Mada_

@Preetom @Nahm @FoxFoxFox Thankypu everyone, this has been very helpful

So can i just sit in stillness and ask questions? or must I intensely focus on the observer? When i focus intensely the present feeling of not-knowimg goes away and it feels like I'm just frantically creating tension.

I feel like I'm running round in circles. I don't know whether I'm doing enough work, but then I have this gnarly ego backlash and this depression that comes and goes. I feel like i waste every minute that I'm distracted, yet I don't know what that minute should have been occupied with. My practices were really neurotic for a while, i was doing heaps of meditation and self inquiry but not getting anywhere, it just felt like i was 'doing' lots of stuff and not fucking with my own reality. I've tried toning it back a bit and doing more contemplation which i really enjoy it and I get actual recontextualizations from doing that practice. Does these sound like good signs, neutral signs or negative signs to anyone who has been through the motions?

Intention: address merit of self-doubt and hatred. Coming up at around 12:00pm i felt this growing sense of pleasant tingling sensations all through my body. This growing sense of love over came my heart to the point where it burned. The tensions in my body then became as clear as day and my worries all started seeming stupid, the emotion ludicrous in the face of love. Then i realize the mistake i made was when i got up and left the room, the reason for this is because i decided that my life is so precious and beautiful and it could slip away and i was just wasting it not being in the present moment, i felt this overwhelming sense of love for life and being made me want to leave and just conquer the world. This was my first breakthrough dose after a my first trip being a 110 so i kind of forgot the advice i was going to follow to he honest, which was to be still and do nothing. Which showed me that i think I am mindful but I'm really not. It began to show me how insanely tight my body was, which seemed apparent as a huge factor of my digestive issues. I was able to bring my awareness to where my spine needs pressure of and i realized when integrating 1) I'm just not in tune with my body and kind to my body and its kind of disgusting, it was just so obvious that life is beautiful and i was trashing it by having good posture and relaxing and just loving it 2) and i realized due to this I'm not comfortable doing yoga until i correct my spine, and i should actually do more research on the risks out of compassion for myself. I've been doing kriya yoga for a few months now and i just feel irresponsible not looking into it more to assess the risks before continuing-i believe this will help me surrender more to the practice in the long run. I need to become more In tune with my body, and it was clear that my neuroticism was the root my distraction from it. I then became aware of how horrible i am to myself, this relating directly to my intention, was an important insight into my own propensity for self love. It was disgusting how thought would beat itself up for failing when failing was good, failure was wonderful (not denying it can also be very detrimental, especially in the context of the use of psychedellics). But i realized there is just not point in beating myself up about things and trying to stress and argue with reality, it is better to love myself and surrender to mystery because the truth is I'm just trying to figure life out at the moment and I'm fine with that. At 17, i was able to realize I'm at a really early chapter in my life and that i should view it as a creating process not an entirely linear scheduled one. And is now clear i can i my thrive if i fully love and accept myself, life will just be more fun and productive then. I will make Byron Katie's 'the Work' a regular part of my week, doing the technique at least three times a week. I'm very addicted to my monkey mind, when I'm not focused on the present moment I'm lost in fantasy. I'm going to be as mindful as possible, and purchase shinzen youngs books to help with this. Conclusion: there's much consciousness work to do, after feeling what it felt like to have clearer body awareness i realize i need to become more mindful and begin healing my body and just being kinder to it. I also need to fully love myself unconditionally, i cannot optimize if i do not embody unconditional love. Whilst being aware there is lots of work to do, i have fucked around for a while which i forgive myself for but it is also an injustice to myself not to live to absolute full potential, because my life is so precious and could slip away at any moment.

I think i have an odd spine shape and i have been doing kriya work for about a month and I'm paranoid that this will have a negative effect. My spine bends outwards multiple times if that makes sense, there's a curve in the lower back aswell as the upper. Also i was doing a cobra pose and i think it pushed one of the verterbraes in on my lower back which is stressing me the fuck out. And finally to the people who will reply with "you shouldn't learn kriya from a book" and "you can't go back, you're in it forever, etc. Etc." i am well aware. I will admit i was probably a bit naive not researching enough whether kriya was suited for me, but now i am here, making progress and feeling stressed about things i may not be able to see. Thankyou

We tend to attempt to repress parts of the psyche we believe to be detrimental whilst doing consciousness work, in hopes that we will transcend it. For example trying to get rid of thought instead of learning to let go of it. I've found trying to repress it comes with an emotional excess, so when i would try to repress the thought which i believed to be bad, it would be cleared with the sensation of stress. I have a feeling this is a waste of time and a very common behavior, people become aware of things that they are told are bad and they see the logic in this notion so they try to shoo it away.

Does anyone have any general tips on how to practice yoga more precisely. So common mistakes and thing that people feel have held them back personally. At the moment doing routine 2-3 times 20 minutes each session per day. Have been practicing my current yoga techniques for 3 days but did a month or so of a similar routine a few months ago. - Nadi Sodhana x 10 - Ujjayi Pranayama x 10 - today started doing 10 rounds of Talabya Kriya - 10 minutes concentration

This path has been so interesting and I've found such a cool way to spend my youth. I wanted to share an insight i had after starting a kriya practice after stopping for a while. I have wasted so much time trying to go around my impurities, and have come across a frantic attitude towards awakening rather than determination. Discipline is not behaving the right way, discipline involves both a level of control and acceptance. Disciplined acceptance, of things as they are. Yes i must and should transcend "now", but the mind seems to perceive the now much differently to how it really is.

It was huge, it was everywhere, it was nothing. The ego backlash was fucking hard, but everything feels different the observer can still be observed. Everything became less serious and there was this slight tinge of insanity. As I'm writing this I'm thinking maybe the ego backlash wasn't as hard as i thought it was and i just went full circle, which is a kind of brilliant mindfuck and feels like a profound cosmic joke. Yes it is so empty, like magically empty. I am writing this because it felt like i was "high cosciousness" before, and now i wouldn't even call myself enlightened and emptiness is consuming everything i thought i was. And i want to share how humbling to the ego that experience is, because i literally can't imagine the sheer fucking cosmic floatitude the people who are much older than me and much more disciplined. But this shit is fucking worth it, it's magically empty. But anywAy - could someone who's obviously further than me share some insight on the feeling of insanity stuff?

A movement within the now

I believe the awakening process is the most important pursuit of this life. I am still in school and faced with a lot of 'meaningful discussions' in various social situations, is this an idea worth sharing it should I just stick to my own pursuit? Also, it is surfaced that I am absolutely nothing. I think I'm having a similar realization of "oh okay I'm there", despite knowing there is much deeper I can go, what precautions should I take to not become a shit spiritual practicioner. I don't feel particularly evil in my 17 year old body, but there is some egoic excitement that pops up ever now and then which leads to the sharing of ideas that are simply not worth sharing, so the possibility of different undesirable traits that could be there that maybe could be perceived as normal but not pointed out as evil could surface in the future. Thank you for your wisdom, it is much appreciated.

I am 17 and have not yet lost my virginity. I am devoted to the path of enlightenment, should I forget about pursuing this experience as this is an 'unwanted desire'? There is desire to pursue this in my current material context because... Well, teenage girls are quite attractive. Is this something that could wait until later in life even know it is accessible to me and I would consider the consider the connection meaningful? Looking from a broader perspective, I realise that seeing the truth is all that matters; this obviously does not disregard partaking in my mundane responsibilities. But this realisation presents the idea of seclusion and the surrender of recreation to enhance insight, only partaking in institutional responsibilities such as school and work to maximise my practice - would this be excessive or unwise? Just looking for different perspectives.

Although I would not consider myself enlightened, I have found the beauty of expanding consciousness allows this attitude of chasing to present itself in awareness and thus allow it to vanish.

Does anyone have any good poet recommendations obviously exploring spiritual themes. Maybe some zen poets, I'm not too well versed in this area. Any material people have read that has made them react in positive way e.g. thought 'wow this is profoundly true' or ideally 'oh great! enlightenment has occurred'.

Does anyone know of any good resources other than Actualized so I can work on furthering my self-inquiry practice?

thankyou very much

I guess god has rules if you want to sleep in the nice parts of his cities.

Is the problem with 'neo-advaitas' that their dialogue is implying the world should be a certain way? By passionately exclaiming the truth to someone supposedly not awakened, are they pushing an agenda that assumes all people 'should' seek the absolute truth? I acknowledge there is an obvious reason why an individual should pursue the absolute, as there is not other true satisfaction, but am wondering if the dialogue is flawed if it implies a wide demographic should act a certain way.

The belief is strong belief that determines the 'tone' of the thought is also made of concept and imagination, this cannot be realised until it is presented vividly in awareness through expanding consciousness. BELIEF IS JUST ANOTHER TONE OF THOUGHT

When the mind is condensed to where it is, so where the words take place, the mind' eye, the infinite nothing clearly reveals itself. But when i let go if the mind seems to wander around attempting to subtly attach to things, attempting to decifer what it should be focusing on. I wonder if this is a delusion as it is clear the body and mind are not perceiving and just sensory information upon the plain of nothing, so what is the relevance of this mechanism that attempts to decifer? Can it be let go of? Have i just not practiced focusing the awareness of the mind into the minds eye and in doing so preventing it from spilling out and labelling everything? This feels like it takes a lot of energy, so i think there just needs to be more practice of letting go. Any feedback appreciated - please ask if anything i have said doesn't make sense

I am more asking if I need to develop intense mindfulness to maintain being the enlightened self at all times. When i am being, at least attempting to be, i feel as though the mind has a tendency to wander around reality and" notice" things. There is no entity to compare to people, and thus no entity to establish a conceptual hierarchy. Even if there is such a thought i am aware it is just that.

It is very clear to me that "that" is my true nature, i am aware of who is truly perceiving, and that the mind encompassing the mechanism of belief is the biggest irritant to transcendence. I apolagize if my inquiry has been outlined in Leo's material already, i am in my last couple years of high school so i get to watch them and absorb them in depth rather rarely these days. My inquiry/statement is this: I feel as though clarification is needed to let go of the desire to become enlightened, as this is a phenomenon of thought. The process feels as more of a retraction of thought rather than an ascension, as it was thought of previously by the entity. Maybe needing clarification is an issue in itself, just look for any guidance.

Also i am aware that i have used subjective pronouns, it is clear that an entity does nor exist as the mind not the body is perceiving. This is just out of habit.

I'm looking to do my first psilocybin mushroom trip next week but am unsure on how much I should take, I was considering doing Terrence Mckenna's famous 5 grams in silent darkness/heroic dose. I'm 17 years old and have been having some substantial insights from self-observation and meditation: My meditation practice has evolved over a year and my self observation methods pretty frequent for a few months - I feel my consciousness is expanded and I am starting to comprehend actuality as opposed to believed, conceptual reality. My psychedelic experience is limited, I have only done a 150uq acid trip quite a while ago which was interesting but at this point in my journey I was 'looking for answers' and my meditation practice was much more focus based which translated into an interesting yet rather pointless experience, although there were good intentions underlying the 'insight' gained, I would characterize the trip as a "virtuous" delusion. I feel my experience will clearly be different to those I observe on Youtube who give their 'heroic dose' trip reports, some instances people reporting not being able to distinguish hallucination from reality and I infer this is where most psychological distress stems from. On the psychonaut subreddit I get a straight no when I ask whether I should begin with a 5 gram trip. So from a 'high consciousness' perspective, I'm not saying this to brag about supposedly fitting into this category, but from people who genuinely explore actuality, would I get a lot out of a 5 gram mushroom trip in silent darkness of simply distress?

What dosage would you recommend for my first psychedelic mushroom experience?