Guided

This is true. I'm from the Czech Republic and have lived for extended periods of time in the UK and Indonesia and I noticed that man-to-woman courtship progresses differently country to country. In the Czech Republic, it's almost exclusively through common friends, unless you're already a man with high social proof applicable to most social settings, like a public figure or something. Good luck approaching a girl without it and by yourself, you would need that extra edge to truly make that work, especially in Prague, unless you're talking to a tourist. This, of course, is a crass generalisation, as there are certain sub-cultures which I came across where this kind of approach is welcomed. The Czechs are not as open to cold approaches as the British for example, where a British woman is likely to be open to be approached by another British male, as there is this distinct 'small-talk' culture where it's normal to just start talking to a stranger. Again, not applicable to women of a different origin living or travelling in the UK. The small-talk culture is surprisingly similar to Indonesia, where young women are VERY open to direct approaches, especially if you are a white man, which build instant attraction with most women. And even then, it is incredibly common for an Indonesian male and female to just start talking lightheartedly, which may or may not lead to attraction. (The attraction of Indonesian women to White and Arabic men is an interesting phenomenon that is worth paying attention to. It bears answers.) In my personal experience, I haven't had much luck finding a girlfriend in the UK or the Czech Republic, but had numerous encounters and a beautiful relationship in Indonesia and was under constant female attention, simply because I'm white and have distinct facial features, which bears certain high-status connotations with it, instantly attracting most women. This was supported by me being aware of this fact, which completely changed the way I approached women and made me much more comfortable in those situations. (This is not applicable to all Indonesian women, you need extra social proof and authenticity for the super hot and high standing women.) It needs to be said though, while I've undergone change of course, it was not a substantial one in terms of putting effort toward making myself more attractive, even when I travelled back and forth between Europe and Indonesia in the time span of two years. Yet, the experiences (or success if you would like) I was having with women were like two different worlds! So why was I more attractive to Indonesian women than I ever could be to most European women? Thus i came to learn that while attraction itself is indeed hard-wired into human biology, as to what actually sparks that attraction is exclusively related to social structures and beliefs. The social aspect of attraction is an important snippet of the whole process that should not be overlooked. It is the main reason why two different women would react differently to a man's approach, even if it was almost the same. That is why any statement that goes along the lines of 'most guys/girls would/wouldn't find this attractive' is moot. Which kinda breaks the entire point I was making, as generalisation and conventionalising is the only way to talk about this topic without actually sharing specific personal experiences, with all the details included!

Well spotted! I believe that it is this perpetual state of awe and fascination that is required to be able to feel at one with the divine, fundamental source of all, the one that is so hard to describe with words, that fleeting quality of the present moment.

It seems to me you broke through some resistance. I feel glad that you have found the balance of mind you have been looking for, and I hope the replies in this thread helped you to reach that point.

Is helping others absolutely necessary for you? I sense there may be a displacement of what brings your suffering. Lust, or rather, sexual desire, is a natural feeling that is very basic, almost childlike in it's purity. It's not bad. it's not good. it's just there. From what I can understand, expressing sexual desire to people whom you want to help makes you worry that they might turn away due to you expressing those feelings, consciously or unconsciously. Have you tried taking away focus from the sexual desire and rather narrow your search to the desire to help others? What do you see?

Unlearn. This passage from Osho's Zen Anecdotes for everyday life book captures this well.