oil. I'm falling in love with singing. When I sing I feel the energy flow out of my throat. It's kinda magical. I love it! 03/20/16 I woke up extra early to meditate. I was asking the Source of all creation to help me remember who I am. Who am I? Why am I here? Today was the first time I ever asked the Creator this question. I've been noticing that I'm beginning to develop my sensory awareness. I'm becoming more alive with my senses. I feel like I'm feeling everything for the first time. I'm tasting flavors that I didn't notice before. I'm responding differently to physical touch. I feel like every nerve ending is awake within me. My body responds to pleasure in a totally different way now. I feel alive willing to enjoy every sensation I feel in that moment. 03/21/16 This morning when I was cleaning my house, I realized more internal problems that I need to deal with. I'm finally beginning to understand why I push people away. I always think that they will try to control and manipulate me, use me for their own benefit some how. My mother placed this fear inside me. I will never let everyone control me again. I know how it feels to be controlled. It robs you of your own personal power, and decision-making ability. I can't trust people. I'm afraid that they will control me, take advantage of me. I'm afraid to build relationships with people because of my fears. Why is it so hard sometimes to be a human? I'm so exhausted front this virus of fear that takes hold of my mind and hart. I don't want to hurt people. I don't want to push them away. I want to love them. I want to build amazing relationships with them. I want to learn from them and their experiences.

Hi, there! I enjoyed reading your journal. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I also like to dance in the rain, and jump in the puddles. It's fun, and makes you feel free and alive. I also, like to pick up piles of fallen leaves and throw them in the air during fall time. My 10 year old kid loves me for it. I want to ask you. how do you update your journal? I've been having trouble with updating mine.

Speaking of physical reactions! I also experienced this last month but the hot burning feeling was in my lower stomach. I felt no pain though. The feeling only lasted for a minute or so. I was also surrendering myself while meditating. I was kinda freaked out by the experience and didn't meditate for a week. You are not alone girl!

You will become what your mind believes. That's why it's a great practice to speak out affirmations. We have a lot of limiting believes that hold us back. By speaking out positive affirmations we give ourselves freedom to be. So....maybe instead of saying "I'm enlightened" you can say something like " I except to be the light" This is what I say and practice. I'm not a professional or anything but I do❤️metaphysics and spirituality. A great way to also use affirmations is when you are meditating. When one is in a state of openness and oneness with the "Spirit of Life" our words have great power. You just have to be still and listen to yourself, to your intuition....especially when you feel a certain resistance in your being. That's ware you have to do the most work. So! Have fun!

I was in deep meditation today completely surrendering myself to the spirit of life. The flow of energy was so strong that my lower abdomen felt like it was on fire. The feeling only lasted for couple of minutes then it went away.